AFTER EARTH [2013]

One of the greatest mysteries of the world is why do we keep giving director M. Night Shyamalan copious amounts of cash to make these shitty, shitty films?
After Earth is a duller than dull sci-fi starring Will & Jaden Smith as a father & son that crash land on a Earth, years after it's been abandoned by human beings due to an deadly alien race inhabiting the planet.  The acting goes from decent to abysmal, the dialogue & direction flatline and the Scientology elements buried in the context couldn't be more obvious.  
...and those accents?  What the feck was up with those accents?  Feck.

1 warm spots out of 5

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

The lofty concepts got loftier and consequently the relatable human story got somewhat buried, which is ironic because it’s the fate of humanity that’s at stake. Upping the philosophical concepts necessitated some hefty exposition from some new players that upsets the narrative flow.
Beneath the clumsy pacing and obligatory fights is the tale of Neo, the reluctant messianic figure. The secondary characters’ two-dimensionality can then be explained away as them representing challenges and fake ideals that Neo must overcome. It’s not the best way of looking at things, but it’s credible.
Reloaded forms a necessary bridge between Part I and Part III and, while it does eventually justify its incompleteness as far as story goes, it’s problematic as a standalone film because it’s essentially one half of an extended coda with an ambition that overwhelms its execution.

3 purposeful punches out of 5

The Matrix (1999)

It probably has its haters (although I've never met one) but no one can deny that The Matrix was a milestone in filmmaking. It shattered existing technical barriers and changed forever how action movies were made. It’s not its fault it spawned a barrelful of inferior clones.
It throws in a smorgasbord of references to Eastern and Western philosophy, mythology, religion and spirituality to give people that like to scratch beneath the surface something deeper to explore, but if you’d rather enjoy it simply as an action movie you can do that too because it finds a comfortable balance, which is a rare thing.
Anime fans will spot many references to famous works; even the framing frequently mimics the genre stylings.

5 lines of code out of 5

THE FROZEN GROUND [2013]

After over a decade of terrible films, Nicolas Cage returns to fine form in Scott Walker's serial killer thriller The Frozen Ground.
Based upon the Alaskan serial killer, Robert Hansen, the film oozes with moodiness and a dreary atmosphere that immediately sends chills down your spine.  John Cusack is impressively creepy, and like The Paperboy, he finally steps away from playing the emo-bastard he's been doing for the past 30 years and is driven by something entirely different and more disturbing.  However it's Vanessa Hudgens, who's wiped away her Disney tween star persona with a bit more grace than her peers, that steals the show with a solid performance that oozes with emotional damage.  Wonderful performances aside, the film is a bit of a generic bore that never quite has the impact it should have.

2½ plane rides out of 5

IT'S A DISASTER [2013]

Director Todd Berger's It's A Disaster joins This Is The End, The World's End & Rapture-Pazlooza as another 2013 black comedy about the end of the world as we know it.
Unlike the previous films, this one isn't a laugh out loud yuk-fest, instead it's a quiet little humorous character study about relationships and the patience it takes to hold them together.  If it's CGI demons or aliens that you're looking for then I should refer you to the first three films because this one is a low-budget arthouse film that is all dry humoured dialogue and no action.  I quite enjoyed this one and wish it received more attention than it did.

3½ Last Brunches out of 5

CBGB [2013]

Director Randall Miller attempts to tackle the history of the rise of the infamous New York punk rock venue in CBGB. 

If you studied your American punk rock carefully, you're going to see all sorts of things to make you shudder, most of which are purely for time constraints and dramatic purposes.  With all that out of the way, I found it to be a mostly entertaining & engaging tale about the underdog doing what he does best and making a name for himself whether he likes it or not.  There's some distractingly unnecessary "'zine" framing & edits but Alan Rickman & Ashley Greene hold the entire film together with a special mention to Freddy Rodriguez as well.  It was probably a tale best left untouched but I gotta admit it could have been A LOT worse.  

3 dog shit surprises out of 5

Heromakers (2002)

Before they started using CGI, Hong Kong action cinema was the finest in the world. This short documentary (71 mins) offers an insight into the lives of the HK Stuntmen (and woman) during the high point of the genre.
If you think it feels like a desperate attempt by the label to make some cash, you’d be right. It’s a DVD extra (available on the Platinum edition of Red Wolf (1995)) given a separate release, with some extras and a shitload of trailers for other films in the range. Hong Kong Legends’ commitment to costly restorations and quality output was in part the reason they collapsed, but they left us with a treasure chest of HK cinema, so I don’t begrudge them having to resort to this kind of tactic to try and survive.

