The Strangers: Chapter 3 (2026)

Continuing off the last chapter, one of the strangers is down and the survivor has become a replacement. Is that a spoiler? I'm not really sure what else to say about it. Equal parts slow and boring, stupid and nonsensical, there's really no reason for any of these movies to exist. It's all just a massive waste of time.

On the bright side, it's nice to get the worst movie of the year out of the way right off the bat, that way I can focus on wasting my time on other things.

0 Tamaras out of 5

Scream 7 (2026)

Holy shit, there's 7 of them now? These movies have come a long way. After a number of fits and starts, including losing most of the new, younger cast they hired for the reboot several years back, the franchise falls back on nostalgia for its next legacy sequel, putting Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) back front and center, as well as familiar faces from the past. Does any of it make sense? We're long past that now. Series creator Kevin Williamson is in the director's seat this time, paying homage to Wes Craven in a back to basics format that's straight to the point, while basically providing fan service in spades. It's so self-aware, it almost feels like a parody of itself at this point. However, it's head and shoulders above the previous entry, so it's all right in my book.

2½ beer taps out of 5

The Secret Agent (2025)

AKA: O Agente Secreto

Brazil, 1977. The country still lives under a military dictatorship. A refugee returns to his hometown where he butts up against the corrupt authoritarian regime. It's a historical crime thriller full of cover-ups and political intrigue, but maybe I just didn't get it. It depends a lot on knowledge of local events during that time period, and the film is constructed in such a convoluted way that it's hard to discern what it's really supposed to be about until it's over. The fact that it's nearly 3 hours in length honestly doesn't work in its favor, especially given the fact that it omits so many details central to the plot.

Wagner Moura (aka, Brazil's answer to Pedro Pascal) delivers a worthwhile performance, while this features the last appearance of film icon Udo Kier.

3 hairy legs out of 5

A House of Dynamite (2025)

The White House Situation Room has just been informed of an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) from an unknown origin set to target the city of Chicago within the next twenty minutes. Kathryn Bigelow's political drama plays it as close to the bone as possible, almost like a dry run for the actual event, as it unfolds from three different perspectives. I personally find movies like this quite boring; there's a lot of technical jargon and it's not very interesting to watch. And the movie ends without any sense of resolution, which just pisses me off. I guess the point of it is to show how unprepared the government is for unforeseen emergencies and how we're always minutes away from uncertain disaster. Just more fearmongering porn to add to the burning pile of humanity.

2 DEFCONs out of 5

Dead Man's Wire (2025)

Based on a true story, a man falling behind on his payments decides to take his mortgage broker hostage until his demands are met, placing him in a makeshift "dead man's line" by attaching the trigger of a shotgun to the hostage's neck by a wire to prevent means of escape. It's designed to feel much like a 1970s throwback thriller (where the events are set), similar to Dog Day Afternoon, complete with Al Pacino. While the premise is very straightforward, and Bill Skarsgård inhabits the role, the half-baked plot is unfocused, meandering and less than exciting. Feels like they're running out of true events to adapt.

2 cubes of ice in milk out of 5

Shelter (2026)

Oh, a new Stat is out? That must inevitably mean another year has elapsed.

This time, the bald avenger is in hiding as a lighthouse keeper (seriously, he's running out of cool jobs), where he comes to the rescue of a little girl and becomes her keeper (get it?). It's a minimalist paint-by-numbers plot with the usual generic action elements, and somehow MI6 always gets involved, but this time you actually care about the characters. Makes up for last year's POS.

Recommended for The Stath stans. Everyone else can take it or leave it.

2½ chess pieces out of 5

Crime 101 (2026)

An ensemble crime drama about a series of diamond heists committed along the 101 highway in Los Angeles, the plot involves a jewel thief, a detective, an insurance broker and a goon for hire, pinning them against each other's moral grey areas. There's a lot going on here, and little of it engaging to the viewer, despite the enormous star power behind it. It's a slow-moving thriller that only gets interesting when all the pieces fall into place, well over an hour into the film. Despite its attempt to recreate a '90s Michael Mann feel, it's a painfully average flick full of plot holes that is about as generic as the title suggests.

2 encrypted porn links out of 5

How to Make a Killing (2026)

Born out of wedlock and cheated out of a multibillion dollar inheritance, a man schemes to reclaim his birthright by currying favor and systematically getting rid of those ahead of him in the family line, while also avoiding some meddling FBI agents and an ex who is onto him. It's a fun, dark crime comedy that is easy to see where it's going for the most part, but pleasant enough in its execution.

