New Directors from Japan (2014)

A collection of shorts and one full-length film from three different Japanese filmmakers who’d previously not seen any kind of proper distribution either at home or abroad, courtesy of a successful Third Window Films Kickstarter campaign. It’s limited to just 1000 copies.
-KosukeTakaya’s ‘Buy Bling, Get One Free’ (35mm / 27mins) is a kind of commentary on the Harajuku fashion phenomenon.
-Hirobumi Watanabe’s ‘And the Mud Ship Sails Away’ (HD / 88mins) is a comedy about a small town loser. I can relate. It was my favourite.
-Nagisa Isogai gets two, the best of which is ‘The Lust of Angels’ (HD / 40mins). It’s also the most controversial, dealing with the mindset of a small group of teenagers and sexual molestations on trains.
Overall, it's a fine collection that has me hoping for a Volume II.

3 problems with family out of 5

Night Watch (1973)

Dir. Hutton followed up the disappointing X, Y and Zee (1972) with a slow-moving thriller based on a play by Lucille Fletcher, and again had Liz Taylor cast as the lead. She plays a rich ‘dahhhliiing’ on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She does a much better job this time, but wait until the last third before passing any kind of lasting judgement, because there are red herrings aplenty in both script and direction.
The camera cuts inside and outside of the same window often, into and out of the storm; for the viewer it’s much the same, keeping us at arms reach but attentive, not unlike the frayed-nerved Liz.

3 complete pictures out of 5

Gyo (2012)

An anime based on Junji Ito’s bizarre two-volume manga. The fish population from the surrounding waters of Japan grow spindly legs and begin attacking people on land. They smell like rotting flesh and move very, very fast. And that’s only the beginning of the madness.
Despite being twice as long as intended, the pacing is really quite good, with tension maintained as the levels of grotesque increase and the mystery deepens. What it does best, however, is translate the frozen looks of abject terror that often overcome Ito’s characters, an indication that their rational brain can’t believe the evidence their eyes deliver.

3 stench lines out of 5

Patema Inverted (2013)

Patema has an adventurous spirit, which means she’ll be in deep trouble before long. Elsewhere, in a different land, Eiji hasn't yet had that aspect of his personality crushed, but not from a lack of trying by the people in power. With ‘Educational Centres’ and a strict dogma enforced, Eiji’s society is on the verge of becoming fully Orwellian. Together the two youths find the fantastical in someone else’s normal and their world gets turned upside down, in a manner of speaking.
I'm grateful to Japan for continuing to make 2D style animations about people, in an era when stories featuring anthropomorphous machines and talking CGI furry things are often more profitable worldwide.

4 ups and suʍop out of 5

Burn After Reading (2008)

Clooney does his best work with the Coen brothers; Burn was their third collaboration. He and most everyone else experience some kind of crisis as they attempt to make the best of what middle age has dealt them. Brad does his geek thing, but the highlight, for me at least, is Malkovich’s pissed-off casualty of bureaucracy who spends a large part of the film repeating the same phrase over and over. The CIA are also involved, somehow.

3½ kinds of secret shit out of 5

Dead Space: Aftermath (2011)

The second Dead Space animation is an anthology with each story tied together via a bridge narrative, meaning it doesn't just rehash the first film structurally. Each part is animated in a different style that gives rise to an inevitable fluctuation in quality; it ranges from good to very piss-poor. It’s set chronologically between the first and second game. Fans of the series will likely spot references that I didn't and may well enjoy it more.

2½ classified properties out of 5

Dead Space: Downfall (2008)

Animated prequel to a video game that I've not played. It won’t make you soil your undies, or anyone else’s for that matter, but for something that exists solely to promote something else it’s surprisingly good.
The plot is a mix of half a dozen horror/sci-fi films, the most obvious of which are Aliens (1986) and Event Horizon (1997), but the animation is decent enough and voice work is more varied than is normal in this kind of thing (fuck yea, Boxleitner!). Horror and game fans who enjoy squelching and crunching noises likely won't need to feel embarrassed about owning it.

