Dracula (1992)

aka Bram Stoker's Dracula

Coppola’s Dracula is visually interesting. He mutates the German expressionists love of shadow into something pure Hollywood but still effectively dramatic. On top of that he heaps dozens of colourful and theatrical elements, but it's more than the film can comfortably support.
The Dracula character is a tragic figure responsible for his own curse, thus ensuring that his grief lasts for centuries. Heartache can cause us to do odd things, but he really didn't think that through.
The acting by most of the cast is very dodgy. Reeves, Ryder and Frost are just plain awful. Oldman is fantastic as an old man, but his younger self has a hopeless romantic shtick that quickly bores. Man-bat form FTW!

2½ brain fevers out of 5

Spoiler (1998)

There’s an excellent sci-fi idea at the heart of Spoiler but it’s utterly wasted on a bad film with bad acting. The idea involves a Gilliam-esque society with a developed judicial system that punishes repeat offenders by placing them in suspended animation. When they’re released their loved ones have aged or died but they haven’t, so the punishment seems instant (for the convict) but the resulting anguish lasts a lifetime. There’s so much potential there that opens up so many doors, but when Spoiler lurches toward one of the more attractive ones it trips over its own shoelace (that it was too stupid to learn to tie) and shamefully crawls through.

1 cold one out of 5

Bathory: Countess of Blood (2008)

A film about Hungary’s wealthiest 16th Century noblewoman, Erzsébet Báthory, that acknowledges fact and legend have become intertwined over the years, then with a subtle “was it quite different, perhaps?” removes itself from any strict adherence to either.
It’s narrated by a friar, who somehow has the whole story despite not being present for its entirety. He paints Erzsébet more as a woman desperate to hold onto what tragedy hasn't yet taken from her, and less of the wicked, bloodthirsty bitch that most screenplays prefer.
Anna Friel is good and costumes are pretty, but the crude dream structure that helps the years pass makes everything feel disconnected.

2 dragon teeth out of 5

The Time Shifters (1999)

aka Thrill Seekers

Casper Van Dien plays a newspaper reporter who stumbles upon a connection between historical disasters, even though they took place decades apart. Time travel is afoot. He braces himself for some shitty acting (not all of which is him) and jumps head first into TV Movie land.
The story is okay. Anyone well-read in sci-fi will know where things are going before they get there, but newcomers might be more impressed.

2 bad years out of 5

Rocky III (1982)

Being on top makes you a target, so all eyes are on Rocky, including the fierce, burning gaze of Clubber Lang. Clubber wants a shot at the title and he’s got the fire to make it happen. Rocky is ill-prepared, like a writer without a muse, but help comes from an unexpected source.
Before it gets good we have to suffer the farce of Rocky Vs Hulk Hogan and the woeful dialogue that plagues about half the film.
Burgess being the gruff manager is always fun, but what makes it worth seeing is the legendary Mr T. It’s the best performance I've ever seen him give and, in all honesty, he’s perfect for the role.

3 stars on the platform out of 5

Halloween: A Cut Above the Rest (2003)

A documentary offering insight into the first Halloween (1978) film. It covers writing, production, filming and scoring, etc, via interviews with producers and many of the major cast and crew (and cast that doubled as crew) including candid words from Carpenter himself. The only notable absence is Donald Pleasence, for obvious reasons.
It relies too much on film footage as filler, but it’s a good source of trivia for fans. It mentions the sequels, briefly. I guess someone felt it had to.

3 relatable horrors out of 5

School of the Holy Beast (1974)

The romantic montage that opens SotHB gives no indication of what follows once Maya enters the Sacred Heart Convent, a place where morals and judgements aren't as black and white as the religious habit the women wear. Do all convents have a Persecution Room?  0_0
The first half is uneventful, other than the usual bloody flagellation, lesbianism and nudity you almost always get in a nunsploitation flick, but the remainder is atypical thanks to Suzuki’s eye for beauty and art. The dreamlike quality of the imagery separates it from the trash. Pissing on an effigy of Jesus is rarely this entertaining. (Sorry, mom.)

