GOKUDOU DAISENSOU [2015]

aka Yakuza Apocalypse

Director Takashi Miike's massive filmography is wildly inconsistent in quality but it's almost always guaranteed to be an off-the-wall spectacle of what-the-fuckeries.  Gokudō Daisensō is no exception.
It's about a young gangster, turned vampire by his dying crime boss, who is forced to go on a deranged mission of revenge and then things get weird.  Like, really really weird.
By stuffing everything but the kitchen sink into this film, it'll probably repel a lot of audiences who like coloring inside the lines.  There's a slight commentary on organized crime but for the most part Miike aims to be as nonsensical as possible and has a great ol' time doing it.  If you're not laughing then you're probably wondering what the flying fuck that giant frog is doing with his belly-button.
At times it's just a little too erratic for it's own good but it's still a pretty great film to pop in for a drunken midnight movie marathon.

3 leaky ears out of 5

13 Assassins (2010)

I'd seen the film compared to Akira Kurosawa, so I was extra excited to see for myself. Beyond the obvious Seven Samurai (1954) comparison there's also a definite Shakespearean element, which is something Kurosawa was fond of.
It's set during the final decades of the Tokugawa Shogunate. The assassins of the title must remove a bloodthirsty feudal lord from the throne or risk plunging Japan back into an era of war.
The first 75 minutes are some of the most focussed and well-crafted work I've ever seen from Miike. They really were superb, as was the acting.
I got weary during the 30+ minute fight that ends the film. I'd much rather have had the 15 minutes that were removed from the international version reinstated because some of them are crucial to a viewer's interpretation of the post-fight ending.

4 height advantages out of 5

Ace Attorney (2012)

A courtroom drama based on the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney games. I've scant knowledge of the series, but it’s enough to recognise characters and determine whether or not they're presented faithfully.
During the trials, as you expect, there’s lots of finger pointing and cries of “Objection!” Phoenix stalls for time and presents evidence as it falls into his lap. But outside of the courtroom there’s very little sleuthing; the investigation part of the game is poorly represented.
Miike did okay aesthetically, the wild hairstyles, the Judge perched high, the jury reactions, etc, are nicely realised. However, the film never peaks at any stage. It drags itself along steadily for a bloated 135 minutes, which, ironically, makes it one of the better paced Miike movies I've seen.

2 cross-examinations out of 5

The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

The only thing you can be sure about when sitting down to a film by Japanese auteur Takashi Miike is that you've opened a window onto the unpredictable. Sadly, after a wonderfully bizarre opening the musical black comedy plummets into another one of his style over substance clusterfucks. Twenty minutes of actual story padded out to two hours of sitcom style antics raised up only by the inclusion of some intentionally hilarious Sound of Music moments left me colder than the corpses that help the Katakuri family find what’s important in life.

2 holes in the ground out of 5

AUDITION [1999]

Takashi Miike's Audition is a brilliantly crafted disturbing psychological horror film that is guaranteed to have you squirming by the end.

Unlike the torture porn genre which dumps the gore on you every 5 minutes, Miike allows the tension to slowly build up over the course of the film and then suddenly assaults you with some of the most horrifyingly memorable cinematic moments in history.   Eihi Shiina's haunted performance makes Alex Forrest and Annie Wilkes look like Mary Poppins.

4 "lovely" ladies in white out of 5

Yakuza: Like a Dragon (2007)

aka: Ryu ga Gotoku Gekijoban / Like a Dragon

I almost jizzed myself when I found it existed because Like a Dragon is based on the 2005 PlayStation 2 game Ryū ga Gotoku (Yakuza). I love the series. Sadly, it lacks the game's pathos and energy and offers almost nothing to viewers who haven’t revelled in its intricacies. The characters receive no back-story, their motivations are vague and their relationships are empty.
For game fans, you’ll see all your favourites, Kazuma, Majima, Haruka and, of course, the real life Kamurocho, but everyone else might want to stay clear unless you're a real Miike fan.

2 heat actions out of 5

The Bird People in China (1998)

I fell in love with Takashi Miike because of his violent, often eccentric films, but it's the simple, subdued movie The Bird People in China that really captured my heart. This is one of the most genuinely lovely films I've ever seen. Miike creates a beautiful world straight out of a Miyazaki film that feels magical in a truly believable way.

This is a movie I like to put on whenever I feel like I'm getting overly bitter or cynical. It's a film unlike any other I've seen, and as I watch it, I feel almost hypnotized. It seamlessly jumps from genre to genre, leaving me constantly absorbed and entertained. Miike includes so many little details here that I feel like I notice something new on every viewing, and every time the film concludes, it becomes a little more real to me.

5 men who fell from the sky out of 5

The Quiet Family (1998)

One of my favorite movies of all time is Takashi Miike's "Happiness of the Katakuris", and that film would not exist without The Quiet Family. The Quiet Family lacks the wackiness of Miike's movie, but is a neat little black comedy with some strong performances. The family's hotel is really beautiful to look at, and there's some nice cinematography nestled between the death cover-ups.

At times, I wish the reactions of the characters were a little less over the top, but the absurdity mostly works here, and it's easy to see how this film launched Kim Ji-woon's career. A good movie to watch any time you feel like looking death in the face and chuckling.

3.5 deaths by hotel keys out of 5