2½ dangerous dances out of 5

CURSED [2005]

Director Wes Craven reteams with writer Kevin Williamson for the werewolf thriller Cursed in hopes of recreating the success of their Scream franchise.
They pretty much fall directly on their faces with this mess of a stinker.
Sadly it feels like they might have had something but it got lost in a sea of obvious reshoots and rewrites that hurt the flow & tone of the film.   I genuinely liked the characters and the actors did a fine job at portraying them but the storyline was such an unfocused mess it became boring and uninspired.  Not once was I thrilled or chilled and that is something to be expected from this team.

1½ wolfy middle fingers out of 5

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)

The Bride, armed with her Hattori Hanzô sword, continues to pursue Bill so she can do what the title says she wants to do. Yawn.
Volume 1 (2003) was mostly about action, whereas Volume 2 is mostly about talking. Neither film offers a satisfying viewing experience.
I believe a filmmaker's desire to express his/herself in a creative way should be fulfilled as much as possible, but their first duty should always be to the story. QT delivered self-indulgent wankery for both of those things. I prefer a well-written dialogue scene to an explosive action scene, so this one should've been more engaging for me, but there's only about ten minutes in total when I wasn't bored out of my mind.

2 lonely sides out of 5

Project A: Part II (1987)

Undeterred by actual near death whilst filming the first Project A (1983) film, Jackie's back behind and in front of the camera for more of the same that's... well... more of the same. If you didn't like the first one, then you'll find nothing here to change your mind.
Jackie's direction makes some very difficult set pieces seem effortless, and I don't just mean the action scenes.

3 hiding places out of 5

BAD MILO! [2013]

Jacob Vaughan's horror comedy, Bad Milo! is a throwback to the '80's creature features, by using chirpy Mogwai-esque sound effects to rubber puppets & animatronics.
The first half of the film is hilariously stupid but fun, as it completely grosses you out with it's story about a murderous rage demon that makes it's home up a stressed out man's anus.  As the second half of the film spews out the joke begins to wear off but is salvaged by a few moments of great dialogue bits here and there. By the premise alone, you know this isn't going to be Citizen Kane but if you're in the mood for this sort of "shit" then it is worth a look at.

3 ancient myths surrounding the anus out of 5

THE HANGOVER PART III [2013]

After the retread shittiness of the second film, it's nice to see director Todd Phillips put some care back into the final instalment of his Hangover series.
It ditches the "hangover" template of the story all together (you could be critical as to why it's called the Hangover then, but do you really want to bother wasting your time with something so silly?) and instead it allows the story to develop into a comedic manhunt/suspense film.  In a way it works quite well and in others it's a bit of a misstep as well.  There's a few good laughs to be had but at times it's just too dark or angry to fully enjoy it as supposedly funny film.  Hardcore fans of the series will eat it up but casual viewers will scratch their heads wondering if this is supposed to be funny or intense.

2½ coked up cocks out of 5

VALHALLA RISING [2009]

Nicolas Winding Refn's historical adventure film Valhalla Rising is an entirely different monster than the rest of his but clearly still has the director's stamp on it.
Mads Mikkelsen plays a mute Norse warrior who ends up travelling with a pack of barbaric Christians who find themselves in a Hellish cold and mysterious land.  It's obviously quite violent, filled with bizarre photography and an effectively dense atmosphere with next to no dialogue, all enhanced by pulsating music and questions you may not have the answers to until long after the film is over.  It's a visual adventure that's probably better if you bring your brain along for the slow-burning ride.

4 arrowheads out of 5

THE KINGS OF SUMMER [2013]

Jordan Vogt-Roberts' feature length theatrical debut is the quirky coming of age dramedy The Kings Of Summer.
It's the story of three teenage boys who decide to build a house in the middle of the woods to live in, in order to escape the rules under their parent's roofs.  At times it seems to go overboard with the forced quirkiness but it provides enough laughs and likable characters to be highly enjoyable.  There's some beautiful photography, great music and a strong cast that makes this light-hearted drama well worth seeking out.

