G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

It's hilariously good fun from the very beginning. That song!
The Joes decide to solve the world energy crisis before breakfast, but Cobra throws a big NO shaped spanner in that idea and the madness just gets madder. New recruits get bombed on the training ground. The Village People go to war. Explosions explode and lasers fire everywhere, but no one gets hit. Sgt. Slaughter keeps the faith for America and gets to wrestle. Subterranean reptilian people try to take over the world. Giant bugs are the air force? WTF is even happening? It's like The A-Team on acid. I laughed my way to the end and loved every minute of it.

3 space spores out of 5

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [2013]

With the 2nd part of Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy, the wonky pacing of the first is smoothed out making for a more enjoyable experience.
The Desolation Of Smaug still might be longer than it really should be but the pay-off is well worth the wait with the introduction of the mighty dragon, voiced with exquisite intimidation by Benedict Cumberbatch.  Sure, there's a lot of padding to flesh the story out into three films but Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro & crew are obviously so committed to staying true to Tolkien's world, characters and themes that it all blends together quite organically.  The problems with the 48 fps of the original are completely diminished and makes for an even more incredible experience.
The final razzle dazzle film of the year is quite literally the way to end 2013 with a bang.

4 barrel rides out of 5

Turok: Son of Stone (2008)

An animated version of the long-running comic that’s something like a cross between a traditional Native American hero/hunter story and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World. It’s a bloody and violent journey, so perhaps not one for the sensitive kiddies.
There was a danger that once the Dinos appeared the story would suffer and instead become just about growling and action, but that didn't happen; it remains well-balanced throughout.

3 blood trails out of 5

The Running Man (1987)

On a scale of 01 to 10 (with 01 being Arnie’s worst acting ever and 05 being his best), The Running Man barely reaches 1.5.
It’s set in a futuristic, totalitarian society where public executions have been turned into a game show. Arnie, a man with morals, arms himself with one-liners and takes on the system. Yay for the common man. If it didn't have the satire it would have nothing worth a shit.

1½ romper suits out of 5

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (2005)

Pete Perkins (Tommy Lee Jones) goes to great lengths to fulfil a promise he made to his closest friend, the titular Melquiades Estrada.
The first hour felt like ten hours. It was a real struggle to maintain interest, but over time, once I realised that the tedium and emptiness of the characters’ lives was structured to set up a contrast for what comes in the second half, it became easier to bear. Eventually the strands of the story began to weave and it delivered something less distant and subtly beautiful. I’ll never sit through it again but I’ll remember the feelings it stirred, which for the viewer is an important aspect of any film.

3 new perspectives out of 5

Transformers: The Movie (1986)

A giant ball of evil that eats planets is en route to Cybertron. Meanwhile, the Civil War between the honourable Autobots and the treacherous Deceptions rages on, meaning the new threat forces the Autobots to fight a war on two fronts. There will be heavy casualties.
It's not the most sophisticated story ever animated, but there are some interesting parallels and contrasts throughout. Mostly it's a series of action scenes that astound. For most people that's the reason they watched TF, so in that respect it delivered.
On a sadder note, it was the final film role for both Orson Welles and Scatman Crothers. Orson got the better role.

3 sizzling circuits out of 5

SAVING MR. BANKS [2013]

John Lee Hancock's Saving Mr. Banks is an absolutely charming historical drama about Walt Disney struggling with author P.L. Travers to get the film rights to the studio classic Mary Poppins.
It's an interesting character study that's both heart-warming and surprisingly dark in areas that's largely based around the terrific performances from Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks.  At times it reeks of the Disney empire stroking it's inflated ego and gets a bit too predictably fluffy but when it's at it's best it's simply wonderful.

3½ fruit bowls for the swimming pool out of 5

Wizards (1977)

After some necessary exposition, the story gets underway. Two wizards, siblings, one representing the power of industry and the other representing the power of magic, prepare themselves for an inevitable confrontation. Wiki said it best so I'm just going to quote from there: 'The film is an allegorical comment on the moral neutrality of technology and the potentially destructive powers of propaganda.' It’s that wrapped in a Bakshi bun that’s tantalising but oddly shaped, which is to say it’s a hugely enjoyable piece of work but is very rough around the edges. There’s a lot borrowed from Tolkien in the build-up, but it’s used in the correct manner.