3 corks popped out of 5

Vampira: The Movie (2006)

A documentary about the iconic horror host with the dagger-like fingernails, arched eyebrows and impossibly thin waist, Maila Nurmi, better known as Vampira. There's precious little archive footage, but the candid words from an older, still charismatic Maili make up for it. She’s an interviewer’s dream subject; she talks and talks, pulling fascinating anecdotes from her store of personal memories without repeated prompting. There’s some less interesting words from other people intercut throughout, telling of how they were influenced by her over the years.

3 high key lights out of 5

The Batwoman (1968)

Athletes are being murdered in Acapulco, so Batwoman (Maura Monti) puts on her Mexican wrestler mask, cape and bikini and attempts to track the perpetrator down. When the situation calls for it she’ll cross arms, rest hands on ample hips and perform a thoughtful rub of the chin.
The villain (Roberto Cañedo) is a mad scientist/retired surgeon, with his very own Igor, who longs to create a wicked fish-man. I shit you not.
It’s more like the old Wonder Woman TV series than the old Adam West Batman series. Amazingly, either DC didn't know it was being made or they didn't care. WB would have a fit if that happened today. I don't think even the weird jazz soundtrack would dissuade them from quashing it.

2 wet blankets out of 5

Monsters Club (2011)

Ryoichi (Eita) lives in a wooden hut deep in a snow-covered forest. His autonomy means he’s answerable to no one. His connection to the modern world is not completely severed, however, a one-way communication is maintained so he can send letter bombs to the faceless corporate executives that orchestrate the marketing and lies. He’s doing his bit for society by attempting to tear it down a little piece at a time.
At odds with the environment, the self-imposed isolation is warming. The visitations by, well, something, are eerie and powerfully motivating.
It’s a film that doesn't give you every answer you seek, but it may encourage you to ask some pertinent questions and evaluate their worth.

4 societal chains out of 5

The Garden of Words (2013)

Takao is a high school student but has the soul of an artisan. On rainy mornings he shelters in a gazebo inside a public park; it’s there that he meets an older woman who's also sheltering and the two souls converse.
It’s from the mind of Makoto Shinkai, so it’s visually stunning but equally as beautiful are the sounds that accompany it: the patter of raindrops on the ground, the silence of clouds moving overhead, and the tap of a chalk stick on a blackboard that counts the passing of time arrhythmicaly each add something important to the story. It’s perhaps not as good as some of his other works, but it’s still worlds apart from most everyone else. Make sure and watch the post-credits scene so your heart can begin to mend.

5 faint claps of thunder out of 5

A Bittersweet Life (2005)

A violent South Korean drama about a gangster, the boss' right-hand man, who discovers one day that heart and head don’t always agree and when that happens things tend to get very out of hand.
Lee Byung-hun is convincing as the dutiful aide, confident in his abilities and his convictions but lacking in happiness. The camera studies him often, giving us an insight into his state of mind without the need for words.
It’s an overly-slick looking drama with some Western-inspired moments that set it apart from the norm, particularly the superb finale.

4 reflections of nature out of 5

DUMB & DUMBER [1994]

Peter & Bobby Farrelly's big-screen debut, the buddy road movie comedy, Dumb & Dumber, is exactly as the title advertises.
A slapstick, gross-out comedy classic that never tries to hide it's lack of intelligence behind all the gut-wrenchingly funny moments.  Jim Carrey is at the top of his game here but it's Jeff Daniels who surprises going against his usual typecast and never allows Carrey's antics to overshadow his comedy chops.  As gross as the film gets it's never mean-spirited and that's where it earns extra points with its good-natured characters that just don't get it.

3½ pretty birds out of 5

Yakuza Graveyard (1976)

Two rival Yakuza gangs are at each other’s throats and war seems imminent. The police, instead of doing their utmost to prevent it, end up exacerbating it because they put a beat cop, Ryu Kuroiwa (Tetsuya Watari), on the case. Kuroiwa is just as brutal as the people he’s tasked with policing. He’s constantly on edge, ready for action and will dish out a punch to street thugs and well-dressed businessmen alike.
Not as great a film as I'd hoped for, it's rough and the pacing is awkward. But I do think that if Dir. Fukasaku had the resources available while making YG that he had later in his career then it would more closely resemble the kind of drama that it aspired to be; the vision is certainly there.