3 funerals out of 5

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (2025)

Nirvanna the Band the Show is a Canadian mockumentary series about a duo called 'Nirvana the Band' who put the cart before the horse and try to book a gig before putting together an actual act. Mostly revolving around hatching half-baked schemes to play the Rivoli, and jam-packed with '90s pop culture references, it's a blend of scripted elements and completely improvisational moments, which I can only describe as Flight of the Conchords meets Nathan for You. A lot of it involves chance encounters and random reactions captured from unsuspecting people on the street, a la Da Ali G Show, Borat, and Bad Grandpa, which often takes the action in new and unexpected directions.

Without revealing too much, their latest adventure takes on the shape of Back to the Future and uses a lot of clever trickery (and borderline illegal activity) to pull it off its grand illusion. Half the fun is in trying to figure out how they did it and got away with it all. This time it feels much more scripted and lacking in the more intimate improvisational elements, but it's still a hoot if you've grown to love the charming antics of these two lunatics. There is the germ of genius behind the utter stupidity of it all, which is my favorite combination.

3½ Orbitz drinks out of 5

Note: All prior episodes are available for viewing on archive.org. I recommend it if you're of a certain age and looking for something nerdy to obsess over.

Web series (2007-2009, Extras): 4 Rivoli plans out of 5

Season 1 & 2 (2017-2018): 4 fair use laws out of 5

BlackBerry (2023)

1996: Waterloo, Ontario. Mike and Doug are two tech geniuses with an idea who hire the shrewd, aggressive Jim as salesman to whip their business into shape and start churning out results, in what would eventually become the prototype for the smartphone. Normally I find movies about start-ups boring, and I'm not sure how many liberties were taken, but it's a lot more interesting than it has any right to be, mostly due to the charisma of its two main leads. Innovation is the name of the game, and the BlackBerry was advanced for its time, but the world moves quickly and nothing ever stays the same for long.

3½ satisfying clicks out of 5

Operation Avalanche (2016)

A mockumentary set during the space race of the late 1960s, it explores the idea of the U.S. faking the moon landing to get ahead of the Russians, a famous conspiracy theory explored in popular media (including in 2024). A pair of CIA agents infiltrate NASA to expose a possible mole and wind up participating in the subterfuge. What's really impressive about this film is how it recreates the era and blends the footage to look authentic. Matt Johnson already had some experience with this shooting style in The Dirties and Nirvanna the Band the Show, but this is a much more mature interpolation and the effect is seamless.

3 Kubrick techniques out of 5

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die (2026)

A man comes ranting and raving into a diner, attempting to recruit a group of saviors to help prevent an upcoming apocalypse. Turns out he's done this 117 times before, but has yet to select the right combination of patrons. It's a plan enshrouded in mystery and flashbacks, so just go with it. Sam Rockwell heads this loopy high concept sci-fi comedy by Gore Verbinski, which blends a Terry Gilliam aesthetic with Black Mirror dystopian vibes. This film is unhinged in the best way possible and I loved it. Go into it blind for the best possible results.

4 countdown clocks out of 5

Wuthering Heights (2026)

Adapted for the screen many times, this "fresh" take on Emily Brontë's Victorian era romance borrows the basic concept and takes great liberties.

Catherine and Heathcliff are foster siblings who grow up penniless but infatuated with one another. The intensity of their relationship endures the turbulence of jealousy, avarice and betrayal. Anyone who knows the source material knows this is not a happy story, but it's a dreary rendition. Visually, it pleases the senses, but it's substantially more style than substance. This is a dreadfully depressing and protracted melodrama about doomed love, though not as "horny" as originally advertised. It's more of a sick tease than anything.

2 broken eggs out of 5

Wuthering Heights (1970)

Growing up together in the desolate moorlands of Yorkshire during the early 19th century, Catherine and Heathcliff swear an oath to one another that is destined to be broken. Their love is an intense kind of madness with cruelty that knows no bounds, oscillating between a tumultuous storm of passion and obsession, jealousy and betrayal. The scenic vistas and quiet score by Michel Legrand elevate this tragic Gothic romance, and even though it strays from its source material, it's the final moments of this film that stay with me the most.