3½ quick swords out of 5

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

Mick goes to Beverly Hills and does pretty much what he did in the previous two films, except he’s got his young son in tow this time. Having a nine-year-old tag along isn't as bad as it sounds, because the kid is there for just one reason and gets pushed aside early on. The film’s plot is equally as unimportant and only really takes hold in the last half hour. Prior to that it's Mick being Mick, keeping me entertained by using his caustic Aussie wit to rip the ass out of the shallow people that live in the shallow city.

2 Darwin coat hangers out of 5

BraveStarr: The Movie (1988)

Also known as BraveStarr: The Legend, the feature-length outing is a prequel to the TV Series but came out after its cancellation. It tells how the Galactic Marshall with the mystic powers ended up on New Texas, and how his arch-enemy, Tex Hex, gained his own powers.
Most characters are Western stock types, but there's a love interest for the hero that's handled atypically for a kid's cartoon of this ilk.
The voices are well-suited and the animation quality is better than might be expected given the history of Filmation. It's damn exciting and if it had more interesting villains, then it'd likely be even better.

3½ toy guns out of 5

Laaga Chunari Mein Daag (2007)

The eldest daughter of a poor family with no sons goes to the City to earn money the only way she can. There's tears, romance and songs.
A secondary story that seems forced fills time after the intermission, but by the end the two threads come nicely together as one.
My major gripe with the drama was that we’re supposed to believe the well-dressed family at the heart of it is close to poverty. The reality of poverty in India is a lot less rosy than that. It made me less sympathetic to everything that followed. It was interesting seeing a woman fill the traditional male role, but it’s predictable and drags its heels for a long time.

2½ blue skies out of 5

Critters 4: They're Invading Your Space (1992)

The series began in space so it makes a kind of sense that it should end there, too. Having vicious aliens loose on a space station is going to draw comparisons with Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986), two films that it apes as best it can with the limited budget and resources. It’s no surprise that it’s not very good, but it’s virtually impossible to make a bad film when you have Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif in the cast. Because of those two it’s best described as a Curate’s egg, which is a very apt idiom when you consider the plot.

2 hairy gumballs out of 5

The City of Lost Children (1995)

There’s a scientist who steals children, a young girl who steals property, and a performing strongman with a big heart who steals the viewer's sympathies. All three exist as characters in a bizarre dark fairytale that you’ll need to 'want' to like in order to do so.
Jeunet’s love of green and orange tints is sickening, they do to the eyes what too much chocolate gateau does to the stomach, but the architecture and general construction of the world are stunning. His imagination deserves praise, even if the film is almost too stylised for its own good.

3½ kettles of fish out of 5

SIDE EFFECTS [2013]

Director Steven Soderbergh crafts a very Hitchcock-ian psychological thriller with the twisty 'n turny Side Effects.
Rooney Mara towers over the rest of the cast with a stunning performances as a mentally ill young woman that is both sympathetically frightening and disturbingly mournful.  Soderbergh paces each reveal and scene with compelling and intense delicacy that proves when given the right script he can do much more than just style over substance.  It starts to lose it's balance a bit with all the weight it's carrying in the final act but makes up for it with intrigue and mystery.

4 sleepwalkers out of 5

The Juniper Tree (1990)

A film by Nietzchka Keene based on the Grimm Brothers story. It’s a low budget black and white film set in Iceland during the Middle Ages. The remote landscape and the strange way that the younger of two sisters is able to interact with the world around her gives the work an eerie, otherworldly feel. It’s an arty fairytale held together by witchcraft and magical realism. Even when it was moving languidly it had a simplistic allure that kept me attentive for the duration. The occasional enlivening of the dialogue with the poetic art of storytelling also helped.

3 candles in the window out of 5

The Mistress of Spices (2005)

One of India's most beautiful actresses in an English language movie set in California. Her radiance can’t hide the fact that it's an empty, hollow romantic comedy with little other than her to make it worth your time.