4 big wontons out of 5

Kara no Kyoukai: The Garden of Sinners - Remaining Sense of Pain (2008)

The Kara no Kyoukai films were adapted from a series of novels, and in this entry, I really feel like something was lost in translation. It has an interesting storyline, but characters feel underdeveloped, plot points feel rushed, and many scenes feel like they're missing their emotional punch. The way director Mitsuru Obunai portrays certain scenes doesn't help, and I think the film almost certainly would have been better in the hands of something else.

The best aspects of the Kara no Kyoukai series are still on full display here. There's a terrifically choreographed fight scene, the animation is wonderful, and the backgrounds are gorgeous. If you can ignore the problematic elements, it's still a reasonably entertaining watch. If you're turned off by the opening scene, you might just want to skip this one.

2 reasons kids shouldn't play with knives out of 5.

Waltz with Bashir (2008)

An ex-soldier with large gaps in his memory seeks out his fellow veterans in the hope that hearing their recollections will encourage his own to return. The memories he’s missing all relate to a massacre in Beirut. Was he a part of it or did his mind reinvent the scenario?
I adore films that explore the mechanics of memory, and Waltz does it in style. It's flash animated but it's so well done that there were moments where I almost believed it'd been rotoscoped.
It's a documentary but also a memoir, a private understanding of a public event and a film with an important message for all who watch it.

4½ silences out of 5

Gohatto (1999)

Gohatto is Nagisa Ôshima's final film. It's a beautifully orchestrated period piece about a group of samurai during the bakumatsu era (here 1865).
It's unusual in that it deals with a rarely explored subject within the often strict genre: it's about the love of one samurai by another and how it fits in with their codes of practice and honour.
Ôshima's mastery of his art is evident in every facet of the production. The camera movements are so perfect that you don't even notice them unless you're looking for them. The sword fights are superb. And everything is given an extra dimension with the addition of some traditional in style but atypically sinister music by Ryûichi Sakamoto.

4½ leanings out of 5

Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

Chucklehead just will not die. He’s back again to murder anyone living in the Myers house that may be very slightly semi-related somehow to somebody somewhere. His first kill was a lot of fun, but things went downhill from there with the introduction of a public fascination with serial killers that sets up some lazy plot advancements.
Loomis, now wizened and retired (and hardly burned), gets most of his scenes cut, along with some babble about a cult that was supposed to explain the Thorn rune. The rune is Purisaz, which does actually represent negative powers and hostility, so that fits.
Elsewhere, they manage to mispronounce Samhain again after getting it wrong in the second film and then correct in the third.
On a sadder note, Donald Pleasence died before the film was released.

1½ syringes out of 5

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998)

Bloody hell! I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for when I chose to watch it. I was prepared for Hoff levels of crap, but I wasn't aware until it had begun that I was getting David S. Goyer levels of crap, too.
The Hoff plays it like a poor man's Snake Pliskin without any of Kurt Russell's charm. Amazingly, he's been in worse films.
The Director General of S.H.I.E.L.D echoed my thoughts a few seconds after I thought them when he said, "This is stupid."

1 Life Model Double out of 5

With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story (2010)

Stan's story is unequivocally tied in with the story of Marvel; as he matured in his profession so too did his creative output. The film gives insight mostly from Stan's own point of view, but there are contributions from other comics luminaries such as Avi Arad and Jim Lee, and some leeching Hollywood pricks. His working relationship with Jack Kirby receives the most attention, but I doubt many comic fans will bemoan that.
Stan seems like a genuinely nice guy, constantly giving credit to co-creators and artists where its due. Good work, Stan.

3½ merry marchers out of 5

Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965)

Peter Cushing is the Doctor in this first feature-length outing based on the time-hopping Time Lord's adventures, except he's not a Time Lord yet because his Gallifreyan origins had yet to be invented in 1965. Cushing's Who is a dithering Grandpa that I suspect was a high-school physics teacher at one point in his life. How else could he build a TARDIS in his spare room?
It's a kind of H.G Wells version of the Doctor, which makes it sound better than it is. It's hampered by being a British TV production with a non-threatening menace that feels completely set-bound and lacks any kind of impetus. It was fun for me to see Cushing in this kind of role, though, and I was surprised to see that even Daleks liked lava lamps.

