DUNGEONS & DRAGONS [2000]

Oh Sweet Zombie Jesus!  What the fuck was that?

Inspired the roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, this shitfest meanders along feeling the need to let the characters explain every single action that happens on screen like it's a 3 year old watching.  

I get the feeling the director and writer merely flipped through a Dungeon Master's manual when it came to research for this film.  Jeremy Irons looks painfully embarrassed and rushes through his lines likes he's racing towards the paycheck.  The characters are so terribly miscast, particularly Marlon Wayans who makes Eddie Murphy in Mulan look like Confucius.

Fuck this movie.

½ a Magic Missile to the brain out of 5

Child's Play 3 (1991)

8 years later and still not getting anywhere. The doll is reconstructed again (?!) and goes to find his old pal Alex who's now 18 and freshly enrolled in military school. This provides a great opportunity for drill sergeants to get theirs. I realize I'm biased, but these movies are kind of fun when you're in the right mind frame. The puppet effects are top notch and the one-liners just keep on comin'.

3 haunted rides out of 5