Drop (2025)

A woman is targeted on a blind date via a series of air-drops sent to her phone warning her to keep quiet and do as instructed or risk her son getting killed. The premise is solid, although the execution feels all over the place. It's fun for a few Hitchcockian thrills, but it's nothing too special. The performances take center stage here, even when it all falls apart towards the end.

2½ improv waiters out of 5

Heart Eyes (2025)

Valentine's Day is no stranger to slashers, whether it's My Bloody Valentine (1981) or Valentine (2001) or the My Bloody Valentine remake...and, um...well, that's about it. After a meet cute gone wrong, a woman and a man are chased by a masked killer inspired by the popular emoji whose M.O. involves targeting couples for some reason. It's a mishmash of horror and romantic comedy, but doesn't quite succeed at either. There's not really much more to it, so this nut will be as low effort as the film.

2 metal straws out of 5

Freaky (2020)

A teenage girl swaps bodies with a homicidal maniac in this horror twist on the ol' Freaky Friday formula. If it sounds dumb, that's because it is, but it's the kind of dumb fun that remains consistently entertaining throughout due to the combination of its charismatic leads and a healthy dose of self-aware humor. The kills aren't bad either, if you're in it for the slasher angle.

3 beaver mascots out of 5

SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE [2015]

Paranormal Activity series writer/director Christopher Landon goes for the intentionally silly with yet another zombie-comedy, Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.
Three dweeby scouts, in their high school sophomore year, have their close friendship put to the test when their sleepy little town is ravaged by a zombie virus that affects both humans, animals and crazy old cat ladies.
For a movie like this to really work it needs to be scary, original and most of all funny, however here it sort of falters in all those categories.  It's filled with the type of humor a teenage boy would gawk over, one-dimensional large breasted women and plenty of blood spilling all over the screen.  It's pretty bad but somewhat entertaining once the action gets going.   Leading man Tye Sheridan gives the film a bit more heart than the it deserves, while Cloris Leachman & David Koechner's characters are woefully underused because they supplied the biggest laughs.

2 hard-ons for Dolly Parton out of 5

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

The Paranormal Activity films have increasingly depreciated with each sequel and with the fifth-installment the series has truly hit rock-bottom. Obviously intended to cash in at the box office since it is an absolutely unnecessary film. The story adds nothing to the mythology except confusion and juvenility. This one isn't even worth a cheap laugh.

½ drunk nanas out of 5