American Splendor (2003)

A bizarre blend of real life, documentary, fiction and dramatic re-enactment of the life of an average loser, the everyman Harvey Pekar. Harvey’s misery becomes instrumental to his success in life. He gets trapped in that cyclic depression, becoming both an inspirational idiot and a living parody.
It’s an indie comedy with a message about something or other. Paul Giamatti is wonderful; his facial expressions convey inner thoughts without the need for dialogue. It’s not depressing, nor particularly uplifting, it just drifts along at a nice pace, but it is well-made and has heart.

3½ Plebian lifestyles out of 5

AMERICAN PIE [1999]

It's rude, tasteless, shallow, offers nothing of intelligent substance or meaning...but it's funny as hell.
American Pie marked the return of gross-out comedy to the cinema, only this time around it came with a heart and nary a mean spirit in sight.  It's a constant reminder of the idiocy, awkwardness and all around embarrassing moments of being a North American teenager.  A fine adversary to the classic Porky's series.

3 pie-fuckers out of 5

AMERICAN PSYCHO [2000]

English actor Christian Bale stars in the Canadian filmed satirical cult classic American Psycho.

When it's poking fun at the yuppie lifestyles of narcissism and materialism it's a wonderfully diabolical film with a set of ruthless gnashing teeth & claws. However all that wears out after the first half as it begins to repeat itself and offers nothing of worth beyond Bale's brave and comedic performance.

2½ :smug:'s out of 5

TOTAL RECALL [2012]

Len Wiseman's adpatation of Philip K. Dick's We Can Remember It for You Wholesale is a bit difficult to go into without a hostile attitude.

First off, it's yet another CGI driven 3D spectacle, Paul Verhoeven's 1990 campy adaptation is a classic and well...it's a Len Wiseman film.

Once you get past that, it's pretty damned fun.  Colin Farrell and Bryan Cranston are always good times, while the normally boring Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel are a blast to watch here.  Granted the characters and dialogue are pretty paper thin (as they are in Dick's story),  it's the thrilling action sequences, set pieces  and it being more faithful to it's source material that make up for it.  

3 boobs out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES [2012]

The final installment of director Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises is a fitting grand finale to arguably one of the best superhero film series ever made.

It mucks around a bit at the beginning but comes all together pretty quickly and wastes no time charging forward into the darkness.  As gloomy as the film may be, it explores themes of hope for humanity, the will to  keep fighting and some questionable political views.  While it might not have the same impact, well choreographed fight scenes or the smarts of the previous film, The Dark Knight Rises is a huge messy spectacle that is sure to please the fans of the series and leave them wanting more.

3 Moroccoan chants out of 5

TED [2012]

From the brain of Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane comes Ted, a charming yet outrageously offensive comedy about a man and his teddy bear.

Once the humorous novelty of a talking teddy bear with an attitude wears off, like Brian Griffin, you forget he's not just another human character.  It's got it's fair share of jokes that backfire but for the most part it's funny enough and never buries itself too deep into a schmaltzy ending like most films like this would do.

3 white trash girl names out of 5

GOD BLESS OZZY OSBOURNE [2011]

God Bless Ozzy Osbourne exposes the life and struggles of the singer like we've never seen it before.

It's a labor of love from son/producer Jack Osbourne to give it more of a deeper insight that at times is awkward and unsettling.  

It goes into the dove/bat incident, Randy Rhoads, being fired from Black Sabbath and the attempted murder of Sharon.  Perhaps what is most shocking, it shows us that the MTV reality show The Osbournes portrayed the family as comedic, while without the silly music and editing, they were really a family on the brink of destruction due to depression, alcohol and drug abuse,   

It's got it's fair share of both laughs and tears and in the end, hope and inspiration.