2 soft centres out of 5

Eden Log (2007)

A guy wakes alone in darkness with no idea of who, what, where, why or when. The only thing that’s clear is that he’s deep underground. Prepare yourself for a film that begins in darkness and stays there. It’s not poorly lit, it’s accurately lit. The journey through the blackness leads him deeper into mystery while simultaneously teasing answers that won’t make a damn lick of sense until the very end, and even then it's perplexing.
The film reminded me of Aronofsky and Natali's early works; it has a similar kind of vision brought to life from a similarly low budget.

3 symbolic ascents out of 5

Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy (2013)

I'm a sucker for films with Egyptian iconography, but I have standards that this turd didn't come anywhere close to meeting. It stars adult film star Priya Rai in her first non-cock-munching role. She reminds me of a busted couch. Mercifully, despite being on the cover, she’s hardly in it. Instead, it follows a group of students with a collective acting ‘ability’ that makes Priya look good! Incredulous. It’s a new low in low budget filmmaking.

0 bandages out of 5

.hack//G.U. Trilogy (2008)

The number of PKs is increasing. Haseo is hunting Tri-Edge because he's angsty and he wants revenge. Things get weird.
Trilogy is a (kind of) retelling of the three PS2 .hack//G.U. games, but they've been condensed into 90+ minutes of animation, so it's got some major pacing problems. It feels like a series of character upgrades and boss battles strung together most of the time. It doesn't help that it suffers greatly from the dead emptiness that plagues most CGI movies.
The ending is the most engaging part, but it's a struggle to make it that far.

1½ burdens out of 5

BIG FISH [2003]

Tim Burton's most mature work to date, an adaptation of Daniel Wallace's novel Big Fish is a fantasy flavored Southern Gothic tear-jerker that is sure to please fans of the director's work.
Like most of Burton's personal films, he ditches the idea of a standard narrative and tells it like a fairy tale vingette layered over a bigger picture as the heart of the picture, almost like a zanier version of Forrest Gump.  It's themes of father & sons, the curious mysteries of a bigger world and determination for what you believe all join each other seamlessly and will form a lump in your throat as you realize this.  It relishes itself in fantasy and larger than life storytelling but never loses touch with reality enough to insult your intelligence or lose your belief in it all.

4 soles in Spectre out of 5

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2 [2013]

Steven R. Monroe's sequel to his 2010 remake of I Spit On Your Grave manages to utterly repulse and disturb for no good reason during the first 30 minutes of torture and rape.
It's not until you feel like you've wasted your time with this trash that it actually does something completely unpredictable that leaves the rest of the story open for some interesting twists and turns.  As unbelievable as the first major plot advancement is, it kept me wondering how it was going to all play out and unfortunately not a whole lot of imagination was put into it.  In fact, they as well have never introduced the interesting plot twist because it matters nothing to the rest of the shitty story.

1 nipple tweaks out of 5

An Empress and the Warriors (2008)

A film about duty, freedom, ambition, yadda yadda. There’s also a half-assed romantic love triangle thrown in for good measure. It’s all very efficient and safe, which is why it’s so boring. I don’t watch a Ching Siu-tung film to see safe. Where were the wild ideas and genre-breaking adventures that sometimes fall flat on their ass but impress with majestic flights of imagination while doing it? Absent, muted and suppressed.
Anyone fresh from film school could've made this formulaic crap.
I’m struggling to find something positive to say; the elaborate costumes were good, I guess, and Donie Yen almost managed to emote.

2 much hot air out of 5

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

A chance encounter with a stranger results in a young girl being burdened with some old problems in this anime loosely based on the fantasy novel by British author Diana Wynne Jones. It injects a number of fascinating child-like ideas into the genre, but struggles to make them fit with more clear-cut notions of age, wisdom and inner beauty. The girl's story is fine, but outside of that things aren't well-defined or sturdy enough for the usual kind of Miyazaki magic to take hold often. There are too many random elements that don’t hold up under scrutiny.

3½ black feathers out of 5

Kara no Kyoukai: The Garden of Sinners - A Study in Murder: Part 1 (2007)

While the first Kara no Kyoukai movie sets up the series, the second film is where you really get an idea of what it's going to be like. It's primarily a character study, but it also introduces one of the major mysteries of the series. Mikaya was mostly missing in action in the last movie, but he gets plenty of focus here, and his scenes help give perspective to many of the moments that came before.

