MULHOLLAND DR. [2001]

Taking a trip down Mulholland Drive has never been as weird as David Lynch's surrealist neo-noir thriller of the same name.
Lynch carefully constructs a baffling non-linear Hollywood story about...well...I'm not entirely clear what it was about. Two women played by Naomi Watts & Laura Harring get wrapped up into the murky and menacing world that seems to want to swallow them whole. Meanwhile a troubled film director gets beaten up by Billy Ray Cyrus and may or may not know of these two women. As much sense as this film doesn't make, there's something deep within the subconscious that joins it all together to make it work like a charm.
Merging many of Hitchcock's techniques with traces of Billy Wilder's Sunset Boulevard, Lynch creates a nightmarish dreamscape that is difficult to shake off. It is phantasmagoria at it's finest and holds a place at the top of my list as one of the scariest films I've ever seen.

5 red lampshades out of 5

SHUTTER ISLAND [2010]

Director Martin Scorsese takes Leonardo DiCaprio for a spooky ride in Shutter Island. Based on Gone Baby Gone author Dennis Lehane's novel, Scorsese gives it vibrant flair of noir-ish dreamlike creepiness.
DiCaprio is good but it's Sir Ben Kingsley and Mark Ruffalo who turn in subtly superb performances that may go unnoticed upon a first viewing. The morbid surreal atmosphere is so thick here you can cut with a rusted knife. The plot twists and turns with each corner taken but never gets too mind-boggling to detract from the flow of the story.
With each viewing it gets better and better as you notice the extreme attention to careful detail. It's not Scorsese's best film but it's a helluva a lot better than most cinema we're subjected to today.

4 Truth And Lies out of 5

À l'intérieur [Inside][207]

A widowed pregnant women is terrorized in her own home by a maniacal lady with an unhealthy obsession with her unborn baby.
Starting off incredibly creepy, filled with some intensely scary chills it soon falls into nothing but overly gory violence with no substance whatsoever.
Troubled French actress Béatrice Dalle turns in a very unlikable but effectively menacing performance as the crazy lady with a pair of scissors.
Be prepared to squirm while grasping onto your barf bag during the shocking finale. It's so unnecessarily gruesome, I have to give it credit for it's gore effects.
In the end, the performances are good, the gore effects are good, the setting is good...the writing is not and that hurts this film the most.

2 "Leave the cat out of this, you bitch"s out of 5

FAUST [1994]

Loosely based upon the legend of Doc..er...Faustus, Czech director Jan Švankmajer spins a creatively different take on the tale merging live action, claymation and giant marionettes with great results.
There are extended periods of no dialogue, with the exception of a few indecipherable mumbles and when there is speaking it's quite surreal.
It appears to be next to impossible to find a subtitled version of this film, so the English dubbing was my only option. To my surprise, the dubs were so flawless I had to check to see if it wasn't English to begin with.
It's classic Švankmajer, with traces of Kafka, Dali and Jim Henson thrown in the mix. If you're not familiar then this would be the perfect place to start.

4 clay babies beaten to a pulp out of 5

The Book of the Dead (2005)

aka: Shisha no sho / The Book of a Dead Person

As a man is executed for an unnamed crime he catches sight of a woman in the crowd; that single glimpse keeps his soul attached to the world and years later he returns to search for her.
A stop-motion treasure set in eighth Century Japan. Visually it’s a thing of beauty, like a watercolour painting come to life. Structurally it’s full of Eastern metaphor, but having been educated in the West meant most of it went clear over my head.  Nevertheless, it's a hugely enjoyable combination of love story, ghost story and Buddhist parable.

3½ ghostly white nipples out of 5

LES REVENANTS [THEY CAME BACK][2004]

French scriptwriter, Robin Campillo's directorial debut, Les Revenants turns the zombie film genre on it's head with this refreshing sci-fi/fantasy film.
One morning the dead rise and walk out of the cemetery, looking to return to their lives like nothing happened.
The film seems like an eerie dream, layered with ambient music, soft colors and a strong melancholy mood washed over everything, all of which kept bringing Tarkovskiy's Solaris to mind. It's emotionally disturbing and very haunting but doesn't quite use it's idea to it's full potential. There's a few nitpicks here and there that are best left untouched to enjoy the film. That being said, it's a fascinating film with an ending that pays off making it well worth your time.