3 strict principles out of 5

Azumi 2: Death or Love (2005)

The assassins that survived the explosive bloodbath of the first film's finale set out to bring an end to the one remaining Lord, because while civil war is still a possibility their mission objective is incomplete.
It’s still colourful but besides the occasional ridiculous villain (and the web fight) the majority of the action is less comic-booky. Some will say it’s also less eventful because of that, but the shift to a more sedate and personal journey was to my liking, meaning I preferred it over the first film.
Aya Ueto appears to be more comfortable with the role as Azumi and certainly more confident in her swordswomanship.

3½ last words out of 5

Azumi (2003)

A live action film adapted from Yū Koyama’s chanbara manga of the same name. I’ve not read the manga, so a direct comparison is out.
Azumi is trained from a young age to be an assassin. She’s delicate but deadly, like a dip-dyed flower with barbs hidden beneath the beauty. Her only flaw is that her emotion fights often with her instinct.
We’re informed from the outset that the fantastical plays an important part, so leave a desire for realism at the door before entering.
I got the feeling more than once than Kitamura wanted to make a Ninja Scroll (1993) movie, but maybe that’s what the Azumi manga is like?

3 mounds of dirt out of 5

The Touch (2002)

You can try to spin it differently but the truth is that The Touch is a Tomb Raider movie. The only real difference is that Michelle doesn't raid a tomb, she protects it. If you watch the two Jolie efforts and then watch Touch you’ll see what I mean. But if you do that you'll probably regret it.

1½ very sturdy scarves out of 5

Parasite Eve (1997)

A live action film adapted from Hideaki Sena's début novel, Parasaito Ivu (1995). The creepy science is disturbing food for thought in any language and the tragedy is well-played, but together they eventually lead the story into the realm of hokum. Once that happens much of the established terror is lost. Until then, the atmosphere is good, if a little slow to develop.

2½ cultured cells out of 5

Rocky II (1979)

A sequel to Rocky (1976) that was written, directed by and starred Sylvester Stallone. At first it seems as if he didn't do himself any favours by reusing the emotional high of the first film’s ending in the opening sequence, but the contrast of what follows sets the mind straight.
The fall back to reality is hard for the Stallion, who struggles with old fashioned values and the overpowering need to be a manly-man.
Heavyweight Champion Apollo Creed is sore, his pride not just his face, and wants a rematch, but Rocky rolls to the sound of a different bell.
In some ways it’s too similar to the original, but leave enough time between the two and you’ll feel the full impact of the story. The last half hour is superb stuff, and I don’t even like boxing!

4 greasy snarls out of 5

Immortal Combat (1994)

I'm going to hand this one over to IMDB: "Rowdy Roddy Piper and Sonny Chiba battle an army of immortal ninja warriors." I can’t top that. Such insight. Such brevity. Even if ‘an army’ is a gross exaggeration of the truth. It’s more like a small cluster. And the only person you could realistically class as a 'ninja' is the shuriken-throwing Chiba. But the 'immortal' part is right, surely? Well, no... kind of but not really. But let's not dwell on the semantics. The important thing is that Piper and Chiba are in it. That’s why it deserves to be on Nutshell.

2 man-perms out of 5

Brides of Dracula (1960)

Hammer’s follow-up to Dracula (1958) didn't have Christopher Lee as the main antagonist, but it did have gutsy Peter Cushing as Dr Van Helsing, thankfully.
The sets and costumes are magnificent, but the ‘brides’ are flimsy, useless additions to a script filled with illogical turns and modified vampire lore that outright contradicts its predecessor.
At times the gothic tones are closer to Tennessee Williams than to Bram Stoker. It shows that Hammer were either still experimenting with form or willing to take risks, but the script needed a lot more work.

