Tekken (2010)

Evil corporation creates bleak future. Jin the hero is a fighter from the street (but never referred to as a ‘street fighter’ because that would be too funny) with a personal vendetta against the corporate bigwig. He enters the Tekken tournament so he can get near his target, the humourless Heihachi.
The occasionally seizure-inducing bouts are in an arena with an audience, like a wrestling match. It was an interesting approach that worked well and were short enough that they didn't outstay their welcome.

1½ signatures out of 5

Blade II (2002)

About 50% of Blade II is devoted to noisy and nauseating fight scenes that get boring fast. Consequently, the other 50% leaves characterisation time almost nil. Everything that happens is much too convenient. There’s this guy and this other guy comes along and then ninjas and then this new guy needs a scene so he can get in a ten minute fight later.
The only joys I got from it was seeing Donnie Yen in bad eye-liner and recognising things that were clearly a trial run for Del Toro’s far superior Hellboy films.
I should mention also that, beyond all reasoning, Luke Goss was surprisingly very good.

2 doses of suckpuppy nut juice out of 5

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Red man, pale twins, blue man, hot girl, smoke and mirrors and tooth faeries. What more could you want? Like the first one only bigger and funnier. On the flip side, less structured. Ignore the obvious flaws and frolic in Guillermo's imagination for two hours. You'll thank yourself for it.

4 fugly trolls out of 5