4 vocal warm-ups out of 5

2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)

Sequel to the seminal 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) that occasionally mimics Kubrick’s style but mostly plays it safe. Like 2001, bugger all happens most of the time; the difference being that when something does happen the danger level is almost non-existent. It seems to exist simply to offer answers to the difficult questions left by its predecessor, robbing it of its enigmatic nature.
Roy Scheider keeps it interesting; without him the two hour running time would feel closer to four.
It’s very close to the novel, with only minor changes, most of which I imagine were for budgetary reasons.

3 fake Russian accents out of 5

Paprika (2006)

By using an experimental device, psychologists are able to enter the minds of sleeping patients, to better understand their problems. The titular Paprika is one such traveller. Users of the device have a moral obligation to respect the motivations of the dreamer, but what happens when the traveller chooses to force his or her own will upon the sleeping soul? Reality bends at every turn, exploring themes that Dir. Satoshi Kon has proved his mastery of in previous works. Fans of those previous films will happy-clap at references in this one.

Kon's regular composer Susumu Hirasawa again adds his talents to the madness. It's a match made in creative heaven; the parade music is a highlight.

4 moths to a flame out of 5

My Own Private Idaho (1991)

An exploration of friendship and self-discovery that’s occasionally surreal, funny, purposefully Shakespearean and thoughtfully poetic. It’s centred around two male street hustlers who are both drifting through life but for very different reasons. One is desperate to attain something that the other takes for granted. It gave River Phoenix the best role of his short life, one which he embraces and excels in, and arguably the best performance that Keanu Reeves has delivered outside of The Matrix (1999).

4 unregulated sleep-wake cycles out of 5

Stand By Me (1986)

Four boys, half of them aware they're at a turning point in their lives, take a journey along the train tracks to find a missing boy of their own age. Along the way they laugh, cry, bond and mature in a coming of age drama penned by American author Stephen King.
It had been over a decade since I last watched SBM. The memories came flooding back from the outset. Dir. Rob Reiner understands the purity of youth; his pace can take the viewer back in time to their own childhood, on a wave of warm nostalgia that's able to stir feelings both happy and sad. It's a timeless piece of cinema that'll never cease being relevant to almost everyone.

4½ pennies and a pilgrimage out of 5

Che: Part Two (2008)

Che moves from Cuba to Bolivia to do the same shit all over again. Trees and mountains. Yay? Part Two is even more uneventful than Part One. The quasi-documentary style is the same as before but it lacks the narrated interviews this time, which was the most appealing aspect in the first film.
I'm pleased that both parts were presented in Che’s own language, not Anglicised like Hollywood are wont to do, but I thank the beard of Jebus that there's no Part Three.

1½ pigs and a mule out of 5

SLIPSTREAM [2007]

Sir Anthony Hopkins writes, directs and stars in this surreal piece of cinema suitably titled Slipstream.
Feeling like a David Lynch narrative edited by the drug-inspired side of Oliver Stone, Hopkins never allows the film to plant it's feet in reality long enough for viewer to grasp onto anything meaningful. It's an interesting experience, from an artistic point of view but the effect wears off pretty quickly and becomes borderline irritating.

2½ doll heads out of 5

Appaloosa (2008)

I love a good western. Appaloosa delivers. It’s not particularly innovative in the story department, two men are hired to protect a town from a violent antagonist, but the main characters are so wonderfully rich that you won’t mind. The friendship between Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris is a beautiful thing. The bond between them is constantly reinforced as they share screen space much of the time. The cinematography is subtle but flawless. It’s piss-inducing funny at times, too.
Ed Harris adapted the story, directed, starred and even did a song for the end credits. It's his baby.

4 what's the word I'm looking for? out of 5

MOTHER'S DAY [2010]

Director Darren Lynn Bousman (of the Saw franchise & Repo! The Genetic Opera) tones down the outrageous schlock and hits a little closer to home in the brutally violent home invasion thriller Mother's Day.  Rebecca De Mornay can play batshit crazy like the best of them, however the rest of the cast pales in comparison.  As home invasion films go, this might be one of the better ones as it keeps you guessing what's going to happen next.  As good films go, this doesn't quite qualify, due to weak character development.

2½ boiling water hurts more on the inside out of 5