2½ basic facts ignored out of 5

Dracula (1958)

aka Horror of Dracula (in the US)

It took huge liberties with Bram Stoker's story, but otherwise Hammer's first flirtation with Dracula is the best vampire film they ever made. The elaborate sets are beautifully lit. The creeping strings and timely crashing cymbals of James Bernard's score lift everything from routinely dramatic to legendary heights. What gets the most attention, deservedly so, is the addition of Christopher Lee in the lead role and Peter Cushing as his nemesis, the pursuant Dr. Abraham Van Helsing. Pitting those two against each other is like having mountains collide amid a thunderstorm.
The ending is the most memorable of any vampire film I've ever seen.

4 basic facts established out of 5

A Short Film About John Bolton (2003)

A documentary about fantasy artist John Bolton. But why are responses scripted and staged? And why is that not John Bolton? Ah, it’s a mockumentary. That explains the overly sycophantic gallery owner, the humour that misfires and the allusions to found footage horror movies.
Some people will love it simply because it's by Gaiman, but I found it all rather pointless, other than to enable him to tell a story that would've worked just fine written down. I'd much rather have a book of Gaiman shorts to feed upon and a book of Bolton art for afters.

1 absent hat out of 5

Twins of Evil (1971)

The Monty Python-esque cries of “Burn her! Burn the witch!” are unintentionally hilarious, but otherwise it's typical Hammer. Peter Cushing gives an especially fine performance as a hard-assed, witch-hunting man of God determined to keep his comely nieces as chaste as possible without actually chaining them to a fireplace. The nieces are real life twins Mary and Madeleine Collinson, aka Playmates of the Month, October 1970. It may have been a cynical move by Hammer to hire nude models, but both women are praiseworthy as actresses, so it turned out well.
It’s the final part of the loosely connected Karnstein Trilogy; the others are The Vampire Lovers (1970) and Lust for a Vampire (1971).

3 servants of the devil out of 5

Top Gear: The Worst Car in the History of the World (2012)

James and Jeremy are more comfortable testing fuel-guzzling supercars on the Top Gear track, so the idea of putting them into wheeled shit-boxes is funny even before the show begins. Their adjectives are scathing. Their patience is tested. Their bitter disappointment is our joy.
At time of writing you can buy from the UK BBC shop for £11.99 or amazon for £2.79. Auntie, you’re having a laugh (all the way to the bank).

2½ sputtering engines out of 5

Russian Ark (2002)

A story viewed entirely through the eyes of an unblinking observer. He moves through the Winter Palace of the Russian State Hermitage Museum like some kind of apparition. It’s a single, unbroken Steadicam shot that lasts 90+ minutes from beginning to end; there are no cuts.
It’s a staggering achievement involving literally thousands of actors, but unless you’re deeply interested in Russian history then the majority of the political and cultural allusions will be lost. All I know of Russia is that it’s big and cold, so I was clueless ninety percent of the time.
It’s a beautiful canvas, no doubt of that, especially the walk with Catherine II on the snowy path, but beyond the technical aspects it’s just not very exciting. Russian scholars will likely feel very differently.

3½ audiences out of 5

THE SACRAMENT [2013]

Ti West has become a very accomplished indie-horror film-maker who is constantly changing up his style for each film so it comes as no surprise to see him tackle the found footage genre with The Sacrament.
Heavily inspired by the 1978 Jonestown Massacre, West gathers together his usual mumblecore horror team to tell the story of a hidden religious cult community documented by VICE magazine.  West builds up the tension and uber-creepy atmosphere through monologues and vague promises of hope and love.  Gene Jones delivers a fantastic performance as the cult leader that gives answers in such an influential manner that even I had problems thinking of a quick rebuttal to.  The final thirty minutes is deeply unsettling whether you know what is going to happen or not, making it incredibly difficult to shake off even in broad daylight.  It never offers any real explanation or answers but simply speculates the hidden horrors that unfold.

3½ cups of Kool-Aid out of 5

Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death (1999)

If it's not already apparent from the title and picture above, Fatal Death is a parody. It was a skit made for Comic Relief, but it’s filled with love for the real deal, acted by people deserving of the accolade and written by Steven Moffat, who was no stranger to Dr. Who lore even then.
There's a running gag in the first half, but the second half is where the real treasure is found. What occurs throughout certainly isn't 'canon', but if it was Joanna Lumley would get my vote.

