The Devil's Hand (2014)

aka Where the Devil Hides

Six daughters born on the sixth day of the sixth month. Yup, them bitches are evil. Based on the title one would assume this is a supernatural thriller but it turns out to be a pretty standard slasher. Strangely taking place in an Amish sect in present day, the six are accosted by not only a stealthy hooded killer but by their community, led by the religious despot Elder Beacon, played by Colm Meaney in a creepy yet powerful performance. It's actually a particularly decent slasher but when the supernatural elements come into play in the third act it becomes yet another Satanic story with an overly cliche twist.

2 shunnings out of 5

HERCULES [2014]

If the idea of Brett Ratner directing The Rock with a dead cat on his head appeals to you then Hercules is definitely for you.  If not, then you should know to steer clear because it makes no attempt to hide that is means to be nothing more than a guilty pleasure.
Instead of shaping him up to be the near-invincible super human that he is in the usual stories, Hercules is a mere mortal with the powerful charisma to lead armies and charm the pants off you.  Dwayne Johnson was born to play this role with his camera-friendly looks and personality, as he never takes himself too seriously.  Like Stephen Sommers' Mummy films, the pacing of this consciously hokey film is lighting quick with it's enjoyable action sequences, dazzling special effects, entertaining supporting cast and perfectly timed humor.

3 headed dogs out of 5

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER [2012]

With Timur Bekmambetov directing and Tim Burton producing the big screen adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's novel Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter I was expecting some campy, ridiculously violent fun with some dry wit about it.

Instead, it takes an overly serious route that is both dull and boring, with the exception of two entertaining action sequences.  Shame.  A waste of a potentially dumb, fun popcorn flick.  

1 horse-tossing vampire out of 5

The Tourist (2010)

Spy caper. Strangers meet on a train. Depp becomes the wrong man... You see where it could've gone? Sadly, it didn't go anywhere but downhill steeply. Jolie piles on a mountain of makeup and Depp looked mostly lost in a role that gave him little to do other than drift.

1 point for the set dressings out of 5

Dark City (1998)

Life is an enigma and dead hookers are found in hotel rooms; what happens when those two things are combined? Who are the Strangers? Do you really know who you were last night?

Predates The Matrix by a year but shares much.

Stylistic, Kafkaesque, neo-noir sci-fi for the aficionado.

4 dead hookers out of 5