3 cold sweats out of 5

Love Story (1970)

"Love means shutting the fuck up" [paraphrased]

Oliver and Jenny are young attractive people who, despite being complete opposites (he's a Harvard preppie jock, she's a blue collar musician), fall madly in love. Although you wouldn't know it, since they never stop bickering. Due to their different backgrounds, they have to make concessions with each other, including going against the wishes of those around them. Unfortunately, their idyllic romance doesn't last for long before tragedy strikes. It's a corny movie (even at the time of its release), but I admire it because it's sincere and I'm a sentimentalist at heart. It may be weepy and saccharine, but there's a reason why it's endured for over 50 years. Being cynical all the time is exhausting.

The theme by Francis Lai is a classic. It's on the pantheon of great romantic scores next to Romeo & Juliet (1968), Summer of '42 and Somewhere in Time.

4 undisclosed conditions out of 5

Harold & Maude (1971)

Harold is obsessed with death, which might explain why he's attracted to someone so close to it. He stages suicide attempts, drives a hearse and goes to funerals for fun, which is where he meets the fun loving, freewheelin' octogenarian Maude, who shows him how to have a good time in life by not giving any fucks. It's the ultimate May-December romance, but it's actually the classic Cat Stevens soundtrack that first made me fall in love with this film.

R.I.P. Bud Cort (for real), 1948-2026.

4 sunflowers out of 5

Solo Mio (2026)

Stood up at the altar by the love of his life, a heartbroken man is left to enjoy the extravagant non-refundable honeymoon package in Italy all on his own. Yes, it has all the trappings of your typical Hallmark slop against the backdrop of gorgeous scenery, and even though it goes down the predictable avenues of plot convenience, I still enjoyed it quite a bit. There aren't enough romcoms from the perspective of lonely guys. Kevin James sets aside his 'fat man fall down' act in a more mature role. It's a gentle film, and I'm being particularly charitable given the holiday, even as I find myself completely 'only mine.'

3 Nessun dorma high notes out of 5

Arco (2025)

Remember when rainbows were cool? They were used to express magic and wonder before they got appropriated for other uses. In this French animated film, rainbows indicate visitors from the future. In the year 2075, the family household unit has been replaced by robot help for the most part. A lonely little girl meets a young boy named Arco, who has become displaced from his family through time and needs to recover his flight crystal to get back home. The simple, handcrafted look feels reminiscent of anime, while the slow burn storytelling gives way to a unique experience that lands with the viewer.

3 bird calls out of 5

Note: I saw the English dub, though I expect the original French to be superior.

K-Pop Demon Hunters (2025)

It's easy to feel cynical when watching a movie boosted by current trends and bandwagon jumping. A trio of K-pop idols called HUNTR/X moonlight as demon hunters (it's there in the title). A blend of genres, including anime and Korean drama, and animated in the style of Sony's Spider-Verse movies, visually, it's aces. I guess it makes sense since K-pop singers are treated like superhumans in our modern culture. What helps this film succeed in its own right is that the songs are catchy, so it mostly resembles an extended music video with a loose plot. It's flashy and poppy, which will appease the young ones. A novel concept that was unfortunately popular enough to launch its own franchise.

2½ Golden Honmoons out of 5

Note: The OST on its own gets 3 out of 5 for doing most of the heavy lifting.

The Moment (2026)

British pop singer Charli xcx pokes fun at her own image in this mockumentary satirizing the 'Brat Summer' phenomenon that took over the airwaves in 2024. Focusing on the planning and clashes behind the scenes in the run up to the concert tour, and how the label exploits the artist for its own financial gain, the whole thing feels obnoxious, stressful, anxiety-driven and unpleasant to sit through, but I guess it accurately captures a moment in time. I'm clearly not the target audience for this, but I struggle to see how fans would embrace this either. It's a bit like Spinal Tap or Popstar, except more depressing than funny.

1½ brat cards out of 5

Is This Thing On? (2025)

After a trial separation with his wife, a depressed man tries his hand at stand-up comedy. He's not so much funny as he is honest and raw as he expresses his feelings in a candid, therapeutic way. It's an often uncomfortable comedy-drama about breaking down a marriage in order to try and save it. Will Arnett and Laura Dern shine. Loosely inspired by the story of comedian John Bishop.

3½ weed cookies out of 5

Groundhog Day (1993)

"It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

It's always intimidating nutting one of my favorite movies because my paltry words can never come close to summating the impact it's had on my life. This classic time-loop rom-com pits Bill Murray against an eternally repeating day as he perpetually tries to get it right (a fantasy we can all relate with, if there were no consequences). This is one of those movies that grows on you as you revisit it over and over throughout the years until it can finally do no wrong. The perfect blend of darkness and despair, with lightheartedness and hope.

