Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)

An unnecessary attempt to revive the franchise that is dead on arrival. Surpasses The Marked Ones as the worst of the sequels. This one has almost nothing to do with its predecessors, but it's not like the plot has ever mattered much anyway. It's an exercise in patience for different reasons than the rest; because we simply don't care.

This is the death knell of the series.

0 gas left in the tank out of 5

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

A new family moves into the house from Paranormal Activity 3 and discover an old video camera with an anomaly that somehow manages to capture ghostly images, as well as a bunch of VHS tapes that fill in some backstory. The conceit of this film is that we would finally get to "see" the activity. (It was also released in 3D in theaters, which is always an odd choice for found footage.) The problem is that this comes in the form of CGI apparitions, and the reason this series has mainly worked is due to how low-tech it is; most of the horror takes place in our own imagination. 

I recently did a reappraisal of the entire Paranormal Activity series (reviewed by various Nutshell contributors) and while there is plenty of lore established throughout, it does get tedious quickly, so it only rewards those with patience made of steel. While this was an improvement over the last installment, it still doesn't quite make sense if you've been following along from the very beginning, and it's gotten completely illogical by this point.

This was intended to be the final entry in the series, but, you know, greed.

1 Key of Solomon out of 5

Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Night (2010)

This sequel in name only is billed as the "official" Japanese spin-off to the original (perhaps as revenge for The Grudge). The conceit here is that there is simultaneous footage being recorded, so twice the fun! (In theory, anyway.) The way they manage to tie it into the first film is smart, but this idea was pretty much discarded for the American sequels. A couple of good wiggins moments, but it amounts to nothing more.

2 mounds of salt out of 5

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Poltergeist for the modern age. A young couple discovers a nocturnal presence in their home and decides to capture the footage for themselves to figure out what's going on. At times, it feels like we're watching a really weird sex tape, but the money shot only comes when we shit our pants.

I remember watching this in a packed movie house in 2009, and it was one of the most memorable moviegoing experiences of my life. It sparked a major phenomenon at the time, including six sequels (to date) and a wake of shitty knock-offs that continue to this day. Often imitated, but never equaled; none of them ever came close to establishing the terror that had already been captured the first time. Not unlike The Blair Witch Project, it's usually cited as one of the best examples of the found footage genre because it manages to elevate the form through the simplicity of its storytelling. There's a reason why this movie was so successful, and that's because it's actually scary. Watching the security footage play out is legitimately unnerving as we scan every inch of the frame for what's lurking just outside the edges. One can claim that not a lot happens in this movie, but if you're invested, your brain does half the work. 

4 shut the fucking door! out of 5

Note: I recommend seeking out the original/alternate endings if you're a completist, although the standard theatrical ending (as suggested by Spielberg himself) is arguably the best.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

The Paranormal Activity films have increasingly depreciated with each sequel and with the fifth-installment the series has truly hit rock-bottom. Obviously intended to cash in at the box office since it is an absolutely unnecessary film. The story adds nothing to the mythology except confusion and juvenility. This one isn't even worth a cheap laugh.

½ drunk nanas out of 5

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 [2012]

The 4th film in the inane Paranormal Activity series might just be for the diehard fans only.

It offers nothing but a few lukewarms scares and some interesting new gimmicks but simply not enough to shake things up a little.  Thankfully the lead character and her friend aren't written as the usual spoiled teenage bitch & douchebag and instead come off as smart & easy to like. Be sure to check back sometime later this year for a Nut of the 5th film because, well, I like torturing myself for your sake, gentle reader.  

1 X-box Kinect pixel dot out of 5 

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

People throw around the word "cheap scares" a lot when it comes to these movies, but I like to think of it more as an exercise in patience. It's a lot like an old fashioned haunted house movie in which you don't actually see what's going on, which lends much more to your imagination. You actually have to earn the scares in these movies. With that defense out of the way, this one isn't much different from the first two. We go back in time (to 1988) to see where the source of these hauntings has begun...and it's mostly disappointing. Not in its found footage style (which has been done to death by now, no pun intended), but by its half-assed story which is simply carried by the plot device of the previous films. I tried to like this movie, but it did nothing to reinvent the genre and instead settled for, yes, cheap scares.

2 bumps in the night out of 5

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 (2010)

Doors slam. Babies float. Fires start. Lights flicker. Cuckoo snores.

Watch the first one again and save your time if this is even your kind of thing in the first place.

It's just plain boring with a FEW mediocre scares.

1½ Possessed Pool Cleaners out of 5