Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

It takes a special kind of person to mess up a movie that features sword wielding warriors taking on guys in rubber monster suits. No one sits down to watch a movie titled "Alien vs. Ninja" expecting to see a masterpiece, but at the very least, they expect to be entertained. I could have easily forgiven this movie's poor special effects, bad monster design, and generally awful look if it'd remembered for 5 minutes that it was supposed to be fun. I like tokusatsu shows. I like Sci-Fi Channel original movies. This movie should have been right up my alley, but instead, I spent half the movie looking at the clock.

The movie's one saving grace was its stylized gore. I found the action scenes to be pretty dull, but decapitations and lively splatters of blood were enough to recapture my interest for a little while. Some of the scenes were so awkward that I chuckled in spite of myself, and there are at least a few moments in the movie that would make for some fun gifs. I'd recommend looking up the film's most bizarre scenes on Youtube and avoiding the rest of it. I imagine seeing an alien dry hump a ninja who is trying to fight him is a lot funnier when you haven't sat through minute after minute of said ninjas doing their best to annoy the crap out of you.

This movie should have been an absolute blast, and I hope that the b-movie world someday succeeds in making a movie about ninjas beatin' on aliens that everyone can enjoy.

1 overdressed blonde ninja out of 5