At times, the pacing can be so slow that you might wonder if you accidentally hit the pause button. Enormous amounts of time are dedicated to small, simple scenes. For some, the gorgeous scenery might be enough to keep them interested, but some folks will probably be bored. Just keep in mind that some of these little moments pay off later on.

2.5 people humming Singing in the Rain in the rain out of five

THE BLING RING [2013]

The true story of a pack of bratty Hollywood nobodies that burglarize celebrity's homes is the subject of Sofia Coppola's The Bling Ring.
While Coppola always manages to bring the fascinating visuals, great casting choices, wonderful soundtracks and a breezy pace to her films, she never seems to connect emotionally with her tales of the rich and snotty.  I realize we aren't supposed to like these kids but they truly are despicable examples of trashy pop culture of the modern world, which makes for a hollow watch that isn't the least bit interesting.  I caught myself wondering why I wasn't just watching an episode of The Hills instead, so I might at least get a withered laugh out of the constant facepalming.  

2 Hilton monkeys out of 5

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1973)

Sinbad’s love of shiny trinkets and curvy women land him in hot (sea) water once more. There’s also an evil magician to contend with (Tom Baker).
Despite having a new actor in the role of Sinbad (John Phillip Law), a new director (Gordon Hessler), and a new composer (Miklós Rózsa) the second adventure is unmistakably Sinbad-ish. The colourful Arabian imagery, the theatrics, the derring-do of the characters and the amazing stop-motion creatures of Ray Harryhausen mean it’s faithful to the previous film in every way. You don’t need to have watched the previous film (The 7th Voyage (1958)) prior to Golden Voyage, because they’re both standalone stories.

3½ middle eastern flavours out of 5

BLEEDER [1999]

Director Nicolas Winding Refn reunintes 4 of his Pusher cast members (technically 5) for the bleakly unsettling drama Bleeder.
Instead of being as frantic and loud as Pusher, this film is a little more subtle and more thoughtful but just as starkly realistic and disturbingly violent.  At times it made me think that this is what you might get had Kevin Smith's Clerks been made in Denmark by Martin Scorsese.  Kim Bodnia is effectively frightening as he keeps you on edge whenever he's on screen, while Mads Mikkelsen is a joy to watch as a quiet movie nerd who has no idea how to interact with people outside of his video store comfort zone.  In the end it's pretty much Refn on auto-pilot but still a refreshing change from most thriller/dramas you'll see these days.

3 Last Exits To Brooklyn out of 5

Empire Records (1995)

A young adult comedy drama from an era when those words combined weren't something to outright avoid. It's about a group of misfits and miscreants that work at a record store and takes place over the course of one day. The store is a haven for them, offering a place where they can work out their problems, overseen by a fatherly store manager named Joe.
It gives the illusion that work is fun, which is the first hurdle you have to overcome to enjoy it. After about half an hour it settles into something that's more than the sum of its parts.
The Remix: Special Fan Edition adds 16 minutes of additional footage.

3 kinds of glue out of 5

Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Anne Rice’s homoerotic fantasy vampire novel got gelded somewhat for its transition to the screen but it retained much of the atmosphere that was prevalent in the source. It succeeded in both keeping the gothic allure while simultaneously stripping the immortal of his mystery and painting him as a pained and tragic character.
Having read the novel, I’d not have picked Cruise to play Lestat, but he did a fine job at being a prick. Reports say Brad Pitt was miserable during the shoot, and it shows. It suits his character, but there are times a little more passion for the material would've elevated it to even greater heights.

3½ strange comforts out of 5

NOW YOU SEE ME [2013]

Now You See Me is a flawed yet highly entertaining crime caper thriller from Danny The Dog director Louis Leterrier.
Being a film about magic, I was hoping it'd focus more on using camera trickery and slight of hand rather than distractingly bad CGI to create the illusions.  The wrap-up at the end leaves you feeling a bit cheated and makes you wish that the magicians didn't reveal their secrets.  However the rest of the film is so much damned fun I'm willing to forgive the problems and enjoy it for what it is.  Popcorn munching entertainment that isn't a reboot, remake, sequel or comic book adaptation.

