Hot Fuzz (2007)

All coppers are basta- not quite all. From the Shaun of the Dead (2004) team comes a parody/homage to the Hollywood buddy cop movie. It has the same kind of wry in-jokes and references to other films and their own past projects, so watch Shaun first. It’ll be even funnier if you've watched Point Break, Bad Boys II, the Dirty Harry films and even The Wicker Man!
Pegg plays it (mostly) straight while Frost is once more the comedy gold.
The swear-box gets a good filling.

4 the greater good out of 5

SUNSET BLVD. [1950]

Billy Wilder's 1950 film noir classic Sunset Blvd. is praised as one of the most culturally and noteworthy films in the history of cinema.
...and with good reason.
It's creepy, cynical, bizarre, darkly humorous, filled with captivating dialogue, hypnotizing performances, eerie photography and a haunting score courtesy of the late great Franz Waxman.
What more can I say? It's essential cinematic viewing that should not be ignored.

5 Gordon Coles out of 5

RESTLESS [2011]

Gus Van Sant's 2011 romantic drama, Restless, follows the story of a snotty, small town social misfit who enjoys going to stranger's funerals where he meets a terminally ill girl whom he becomes close to.
It's a life assuring film that drags you down simultaneously. Shot with soft colors and a beautiful, yet chilling atmosphere, it gives off a feeling of distance yet remaining intimate. Mia Wasikowska gives a wonderful performance, while Henry Hooper is off and on. It starts off nicely but once you realize it's going nowhere you have nothing but Wasikowska's performance to keep you watching.

3 Gassenhauer's out of 5

Dune (1984)

Scratchy sand, suits with piss in the thighs, giant phallic worms, quasi-religious nonsense and a floating fat man. I love Dune.
It’s a mess that requires you to have a deep knowledge of the book that it’s based on to understand it. You’ll need to be able to fill in the blanks to have even a hope of defending it to the haters. There's some dodgy casting and some inspired casting, and the music is hero music at its finest. One thing is certain: the sets are some of the best you’ll find in an 80’s sci-fi film.

4 litanies against fear out of 5

PINK FLOYD - LIVE AT POMPEII [1972]

Filmed without an audience in an ancient Roman amphitheater in the volcanic ruins of Pompeii, Pink Floyd make the most of the haunting surroundings as wallpaper to their equally haunting music.
Live At Pompeii is a beautifully performed and recorded performance by Floyd who were just on the brink of worldwide success when this film was made. With some curiously staged Dark Side Of The Moon "recording" sessions and photography of the Italian landscapes that surround the amphitheater, this makes for must see viewing for any dedicated fan of the band.
If you can, search for the 1974 theatrical cut of the film and not the 2003 director's cut. The most recent cut features some ridiculously outdated computer graphics and fake widescreen framing that takes away from the original film.

5 breakfasts with the Floyd boys out of 5

THE DESCENT: PART II [2009]

I avoided this film for as long as I could because I loved the first one so much and knew a sequel would just bugger things up. Early last year curiosity got the best of me and with lowered expectations I was surprised to find I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would.
Picking up right where the American version of The Descent ended, Part II takes no time with character development and sends us right back into those caves with a bunch of people we couldn't give a toss about.
The claustrophobic atmosphere isn't as intense this time, the tension between characters is silly and the monsters are seen way too early to really be a threat. With that said, it's a fast-paced thrill ride that goes by pretty fast and leaves no bad aftertaste.

2½ Baths In Monster Waste out of 5

THE FRIGHTENERS [1996]

Lord Of The Rings director Peter Jackson's first dip into mainstream film-making is an odd one that makes me wonder how he ever got the job of directing the Middle Earth films.
1996's The Frighteners is a horror-comedy that is disturbing as it is funny. It's entertaining and well-paced in it's theatrical cut but the director's cut slows the pace down and throws in some face-palming gags that dumbs it down.
If you're looking for a fun big budget Jackson film but still in the same vein as his earlier independent works than this would be it.

3½ heavenly creatures out of 5

MIMIC - The Director's Cut [2011]

Visionary director Guillermo Del Toro disowned his 1997 creature feature Mimic after too much studio meddling ruined the final product. Nearly 15 years later, Del Toro was given the chance to recut his film into something closer as to what he had originally envisioned.
Unfortunately most of Del Toro's original ideas were never filmed so he was left to work with what he had. The first hour of the film is a vast improvement with just a couple minutes of extra character and atmosphere development making a world of difference. However it's the second hour that falls apart and exposes the film's weaknesses.