1½ dramatic chillies out of 5

Payback (1995)

Stuff and nonsense about a prisoner who makes a promise to a dying friend, telling him that when free he’ll take revenge for him. It resembles a TV movie that's good for filling a schedule but not much else.
Fans of Joan Severance will want to watch it, but everyone else will likely get bored long before she appears.
It could be worse; it could have Mel Gibson in it.

1½ unhygienic activities in the kitchen out of 5

THE TO DO LIST [2013]

Writer Maggie Carey makes her feature film directorial debut with the raunchy comedy The To Do List.
Starring Aubrey Plaza, it's pretty much the female version of American Pie, so don't expect award-winning film-making here.  It sets out to be funny and offend without asking the viewer to turn on their brains and with that it almost succeeds in being quite humorous.  However it occasionally loses it's edge and doesn't offer a whole lot of outrageousness that keeps films like these powering full steam ahead.  Still, it provided enough laugh out loud moments to keep me from checking my watch to see how much longer it will go on for.

2½ not Caddyshack pranks out of 5

OUT OF THE FURNACE [2013]

Writer/director Scott Cooper's follows up the acclaimed Crazy Heart with another tale about troubled Americana, the moody drama Out Of The Furnace.
Like a Bruce Springsteen song, the film is filled with poverty, hopelessness, violence, love in the darkest of places and folks who are destined to forever live in their own personal prisons no matter what choices they make.   The story speaks of emotional punches and it makes it halfway there due to the astonishingly fantastic cast but loses half of it's impact due to a weak script.  It's well worth a look at for the beautiful photography, haunting music and great acting but leaves much to be desired when all the names attached seem to promise something so much more.

3 Midnight Meat Trains out of 5

Chameli (2003)

By chance, a successful businessman and a lowly prostitute spend time together in India’s Red Light District. For a long time they’re cut off from the rest of the world, making the film feel like a stage play, furnished with an actual stage for them to exist on.
It’s a very fine example of what can be done in a small space with a well-crafted script and a cinematographer who knows exactly what he’s doing.
The biggest surprise was Kareena Kapoor’s outstanding performance. The role required a very specific kind of emotional state that she captured and presented to the camera beautifully. She was magnificent.

4 turbulent storms out of 5

Bhoothnath (2008)

An adaptation of Oscar Wilde's story, The Canterville Ghost, transposed to a ‘bungalow’ in Goa. It’ll keep the kids happy with its light-hearted humour and simplistic ideals that offer nothing Hollywood couldn't do just as badly.
Throwing in some dancers in fishnets seemed like a desperate attempt to keep the dads happy, but the film turns things around in the last third. The story shifts from the kid’s concerns to the adults', the emotional content hits the roof, and Amitabh Bachchan finally gets something real to do.

2½ leaves leave out of 5

THE WOLVERINE [2013]

Director James Mangold likes to make Western films even when they aren't Western films.
The Wolverine is a perfect example of that, as Hugh Jackman assumes the role of Logan for a sixth time and headlines a second film that could only be better than the last shitfest.
Mangold loves a good character piece so it's a breath of fresh air when the film hardly relies on any extravagant CGI action scenes (with the exception of the clumsily executed climax) and instead opts for some beautifully choreographed fight sequences.  Some characters are delicately written while others seem like they were slapped together at the last second, as are some of the "exposition" scenes, which many are hardly needed if you have half a brain.
It's not perfect but certainly a welcome addition to the ever-growing X-men franchise.

3 bullet trains out of 5

JAGTEN [2013]

aka The Hunt

It's not often a film sinks the heart so low and boils the blood so quickly but Danish director Thomas Vinterberg's drama Jagten does that with elegant grace and emotional intensity.  

A story about a man who is grasping to get his life back together after a messy divorce just about succeeds until a tiny little lie from a small child completely shatters everything dear to him.  The better part of the film is emotionally distressing, as it either made me feel overly angry, helpless or just plain heartbroken yet somehow the story never falls into obvious clichés or spoon-fed schmaltz.  

I've always been an admirer of Mads Mikkelsen's work and this role makes me respect him even more because I didn't think he had something so subtle yet powerful in him.  

Wow.  Just wow.