3 Dalek bumps out of 5

STAGE FRIGHT [2014]

It wasn't until a good half-way through Jerome Sable's horror-musical comedy Stage Fright did I realize I'd been grinning like a damned fool the whole time.

A musical summer camp, hilariously run by Meat Loaf, becomes the latest setting for a masked killer to extract his bloody criticism on musical theatre.  The idea of plot and characters seemed to be thrown out to leave more room for outrageous humor, overly dramatic showtunes (with some Iron Maiden-esque screeching for good measure) and buckets of blood by the gallons.  When it's this much goofy fun it really doesn't matter how bad it truly is.

2½ beatdowns for reciting Stephen Sondheim out of 5

THE CAPTIVE [2014]

To get straight to the point, Atom Egoyan's "thriller" The Captive is like someone took a made for afternoon TV movie, chopped it into bits and put it back together again in whatever order made the least sense.
It's the story about the case of missing girl that spans over a period of 8 years.  The problem is the story sloppily jumps back and through the years, (4 different periods, I think) without any indication when or why which leads it to make next to no sense.  There's absolutely no mystery or tension, seeing as we know who the kidnapper is and that the missing girl is safe within the first 2 minutes of the film.  It's like Egoyan decided to take you for a tedious ride through the country and insulted you like a dullard the whole time before dropping you off in the last place you want to be.

½ magic flute out of 5

POLYTECHNIQUE [2009]

Denis Villeneuve has a way of making you want to reach for the Prozac after his films are finished.
Polytechnique is still his heaviest to date.  It's based on the true story of the 1989 Montreal Massacre, which is such a huge tragedy you'd be hard to find a Canadian to this very day that's comfortable talking about it.
Lensed in black & white, it's a cold, highly uncomfortable viewing that captures the anger, hatred, tragedy and fear all felt on that day without ever exploiting it or veering into the tasteless.  It pays careful attention to imagery and sound to give a stark sense of frightening realism.  This isn't entertaining in any way whatsoerver but raises more than enough questions about yourself, while purposely blurring ones sense of emotions.  With that it serves as a reminder of something that shouldn't be forgotten and how we can find just enough hope to fight through so much hatred.

4 out of 5

POMPEII [2014]

When it came to Paul W.S. Anderson's Pompeii, I wanted to watch pretty people run through exploding buildings as the earth opened up and swallowed them whole, without ever having to use my brain thingy.
I got exactly what I wanted but every so often my brain would turn on and would ask me why I was still watching it.   The real life disaster/love story film worked with Titanic and fell flat on it's face with Pearl Harbor.  Pompeii leans in closer to the Michael Bay shitfest with it's painfully predictable dialogue, horrible casting choices and lack of enthusiasm that all misses the mark to be a guilty pleasure shitfest.  It performed it's meaningless duties for a single viewing and I won't be needing it services again.

2 missing gods out of 5

KRISTY [2014]

Director Olly Blackburn's thriller Kristy almost might have worked if it didn't take a wide turn into predictable lane.  A tale about a student who's left alone on her college campus during the Thanksgiving holidays only to be tormented by a pack of bloodthirsty strangers.
The first half hour does an astounding job at setting up the isolated atmosphere and dreadful feeling of loneliness.  You could easily add the tagline "In College No One Can Hear You Scream" and it'd be perfectly suiting with it's Kubrick-esque photography that scans over the campus like a haunted hotel.  However as soon as the action starts kicking in all that atmosphere is blown to smithereens with duller than dull chase scenes and something attempting to act like tension.

2 flickering lights out of 5

Fear in the Night (1972)

Mr Dear John himself, Ralph Bates, plays a newly-wed schoolteacher with a quaint blonde wife who thinks she's being stalked by a one-armed man.
It’s an unusual film for Hammer studios to have made in the 70s, because it’s a straight up psychological horror not a supernatural one.
It’s not as menacing as the Italian giallo style movies that it takes influence from, but I urge anyone who gives it a try to stick it out to the end because the last third is where all the good stuff happens.