3 Daryl Dixons out of 5

STAR TREK [2009]

When the mastermind behind TV's LOST, Alias & Fringe, J.J. Abrams was announced as the director of the 2009 reboot of the Star Trek franchise it created quite a stir with Trek fans and Abrams fans alike.
Apart from some unforgivable flaws and changes to the universe, Abrams take on the Trek is nothing short of an entertaining ride. Highlighted with a solid story, action, humor and wonderful spot on performances (particularly from Chris Pine, Zackary Quinto and Karl Urban) the new Trek is more balls than brains.
In a time with ridiculously dark comic book movies and brainless comedy after brainless comedy, Abrams optimism and humor in Star Trek is a refreshing breath of fresh air.

4 Wil Wheaton's voice is everywhere out of 5

Flatworld (1997)

A fantastic animation told without words, but the characters are such fun and the visuals are teeming with such inventiveness that the lack of dialogue isn't a handicap. Try to picture 2D cardboard cut-out characters living in a world made from things you find in a regular stationary drawer. Throw in some traditional cel animation, some misunderstanding, some drama and a fish.

4 the good, the bad and the kitty out of 5

Solid Geometry (2002)

Phil inherits forty-one and a half volumes of his great-great grandfather's diaries and some bizarre objects in a box. His life takes a turn that neither he nor his irritating wife were expecting when he decides to decode the mathematics that he finds in the books. A weird little short that had the potential to be great but isn't.

2½ it's a penis in a jar out of 5

The Bank Job (2008)

No prizes for guessing what TBJ's about. The Stath heads up a British crime film that appears to have been made in the 70’s but also manages to feel completely modern. With so much taupe and camel tones on display the entire cast could've just stepped off the set of The Sweeney. It’s based on true events about a cover-up involving the British aristocracy and, obviously, a bank job. It's a quality film that slipped under many people's radar.

3½ artful dodgers out of 5

Wasabi (2001)

When Hubert's not playing golf he's putting people in hospital. His boss doesn't like that much because Hubert is a cop. When he's called to Japan on a personal matter he brings his "talents" with him. You can guess the rest.
If you enjoyed the TAXI series of films you'll likely enjoy this, they share the same writer (Luc Besson) and the same director (Gérard Krawczyk) of numbers II, III and IV. They're so similar that a team-up would be possible. Make it so, Besson. I'll watch it.

3 off the plane, into the shit out of 5

THE HURT LOCKER [2008]

Point Break director, Kathryn Bigelow's intensely suspenseful Iraqi war film, The Hurt Locker is an adrenaline driven masterpiece that will leave you drained as the end credits begin rolling.
The beautifully detailed cinematography, hauntingly disturbing performances (particularly Jeremy Renner), well-timed action pieces and unsettling avant-garde score from Marco Beltrami & Buck Sanders hypnotize you right up until the end.
It's angry, loud, desolate and so very, very foreign to the happy little lives we live behind our interwebs. Highly recommended.

5 easy choices made difficult and vise versas out of 5

THE TOWN [2010]

Based upon Chuck Hogan's crime thriller novel, The Town, actor/director Ben Affleck gathers together an amazing cast and takes us on another moody and atmospheric trip through Boston.
Like his directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone, Affleck allows the city to play the leading character while setting up the captivating story and characters around it. With brutally realistic action pieces, believable performances and tension that builds at the perfect pace, The Town shows that Affleck is an incredibly talented director and storyteller.

4 Nuns With Guns out of 5

The Breakfast Club (1985)

Five kids with nothing in common other than being in Saturday detention do their best to remain sane. This is 80's gold. The jock, the jerk, the dork, the little rich girl and the weird quiet klepto are the stock types given, but the depth of character raises the bar. If you’re lucky enough to have caught it during your mid-teens it can stay with you forever. Classic stuff.

4 lets party in the library of 5

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

A nauseating clusterfuck of styles that steals from everywhere and is occasionally innovative. It has some very irritating editing that made me want to stab my own eyes. Like the rest of Baz's work it's much too ham-fisted to be watched often.

1½ style over substance out of 5

Revolver (2005)

The Stath enters a game that's impossible to win in the traditional sense.
I watched Revolver at release and was expecting another Mockney Gangsta flick. What I got didn't fit the formula. I thought it sucked.
Now, being older and (slightly) wiser I can appreciate the film isn't the turd I initially thought. I didn't understand it before. Now I do. It’s both blatantly obvious and equally cryptic, to the detriment of the film form. If the numbers 3, 10 and 32 mean anything to you, you'll "get" the film.

NOTE: The R1 release is the "simplified" version. The R2 is the original version.

3 hey, it's that guy from Sopranos out of 5

A Chinese Ghost Story: The Tsui Hark Animation (1997)

aka: Xiao Qian

Animated version of this. The basic plot is the same but the location has changed. It's now in a town very like Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away, which it predates by four years!
It’s full of inventive creatures that would have been impossible to do in live action. The live action is much better. Still, it has the honour of being the first ever Chinese animated feature from Hong Kong.