4 Necrophiliacs? out of 5

Catwoman (2011)

DC Showcase short animated film.

Catwoman is on the trail of a crime boss, but she finds time to do a gratuitous pole dance because it might give fanboys some weird jollies and overshadow the fact that Eliza Dushku doesn't make a good Catwoman, the pacing is poor, the CGI unnecessary and the script is lame (Paul Dini can do better than this).
A much better Catwoman short can be found on Mystery of the Batwoman (2003), I would recommend it over this lacklustre attempt.

1½ minor scratches out of 5

Jonah Hex (2010)

DC Showcase short animated film.

Jonah Hex rides into town on a bounty hunt but his target is mysteriously absent, so he does some digging at the local saloon. Money can buy anything, it seems.
A sun bleached visual look gives this short a real identity.
I know nothing about the Jonah Hex character, but it didn't seem to matter.
The story is self-contained without any obvious need for extraneous comic knowledge. It’s a beautifully executed homage to the westerns of old with extra grit.
The musical score is fantastic. I want more.

4 red dead and very ripe out of 5

Green Arrow (2010)

DC Showcase short animated film.

The Emerald Archer gets his own little moment to shine; sadly he lacks the poilsh needed to shine brightly. The plot has he of the infinite arrow and bottomless quiver trying to protect a young girl from a generic bad guy. It's mercifully short and if action is all you crave it'll deliver, but characterisation is lacking. Ollie deserves better.

2 extra baggage out of 5

The Spectre (2010)

DC Showcase short animated film.

Detective Jim Corrigan investigates a murder; later the green cloaked spooky Spectre takes revenge on the people responsible in suitably gruesome style.
The Spectre isn't a superhero in the traditional manner, he’s a supernatural entity, but that just makes him even more badass than usual. Gary Cole does voice work and he’s good, very good. Visually it’s a joy, with some post production jiggery-pokery to make it look like it was shot on cheap 1970’s film stock. The music is also reminiscent of that era. I liked it.

4 swift paper cuts out of 5

Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam (2010)

DC Showcase short animated film.

Super bad guy Black Adam crashes to earth and begins to tear the place apart, then he begins to stalk a young kid called Billy Batson; not very suitable behaviour for a full grown man.
It's essentially a Captain Marvel origin story with Superman along for the ride (or flight), which ends up in a three-way testosterone battle. Captain Marvel was always good fun in comic form and has made the transition to animation beautifully.
Throw in some quick morality and perhaps a little lesson about karma and it’s another great effort from DC.

4 superhero talent scouts out of 5

The Quiet Family (1998)

One of my favorite movies of all time is Takashi Miike's "Happiness of the Katakuris", and that film would not exist without The Quiet Family. The Quiet Family lacks the wackiness of Miike's movie, but is a neat little black comedy with some strong performances. The family's hotel is really beautiful to look at, and there's some nice cinematography nestled between the death cover-ups.

At times, I wish the reactions of the characters were a little less over the top, but the absurdity mostly works here, and it's easy to see how this film launched Kim Ji-woon's career. A good movie to watch any time you feel like looking death in the face and chuckling.

3.5 deaths by hotel keys out of 5

SHEITAN [2006]

France has produced some truly grotesque and horrific cinema in the past decade. Some of it's startlingly good. Some of it's just plain bad.
Sheitan falls somewhere in the middle of that.
It's incredibly bizarre and unpredictable but it's also thin on any riveting ideas or any good scares. I laughed out loud quite a few times due to the outrageously demented sense of humor sprung forth at the strangest moments possible.
Vincent Cassel is a riot as the crack-brained lunatic that seems to have downed a couple too many energy drinks.
It's fun, deranged and not that great. If you're looking for a good French horror film there's plenty of others to chose from that are far better. If you're a Cassel enthusiast then I would recommend seeking this one out for his performance only. I'm still chuckling at this moment thinking about it and I guess that's got to count for something.