2½ punchy gatherings out of 5

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW [2014]

Director John Erick Dowdle revisits found footage horror film territory with As Above, So Below.
It follows a group of explorers that go deeper into the Catacombs of Paris than anybody has before, only to find there's a terrifying reason why not.
It starts off quite promising with it's well-acted characters embarking into a sense of mysterious adventure à la  Indiana Jones and a frightening claustrophobia reminiscent of The Descent.  The atmosphere and setting make for an extremely creepy crawl into the darkness, as hints of what's to come are placed at all the right moments sending tingles down the spine.  However once the visual "horror/action" elements starts kicking in it falls so far into overused scary movie tactics it's hard not to be disappointed.  A very good start to a so-so conclusion didn't leave me completely turned off but I still can't enthusiastically recommend it either.

3 wrong numbers out of 5

LET'S BE COPS [2014]

Director Luke Greenfield seems to be drawn to mildly funny comedies with really stupid concepts.
Let's Be Cops joins his preposterous filmography.
Two lost in life adults discover their cop costumes can pass as the real thing so they decide to run with it and get in a bigger mess than they had anticipated.
I like New Girl co-stars Jake Johnson & Damon Wayans Jr. so the film had their comedic chemistry going for it but the only thing missing was the comedy.  There's a stupidly hilarious moment early on but that's mostly due to the song choice to play over the scene and an engaging Lethal Weapon-esque final but apart from that it's pretty much mind-numbingly dull.

1½ Wrecking Balls out of 5

GOD HELP THE GIRL [2014]

The musical drama God Help The Girl coincides with Belle & Sebastion frontman Stuart Murdoch's music project of the same.
It's a coming-of-age tale about a confused girl who escapes from a psychiatric ward and forms a band with some new found friends, who have a lot to learn about life themselves.  It's filled with warmth, easy to like characters, great music and enough charm to make it hard not to like.  However it's a jumbled mess when it comes to making a point or finding a direction it wants to face and stick with it.  It's inevitable this film will become a fashion icon for hipster teens who feel just as lost as the characters do and in that I suppose it does serve some sort of purpose.

3 Wobbly-Legged Rats out of 5

INTERSTELLAR [2014]

Christopher Nolan's latest fanboy's wetdream comes in the form of the colossally sized, yet thoughtful, sci-fi drama Interstellar.
It follows the of a team of inevitably doomed explorers who travel through a wormhole in search of a planet that can be support life to allow the human race to continue to exist.  The frighteningly beautiful photography is both lonely and busy as it dizzies the viewer with an overly complex plotline that overpowers the heart of the story.  Nolan has high ambitions but he bites off just a bit more than he can actually chew.  Although he states that the sound effects and music purposely drown out a lot of the clumsy dialogue it comes off as nothing more than frustratingly distracting.
In the end, it's a spectacular visual feast with a wonderful cast that never ceases to entertain and that's where it's at it's most powerful.

3½ bookshelves out of 5

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976)

Sometimes categorized in the horror genre, this lesser known gem follows the oddly independent Rynn (a 13-year-old Jodie Foster) as she fends off locals from a deeply-guarded secret residing in her cellar. The film deals with such sensitive subject matter as pedophilia and teen sex. The intelligent Rynn waxes on such topics as early independence, individuality and nonconformity. I was impressed with how fluid and enthralling each dialogue-heavy scene felt. Foster acts well against the pedophile Frank Hallet (Martin Sheen), every subsequent encounter more precarious than the last. While horror elements remain, the tactful handling of the provocative subject matter elevates it into a remarkable drama.

4 poor Gordons out of 5

The Expelled (2010)

aka: F

While marketed as a slasher, the story follows the downward spiral of one defeated teacher as he fails to put his life back together after being attacked by a student. An unlikely protagonist, he must make the right choices when a gang of hooded assailants invade his school. For a rather unknown film, it is surprisingly well shot and convincingly acted. As random killers the hoodies are way too sly, their acrobatic movements almost supernatural. The conclusion makes sense in the arc of the character, but it leaves the film incomplete in many ways.