5 doozies out of 5

Send Help (2026)

Sam Raimi finds new victims to torture in Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'Brien. 

A mousy woman looked over for promotion by her douchebag boss discovers that the tables have turned after surviving a plane wreck on a desert island, where she puts her practical know-how to great use. It's a survival adventure thriller with Raimi's signature flourishes of dark humor, which I found to be an absolute delight, at least until it falls into the familiar trappings of genre.

3 Survivor skills out of 5

Return to Silent Hill (2026)

Director Christophe Gans returns to the franchise he adapted 20 years ago. Yeah, you're old. The good news is that you can safely skip Revelation on your rewatch of the series, as this one is a straight adaptation of Silent Hill 2. And by "straight," I mean it plays fast and loose with the plot. This definitely won't please the purists. But if you're like me and haven't played it in about 25 years, it nails the atmosphere and mood of the piece just fine. With its low budget and no-name cast, it feels simple and faithful to the tone of the original, and doesn't take away from the horror by overexplaining its mythology. It has a dreamlike quality that pulls you in and almost puts you to sleep. Take that as you will. Bottom line is, if you liked the first Silent Hill film, you'll probably like this one. If you hated that one, then there'll be no new converts here.

2½ air raid sirens out of 5

Mercy (2026)

Taking a page from the Minority Report pre-crime handbook, and set in the scary near-future (2029), the A.I. Justice System has charged a man of killing his wife, and he has only 90 minutes to prove his innocence or be executed in this sci-fi techno-thriller that plays out in real time. The catch is that it mostly takes place in a virtual courtroom, where he has to beat a 97.5% probability by gathering evidence from all the data uploaded to the internet at his disposal.

This could have easily turned into another screenlife War of the Worlds-type situation, but mercifully, it's handled a lot more competently. It's easy to get swept up in the logistics and breakneck pacing. It falters in the final third, but it's interesting enough to grab your attention and hold it there for its duration.

2½ gut instincts out of 5

Greenland 2: Migration (2026)

Some films don't really necessitate a sequel, yet here we are, 5 years later. Survivors are now living underground where a calamity forces them to find a new safe haven. Conveniently, it comes down to these three characters again as they go traipsing through the ravages of post-apocalyptic Europe, which now resembles something closer to The Walking Dead. It's less about natural disaster and more about the assholes left behind. Even though the plot feels convenient and it's easy to predict, the performances elevate an otherwise average spectacle to something that leaves slightly more of an impact.

2 craters out of 5

Greenland (2020)

Clarke is a comet heading inbound for Earth. One family has been selected for emergency shelter relocation, but gets separated and must navigate their way to safety through the ensuing chaos and destruction, while the rest of the world is doomed to an extinction level event in less than 48 hours. This epic survival flick feels very straightforward; it's a stressful film that's more about the preparation for the disaster than the actual apocalypse soon to occur.

3 shock waves out of 5

Primate (2025)

January is notorious for theaters dumping all the low-rated horror flicks on their schedule. This is about as basic a concept as you can get: a domesticated sign language chimp introduced into a human family unit becomes infected with rabies and goes on the offensive. The practical effects and gory kills are self-explanatory, although largely uninspired. It almost sounds as though it were scored by John Carpenter, so it has a dark menacing feel to it. If you've seen films like Link or Monkey Shines, you already know what to expect.

1½ "movie, bad" out of 5

We Bury the Dead (2025)

After an experimental weapon is detonated off the coast of Tasmania, a body retrieval unit is deployed to clean up the mess, including a woman searching for her missing husband. Unfortunately, those with unfinished business still roam the lands. It's a zombie drama that reminded me a lot of the first half of 28 Days Later, or early days on The Walking Dead, especially in its simplicity. It doesn't quite stick the landing, but it's better than most films of this type.

2½ grinding teeth out of 5

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026)

It took nearly 20 years between the release of the last two movies, and in less than a year, we've now doubled the length of the 28 Days Later series.

The survivor of the previous film has reluctantly joined a gang of Jimmys, while Dr. Kelson experiments on the infected. Nia DaCosta takes over from Danny Boyle while Alex Garland resumes screenwriting duties. What sets this apart in my mind is its hypnotic, almost operatic quality. Somehow, it feels different from the rest. Ralph Fiennes makes this film especially watchable (as well as the big-dicked Samson). Unfortunately, like its predecessor, it leaves off on another big fat cliffhanger that won't be paid off until the next one... which is the one we've all been waiting for. It's a nice little tease, though.