2½ goats in the ER out of 5

THE SHINING [1980]

What can be said about Stanley Kubrick's slightly unfaithful adaptation of Stephen King's classic ghost story The Shining, that hasn't been said already?
The beautifully symmetrical extended camera shots slowly crawling over the wide open spaces, the exquisitely precise sound design, the powerful use of classical avant-garde music, the ominous setting and, of course, Jack.
Jack Nicholson is a deliciously evil treat in this film, right from the get-go in a subtly perfect interview scene to the final moments of a haunting image guaranteed to send chills down your spine.
With it's lavishly slow (yet highly effective) pacing, nightmarish imagery, great performances from the entire cast and menacing music, Kubrick's The Shining is indeed the modern horror classic it's been called countless times.

5 Kids named Doc out of 5

The Nutcracker Prince (1990)

The Nutcracker Prince is quite possibly the most under appreciated horror film of the 1990's. The film spins a creepy tale of rats that crawl into your bed and bite your toes, leaving you horribly deformed or trapped motionless in a wooden form, unable to let out even a single scream. The animation is mediocre, and the ending is fairly weak, but it's the movie's still creepier than any children's special has a right to be. The voice cast, which includes Kiefer Sutherland and Peter O'Toole, is surprisingly top notch, and really ups the creepy factor in some of the movie's weirder scenes. This movie isn't so good that you should rush out and buy it or stream it off Netflix, but if you happen to catch it on TV this holiday season, leave it on long enough for the toe bitin'.

2 traumatized children out of 5

El laberinto del fauno [Pan's Labyrinth] [2006]

Like Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands before it, Guillermo Del Toro brilliantly crafts a heartbreaking fairy tale tainted with a stark reality.
With terrifyingly beautiful creatures(something Del Toro has perfected), sets that twist and turn with each breath the earth takes and it's deeply poetic storytelling, Pan's is a journey I can never tire of enjoying.
As violent as the film can get, it never goes without reason and helps with the development of the characters and the harsh world built around them. Doug Jones firmly places himself at the top of creature performers, based upon his graceful use of body movements and timing.
It's all complimented with a haunting lullaby so beautiful it can proudly join the ranks of Elfman and Beltrami's gorgeous vocal thematic compositions.
Pan's Labyrinth is a wonderful film that leaves you breathless with awe, wonder and horror. It's dark fantasy at it's finest we've seen in many, many years.

5 choices to die out of 5

Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

It takes a special kind of person to mess up a movie that features sword wielding warriors taking on guys in rubber monster suits. No one sits down to watch a movie titled "Alien vs. Ninja" expecting to see a masterpiece, but at the very least, they expect to be entertained. I could have easily forgiven this movie's poor special effects, bad monster design, and generally awful look if it'd remembered for 5 minutes that it was supposed to be fun. I like tokusatsu shows. I like Sci-Fi Channel original movies. This movie should have been right up my alley, but instead, I spent half the movie looking at the clock.

The movie's one saving grace was its stylized gore. I found the action scenes to be pretty dull, but decapitations and lively splatters of blood were enough to recapture my interest for a little while. Some of the scenes were so awkward that I chuckled in spite of myself, and there are at least a few moments in the movie that would make for some fun gifs. I'd recommend looking up the film's most bizarre scenes on Youtube and avoiding the rest of it. I imagine seeing an alien dry hump a ninja who is trying to fight him is a lot funnier when you haven't sat through minute after minute of said ninjas doing their best to annoy the crap out of you.

This movie should have been an absolute blast, and I hope that the b-movie world someday succeeds in making a movie about ninjas beatin' on aliens that everyone can enjoy.

1 overdressed blonde ninja out of 5

Superman : Doomsday (2007)

Something fell to earth thousands of years before Ma Kent’s perfect son, but it remained trapped. When it is finally released it's not surprisingly mad as hell. Based on The Death of Superman storyline from the comics, this is Supes at his less than infallible best.
James Marsters is a great Lex Luthor. Fans may mourn the absence of Tim Daly, but I think Adam Baldwin did a fantastic job as the man in tights; in fact, the voice casting is top class. As is the animation; it's full of action, violence (people die) and genuine affecting emotion. Highly recommended.

