Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998)

Bloody hell! I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for when I chose to watch it. I was prepared for Hoff levels of crap, but I wasn't aware until it had begun that I was getting David S. Goyer levels of crap, too.
The Hoff plays it like a poor man's Snake Pliskin without any of Kurt Russell's charm. Amazingly, he's been in worse films.
The Director General of S.H.I.E.L.D echoed my thoughts a few seconds after I thought them when he said, "This is stupid."

1 Life Model Double out of 5