2½ homicidal parkour enthusiasts out of 5

Patrick: Evil Awakens (2013)

Remake of the 1978 Australian horror of the same name, the film makes a few appropriate changes to add atmosphere and thrill. Such as setting it on a secluded coast and adding a startling, albeit pointless opening scene. As an Australian production it casts mostly from its own continent, excluding the distinguished Charles Dance. The new attendant Kathy (Sharni Vinson) brings us to a coma patient clinic run by a motivated madman (Dance) whose archaic experiments on handsome Patrick not only set off a doomed love story but a telekinetic conclusion. The skilled camerawork is a highlight but this isn't surprising as director Mark Hartley is known more as a cinematographer. Vinson and Dance bring the genre title some acting substance but a score wrought with horror cliches and a poorly arranged ending spoil the effective first half.

2½ handjob choruses out of 5

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

The Paranormal Activity films have increasingly depreciated with each sequel and with the fifth-installment the series has truly hit rock-bottom. Obviously intended to cash in at the box office since it is an absolutely unnecessary film. The story adds nothing to the mythology except confusion and juvenility. This one isn't even worth a cheap laugh.

½ drunk nanas out of 5

SMASHED [2012]

Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Aaron Paul play a couple who's marriage is put to the test when she decides to sober up, while he continues his reckless drunken lifestyle in director James Ponsoldt's drama Smashed.
What could have been a heavy-handed drama about the nightmares of alcoholism turns out to be actually mild-mannered, thoughtful and at times oddly humorous, while still taking it's subject matter fairly serious.  It handles it's bruised emotions and complexities with great care and that's where it shines.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead delivers one of the finest performances I've seen in a long, long time that never gets too dramatic nor does it slip up when the well-placed humor is inserted.

3½ places not to urinate out of 5

Programmed to Kill (1987)

aka The Retaliator

Terrorists, America’s favourite nomenclature for enemies of freedom, are attacking tourists in Greece. Isn't it odd how despite being regionally nonspecific the word somehow implies the enemy hail from the Middle East? They do this time, so the top brass kidnap one of the kidnappers (it’s okay, they’re bad and we’re not~), turn her into a mindless killing machine and send her back to where she came from. We're so clever. Take that, haters of Uncle Sam! Oh shit, she's gone rogue. No one saw that coming.

1 scary caterpillar out of 5

HERCULES [2014]

If the idea of Brett Ratner directing The Rock with a dead cat on his head appeals to you then Hercules is definitely for you.  If not, then you should know to steer clear because it makes no attempt to hide that is means to be nothing more than a guilty pleasure.
Instead of shaping him up to be the near-invincible super human that he is in the usual stories, Hercules is a mere mortal with the powerful charisma to lead armies and charm the pants off you.  Dwayne Johnson was born to play this role with his camera-friendly looks and personality, as he never takes himself too seriously.  Like Stephen Sommers' Mummy films, the pacing of this consciously hokey film is lighting quick with it's enjoyable action sequences, dazzling special effects, entertaining supporting cast and perfectly timed humor.

3 headed dogs out of 5

INTO THE STORM [2014]

Imagine that the Jan De Bont/Michael Crichton tornado thriller Twister was a found footage film and you pretty much get the idea of director Steven Quale's Into The Storm.
A group of Oklahoma storm hunters tangled up with a single dad & his sons hunt and run from a ridiculously large tornado that devours everything in it's path.  There's not a single memorable character to be seen, the ending can be predicted within the first minute and the found footage aspect of the film it's incredibly distracting at times.  Amidst all it's shittiness is a surprising amount of fun to be had within the special effects carnage and the obligatory flying cow.

2½ flaming twisters out of 5

Serpico (1973)

The story of Frank Serpico (Pacino), an honest NY cop who gets paired with lazy, uncaring partners and discovers that there's almost as much crime within the system as there is outside of it. It's a slow-burning drama caked in city grime. With very little music — there's only fourteen minutes of score in total — the realism can be a little overpowering but sometimes the harsh truths need that kind of environment to really make an impact.