5 reflections in a cracked mirror out of 5

ERASERHEAD [1977]

Along with Night Of The Living Dead, Pink Flamingos, The Evil Dead and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, David Lynch's Eraserhead is one of the definitive Midnight Movie cult classics. And with good reason.
A bizarre little black and white film, layered with a loud and sometimes subtle industrial soundscape, corners filled shadows you can almost swear something is watching you from within and outrageously awkward moments that make you squirm in your seat.
Jack Nance's hilarious and sympathetic Henry Spencer role, seals the deal for him as a long time member of the Lynch Mob.
Lynch creates a foreboding post-apocalypsish world that is somehow all too familiar like a dream or nightmare we've long since buried.
With it's ludicrous humor, creepily effective slow pacing and dreamlike elements of sci-fi, David Lynch's Eraserhead is a no-brainer when it comes to a Halloween Horror run.

5 roses up the bum (business end sticking out) out of 5

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS [1991]

It's not often a film as disgusting as Jonathan Demme's Silence Of The Lambs receives such high acclaim and recognition for it's brilliance. It deserves every word of it and more.
Based upon Thomas Harris' chilling novel, Silence takes the viewer on a gloomy, diligently crafted exploration of the roads we'd rather not travel.
As much as Sir Anthony Hopkins is recognized as being the scene stealer of the film, I personally feel it's Jodie Foster who holds it all together with her vulnerable, subtly strong and innocent performance. Ted Levine also deserves recognition for his overwhelmingly vile portrayal of the murderer.
With it's gloomy yet graceful photography, detailed set designs, perfect casting (right down to the 2 line bit parts), believable dialogue and expert direction, Silence Of The Lambs is a classic horror masterpiece that still holds up to this day and more than likely many years to come.

5 Quid Pro Quos of out 5

Child's Play 3 (1991)

8 years later and still not getting anywhere. The doll is reconstructed again (?!) and goes to find his old pal Alex who's now 18 and freshly enrolled in military school. This provides a great opportunity for drill sergeants to get theirs. I realize I'm biased, but these movies are kind of fun when you're in the right mind frame. The puppet effects are top notch and the one-liners just keep on comin'.

3 haunted rides out of 5

Child's Play 2 (1990)

Well, whattaya know? An above-average sequel. It's 2 years later and the poor kid is still being haunted by the damn doll. Chucky's been nonsensically restored and put back together good as new and ready to terrorize the boy once more, as he's passed around from foster home to foster home. This installment showcases a lot of the humor that the series is now known for. Brad Dourif makes these movies as the sinister voice behind that "innocent" face.

3.5 toy factories out of 5

Child's Play (1988)

We all know the story by now…Lakeshore Stranger Charles Lee Ray is trapped and cornered in a toy shop after being fatally wounded and invokes a voodoo incantation to transpose his soul into that of a “Good Guys” doll. 8-year-old Andy inherits said doll and creepy shit starts to hit the fan (everyone blames the kid, of course). You can probably tell by now that I really love these kinds of movies; whether it’s living dolls, animated puppets or little creatures, I eat all that shit up. This is probably one of the most competently made of the genre and actually holds up better than I thought it would.

4 friends ‘til the end out of 5

JACOB'S LADDER [1990]

Jacob's Ladder is a film I'm always hesitant to revisit in it's entirety.
If you know what it's like to lose control of your mind, have it play tricks on you and lie to you for extended periods of time then you are probably familiar with the horrors of Jacob's Ladder.
Director Adrian Lyne creates an astonishing sense of naked vulnerability, paranoia with the familiar and gut wrenching mourning and loneliness. The confusion, sadness and distant warmth behind his eyes establishes this as one of Tim Robbins' best performances to date. Danny Aiello's small but vital part thankfully lifts the weight of suffocation from the rest of the film's dark tones.
It's not so much a horror film but more a psychologically terrifying drama that will probably haunt you for quite some time after. That being said, I can honestly recommend this as a worthy film in The Nutshell's Horror Hall Of Fame.