5 canned goods to the head out of 5

2 GUNS [2013]

Who would have thought that two actors with completely different acting styles, like Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg would have such awesome chemistry?
Apparently director Baltasar Kormákur knew when he cast them in his film adaptation of Steven Grant's graphic novel 2 Guns.
As a brainless buddy crime caper comedy it's a pretty solid effort but generally lacks in anything else original or praise-worthy.  It sticks to the formula to a tee, so if you're adverse to turning your brain off for mind-numbing violence and wise-cracks galore then seek out something else.  If not, then this is a guilt-free action film that is filled with some great laughs and action sequences for the Bad Boys fan in us all.

3 winks out of 5

The Fog (2005)

John Carpenter's version of The Fog didn't have much of a plot. but it made up for it by having a lot of atmosphere, some great music, and some decent actors. This one doesn't have much of anything going for it.

There's Tom Welling, who's very far from the Kent farm, looking lost and out of his depth. Then there's Selma Blair at the radio station; she was barely tolerable in the Hellboy films, but doesn't do anything here to remove the whiff of shite from the remainder of her CV. She's perhaps the worst thing in a barrel of worst things.

0½ a missing clapper out of 5

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

There’s some very silly casting in TLToC. There’s a white Jesus, a ginger Judas from NY and a Rock Star Pontius from Blighty; it’s laughable. The music is similarly ill-fitting most of the time, but the screenplay by Paul Schrader, adapted from Nikos Kazantzakis’ novel, is so good in the first half that I was able to keep my chuckles in check and enjoy the show.
It presents Jesus as a man with hopes, fears and doubts, like any other man would have in his position. His real strength comes from his response to those states of being, not from something wholly supernatural.
The part that got many Christians' cotton undies in a twist is during one of Marty’s slips and is best forgotten. If they’d put it into context before throwing stones they might have understood that.

3½ women called Mary out of 5

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS [2013]

Director Paul Greengrass tells the riveting and intense true story of Captain Phillips and his cargo ship that was hijacked by Somali pirates.
Greengrass knows how to put the viewer in extreme unease and here he displays it with minimal setting changes which makes it all the more impressive.  It'd be easy to turn the pirates into one dimensional baddies but fortunately they're given some character as we see the world through their eyes which was a surprise when I was expecting a "Go America!" type of film.  The lead pirate is brilliantly played by newcomer Barkhad Abdi who layers him with intensity, fear and thoughtfulness.  Hanks doesn't have a whole lot to play with here until the two minutes of the film and that reduced me to tears within seconds.
A great action film that doesn't speak down to it's audience that will probably go on to sweep up the nominations come awards season.

3½ shards of broken glass out of 5

INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 [2013]

Director James Wan & writer Leigh Whannell reunite for the sequel to their insanely scary 2011 sleeper hit Insidious.
Chapter 2 picks up shortly after the events of the first film so the scares start up so soon it gives the viewer next to no to time to familiarize themselves with the setting or the atmosphere and detracts from the terror quite significantly.  Instead, it relies on cheap, yet effective, jump scares that are almost immediately forgotten about.
It's cheap, predictable, silly and immensely disappointing compared to the first film.
Oh well...at least Wan had The Conjuring this year.

1 set of ouija dice out of 5

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS [2013]

Dead Snow director Tommy Wirkola's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a tongue-in-cheek continuation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale.
The whole concept of H&G all grown up to become witch bounty hunters is sure to roll many eyes and with good reason but the film is fully aware of that and runs with the ridiculousness of the whole idea.  It looks, feels and is as bloody violent as Sam Raimi's earlier films, only lacks in the humour department which it tried hard to pull off but failed.  With a bit more wit and snappier dialogue the whole thing might actually be an entertaining movie but falls just a bit short of that.
It's not as bad as I thought it would be but still not that good.

2 cases of diabetes and eating disorders out of 5

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006)

It seems to be that the further away from India Bollywood movies are set, the less I enjoy them. KANK is set in New York. Two marriages, in which both couples married for love, not through arrangement, begin to break down. The plot follows a path that can be seen from a mile away, but it deals with some themes that I’d not seen handled that way before and it deals with them in a mature manner. A lot of the comedy was hit and miss, though, but that wasn't why I was there, so it was forgiveable. I was there because of the cast, all of whom got their moment to shine.