3 savage detectives out of 5

Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)

A film loosely based on real killings that took place in 18th Century France but still feels like pure hokum for reasons I won’t spoil. Some awkward camera movements and jarring editing early on make it hard to settle comfortably into proceedings. The messy story, the frequent use of slow motion at inappropriate moments, the lengthy running time and Mark Dacascos being miscast as a Native American don’t help matters.
It succeeds in other ways. Some of the actors play their role well. There’s a narration that functions like a confessional and the lighting gives everything a rich, sumptuous quality. It's beautiful but dull.

2½ old prejudices out of 5

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (2009)

In a huge break from logic, the 'rules' of the first film don't apply. Sam the happy protagonist can go anywhere in time; he doesn't have to have lived that particular moment before. He has a morality that mostly springs from guilt, but it doesn't take him long to push it aside when personal feelings interfere; he’s only human after all. His desire to find out how and why a tragic event in his past occurred has consequences for the present/future.
Each time I was tempted to hit stop something interesting happened to keep me there for the duration. I'm glad, because the ending delivered some unexpected twists that I hadn't cared enough to predict on my own.

2½ shifted pieces out of 5

Tekken (2010)

Evil corporation creates bleak future. Jin the hero is a fighter from the street (but never referred to as a ‘street fighter’ because that would be too funny) with a personal vendetta against the corporate bigwig. He enters the Tekken tournament so he can get near his target, the humourless Heihachi.
The occasionally seizure-inducing bouts are in an arena with an audience, like a wrestling match. It was an interesting approach that worked well and were short enough that they didn't outstay their welcome.

1½ signatures out of 5

Kara no Kyoukai: The Garden of Sinners - Overlooking View (2007)

Overlooking View is the first in a series of seven films, and when I began to watch it I thought I may have started with the wrong one. You're dropped straight into the lives of these characters, and left to figure out what's going on on your own. The pacing is extremely slow, and it takes a long time to get a sense of the universe and its characters.

From a technical standpoint, the movie is fantastic. The backgrounds are beautifully detailed and the animation is top-notch, especially during the unfortunately brief fight scenes. The music is excellent, and the world is wonderfully atmospheric. But as a standalone film, it falls short. The story has a defined beginning, middle and end, but it's really pure build-up. Each scene is there to make scenes in later films feel more powerful. Unless you're really in the mood for nice animation, this isn't worth watching unless you plan to take on the whole series.

2 cartons of Haagen-Dazs Strawberry Ice Cream out of 5

ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE [2013]

After being completed in 2006 only to get shelved and forgotten, Warm Bodies' director Jonathan Levine's slasher grindhouse homage All The Boys Love Mandy Lane finally sees the light of day some seven years later.
With it's list of characters: the virgin, the bitch, the douche, the stoner, the black guy, the boring girl and the strange mystery guy, having seen it so many times and even joked about, I had to wonder if it was intentional or not.  The first half is a pretty slow and predictable Texas Chainsaw wannabe, saved only by some interesting photography and nostalgic saturated colors, however it picks up a bit by the end as it seems to grow itself a pair of balls.

2 mouthfuls of shotgun out of 5

SHALLOW GRAVE [1994]

Danny Boyle's feature film debut, the darkly comedic thriller Shallow Grave was a strong indication of the great things to come from the stylish English film-maker.
Like a Hitchcockian character piece, Shallow Grave introduces us to three folks who think they're wonderful people until a large sum of money comes between them and exposes them as the monsters they are.  The plot is pretty simple but the character dissection and study isn't.  There's not a whole lot of background for the characters, mostly due to the quick pace and short running time, but they are so well cast you feel like you're already quite familiar with them.  A very promising start to Boyle's flourishing career.

3½ troll baby's out of 5

Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)

An alternative universe tale of sorts that may have lasting repercussions for future releases should DC decide to go down that route.
It’s a gritty and violent adventure packed with DCU heroes and villains; some of them have very little impact on the story but it’s fun to see them included. It may even change your view of the often mocked Aquaman.
The Flash seeks help from the one man who really understands his plight and has just as much to gain as he has to lose from the outcome.
It starts strong and keeps getting better and better with a pace befitting its main character. The ending doesn't take the easy way out.