5 hobo tails out of 5

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Taken as a whole, GoM isn't very good. The illuminated nights make everything look set-bound even though all exteriors were shot on location. Stath’s single-note action hero style doesn't fit well in the Carpenter world, and Ice Cube lacks any kind of menace. The SFX budget was small and it really shows. The generic, metal chugga-chug guitar stuff is awful.

Conversly, the ambient music is good, Pam Grier is cool and Natasha Henstridge is a perfect fit. There’s a strange, recurring use of a flashback within a flashback, having one character tell the tale of a different character.

The real saving grace is the commentary; I love a Carpenter commentary.

2 bottled teeth out of 5

Něco z Alenky [Alice][1988]

Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland is a weird tale to begin with...and Czech director, Jan Švankmajer's first feature length film takes it to a whole new level of bizarre, creepy, humorous and disturbing.
Using a live actress to portray the oddly violent Alice and a vast array of stop-motion animated taxidermied animals and bones as the creatures of Wonderland, Švankmajer creates an Alice unlike anything I've ever seen before.
The creatures are scary and very unfriendly, all of them looking like they're on a 3 day cocaine bender with their wildly transfixed glass eyes. The White Rabbit even mirrors Jack Nicholson breaking down a door with an ax.
Unfortunately, after the initial shock wears off of what is unfolding before your eyes, the story becomes a little tiresome. We've all seen it before countless times and I find myself wishing most of the scenes were cut in half.
In conclusion, I recommend you see this film at least once, just to experience the horrors with your own eyes. You will NEVER forget it.

3½ neighing bird bones out of 5

Shrunken Heads (1994)

Three adolescent friends are brutally murdered by the neighborhood gang and promptly resurrected into floating shrunken heads (with special powers) by the local voodoo guy, in this cult favorite from director Richard Elfman. Began my lifelong fascination with shrunken heads as a teenager (along with Beetlejuice). You've just got to sit back and enjoy this one; it's cheesy and good-natured fun for all. The score (with theme by brother Danny) is a trove of Elfman-inspired goodness.

3.5...um...shrunken heads out of 5

Arcade (1992)

Released during the time when virtual reality was all the rage and rumored to be the “next big thing,” this flick is fun but full of cheesy, outdated effects. A bunch of kids play a video game with an intelligence all its own and are sucked into its world where they play by its rules. It's now 20 years later, and I was hoping virtual reality would have happened by now. Lord knows this reality ain’t doing it for me.

2 bad ‘90s haircuts out of 5

Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter (1994)

The final chapter my ass. They've milked this cash cow for all it's worth. However, this was the last one to be released under Charles Band's original Full Moon banner. (Full Moon lived on in other shapes and forms, but never as good as the period between '85-'95.)

Charged with the murders from the previous film, the young scientist (with puppets in tow) seeks to destroy the demon monster once and for all. I really soaked up these movies when I was younger because they were so anti-mainstream. The animation is top-notch; it almost feels real to me. In addition, the classic theme by Richard Band does a fantastic job of lulling me into this world. These movies may not be the greatest, but they hold a special place in my memory and I had a lot of fun revisiting them.

2.5 "And all the rest..." out of 5

Puppet Master 4: The Demon (1993)

A young scientist working on a top secret government project for artificial intelligence stumbles upon Toulon's old trunk and discovers his ancient Egyptian secrets of reanimation. At the same time, a demon is trying to stop those secrets from being released to the public and so unleashes its own evil army to finish off the puppets. Ends on somewhat of a cliffhanger, as 4 and 5 were shot concurrently.

2.5 Decapitrons out of 5

Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)

Flashback to 1941 where Toulon is a famous puppeteer who's caught the interest of the Nazis who are trying to perfect their reanimation formula for Hitler's Reich. This prequel is probably the best thing since the original and we have a new Toulon (Guy Rolfe) who nails the part just right. This time we have enemies that deserve to die, so these movies shift the puppets from the bad guys to the heroes, which proves to be a much better fit.