3 uninvited circumstances out of 5

The Ninth Gate (1999)

A man of low morals and purveyor of rare books, Dean Corso (Depp), is hired to track down the last remaining copies of a demonic text.
It’s an unusual role for Depp becuase he doesn't get to stand out in any way; Emmanuelle Seigner has that privilege. It’s also unusual for Polanski in that there are occasional moments where it’s decidedly amateurish, which is something I’d rarely accuse him of being. The sumptuous lighting and Polanski’s ability to make even the walls have a sense of history mean the film looks beautiful, but it lacks a vital spark.

2½ engravings out of 5

WE ARE WHAT WE ARE [2013]

Based upon the Mexican horror film Somos Lo Que Hay, director Jim Mickle turns the story into something far different from it's source material with We Are What We Are.
Toning down the grisly horror of the original and opting for more of a subtle and moody American Gothic piece makes for a bit more elegance...well...as elegant as films about cannibalism can get.  The gender of every single character is changed which alters the moods and actions of each character, however it's biggest problem is that none of them are given much of a personality.  With the setting changes comes a story about American religion and mental & physical health issues, instead of the story about capitalism and poverty in the original.  If it's horror that you're looking for perhaps seek out the original but if it's a twisted, unsettling drama then this one is the one to go to because really, neither is better than the other.

3 family traditions out of 5

THE TRUTH ABOUT EMANUEL [2013]

Written & directed by Francesca Gregorini, The Truth About Emanuel is a dark, haunting drama that explores themes of death, grief, growing up and mental illness.
The film's greatest strength is without a doubt the two leading performances of Skins' Kaya Scodelario, who portrays a intelligent yet troubled kid with a smart assed response to everything, and Jessica Biel as a recently divorced single mother dealing with some loose screws.  They display a wonderful chemistry that is unfortunately sullied by some spots of horrible dialogue.  What's odd is the film has some moments of beautifully poetic dialogue that you won't soon forget.
The whole movie seems to rapidly teeter back & forth between a hypnotizingly original indie-drama and a overly melodramatic TV movie which can be quite frustrating at times.

3 fish out of 5

HOMEFRONT [2013]

Director Gary Fleder's Homefront calls back to the moody action/thrillers of the '80's.
Written by Sylvester Stallone several years ago, it was originally intended as a Rambo. Star Jason Statham is given the chance to channel a softer side as he plays a family man here, while James Franco goes against his usual role as a violent drug lord.
Plotwise the film does absolutely nothing original in its genre and really is only saved by its main cast who all look like they're having a great time.  In the end, I'd call it a great renter for fans of The Stath.

3 explosive lights out of 5

CRAIG FERGUSON: I'M HERE TO HELP [2013]

The Late Late Show host and Scottish comedian Craig Ferguson's 2013 Washington, D.C. show I'm Here To Help is captured on film much to the delight of fans everywhere.
Without the restraints of TV censorship and a 43 minute time limit, Ferguson lets loose, becoming a bit more crude not because he can but the story he's telling calls for it.  He's smug, quirky, off-kilter and not for everybody so if you're not a fan of his TV show then this certainly won't win you over either.  The Late Late Show's nightly monologues are improvised on the spot only Ferguson seems to have more of a plan here but doesn't stop him from going off topic.
A wonderful way to toss an hour and a half out the window in exchange for some good laughs.

3 clouds of smug out of 5

AIN'T THEM BODIES SAINTS [2013]

Writer/director David Lowery's Ain't Them Bodies Saints is a beautifully shot crime-drama love story that you just know is going to end in heartbreak no matter what the outcome.
Like a feast of visual poetry, the film is shot like an early Terrence Malick film, where all events only seem to take place at the break of dusk or dawn, with harsh shades of black and dark oranges & browns.  It travels at a very slow pace but rewards with thoughtful camerawork and voice-overs that give the feel of a haunted daydream.  There's not a whole lot of originality within the plot but it's the trio of actor's strong performance and broken lonely hearted atmosphere that gives the film its greatest strengths.

