Kull the Conqueror (1997)

It was originally a third Conan film, but Arnie opted out. Kevin Sorbo stepped in, the hero was changed to one of Howard's other creations, Kull of Atlantis, and reset to the Thurian Age, which predates the Hyborian.
Sorbo plays the Atlantean as a kind of less-perfect version of his Hercules character. Being in the right place at the right time grants him some power, but his radical social reforms don’t go down well with the established order.
I like Sorbo, but his inclusion makes it hard to see it as anything other than a TV Movie. Ironically, even though it isn't, that’s a beneficial way to think of it because it falls short of being a cinematic experience. Still, it's cheesy fun.

2½ stripes of the tiger out of 5

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur (1994)

The great Hercules spends his time ploughing his fields and ploughing his understanding wife Deianeira, but he dreams often of adventure. Luckily for him they gave him a TV series, but the fifth and final movie before it began proper is a bit of a cheat: it’s half clips-show and half new adventure. A lot of the new parts are written solely as a means to initiate flashback footage from the previous four films. (There’s a word for that and we know what it is, right, kids?) To add more insult to eye-injury, the new footage, when it decides to actually get on with it, is good, meaning viewing is time wasted and time not wasted! Curse you, half-movie!

2 bedtime stories out of 5

Hercules in the Underworld (1994)

In the fourth Herc movie the titular protagonist, a one-woman man unlike his father, has set up home with Deianeira (the one from the Circle of Fire, not the one from the Lost Kingdom). He's trying to live as happy and peaceful a life as possible, but the eyes in the sky are always watching and unfortunately for him once a hero of the people means always a hero of the people. The peace he craves will have to wait.
It's a more serious entry, but when the humour does surface (eg. Charon) it's like watching an episode of Angel, which was kind of distracting.

3 forked-tongues out of 5

Hercules and the Circle of Fire (1994)

Depending on which version of the myth you prefer, we may or may not have had fire before Prometheus brought it, so he's either a good guy or an opportunist thief. Either way, when a butt-hurt Hera takes it back it means no heat, light or ability to cook meat for a suffering mankind. Hercules, sympathetic and perhaps feeling a little guilty because it was his step-mom that extinguished it, makes it his mission to set the world right.
Anthony Quinn gets more screen time, which is always good, but movie number three isn't quite as much fun as the one that came before.

2½ negotiations out of 5

Hercules and the Lost Kingdom (1994)

The second Hercules movie follows the handsome hero as he goes on a legendary journey (see what I did there?) to find the city of Troy. But his jealous stepmom is on the rag again, so things won’t be plain sailing.
The social issue under review this time is slavery, both the kind that’s out in the open and the kind that rules our lives as individuals; i.e. the freedom of choice versus the controlling will of destiny.
Like Lucy Lawless did in the previous film, Renée O'Connor provides female support but not as her Xena character Gabrielle.

3 chains of Olympus out of 5

Hercules and the Amazon Women (1994)

Before 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' became a TV series it was preceded by some TV movies, five of them, of which this is the first. The setup is simple: a village is under attack from beasts and only good guy Herc (Kevin Sorbo) and his blond sidekick (The Other Guy) can save it.
When not exploring verdant forests the heroes explore gender roles in a made-for-TV manner. Herc may be the son of Zeus, but when it comes to female logic even he can’t make head nor tail of their bullshit.
Lucy Lawless pops up in a supporting role but not as Xena.

2½ quick ones out of 5

SOUL SURFER [2011]

I was prepared for melodramatic sap in Soul Surfer but not the Christian morals shoved down my throat.

Based on the true story of surfer Bethany Hamilton who lost an arm in a shark attack and her struggle to go back to what she loved.  The film depicts a world where all the pretty blond girls are good & the dark haired ones are bad and if you have faith in God everything will be all right. What a crock of horseshit.

Apart from AnnaSophia Robb's inspiring performance and composer Marco Beltrami's ability to tone down the melodrama with his uniquely simplistic score, this film should be avoided if you're not a braindead zombie.

2 one-armed push-ups out of 5