3 Six-Shooters out of 5

Puppet Master II (1991)

We learn a little more about the puppets and how they operate in this first sequel, which reveals the secret behind their animation: brain tissue. As the puppets try and gather more of the precious fluid through killing, a new puppet master is pulling the strings... I really don't like how they made Toulon evil in this one, destroying the continuity between the rest of the series. Aside from that, there are a few good ideas therein, but all in all doesn't stand up to the original.

2.5 Leechwomen out of 5

Puppet Master (1989)

This popular series by imaginative low-budget label Full Moon Entertainment spawned a crapload of sequels but I'll primarily be focusing on the ones produced during the heyday of their brief direct-to-video reign.

Kindly old magician Andre Toulan (William Hickey, recalling to mind Vincent Price in Edward Scissorhands) brings his troupe of puppets to life in 1940s Germany and quickly ends himself when confronted by Nazi spies. Cut to present day where his trunk has been unearthed and a group of psychics are summoned to learn about them firsthand. Lots of weird imagery and fun puppet effects going on; most of the movie remains enshrouded in mystery, but I found it satisfying and intelligent in spite of the subject matter. The puppets themselves don't get a whole lot of exposure in this one, but that's what the sequels are for.

3.5 Blades out of 5

THE RING [2002]

Hate it for being the film that started the whole Hollywood remakes Asian horror films craze. However it can't be denied that director Gore Verbinski did his damndest to make it a worthy remake and succeeds with flying colors. Unfortunately he was the last one to make it worthwhile.
With it's odd color wash of blues and greens, plenty of breathing photography, haunting music courtesy of Hans Zimmer and chills that bury themselves deeply below the skin, The Ring is near perfect.
Sprinkling in some Hitchcock-esque camera work, with Naomi Watts cast in the lead role to add to that Hitchcock like vibe, Verbinski crafts a cold yet emotional journey considerably different from it's source material in tones and color.
As much as I like Ringu, it's The Ring that is my personal favorite of the franchise. A Top 10 inductee for my all time favorite horror films.

4 Chris Coopers? out of 5

Pictures at an Exhibition (2008)

I’m unsure what Marker is trying to convey with this work. He embraced digital media long ago, but what he presents here is the kind of thing anyone with Photoshop could do, and while each picture has a deeper meaning, some obvious (Pagan Goddess trying to protect Christianity from itself) and some less so (Kong and Psyche), what I don’t understand is why?
Is it commentary on the loss of originality or a lazy montage? The clash of classicism with modernism; the homage to popular culture, children’s literature, cult sci-fi, renaissance sculpture, etc, leave me confused.
Why are we going round in circles?
I've been in this room but now it’s different.
The titles of the paintings suggest he is deconstructing and recreating, like history repeating. Who knows for sure, except Marker?

2½ Arvo Part's Spiegel Im Spiegel keeps me here out of 5

Seconds Apart (2011)

Every year, I look forward to Horrorfest's 8 Films to Die For. Every year, most of them are terrible. Seconds Apart is not terrible. It's easy for a creepy twins movie to feel like a re-tread, but there's something about Seconds Apart that feels surprisingly fresh. This is partly because of the guy from those old 7-Up commercials, who turns in a powerful performance as a tortured detective, but it's also just a tense, well paced film.

Much of Second Apart's plot doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Given how powerful our main characters were established to be, they could've taken care of the movie's major conflicts pretty early on in the story. Still, it's a cool, atmospheric film with a great string score and some solid performances. Worth watching if you like creepy movies, films about twins, or just want to make 7-Up yours again.

3.5 diabetic twins out of 5.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

A thrill-seeking fox not content with family life can’t resist one last raid on the local farms, but his thieving antics don’t go unnoticed.
I love stop-motion. It may be a dying art. but in FMF it’s alive and well. With not one second wasted on pointless exposition or boring exploding robots it’s a joy to watch. My face felt like it was on LSD I was grinning so hard. Voice work is perfect. The titular fox is given life by George Clooney; throw in Bill Murray, Michael Gambon and Willem Dafoe and the magic is sustained.
The musical score is also fantastic. See here for a review.