4 gift horses out of 5

Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003)

There’s a hugely enjoyable and impassioned story in Kal Ho Naa Ho, about three people who affect each other's lives in meaningful ways, but it takes approx 80 minutes to be effective and that’s just too damn long.
Prior to that it’s a face-palming bad rom-com with paint by numbers acting and possibly the worst song and dance numbers I've ever sat through. I’m deducting points for all of that.
If you do stick around until after the intermission, the change is staggering. SRK and PZ decide it’s time to actually do some acting, while the director takes off the blindfold and delivers some truly unforgettable scenes.

3 beats skipped out of 5

Iron Man and Hulk: Heroes United (2013)

Did they leave out the part where Tony Stark had the personality of Peter Parker transplanted into his brain, or was that just bad characterisation? It fits with the bad video game style CGI and the bad dialogue.
Seeing Iron Man posed as Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian Man was very cool, but my brain shut down shortly afterwards. It was for the best.

1 mandroid out of 5

EUROPA REPORT [2013]

Sebastián Cordero directs Europa Report a slow-burning found footage sci-fi/thriller about an international crew of astronauts that travel to one of Jupiter's moons in search for signs of life.
While Gravity might hold the throne for this year's scariest space film, this little flick manages to hold it's own with an intensely creepy and moody atmosphere.  In fact it's the whole tone of the film that holds everything together, because as with all found footage films, the viewer always knows the characters are all already dead so it loses it's suspense.  I love the plausibility of all the catastrophic events depicted in the film, making for more of riveting experience than one would expect from such a low budget.

3 lights in the ice out of 5

FRANCES HA [2013]

Noah Baumbach directs the irresistibly sweet Greta Gerwig (who also co-writes) in the black & white mumblecore dramedy Frances Ha.
Most will find the film wanders arounds aimlessly not really up to much but senseless conversation but with a bit of patience you'll find a delicate eye and feel for direction Baumbach and a insanely realistic reckless yet sympathetic character played by Gerwig.  Most films these days about a young women living in New York will portray the character as whiny and hopelessly lost in life.  Frances Halladay knows she's got problems but instead makes the best of what she has and subtly grasps onto what little she can.  The film is filled with the slightest nuances that make the story and character so much more compelling the impatient eye will ever catch.

4 two day vacations out of 5

R.I.P.D. [2013]

Red director Robert Schwentke adapts Peter M. Lenkov's comic book R.I.P.D. for the big screen with very mixed results.
On one hand, it's got some inventive ideas used sparingly, some good chuckles courtesy of Jeff Bridges & Mary Louise-Parker and some wild action sequences.
On the other hand, it's Men In Black-ish script is transparent and dull, the character interactions are more than forumlaic and some boring action sequences to make up for the wild ones.
It's a pretty mixed bag of shit and fun which tests your patience like a slap in your neighbor's face with a wet fish.

2 banana guns out of 5

THE FAMILY [2013]

The Family is your typical Luc Besson violent comedy/thriller that will have most Western audiences scratching their heads.
An American family tied in with the mafia are relocated to France under the witness protection act, where they have trouble letting old violent habits die hard.  As a whole the film is a bit of an uneven mess but in pieces it's a highly enjoyable energetic way to spend your time on.  The cast are all spot-on, with Glee's Diana Agron turning in the best performance as a violently bat shit crazy girl falling in love for the first time.
As uneven as the film is, it's still quite funny in the darkest of ways and all comes into it's own in the awesomely intense climatic finale.

3 expressive fucks out of 5

ELYSIUM [2013]

After the astonishingly wonderful District 9 I was more than eager to dive back into another gritty Neill Blomkamp sci-fi thriller.
Unfortunately Elysium doesn't quite live up to his previous film.
Not to say it's bad, in fact it's filled with some wonderful & creative ideas, thought provoking themes and some amazing visuals but Blomkamp seemed to forget to add any dimension to his characters this time around.  With what little characterization there is, it almost feels like a Saturday morning cartoon.  It's heavy weaknesses aside, Elysium is still an enjoyable sci-fi thrill ride that rises above most of the other trash they try to pull off as sci-fi these days.