4 laundry baskets out of 5

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur (1994)

The great Hercules spends his time ploughing his fields and ploughing his understanding wife Deianeira, but he dreams often of adventure. Luckily for him they gave him a TV series, but the fifth and final movie before it began proper is a bit of a cheat: it’s half clips-show and half new adventure. A lot of the new parts are written solely as a means to initiate flashback footage from the previous four films. (There’s a word for that and we know what it is, right, kids?) To add more insult to eye-injury, the new footage, when it decides to actually get on with it, is good, meaning viewing is time wasted and time not wasted! Curse you, half-movie!

2 bedtime stories out of 5

SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED [2004]

Raja Gosnell returns to direct Monsters Unleasehd, the sequel to the disastrous 2002 Scooby-Doo film.
It's the usual Scooby-Doo story with those meddling kids yet again, only this time around the film wisely brings back a whole slew of ghoulies fans will remember from the cartoon series.  
James Gunn returns as scriptwriter only now he's aware of what the studio wanted and delivers something that doesn't need to be..ahem...meddled with.  It's silly but humorous, dumb but fun and brainless but caring. Once again it's Matt Lillard's Shaggy that steals the whole show (I'd prefer a movie with just him, Scooby and Velma) but thankfully we're blessed with something a little better than the original.  Still, it's strictly kiddie fare that'll pummel an adult's brain into a pulp for 90 minutes.

2½ Chickensteins out of 5

HORNS [2014]

Director Alexandre Aja adapts Joe Hill's bizarre dark fantasy novel, Horns, for the screen with great ambition.
Daniel Radcliffe plays a young man who begins sprouting devil horns after he's accused of murdering his girlfriend.  Sound pretty weird?  Your assumptions are correct.  Unfortunately the film is a tonal mess of horror, comedy and surrealism that never feels comfortable settling down enough to find a heart.  Radcliffe pulls off his best performance yet as he's surrounded by some beautifully shot scenery but it just isn't enough to make it a memorable film.  Granted it's weird enough to make you wonder just how it's going to play out but once all is said and done it leaves much to be desired.

2½ cherry pies from Annie out of 5

Shadow of the Wraith (2001)

aka: Ikisudama

A lesser known anthology J-horror from director Toshiharu Ikeda (Evil Dead Trap). Divided into two stories linked by one character, in the better first half we meet Ryoji, stalked by the obsessive Asaji whose evil doppelganger kills in order to keep him to herself. The horror is tame but the practical sfx are impressive for such a low-budget venture. It creates a few genuinely creepy scenes with the use of ghostly makeup and stark colors. The second half follows Ryoji's brother as he aids his girlfriend in stopping a nasty spirit in their apartment building. This time the sfx are silly and the horror ineffective. One girl is dragged away repeatedly by a skeleton hand! As a whole the film is uneven. If they had fleshed out the first story to feature length, it could have been a worthy gem.

1½ blood bubbles out of 5

Qwerty (2012)

A suicidal male and a Scrabble-obsessed female with quirks, Marty (Eric Hailey) and Zoe (Dana Pupkin), might sound like an unlikely pairing, but in the world of indie rom-com they're ideal twenty-something candidates for magic to happen. Qwerty is really only a few steps up from student film in some ways, so there's no fancy post-production trickery and the construction of the whole is flawed technically, but none of that matters. It tells a simple story of two simple people in a heart-warming and funny way. And really, how could you not love a film in which the protagonist shouts, "You’re better than your underwear!"?

3 parallel plays out of 5

The Rite (2011)

At first glance this seems to be a more refined look at the Exorcism sub-genre as it casts the thespian heavy-hitter Anthony Hopkins as Father Trevant, a veteran exorcist who takes a skeptical young student (Colin O'Donoghue) under his wing, but with a PG-13 rating the film never delves deep enough to produce any thrills. Instead of a disturbing, in-your-face exorcism, the slow character driven opening scenes are a nice change of pace. O'Donoghue does a fine job in his most prominent role to date as an intelligent and capable young man forced into his roles in the story. The latter half isn't particularly fresh and the ending is handled with Saturday morning cartoon kid-gloves.