4 Are you cussing with me? out of 5

Don't Look Now (1973)

I'm not going to give a synopsis. It's better if I don't.
The first six minutes of Don't Look Now will stay with you forever; it's chilling and achingly unforgettable, containing some of the most masterful cross-cutting in the history of cinema. The remainder alienates a lot of people.
Nicolas Roeg crafts a puzzle that rests upon random chance and of corners that when turned lead to nowhere, and yet are familiar. The Venice setting echoes the same with its claustrophobic streets and characteristic canals. Stay for the duration and a number of recurring aesthetic and thematic triggers begin to emerge.

It's marred only by badly clipping audio that's painful to the ears at times.

4 unhelpful police inspectors out of 5

STREET OF CROCODILES [1987]

When it comes to really creepy and disturbing animation you don't have to look any further than The Brothers Quay.
Adapted from the short story of the same name by Polish author, Bruno Schulz, Street Of Crocodiles is one of the most impressionable and hypnotizing pieces of animation I ever have ever experienced.
With it's powerful sense of isolation, confusion, claustrophobia and hopelessness, Crocodiles not only terrifies in subject matter but in visuals as well. It's dark corners, beaten up eyeless dolls, decaying walls and raw meat (?) make it unlike anything I've ever seen before.
The musical score by Polish jazzman, Leszek Jankowski nails the loneliness and emotional surrealism of the film right on it's rusted head.
I highly recommend you take 21 minutes out of your day and dedicate it to this animated short. It's something I know that will never ever leave me.

5 loose screws out of 5

Le Mystère Koumiko (1967)

Chris Marker’s films are like hidden treasure, they can be so infuriatingly hard to find but make the effort and the rewards are great.
At the 1964 Tokyo Olympics he chances upon a woman in the crowd, Koumiko, so he follows her and through a candid interview contrasts the minutiae of her life with the life of all Japan.
The second half of the film gets to the very heart of Koumiko. It's Marker’s film, but it's her film also, a product of chance, both seemingly subjective and objective at the same time. That ability to make impossibilities real is one of the things that separates the French film-maker from his peers.

4 journeys through time, place and personality out of 5

Village of the Damned (1995)

If I ever wake up and find myself married, there's something wrong. If I ever wake up and find myself pregnant, there's something VERY wrong. It happens in Midwich. When the women wake they discover they've been mysteriously inseminated with weird babies. The kids all have white hair, glowing eyes and a problem with authority.
The late Christopher Reeve starts shaky, but his character improves as the tale unfolds. Kirstie Alley again makes me wonder how she ever finds work. Linda Kozlowski saves the day for the ladies. Not Carpenter’s best work. It feels like a TV movie.

3 cuckoos out of 5

Prom Night IV: Deliver Us From Evil (1992)

What? How did they screw this one up?

Oh, they tried to put the series back on "track" by reverting to its horror origins and dispensing with the supernatural factor. Meh. That restores it to dull and lifeless at best. Two seniors are murdered while having sex on their prom night by a corrupt religious zealot. And then...I lose track; all of these movies are beginning to mesh together. Suffice to say, it's not interesting enough for me to recall or, even worse, worth your time to read.

0 brain cells left after watching these movies out of 5
(Not a very good average to begin with)

Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1990)

Mary Lou is back (as portrayed by a different actress) and this time high school student Alex is in her sights as the malicious spirit chooses him as her mate, killing everyone that impedes his social progress. At times so over the top, it almost dissolves into self-parody. It's an entertaining watch in its own right, just make sure you don't get the DVD version which contains the edited broadcast cut. Stick to the uncut VHS rip, with all the sex, gore and profanity intact (all of the things that make a good horror movie great).

2.5 screamin' jukeboxes out of 5

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

Move over, Angela (of Night of the Demons) and say hello to Mary Lou. A promiscuous little tart gets murdered by her jealous boyfriend in 1957, and some 30 years later, comes back to possess quintessential nice girl Vicki and turn her into the bad girl. Here's another one of those sequels that breaks the mold and frees itself of formulaic ties in order to reinvent the series. This is such a superior flick to the original, I don't know why they didn't just retitle it and start its own franchise.