3½ twists of the wrist out of 5

HODEJEGERNE [2011]

aka Headhunters

God dammit, is director Morten Tyldum's crime-thriller, Hodejegerne, ever a wickedly twisted and entertaining ride.
It follows a highly successful art thief that steals from the wrong person, sending him into a tornado of problems that threaten to destroy his life.  It's a wonderfully executed hodge-podge of scares, laughs, thrills and twists 'n turns all of which wrap up quite nicely together without ever missing a beat.  It never forgets underneath all of it's layers and layers of plot developments (and buckets of blood) that's it still very much a tale of human behaviour, insecurities and cherishing the beauty of what's right in front of you.

5 shitty places to hide out of 5

MALEFICENT [2014]

FX Guru Robert Stromberg makes his directorial debut with Maleficent, Disney's reinterpretation of their own Sleepy Beauty, which in turn was a  reinterpretation of a combination of old folktales.  
Obviously with Stromberg at the helm, one can expect a gorgeous looking film that is like watching a masterpiece painting come to life.  Unfortunately one can also expect that the rest of the film will sorely lack in any real substance.  From a distance you get a colorful looking fantasy film but under the microscope it's very much a date-rape revenge film that bounces between the conflicts of two different societies, one run by capitalism and the other socialism.  Angelina Jolie shines through the wooden script with a diabolically riveting performance that turns the title-character into a anti-hero of sorts.  As for the rest of the impressive cast?  They have absolutely nothing to work with and that's where it hurts the film the most, almost to the point of no recovery.

2 iron allergies out of 5

OCULUS [2013]

Director Mike Flanagan expands his spooky short film, Oculus, into a highly effective feature length.
It follows a young woman trying to prove that a filthy old mirror is the reason for the tragic deaths in her family many years earlier.
We're blessed with a devilishly paced script that  unfolds with perfection as the horror creeps deeper and deeper into our psyche.  Sure there's quite a few jump scares, but much like Flanagan's Absentia, the uber-creepy atmosphere and beautifully executed build-ups justify them.  It's well fleshed-out characters, remarkable camerawork & direction, eerie lighting and confident cast help make it one of better scary movies of the year.  Even if it does deflate in it's final moments with a disappointing and predicable conclusion, I can easily say the journey is well-worth the time.

3½ flavorful lightbulbs out of 5

Space Battleship Yamato (2010)

A live action film based on the long-running animated series. In 2199 a Japanese Captain Birdseye sets off with the titular ship on a perilous journey of hope to save humanity from extinction, etc.
The camera has the freedom of the bridge, enabling all parts of the command process to be explored in dramatic sweeps.
The action is good most of the time, but the quieter moments, when characters are candid or forced to reveal their weaknesses for the betterment of the mission, are by far the best aspect.

3 jumps over a big piece of space out of 5

.hack//G.U. Returner (2007)

A short OVA featuring characters from the .hack//G.U. games and the .hack//Roots anime. Each of the players receives a mysterious email from Ovan about a summer festival in Δ Delta Server.
It’s G.U's version of a meet and greet between different aspects of the .hack world and as such plays out exactly as you’d expect it would.

2½ Haseo dolls out of 5

EDGE OF TOMORROW [2014]

aka Live. Die. Repeat.

Based on Hiroshi Sakurazaka's sci-fi novel All You Need Is Kill, director Doug Liman's Edge Of Tomorrow feels like Starship Troopers trapped in the world of Groundhog Day (we all have to say it).
Tom Cruise gets caught in a time loop of the shittiest day during a war against an alien race that looks like gooey versions of The Matrix's sentinels on amphetamines.  As blow-em up, loud SFX razzle dazzle blockbusters go this one's pretty decent as it wears it's smarty pants well.  The normally delicate Emily Blunt is fantastically believable as the gruff one saving Cruise's life through the carnage while he panics and tries to hide.  It's like a video game with it's endless lives and with each turn the story is given a new purpose and theme to explore, never really allowing itself to actually become tiresome or dull.
Never taking itself very seriously at all, Edge Of Tomorrow is a great success that is simply a real hoot.