2½ your father sucks clocks in Hell out of 5

Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani (2000)

Ajay Bakshi is an unscrupulous television news reporter that'll go to any heights (literally) for the most sensational news coverage because he loves to be a star; he loves himself as much as Indian cinema loves product placement. A rival network hires a successful female, Ria, to outdo the attention-whore at his own game, but Ajay becomes smitten.
It’s clear where things are going, but that’s only half the story. When the tone changes it’s striking by comparison. The political impartiality of the networks that we rely on, that are the cornerstone of many people’s political views, is dragged into the light and held up for all to see.

3 official lies out of 5

Veronica Mars (2014)

Born of a Kickstarter campaign, Veronica Mars is the titular character in a popular series of the same name about a teenage pariah P.I. who lives in the celebrity wastelands of Neptune, California. Just like I attempted to do there, the film begins with a recap of the series' events for newcomers but this film was handcrafted for the fans. A mountain of in-jokes and references encompass the script leaving the average viewer in the dark. As an all-grown-up Veronica (Kristen Bell) makes a return to help out a past love, every supporting character from the show pops up for nostalgic purpose. Creator/director Rob Thomas brings back such staples as ADR inner monologues, technology savvy P.I. work and plenty of Veronica's sharp-witted tongue. The plot fits right in with the show but for a big movie return it falls flat. As a VM devotee I was pleased with the fan service but anyone else will find this one lacking.

3 set-ups for a sequel out of 5

Get a Life! (2012)

A documentary directed by The Shat that has him trying to gain a deeper understanding of why Star Trek fans are so impassioned and committed to the long-running franchise. Alternatively, it's a documentary by The Shat that earns him a quick buck without having to expend much effort. But it's not exploitative and amid the fandom filler there's a heartbreaking story that truly deserved the attention. Capt. David, you're an inspiration.
The 'understanding' that The Shat claims to have sought comes not from the convention floor but from a one-on-one interview with an intelligent individual whose name I've regrettably forgotten.

3 family gatherings that don't end in divorce out of 5

Legends of the Poisonous Seductress: Vol Three: Okatsu the Fugitive (1969)

The third and final Poisonous Seductress film once again stars Junko Miyazono. She's also again called Okatsu, but with a different upbringing than the one in Quick-draw (1969). It's as if there's some kind of weird unspoken alternative reality thing going on. However, there's nothing to support such a ridiculous theory in any of the films... so, er, I'll get my coat.
Vol Three's Okatsu is at a transitional period of her life – more than even she knows. It gives rise to ample opportunities for swordplay that's brutal and merciless. Junko is slightly better with the weapon the third time out, but still not as good as a secondary character that, like Wakayama did previously, raises the bar. They're some of the most impressive moments in a film that just doesn't work as well as it should in other areas.

3 work ethics out of 5

Devil's Due (2014)

One half of the filmmaker collective Radio Silence (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin/ Tyler Gillett), best known for their segment in 2012's V/H/S offer up a feature-length horror this time in the form of Devil's Due, an obvious Rosemary's Baby knock-off. The intention behind the found-footage casing is a newlywed's desire to capture family memories but discrepancies soon arise as surveillance footage no one would be able to retain begin detailing the couple's activities. As many other found-footage failures tend to play out, pointless scenes added for levity obstruct and hinder the suspense. The film grows increasingly ludicrous and laughable towards the inevitably trite conclusion. It's a derivative waste of time.

1 Satanic supermarket munchies out of 5

Legends of the Poisonous Seductress: Vol Two: Quick-draw Okatsu (1969)

Okatsu is played by the same actress (Junko Miyazono) that played the lead role in Female Demon Ohyaku (1968), and they even share some backstory, but there are differences that make it unclear if we're supposed to connect them in any kind of more meaningful way.
Vol Two is more cinematic and better edited than its predecessor. There's also more swordplay, so it's a lot bloodier.
Tomisaburo Wakayama gets an opportunity to show his skills. Could he do that stuff in real life? He sure seems like he could.
There's a watchful moment at a brothel that reminds very much of Rear Window (1954).  From the other perspective, Okatsu is a clear influence on the Lady Snowblood (1973) film that followed a few years later.