3 tiered tiaras out of 5

Prom Night (1980)

Scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis follows up her successful Halloween and The Fog run with... this piece of shit. I'm sure it was pitched by the studio execs as Halloween meets Carrie, although it fails miserably on both counts. A group of kids accidentally (?) murder one of their own and years later, a mysterious killer comes back to off the remaining kids. Featuring Leslie Nielsen during his serious years, this is easily one of the worst horror movies ever made (how this warranted an even worse remake is beyond me). So why did I watch it, you ask? Well...

1 corny corsage out of 5

ILS [THEM][2006]

To me the idea of home invasion horror movies could be one the creepiest forms of film that could be possibly produced. It's a shame none of the home invasion horror films have ever really been all that good.
Ils joins that league of disappointments.
It starts of all right enough with two likable characters in their dream home, living the good life. The scares come in quickly and without a hitch for a brief period. The intruders are cleverly NEVER shown until the very end. Yet something doesn't flow well. There's no meat to this story. Things die down and what is supposed to be tense and frightening just sort of meanders away like a snoozing cat.
In closing, if it's a tense and terrifying home invasion that you're looking for then just stick to the Audrey Hepburn classic, Wait Until Dark and hope for a more recent one to come along eventually.

2 Strange Noises out of 5

Eskalofrío [Shiver][2008]

A film about a teenage boy who has an aversion to sunlight, pointy teeth and sleeps during the day...and he's not a vampire nor does he sparkle. Who would have thought?
From Spain, comes this bizarre, twisting & turning tale of
Eskalofrío. It delivers with a few good thrills and chills but relies mostly on the characters and mystery to drive the plot.
The first 2/3's of the film are quite enjoyable and filled with beautiful photography and performances but by the time the third act begins, things start to get a little bumpy and it doesn't really seem to know which direction it's trying to go.
With that, I found this film to be an fun watch with an interesting premise that even non-horror fans can enjoy (granted they can handle a little bit of cannibalism).

3 cool little geckos out of 5

THE DESCENT [2005]

Going into this film I had very low expectations but felt it'd be a good way to pass a Sunday evening. Coming out of the film I was left completely astounded and disturbed by the merciless brutal tones of this frightening cinematic experience.
I'm not claustrophobic but Neil Marshall's The Descent made me feel like I was. He cleverly builds up the tension and dread with perfect pacing. The disorienting edits and camera angles are wonderfully executed so that by the time you almost grow comfortable with the unbalanced surroundings he introduces a whole new wave of terror into the mix.
The all female cast have some believable characters to work with but don't always perform as well as they could be. It's not entirely original but it's the mood, setting and ruthless attitude that cements it as one of my favorite horror films of all time and one of the scariest of the new millennium.

4 Werewolf heads out of 5

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

Ignoring the events of the last movie, this is probably the truer sequel to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). It also sucks. Leatherface is the sole focus of this insipid tripe (although we're introduced to the extended family) and it's almost as if they intended to go the Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer route, but instead failed miserably. He's shorter, less imposing, and both his hair and mask looks stupid. Also...wait a minute, Viggo's in this?! Ahem. When you start clockwatching during a movie, you know you're in trouble.
The series was briefly rebooted in 1994's Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation with pre-stars Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, but even they couldn't save that turd. It was also remade into two films (a third's on the way), but I'd rather diarrhea all over my own face than watch that shit again.
For those keeping count...1 and 2, yea. The rest? Stick a finger up your ass instead.

0 hours of my life reclaimed out of 5

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

Tobe Hooper smartly trades in the raw and gritty for camp in this loose sequel/parody to the 1974 cult classic. This time, you’ve got Dennis Hopper running around with a chainsaw, vowing vengeance for his kin who was killed in the original. The demented characters of the family are given more of a personality while Leatherface reveals himself to be an incompetent buffoon with a soft spot for a certain female radio jockey. On top of that, you’ve got this great sequence near the beginning of the film with a car chase and chainsaws set to Oingo Boingo’s “No One Lives Forever.” It doesn’t get any better than that.

3 homemade chili out of 5