Ulysses (1954)

AKA: Ulisse

Kirk Douglas stars as Ulysses, king of Ithaca. Punished by the gods for his role in the Trojan War, he is sentenced to wander the seas, continually knocked off-course and deprived of his memory. Meanwhile, his wife Penelope hangs on to hope that he's still alive, whilst fending off a league of suitors at home. This Italian-American co-production is a serviceable, condensed version of Homer that hits on many of the highlights, including the cyclops Polyphemus.

You know what I miss? The '50s version of buff, which still seemed attainable.

3 Trojan horses out of 5

Gotti (1996)

Spanning almost two decades (1973-92), the story of real iife mobster John Gotti is a familiar but engaging one. Gotti is a valued decision maker within the NY mafia doing things that don't always please the new Don. His loyalty to those that deserve it is a formidable tool in his arsenal, but not everyone in the family deserves his loyalty; and when that's accounted for, the dangerous jokes around the meeting table take on new meaning.
It's no Goodfellas (1990), but then Goodfellas wasn't a TV movie, Gotti is. Nevertheless, Dir. Robert Harmon delivers a delicious slow burn within which Asante absolutely owns the screen. The transition into the second half is powerful stuff. Fans of Mafia flicks should definitely give it their attention.

4 two thousand dollar suits out of 5

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur (1994)

The great Hercules spends his time ploughing his fields and ploughing his understanding wife Deianeira, but he dreams often of adventure. Luckily for him they gave him a TV series, but the fifth and final movie before it began proper is a bit of a cheat: it’s half clips-show and half new adventure. A lot of the new parts are written solely as a means to initiate flashback footage from the previous four films. (There’s a word for that and we know what it is, right, kids?) To add more insult to eye-injury, the new footage, when it decides to actually get on with it, is good, meaning viewing is time wasted and time not wasted! Curse you, half-movie!

2 bedtime stories out of 5

Hercules in the Underworld (1994)

In the fourth Herc movie the titular protagonist, a one-woman man unlike his father, has set up home with Deianeira (the one from the Circle of Fire, not the one from the Lost Kingdom). He's trying to live as happy and peaceful a life as possible, but the eyes in the sky are always watching and unfortunately for him once a hero of the people means always a hero of the people. The peace he craves will have to wait.
It's a more serious entry, but when the humour does surface (eg. Charon) it's like watching an episode of Angel, which was kind of distracting.

3 forked-tongues out of 5

Hercules and the Circle of Fire (1994)

Depending on which version of the myth you prefer, we may or may not have had fire before Prometheus brought it, so he's either a good guy or an opportunist thief. Either way, when a butt-hurt Hera takes it back it means no heat, light or ability to cook meat for a suffering mankind. Hercules, sympathetic and perhaps feeling a little guilty because it was his step-mom that extinguished it, makes it his mission to set the world right.
Anthony Quinn gets more screen time, which is always good, but movie number three isn't quite as much fun as the one that came before.

2½ negotiations out of 5

Hercules and the Lost Kingdom (1994)

The second Hercules movie follows the handsome hero as he goes on a legendary journey (see what I did there?) to find the city of Troy. But his jealous stepmom is on the rag again, so things won’t be plain sailing.
The social issue under review this time is slavery, both the kind that’s out in the open and the kind that rules our lives as individuals; i.e. the freedom of choice versus the controlling will of destiny.
Like Lucy Lawless did in the previous film, Renée O'Connor provides female support but not as her Xena character Gabrielle.

3 chains of Olympus out of 5

Hercules and the Amazon Women (1994)

Before 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' became a TV series it was preceded by some TV movies, five of them, of which this is the first. The setup is simple: a village is under attack from beasts and only good guy Herc (Kevin Sorbo) and his blond sidekick (The Other Guy) can save it.
When not exploring verdant forests the heroes explore gender roles in a made-for-TV manner. Herc may be the son of Zeus, but when it comes to female logic even he can’t make head nor tail of their bullshit.
Lucy Lawless pops up in a supporting role but not as Xena.

2½ quick ones out of 5

LAWRENCE OF ARABIA [1962]

Acclaimed filmmaker David Lean brings the life of World War I British Army officer T.E. Lawrence to the big screen in the classic epic Lawrence Of Arabia.

Peter O'Toole brings a brilliant portrayal to the title role, while the beautiful influential photography, courtesy of Freddie Young, plays just as important part in the film.  As historically inaccurate as the film might be, the flawless storytelling, performances, music and direction make up for it 100%.  

5 center of lies out of 5