3½ Full Metal Bitches out of 5

SABOTAGE [2014]

The shittiest part about David Ayer's dirty DEA agent thriller, Sabotage, is that it's quite obvious something good was buried underneath the huge mess that it became.
Why anybody thought Arnie could carry a film that requires a lead to act well is beyond me.  Infact The Governator seems to have completely rewritten the film himself to turn it into his own vapid vanity project of shittiness.  Jam-packed with a host of wonderful character actors, many whom seem embarrassed to be involved, it frequently shows some glimmer of promise but that's quickly diminished by some obvious last second reshoots.   I don't usually have a problem with strong violence and language but here it's so forced you just feel bad for anyone involved that wasn't in Predator.

1½ shitty places to park your RV out of 5

SEE NO EVIL [2006]

WWE wrestler Kane makes his "acting" debut in porn director Gregory Dark's paint-by-numbers horror film See No Evil.
A hulking dim-witted murderer picks off a group of snotty American teenagers, each representing one of the seven sins, all of whom are played a pack of Aussies doing a dismal job at hiding their accents.   If it's mindless brutal violence you're looking for then you might find some interest in this.  If it's anything remotely scary or surprising then you're better off eating a box of laxatives and wait to see where that takes you.  It's troubled by jarring edits, out-of-date camera tricks and shaky zooms that annoy more than excite.  There's a few moments that caught my interest as a gorehound but the rest left much to be desired.

1 tasty telephone out of 5

THE ONE I LOVE [2014]

Director Charlie McDowell's feature length debut The One I Love is a romantic-comedy unlike any other I've ever seen.
Elizabeth Moss & Mark Duplass play a couple that escape to an out of the way cottage to try and save their struggling marriage.  That's all you should know before entering into this bizarre tale of love and the crazy things we do for it.  A bold tale told on a small scale sometimes runs around in circles but mostly keeps the viewer intrigued as they try and figure out what the hell is going on.  Duplass, who's perfected the mumblecore improvisation, is lucky to work across Moss who naturally slides into the genre with great ease.  The story and actors do a wonderful job at exploring the themes brought to the table and never ceases to entertain despite some bumps in the road.

3 pieces of bacon out of 5

Lust for a Vampire (1971)

A male novelist worms his way into a girls school filled with playful lovelies in chiffon and soon ends up in the arms of busty danger.
Elsewhere there’s a guy who in all probability was chosen because he looked a little like Christopher Lee. They even made him attempt a Lee voice. It's embarrassing for the studio and for the actor.
Do angry villagers brandish pitchforks and torches? Of course they do.
It’s the second part of the loosely connected Karnstein Trilogy; the others are The Vampire Lovers (1970) and Twins of Evil (1971).

3 jugular veins out of 5

LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS [2014]

Vancouver, B.C. does a hideously hilarious job at attempting to act like dirty ol' Ireland in Zach Lipovsky's Leprechaun: Origins.
A poor go at rebooting the original series (which was pretty bad to begin with), Lipovsky ditches the dumb humor and attempts to give us a seriously horrifying prequel chapter in the series.  He pretty much fails on all accounts which really shouldn't come as much of a surprise considering the lack of any sort of expectations.  Even Warwick Davis didn't bother to return and is instead replaced by some vicious little thing with Predator-vision that looks like an inbred midget out of The Descent.
So without the funnies, good gore, suspenseful scares or smarts, I'm left wondering who exactly is going to get anything out of this thing?
It just sits there and sucks.

1 Lucky Charm out of 5

FRENZY [1972]

Alfred Hitchcock's penultimate film Frenzy isn't necessarily essential viewing but will probably please fans of the film-maker's work.  