4 ugly truths out of 5

LIFE OF CRIME [2013]

One knows what to expect when it comes to an Elmore Leonard film adaptation: am ensemble cast, petty criminals galore, snappy dialogue and a single crime that spirals wildly out of control.
So if you're a fan, then director Daniel Schechter's Life Of Crime should supply some decent Sunday afternoon entertainment.
A prequel of sorts to Leonard's Rum Punch, the film features many of the same characters just getting started in their lives of crime with a kidnapping plan gone terribly awry.  While it doesn't quite stand up to the precise quality of Jackie Brown or Out Of Sight, it certainly is light years better than overly slick Get Shorty.  Here it's the cast that sells the film right off the bat.  While John Hawkes and Mos Def are wonderfully entertaining, it's surprisingly Jennifer Aniston and Will Forte who steal the show with well-defined and subtle performances that let the funny slip in at all the right moments.

3 holes in the wall out of 5

BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) [2014]

Since it was first announced two years ago, people have been looking at me funny when I expressed my excitement for director Alejandro González Iñárritu's twisted dark showbiz satire, Birdman.

I'm happy to say my excitement wasn't for nothing and this is easily one of the best films of the 2014 and quite possibly the best film of the year.

Michael Keaton, in what should become a defining moment in his career, portrays a has-been actor who can't shake off the comic book character he played in a popular late '80's franchise, while trying to make a comeback as a serious performer. With a cast that doesn't a weak link within it, the unusually long but effective tracking shots and a dizzying drums only score by Antonio Sanchez, this daringly ambitious film could have been a disaster if everything wasn't in the right place, which it is all thankfully fitted to careful perfection.    

5 weird moments for a boner out of 5

SCOOBY-DOO [2002]

Director Raja Gosnell directs a live-action big screen adaptation of the popular 1960's animated Hanna Barbara series Scooby-Doo.
Sticking true to the series' plots, the Scooby Gang investigate bizarre occurrences and do a lot of running around.  Scripted by James Gunn the film originally winked at the audience with plenty of adult-oriented jokes poking fun at the original series, Velma's questionable sexuality and marijuana jokes galore.  However Warner Bros. quickly turned it into a family-oriented film in the laziest of fashion.  While it does stick fairly true to the series in conventions, it simply isn't very good at all...but let's face it, kids, the series wasn't all that great to begin with.  Matthew Lillard is left to carry the weight of the entire film as Shaggy and he does an absolutely wonderful job channelling the character's lovableness, expressions and heart.

1½  meddling kids out of 5

Legends of the Poisonous Seductress: Vol One: Female Demon Ohyaku (1968)

The first Poisonous Seductress film is the only one of the trilogy to be shot in black and white. It begins as tragedy and continues on the same path. It's the story of Ohyaku, a strong female that may be beaten physically but is never beaten emotionally or spiritually.
It's often cited as being one of the first ever Pinky Violence films, and while it's clear to see why that is, it's not as gratuitous or as purposefully titillating as most subsequent exploitation was. Each violent act is earned by the recipient's own evil deeds. Even so, Ohyaku's final, sadistic moment of revenge is shocking stuff, especially for 1968.

3½ dangerous bridges out of 5

Hercules in the Underworld (1994)

In the fourth Herc movie the titular protagonist, a one-woman man unlike his father, has set up home with Deianeira (the one from the Circle of Fire, not the one from the Lost Kingdom). He's trying to live as happy and peaceful a life as possible, but the eyes in the sky are always watching and unfortunately for him once a hero of the people means always a hero of the people. The peace he craves will have to wait.
It's a more serious entry, but when the humour does surface (eg. Charon) it's like watching an episode of Angel, which was kind of distracting.