3½ soothing sounds of Duran Duran out of 5

Note: The final film in this new 28 Years trilogy is as yet undated. Dammit.

One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5 (2026)

A fly on the wall documentary highlighting the production of the final season of Stranger Things, which encompasses 10 years of development building up to its culmination. Combining 1980s nostalgia with the coming of age genre and Stephen King-style of horror, it became a global phenomenon to a whole new generation of kids, in the tradition of E.T., The Goonies and Stand by Me. As a fan of the show, I found it a cathartic look at saying goodbye to childhood.

3 emotional table reads out of 5

Note: There are Ups and Downs, but I'd rate the show 4 Demogorgons out of 5. 

2025: A Year in Review

Still sorting through my thoughts of 2025 and there are not many frontrunners in my mind. Here's what I got so far (subject to change in the coming weeks):

Best of 2025 (in no particular order):

Bugonia: Paranoia realized

Eddington: 2025 summed up in 2020

Eternity: How will you choose to spend it?

Friendship: Friendship is rare...

Hamnet: Shakespeare takes on the great tragedy

The Legend of Ochi: A throwback fantasy adventure

Love Me: AI takes on the concept of romance

Marty Supreme: Ping-pong for the big leagues

No Other Choice: When you've been dragged to your limit

One Battle After Another: If it's not one thing, it's another...

Presence: A POV ghost story

Rental Family: Loneliness, far from home

Song Sung Blue: Neil Diamond fans unite

Superman: Best superhero flick of the year

The Surfer: Suffer...Surfer...

The Life of Chuck: Currently my favorite film of the year

Honorable mentions (too many not to mention):

Americana: Coen meets Tarantino in a modern-day Western

Avatar: Fire and Ash: Yep, another one...

A Big Bold Beautiful Journey: Working through the traumas of the past

Cheech & Chong's Last Movie: Hope it's not the last we see of 'em...

Companion: Try not to spoil it for yourself

Die My Love: Romance, motherhood, mental illness; not in that order

Dracula: A Love Tale: An oft-told tale, done well

Dust Bunny: Always check underneath your bed

Exit 8: Faithful adaptation of the Japanese horror game

Frankenstein: Beauty on the outside, ironically

The Great Flood: Wash away our sins...

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You: Life is a kick in the nuts

Is This Thing On?: Healing, through comedy

It Was Just an Accident: Revenge is a dish...

The Long Walk: Get busy walkin' or get busy dyin'

Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning: Or is it...?

The Rule of Jenny Pen: The inmates have taken over

The Secret Agent: A shaggy dog leg tale

Sentimental Value: Reconciliation through art

The Smashing Machine: Rock, smash... our hearts

Together: Make sure you're in it for the long haul

Train Dreams: Food for thought

28 Years Later: They never left...

The Ugly Stepsister: Cinderella with a dark twist

Wake Up Dead Man: Murder in the ranks of the church

Weapons: Wicked good fun

Wicked: For Good: I know when I've been beat

The cream of the crap (mmm...nutty):

Back in Action: First POS of the year

Bambi: The Reckoning: Shitting all over the memories of the original

Ebony & Ivory: So bad, it's brilliant?

Fear Street: Prom Queen: I don't even remember seeing this one

I Know What You Did Last Summer: Didn't we do this already?

Ick: Infects the brains of the viewer as well

In the Lost Lands: My poor memory is sometimes a blessing

Kinda Pregnant: Kinda mostly awful

A Merry Little Ex-Mas: Made my holidays much less bright

Now You See Me, Now You Don't: I wish I didn't

Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare: Childhood ruined, one movie at a time

Primitive War: Jurassic Park, minus everything great about Jurassic Park

Sacramento: Insufferable pricks to the end

The Strangers: Chapter 2: We still got one more of this shit to go...

The Toxic Avenger: Just when you thought Troma couldn't sink any lower...

Troll 2: I liked the old one better

Tron: Ares: At least the neon lights are cool...

War of the Worlds: Worst film of the year and a personal affront to H. G. Wells

Note: I will be going dark for a little while, while I recharge my batteries....

-bud

(Disclosure: AI was used to generate the above banner, and that is the only time AI has ever been employed on this blog.)