The Fatman gets his inner pip-pip on with this unsettling thriller that follows a wrongfully accused man of raping and strangling a long string of snotty bints who may or may not have deserved it.  With the way the females are poorly portrayed in this film, one might suspect Hitchcock felt they all deserved it.  Unfortunately the suspense is shot in the head pretty quickly due to some sloppy storytelling and poor characterizations.  However with some diabolically dry humor and Hitch's precise technical creativity it's still an interesting watch amidst it's prominent flaws.

3 sacks of potatoes out of 5

CHEF [2014]

Actor/director Jon Favreau steps away from the big budget SFX spectacles for awhile to put together a friendly little comedy called Chef.
Favreau plays a acclaimed chef who steps down from the bigtime to work in a much smaller food-truck, mirroring the director's step down from huge studio fiascos and into a quiet indie film.  It seems to have a pretty good idea what it's like dread the food critic's review and how juggling any sort of a life outside of the kitchen is next to impossible and that's part of the allure.  It isn't breaking any new ground or constantly trying to develop itself but is lucky to have some sharp dialogue, well-timed humor and enough harmless charm to make the whole family feel good (that's if Granny is hip to the number of F-bombs that are dropped).
In short, it's simply comfort food on film.  

3 shitty bosses out of 5

THE ROVER [2014]

David Michôd's bleak Western-esque Australian road movie The Rover seems like it could what happens in the world of Mad Max before things get really, really bad.
Placed 10 years after some sort of economical collapse, it follows the story of a unhinged man hunting down his stolen car with the brother of the man who stole it.  Pearce plays the lead with calculated damaged precision, making the viewer dread the moments when he lets loose, while Robert Pattinson is wonderful as a twitchy, half-witted man who simply doesn't belong in a world so terrible.  With it's beautiful but desolate photography, memorable yet violent imagery, effectively unsettling music and award worthy performances galore the film unfortunately lacks in any sort of purpose or meaningful resolution.

3 flipped cars out of 5

I KNOW THAT VOICE [2013]

Lawrence Shapiro's documentary I Know That Voice is a passion project to shine a well-deserved spotlight on the legions of talented voice-actors we'd never recognize on the street.
It offers some interesting insights into the craft,  the hard work that goes into it, what actor does what job better, the often difficult job of dubbing anime, the love of it's comic convention fans and a bit of history of it's origins.  Through all it's interesting points and facts it's just as equally entertaining watching all these actors do what the do best, even when the microphone isn't on.
One of the most delightfully nerdy experiences I've had with a documentary in a long time.

4 white black guys out of 5

FRANK [2014]

Director Lenny Abrahamson's off-kilter bittersweet drama Frank is the type of film that would fit neatly within Michel Gondry's filmography.
Heavily inpsired by Chris Sievey's Frank Sidebottom character, it follows the tale of a young musician who's whisked away into the bizarre life of an eccentric musical group and it's mask-wearing leader.  Each character suffers from some sort of mental illness but somehow it all seems to work until their order is threatened by the chaos of the mainstream music scene.  By studying mental illness and creativity, one can't help but think of Daniel Johnston or Nick Drake and quite often the genius of the music shows it when it's at it's most frail and disjointed.  It does an incredible job at portraying the struggles and rewards of creative collaboration just as much as it delights the heart with humor, drama and the bizarre.

4 shiny crazy diamonds out of 5

WILLOW CREEK [2013]

Director Bobcat Goldthwait steps away from his usual black comedy and ventures into the world of found footage horror with Willow Creek.
When it all comes down to it, this is pretty much The Blair Witch Project except with an elusive Sasquatch and that's all right considering the fun to be had.  Goldthwait's characters have always been oblivious to their own actions which always ends with nasty consequences, so dabbling in horror seems like the inevitable.  Here he gives a huge slow-burn which is pretty much us just hanging out with the film-makers for nearly the entire film that leads to an undies-soiling 20 minute single-take static shot that is well worth the wait.
It ain't high art or particularly great but if you're going to have a horror movie marathon one night, then this should be the one to get the ball rolling.

