National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

"I must be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose!"

The classic road trip comedy about a well-meaning father (Chevy Chase) who tries to take his wife and kids on a good old-fashioned family vacation, while everything goes wrong at every turn. John Hughes adapts the memories of his youth while Harold Ramis directs the mayhem. It's down and dirty, but this film is pitch-perfect and I won't hear any differently. That's it. That's the review.

5 girls in a red Ferrari out of 5

Halloween Kills (2021)

A very stupid sequel that dumbs down all the characters. The only redeeming quality are some decent brutal kills. Unfortunately, the ending really fucks up any goodwill leftover from the previous film. The biggest thing this movie had going against it was announcing that it was a trilogy ahead of time, so there are no stakes. This one is only biding its time until the inevitable conclusion.

1½ mental patients out of 5

Sixteen Candles (1984)

Samantha (Molly Ringwald) is the birthday girl the film is named for, upset that she doesn't feel any different despite the coming-of-age marker having arrived, which is a trivial thing to be concerned over, I feel. Worse still, she's pissed-off that she's not the most important person at home that morning, due to her older sister getting married the following day. The words 'attention whore' spring to mind. As the day goes on we learn that she may be in love with an older guy, which is a situation that I found just as difficult to care about. One of Molly's The Breakfast Club (1985) co-stars, Anthony Michael Hall, features too, as a geek who helps her move (slightly) forward, but his ilk get mocked often, without effectively showing their individual merits.
Within John Hughes' début film are the beginnings of his lauded teen-movie credentials, but Sixteen Candles isn't a very good example of the same.

2½ social opportunities out of 5

WAR MACHINE [2017]

Director David Michôd takes some broad satirical jabs at the American military in the darkly comical War Machine.
Loosely based on the real life events of the firing of General Stanley A. McChrystal, Brad Pitt turns in a strong performance as a celebrated general who, while serving in Afghanistan, is put under the microscope by a Rolling Stone journalist.
It's not too subtle and takes the piss out of proud America and it's military with a heavy hammer.  It takes turns being funny, scary and sad but never seems to find a solid footing to make the impact it intends to.  Fortunately it's aided by an excellent cast, some making strong impressions with only a few minutes of screen-time.   It's a case of "tell me something I don't already know" but at least it's got some great honest moments to make some of it memorable.

3 excellent reasons not to switch seats out of 5

LIVE BY NIGHT [2016]

After three wonderful directorial efforts, Ben Affleck hits a bit of a misfire with his adaptation of Dennis Lehane's organized crime novel Live by Night.
Set in the roarin' 20's Prohibition era, a Boston-bred gangster is relocated to Tampa, Florida, where he sets up violent rivals with the local mob, law enforcement and Ku Klax Klan.
The studio had nearly an hour cut to make it seem more action-packed than it needed to be resulting in the film lacking an emotional core.  With so many thematic directions thrown on the table it's almost impossible to thoroughly explore in what seems to be a rushed shortcut to the finish line.  In the end this well-acted, beautifully shot period drama feels like the studio abandoned what Affleck set out to do and hurried it's way to awards season only to find it put on the wrong undies for such an occasion.

2½ track marks out of 5

The Breakfast Club (1985)

Five kids with nothing in common other than being in Saturday detention do their best to remain sane. This is 80's gold. The jock, the jerk, the dork, the little rich girl and the weird quiet klepto are the stock types given, but the depth of character raises the bar. If you’re lucky enough to have caught it during your mid-teens it can stay with you forever. Classic stuff.

4 lets party in the library of 5

Weird Science (1985)

“So…what would you little maniacs like to do first?”

It's every teenage boy’s fantasy come true: creating a perfect, sexy woman for yourself, who only wants you and who will do your every bidding. Hell, it’s still my fantasy. A staple of ‘80s cinema, with PG-13 logic and reasoning, and one can’t help but wish it went further sometimes. There’s not much "science" to be found here, but it's a comedy, so I rate it on the basis of ingenuity and laughs…and this one’s a keeper.

“Why do you have to be such a wanker?”

“Because I get off on it.”

4 shit monsters out of 5

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Boy with scissors for hands meets girl, falls in love, and is promptly ostracized by society for being different. There's not much else I can say about this. It's simply my favorite movie of all time. Dark, moody, brooding, sad, happy, innocent, inventive, tragic, funny. Contains all the pathos and visual splendor to be found in my heart and my soul. Edward will always be representative of how I feel about the rest of the world...cut off, lonely, and misunderstood.

5 Ice Dances out of 5