3 forked-tongues out of 5

Blue Juice (1995)

Dramedy is often a synonym for crap, but occasionally something rises to the surface and exceeds expectations. Blue Juice is a film like that. It's about surfers but isn't set in California, it's set in Cornwall, the sticky-out bit at the SW of England. In place of sandy beaches are reefs, sharp and deadly. J.C and his friends spend their time semi-successfully dodging encroaching winds of change and responsibility while waiting for the waves. It has none of the resplendence of a Hollywood surf movie, but it has something much, much better - it has laughs and real heart.

3½ life-changing decisions out of 5

Friday After Next (2002)

The third film goes Xmas. I shit you not. Seasonal plot-desperation is typically a bad sign, and Friday After Next is no certainly exception. Craig (Ice Cube) is back in the ghetto, sharing an apartment with his cousin Day-Day (Mike Epps), who we met in the previous film, Next Friday (2000).  For a while things are good and interactions are sharp, but once the cops leave so too does the fun. I found it impossible to care about any of the new characters and a struggle to sit through the wafer-thin additions to existing ones.

Credit, however, is given for the title. I can't think of any other series that has titling as clever as the Friday films. That trend is set to continue if the rumoured fourth film ever gets made, Last Friday.

1½ pimps and some ho ho hos out of 5

Next Friday (2000)

A sequel to the really rather good Friday (1995) that's nowhere near as good. It takes Craig (Ice Cube) out of South Central, 'Fresh Princing' him to the California suburbs, perhaps in the hope that removing the character from a setting that was complementary and placing him into one that isn't will engender not just comedy but sympathy. Unfortunately, it doesn't.

It adds some Chicano neighbours for him to tussle with, most of whom are played too heavily for laughs. Also, Deebo (Tommy Lister) has unfinished business, so he's shoehorned into the plot, too. The script certainly wasn't Ice Cube expressin' with his full capabilities.

2 ghetto knocks out of 5

WRONG TURN 6: LAST RESORT [2014]

All good things must come to an end.
...so in turn, I suppose all bad things must keep on going and going.
Such is the case with the Wrong Turn series as some 11 years after the original, the sixth film, Last Resort, rears it's ugly deformed hillbilly head to hunt and eat dumb pretty young folk.
This time around, there's a strong storyline & background curiously inserted into the mix that ensures us that they have plenty more ideas to toy with for future films.  It's all about family history and why it all came to be which might have been interesting if not for it's really poor execution.  The writing is a jumbled mess, the acting is dismal and there doesn't seem to be much focus on anything other than the need to have everyone in gratuitous sex scenes and dead by the final reel.  Chances are, if you're like me, you know exactly what to expect and know the entire film by now just by looking at a few screenshots.

1½ fire hose delights out of 5

Friday (1995)

A comedy about two unemployed friends, Craig Jones (Ice Cube) and Smokey (Chris Tucker), that's set during one hot Friday in the hood. Craig is lazy and a bit of a moocher. Smokey is a small-time weed dealer. The duo sit on mismatched chairs on a porch, shooting the shit while watching passers-by and trying their best to keep a low profile with a 'you don't bother me and I won't bother you' attitude. But, as is often the case in neighbourhoods, unwanted interruptions aren't far away - one of which is Deebo (Tommy Lister).

Nothing much happens, but it's totally engaging. It's a bit Spike Lee, minus the crushing political weight. There are stereotypes, but they're clearly and purposefully written that way. And the small but important level of social commentary that surfaces elevates it above similar location-set comedies.

3½ rotations out of 5

GOOD PEOPLE [2014]

Danish director Henrik Ruben Genz made some wonderful films in his native language so what the hell happened with Good People?
A young couple, heavily in debt, find a sack full of money that's being hunted down by both the police and criminals that want it back.  Obviously the story resorts to "greed makes people do the darndest things" and leaves a pile of bodies in it's path.  Apart from the boring retread story (which could work with a bit more wit about it) the fast pacing of the script hurts the slow-buring reveal of the direction.  It simply conflicts so heavily that we're pummelled with incoherencies and plotholes galore.  Genz's eye for rainy day Killing-esque noir and decaying buildings are as beautiful as always but with so much lost in translation and studio interference everything gets lost in this 90-minute mess.

2 inevitable nail guns out of 5