3 Bigfoot Burgers out of 5

PULP: A FILM ABOUT LIFE, DEATH & SUPERMARKETS [2014]

Florian Habicht's documentary Pulp: A Film About Life, Death & Supermarkets is, without a doubt, only for fans of the British alt-rock act.
Pulp is ready to play what might be their final show in their hometown of Sheffield, England and this film documents both the band's day and all the *ahem* common people of all ages that inhabit the town.  Some folks are ecstatic while others haven't the faintest idea who they are, which all make for some hilariously polarizing conversations.  While most of the world see Pulp as glamorous Pip-pip rock stars, it's great to see a town full of people know them as those guys who used to work at the fish market. 

It's a bit different from other standard music documentaries but this one has a  big heart and a magnificent understanding of it's subjects and their fans which makes for a great, yet humble experience.  

3½  toiletries out of 5

INCENDIES [2010]

Director Denis Villeneuve's war drama Incendies works on a few different levels but none of them lead to a happy ending or comfortable solution.  

It follows the story of two French Canadian twins' journey to the Middle East (their home country) to fullfill their mother's dying wishes of finding their long lost brother.  It's essentially a deeply intimate human story that's harrowing as it is tragic as the captivating mystery unravels with each distressing reveal.  All this is cleverly used to tell the bigger story of the political, religious and sectarian struggles that's plagued the country with violence, hatred and betrayal all the while it deeply causing an effect on the innocents caught in the crossfire.  We're not always sure who's fighting who in the background but I think that might be the point, when I'm sure the characters are wondering the exact same thing.  Villeneuve tells the story with a stark realism that's natural and quite moving with some unexpected twists 'n turns that are severely upsetting.

4 dots minus one out of 5

Gatchaman (2013)

A live action version of the animated Gatchaman (aka G-Force / Battle of the Planets, depending on where you live). The first 20 minutes are chock-full of Avengers style action with an additional Japanese flourish. It's followed by a lot of dialogue and heavy exposition. Kudos to all involved for attempting to cram in extra depth and tragedy, but fewer events with each given more attention would've been preferable.
The costumes aren't as bad as they could've been, but they aren't as faithful or iconic as they should’ve been either. At least Jun gets to keep her underwear private. You can speculate on whether it’s the traditional Jun white or not, if that's your thing, after the post-credits scene.

2 G-particles out of 5

Merantau Warrior (2009)

The Merantau is a rite of passage that young men must take in order to be viewed as an adult. Yuda is one such individual. He sets out for Jakarta with his man-bag (optional) to prove himself and make his momma proud.
Aka simply as Merantau, it's an Indonesian martial arts film written and directed by a Welshman. Hmmm… Alarm bells.
It mimics the work of Prachya Pinkaew in both structure and style. It even wants us to accept leading man Iko Uwais as a kind of Tony Jaa replacement. Uwais certainly has skills and he’s less blank than Jaa was in his early days, but he needs a better film to enable him to prove it.

2½ concrete bunks out of 5

Talaash: The Hunt Begins... (2003)

The hardship and horrific moments that open this Bollywood action movie are powerful stuff, but fifteen minutes in, after the credits appear, things change. It jumps forward a decade and devoted son becomes handsome super-cop without whom India would probably have blown itself up.
The action is unintentionally hilarious. The bad guys are the kind that couldn't shoot a barn door stood two feet away. I was roaring with laughter during the final battle. When it goes off on a tangent and attempts actual comedy it's atrocious (see the entire train section). It's a Bolly-dud.

1½ true colours out of 5

Aim Low: The Very Best of Dylan Moran (2010)

If you take the conversational brilliance of the late Dave Allen and feed it even more alcohol, make it permanently semi-inebriated and on the verge of a hopeless rant, you have Dylan Moran. He’s the comedian for people who can’t be bothered to care but have just enough reserves left to tell people to feck off in the most direct manner. He’s uniquely Irish.

3 pubes on the ceiling out of 5