3 brain downloads out of 5

DESPICABLE ME 2 [2013]

Pierre Coffin & Chris Renaud return to direct the sequel to their 2010 animated hit Depsicable Me.
While this time it does lose a lot of it's humour in the conflict of the whole super villain story, it does manage to dazzle with it's inventive visuals and more than enough laughs for child and adult alike.  Steve Carell is hilarious as always and Kristen Wiig surprises with a wonderfully enthusiastic and inspired voice performance.
It's harmless, hilarious fun that doesn't offer a whole lot more.  However by the end of the film I can help but feel like I've received a Minions overdose, so it comes as no surprise as their's a Minions Movie coming in 2015.

3 angry chickens out of 5

BYZANTIUM [2013]

Director Neil Jordan returns to the world of vampires in Byzantium, based off the play written by Moira Buffini.
A dark, moody tale that jumps back and forth in time to tell the story of two vampire women constantly on the run.  It's broody slow-pacing makes for a compelling character study of these creatures rather than focusing on their powers.  There's no fangs or glittering in the sunlight, yet still manages to wash a rich, dark tone over atmospheric daylight.  The characters are as frightening as they are sympathetic giving Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan a magnificent script to work with.
A very wonderful treat for someone who felt like the vampire films have been done to death.

4 pointy nails out of 5

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK [1981]

Director Steven Spielberg and writer George Lucas team-up to create one of the greatest popcorn adventure films ever made and the first in a highly successful series.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark is filled with iconic imagery, a wonderfully smug performance from Harrison Ford, John Williams' sweeping score and a large boulder.  In the style of the serial films of the 1930's, Raiders never takes itself very seriously at all and instead opts for maximum entertainment value, of which it heavily succeeds. It's hilariously outrageous action sequences seem to throw everything at Indy Jones except the kitchen sink, leaving a eagerly anticipating smile on one's face, curious to see what's going to happen next.

5 bad dates out of 5

Suicide Club (2001)

A large number of Japan's teenagers commit suicide en masse. Is someone orchestrating them or is it merely the pressures of society?
Also known as Suicide Circle, this odd film has some terrible acting and some laughable plot, but it also had a mysterious hold over me much of the time because a small number of deeply personal moments were perfectly placed throughout; they managed to convince me that Dir. Sion Sono knew what he was doing even when it seemed like he didn't.
It's a shame the surreal moments had a tendency to turn into the outright ridiculous, as they could've really heightened the tense atmosphere.

3 icky chains out of 5

Terms and Conditions May Apply (2013)

Google know I made this post because they own blogger. They also know you’re reading it right now and what site you visited before you came here. As you sit at your monitor you’re being monitored because you gave up your right to privacy when you opened that browser window, as did I.
I don’t imagine that’s revelatory news to anyone, but there’s sure to be something in the documentary that'll open your eyes a little wider and make your ass twitch just a little harder.

3½ liabilities out of 5

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING [2012]

Joss Whedon's idea of taking time off from his busy schedule is directing, producing and scoring an adaptation of Shakespeare's romantic comedy Much Ado About Nothing.
Whedon collects a gaggle of his usual suspects, including Alexis Denisof, Amy Acker, Fran Kranz, Clark Gregg and many more, in a modern day black and white world that works quite well.  Unlike most Shakespeare adaptations that are set in the modern day this film doesn't resort to flashiness or extravagant setpieces and instead is a quiet, sweet little piece that lets the words speak for itself.  Like in most of Whedon's work, the actors do a seamless job at switching from dramatic to hilarious without missing a beat.  Nathan Fillion and Tom Lenk play off each other wonderfully making for some of the biggest laughs.

4 Happily ever afters for Fred & Wesley out of 5

Top Gear: The Perfect Road Trip (2013)

There’s no James May this time, so Hammond and Clarkson go it alone as they travel across part of Europe in the ‘perfect mode of transport’ for the terrain. What that means is seven days of faux spontaneity alongside some genuinely funny ad-libbing as the two men attempt to humiliate and outdo the other at every turn. The comedy means a love of cars isn't necessary. I lost my shit at the homemade sponsorship stickers. GJ, guys.

3 lesbo corners out of 5