4 trigger points out of 5

Seed of Chucky (2004)

The opening five minutes of the fifth Child's Play film are some of the most entertaining minutes I've spent with a horror movie in a very long time. After that it shifts perspective but remains entertaining for a different reason.
Both Brad Dourif and Jennifer Tilly return to their respective roles and they're still the best cast evil dolls in cinema history, imo. My respect for Tilly went from 'hadn't given it much thought,' up to 'near maximum'.
There's a small number of bloody kills, but like Child's Play 4 (1998) the focus is primarily on black comedy, so fans of one-dimensional slasher flicks may be disappointed. Instead, the self-deprecating laughs and stabs at horror cinema conventions are as sharp as Chucky's knife.

3½ delicate sensibilities out of 5

Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Film number 5 picks up the story one year after Halloween IV (1988) and insults the intelligence of the viewer at almost every turn: MM’s Rocket Man escape, his brief Frankenstein moment that goes nowhere, the teenagers with the neon sign above their heads that reads ‘I'm only here to be killed,’ a question posed that every viewer will be asking themselves remains unanswered, the mystery man with the shiny toecaps, etc. I applaud bringing fresh ideas into the franchise, but don’t half-ass them.
Donald Pleasence is great as always, and the little girl (Danielle Harris) is fantastic, even in an overly long dragged out chase scene that left no doubt where it would end.

2 rune tattoos out of 5

Twelve Monkeys (1995)

Gilliam’s remake/expansion of Chris Marker's La Jetée (1962) is almost as good as the original. Stylistically it’s an occasionally disorientating experience with a subtly unrealistic depth of field that feels like a more restrained version of his Orwellian Brazil (1985). The result is one of the most accomplished and polished pieces of work he’s ever made. It’s also one of the most satisfying time travel stories that I've ever seen.
Bruce Willis makes every effort not to be Bruce Willis and delivers possibly the best performance of his career. Madeleine Stowe brings beauty and stability to an ugly world beset by tragedy.

4 divergent trips out of 5

WE'RE THE MILLERS [2013]

Dodgeball writer/director Rawson Marshall Thurber brings us We're The Millers, a surprisingly enjoyable and mildly offensive comedy/road movie.
Jason Sudeikis & Jennifer Aniston are at the top of their game here, Emma Roberts is kind of boring but necessary while it's Son Of Rambow's Will Poulter that steals the entire show as the clueless, awkward kid.  There really isn't much of a story here and what little there is, it's a bit of an uneven mess but we're here for the laughs and it delivers.  By the end of the film I found how much I enjoyed each of the characters and wanted to see it inevitably all work out.

3 wincing spider bites out of 5

The King of Fighters (2010)

I wasn't expecting magic earpieces that warped fighters to another dimension. Is that a thing? I haven’t played the games.
I was prepared for it to be shit, but I thought with Gordon Chan directing there might, just might be the possibility that it’d at least be better than the MK (1995) or SF (1994) movies. It was, in my opinion, but it’s still dung.
Casting directors take note: if you must use Ray Park in your film please don't give him a speaking role; make him a mute.

1½ tilted camera angles out of 5

Alone in the Dark (1982)

A small number of nuts escape from the ward and have a night on the town. Before turning into a siege movie it asks some pertinent questions about who really is crazy in a crazy world. It doesn't go far enough, but it was a nice try and a pleasant break from the norm. Plus, it was cool to see Dwight Schultz being a sane guy for a change.

2½ screws loose out of 5

Herman's House (2012)

A documentary about an artist's struggle to build a house designed by Herman, a prisoner who spent twenty-three hours a day in solitary in a 6x9 foot cell for forty years of his life. What kind of dwelling would someone like that envisage and why? At first I thought she (the artist) was exploiting his situation to further her own goals, but by the end I'd dismissed that notion even though her motivations weren't much clearer.
The film sheds light on the abuse the American criminal justice system dishes out and the affect it has on an individual.

3 bars out of 5

Street Fighter IV: The Ties That Bind (2009)

Prequel to the SFIV game. It looks good, Studio 4°C did a commendable job visually, but the story doesn't have much to offer. It begins with reports of fighter disappearances, then adds filler and action scenes.
I wasn't counting but I’d guess there’s about a dozen fighters featured, including that cheating, dickless scumbag Seth.

1½ birds of a feather out of 5