2 death liners and tree demons out of 5

I'm a Cyborg, but That's OK (2006)

aka: Ssaibogeujiman gwaenchanha

Instructions for use:

Step 1: Insert disc
Step 2: Sit
Step 3: Scratch genitals (optional)
Step 4: Press PLAY
Step 5: Smile and Laugh

NOTE:  Contains Nuts. May cause you to feel good.

4½ wet socks out of 5

MONEYBALL [2011]

If someone told me to go see Moneyball I'd probably not listen and assume I wouldn't like it. I would be wrong.
The Oakland A's General Manager Billy Beane is at the bottom the shit-hill and needs to find a way by picking out a winning team with the aid of his new assistant GM who's fresh to the game. Brad Pitt gives a profound performance but it's Jonah Hill who steals the show with his surprisingly charming nice-guy act.
It's well-paced, funny, interesting and no silly "uplifting" speech at the end, that all came as a pleasant surprise for a guy who doesn't know a single lick about baseball.

3½ Spike Jonze cameos out of 5

Jackie Chan's Who Am I? (1998)

Aka: Wo Shi Shei / Who Am I? /  Jackie Chan Is Nobody / Amnesia

There's some very dodgy dubbing going on during the first ten minutes of Chan's Who Am I?. Mercifully, it disappears and settles into a regular adventure wherein Jackie's lost his memory and has no idea why people are trying to kill him. It’s light on action for a long time, but the second half brings the Chan! Some long takes prove he's no fake.
Most of the acting is laughable for all the wrong reasons.
The US release is cut by nine minutes.

3 dogs and clogs out of 5

Slaughterhouse-Five (1972)

I don't know who said 'don't judge a book by its film,' but I've a feeling that he or she would approve of my using it here. Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five (1969) is a modern masterpiece and one of the few novels that I'd recommended to all, no matter what their regular reading habits may be. It really is that good. The film, sadly, isn't its equal. It's much too bleak; and while the odd humour is there, it's too often buried under the severity of the imagery. Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck once more, this time in film, but it's from arguably his own unique narrative voice.

2½ humiliations out of 5

Day Watch (2006)

After a brief introduction, Day carries on from where Night Watch left off. However, while Night was consistently good, Day isn't. The first half is a mess and some attempts at humour fall flat. If you can endure it the last hour will make the journey very worthwhile. It pulls out all the tricks and leaves a very satisfying but equally prodigious ending.
Once again, the International release is heavily cut (by 14 minutes). Get the Unrated Dir Cut if you can. We may never see part 3 becuase Hollywood bought the rights to it and they don't make Russian films in America.

3½ birthday parties are a pain out of 5

Night Watch (2004)

Anton has a moment of selfish abandon and his whole world turns to shit as a result. He gets thrown into the first ever big budget Russian fantasy film that's heavy on FX but also heavy on story. It's a highly original, perfect antidote to the Hollywood garbage we're spoon-fed annually.
There are two versions of the film. If you have the one with the crazy subtitles you have the International version. It has some new scenes and some scenes cut making it 10 minutes shorter than the original Russian version. Try and find the release that has both.

4 sideways shuffles into the gloom out of 5

Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo (2006)

The mini heroes go to Tokyo in pursuit of a bad guy, and despite Robin insisting it’s not a vacation the rest of the team don’t pay much attention to him. TiT is a quality animation. It’s funny, fast paced, well-written, full of heart and has wonderful characterisation. Voices are also excellent. The opening credit sequence was pure gold. I haven’t a single negative thing to say about it. It made me want to see the TV series.

4 super twinkle donkey gum out of 5

Om Shanti Om (2007)

Butt-numbing Bollywood epic that spans a lifetime. It’s a film about film and it’s a film about love. It’s also a film about the love of film. It works best when it exposes the superficiality of cinema, but fails to stay atop the pedestal when it succumbs to the very same thing.
There seems to have been more money spent on makeup for one scene than I have to spend on food in a month.
It gets a little weird halfway through, but stick it out for a great ending.

3 coconuts and wine out of 5

Someone's Watching Me! (1978)

John Carpenter made a Hitchcock film. Aficionados of the fat man will spot his trademark camera movements, framing, POV shots, the camera holding on objects and the famous zoom/dolly. It has bits from Psycho (1960), Rear Window (1954) and Vertigo (1958), Hitch’s three best films, imo.
When it’s not being Hitch it’s being typical Carpenter, who excels in the trapped inside scenario. It’s not a very engaging film, but for fans of either director it’s kind of fun.

2½ burly man and slick man out of 5

Wing Chun (1994)

Michelle Yeoh kicks some bad guy butt and makes it look effortless.
Along the way there are some moments of slapstick comedy and innuendo for shits and giggles. The film is a kinetic blast of masterful action set pieces produced and directed by Yuen Woo-ping. Action choreography by Woo-ping and Donnie Yen. That’s really all you need to know to want to watch it.

4 belly busters out of 5