Fantastic Voyage (1966)

The story concerns a five-man team who get shrunk to the size of a microbe and injected into the body of a comatose subject in order to perform surgery deep inside the sleeping victim. The contrast between inside and outside the body, between trippy 60s visuals and militaristic ones is amusing, but the lack of atmosphere and immediacy in either environment is a handicap.
The location-specific problems and solutions are sometimes well-placed, but when it attempts some philosophy it succeeds mostly in grinding the plot to a standstill. I enjoyed the film as a kid but not so much as an adult. Now I loved only the opening credits and the teasing cold-war vibes of the beginning.

2½ unknown factors out of 5

Amityville III: The Demon (1983)

aka Amityville 3D

Is it third time lucky for the residents of the Long Island house, or another pointless, vapid waste of time? Curb your optimism because it's shit. The story’s hopeless. A reporter turned writer (who doesn't once write) moves into the house to debunk claims that it’s possessed. While there he sucks every bit of tension out of the air with his lack of enthusiasm.
It’s 55 minutes before anything happens. Prior to that there’s nothing, unless you class emptiness and hysterical women as a good time.
The writer of the script used a pseudonym! That’s how bad it is. To add insult to injury they released it in 3D. The majority of the time 3D is a desperate tactic to milk the wallets of fools and doubles as an admission that the product is bad. It still happens. As long as there are fools…

0½ an ephemeral care out of 5

The Jazz Singer (1980)

The Neil of Diamonds plays a gifted member of the NY Jewish community who’s torn between his love of performing music and his guilt tripping family who want him to attend to his religious Jewty.
It’s the great American success story with no real surprises.
People who aren't fans of Neil need not apply. Nor should people expecting some actual Jazz, because there isn't any.

2½ songs of life out of 5

Tora! Tora! Tora! (Extended Japanese Cut) (1970)

This ambitious dramatization of the events leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbour is a film with two identities. The English language half was directed by Richard Fleischer. It focuses on the clerical errors made by the politicians, diplomats and desk jockeys on the American side, not the fighting man on the ground. The Japanese half was directed by Kinji Fukasaku and Toshio Masuda. It follows the planning and eventual execution of the bombing.
The two halves aren't too dramatically different, so they don’t feel at odds with each other visually when cut together into one story, although the Japanese parts feel less set-bound and are definitely better paced.
The extended version adds some new scenes but nothing that changes the outcome... the bombs still fall.

3 tigers out of 5

Red Sonja (1985)

Inspired by author Robert E. Howard's Hyborian age stories, Red Sonja, the She-Devil with a Sword, got her own film.
Arnie co-stars as a tactless barbarian but he isn't Conan. Why the hell not? There must've been licensing issues behind the scenes, because it's one hell of a missed opportunity. Or it would be if the film was better.
The addition of an irritating child character means the sexualised female warrior role is curtailed, but the homophobia remains. Typical.
I can't remember the last time I saw so many polystyrene rocks collected together in one place.

1½ plastic swords out of 5

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

0 camels out of 5