Linda Linda Linda (2005)

LLL is the kind of film that’s difficult to do justice with just words, for reasons that are equally difficult to define. It must be seen to be understood properly.
It’s the story of a Japanese high school festival and four girls who are set to play a gig but only have a short time in which to practice. There’s a moody one, a timid one, a laid-back one and a thoughtful one. Before the gig can happen trials must be overcome, including bonding for the new girl.
The naturalistic filming style that Yamashita opts for reminds me very much of Takeshi Kitano’s without the violence. He similarly seeks out and embraces the hilarity that can be found in everyday situations. The long scenes and static camera are able to casually partake in the sharing of a time that’ll never come again for the all-girl band, making every moment special.

5 night rehearsals out of 5

Ultraman: The Next (2004)

Wiki says The Next film is part of a three-phase reinvention of the Ultraman franchise for an older audience. I say it’s a successful one. Prior to it I was watching the awful Ginga TV series. The difference is staggering.
The titular hero doesn't appear until around 40+ minutes into the running time. Until then it mostly focuses on crafting a drama about an F-15 pilot named Shunichi (Tetsuya Bessho) who loves to fly almost as much as he loves his wife and young son. He finds it difficult to juggle time for both, a situation made more complex when a man-sized lizard creature escapes a lab, resulting in the military being put on a state of emergency.
The effects are a mix of suits, scale models, camera trickery and CGI. The creature design is really interesting, getting more and more dangerous as it pushes the film toward a kaijū-heavy finale that meets expectations.

3½ conscience attacks out of 5

American Ninja (1985)

There’s only one reason I continued watching after my twenty minute test: somehow the filmmakers managed to capture the feeling that the A-Team van would turn up at any second, followed by the guys exiting dramatically from three doors, venting Saturday morning safe fury that people were actually dying in violent ways. They might even have joked about why the ninjas at ninja school were wearing coloured ninja costumes.
The hand-to-hand combat and swordplay went from heights of ‘it could be worse’ to lows of ‘I feel bad for you, son’. Check out an Asian movie from the same era if you want to see some proper martial arts mayhem.
There’s some comedy value in American Ninja but even that’s shaky.

1½ arrows caught in mid-flight out of 5

Zatoichi's Conspiracy (1973)

Film number 25 was the end of the original, unbroken run of Zatoichi films. Shintarô Katsu stayed with the character for a subsequent 100 episode TV Series (1974-79), and he came back for one last blind farewell many years later (1989), but it's here that a line can be drawn and an emotional marker laid.
The swordsman returns to his home town, a place he's not been in over twenty years, with mixed feelings in his heart. Sadness shares space with remembered joy, and old faces with new.
All happenings point towards an inevitable and familiar ending, but it's how he gets there that's important. Being who he is means it's bloody and with the best of intentions. Other than the setting, there's no real indication that all concerned knew it was to be the last. Nevertheless, as a farewell it's decent and thankfully less bleak than the few films that preceded it.

3 trust penalties out of 5

Sisters (1973)

aka 'Blood Sisters' in the UK

De Palma channelled his inner-Hitchcock for a tale of voyeuristic dangers and misdirection heavily inspired by Rope (1948) and Rear Window (1954). He builds suspense like a tiered cake, utilising the same visual language elements that Hitch perfected, such as using figurative precursors to upcoming key events and granting viewers a godlike view of a situation while simultaneously keeping them at a precise distance from the real truth.
He further enhances the narrative by using a split screen technique not just to add a cool visual effect but to highlight subtext, ensuring the role we play as audience is an active, analytical one.

4 rooms with a view out of 5

Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island (1956)

Musashi Miyamoto no longer feels the need to publicly validate his skills or privately stroke his ego. He knows when to fight and when to back down, even when facing a lesser opponent. Sasaki Kojirō, on the other hand, is consumed by the need to defeat Musashi, thus proving his mastery once and for all. It's a fight that only one man wants but both know is inevitable.
Inagaki uses silhouettes from time to time for dramatic effect - not the flat kind but the layered kind, complementing the tiers of the plot. It helps give the samurai the quality of legend, a role that he would fill some years later. But before that he must face the fight of his life at Ganryu Island.

5 long-cherished dreams out of 5

Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple (1955)

Having earned his new name, Musashi Miyamoto travels lonely roads in his continued search for knowledge and self-improvement. He hopes that by meeting and overcoming challenges of both a physical and spiritual nature he'll be able to increase his connection to the divine as well as his fighting skills, but without proper instruction he doesn't get the balance quite right.
A second master swordsman joins the arena. He’s someone who could easily carry a film all by himself even though he mostly features in the stories of Musashi, like he does here. Some of you will already know who I mean.
Elsewhere, Akemi and her mother are still stirring trouble for everyone.
Otsu keeps her eyes on the road, and her heart tethered to an ideal.

3½ placards of intent out of 5

Samurai I: Musashi Miyamoto (1954)

Part I of Hiroshi Inagaki’s trilogy about the life of the legendary samurai tells of his early years, of the transition from soldier to outlaw.
Knowing the story from reading the histories doesn't weaken the tale in any way. The power is in the telling and in the performances. Mifune proves that he can do heartbreakingly humble just as well as he can do fierce intensity. His female co-star, Kaoru Yachigusa, is equally as amazing in her role.
The journey begins with two friends going to war, accompanied by the sound of a tolling bell. It starts good and gets better and better as it nears its end.

4 strong boughs out of 5

The Blob (1958)

It's unlikely that The Blob would be remembered if it didn't have Steve McQueen as the leading man, rallying the troops and being selflessly heroic. Steve wasn't yet the great actor he would go on to be but he's slightly better than the rest of the cast, although that's not saying much.
The gelatinous, faceless terror is as silly as they come, which gives it a kind of temporary charm. You'll need an appreciation of that kind of thing to enjoy it because it’s no better than some of the other 1950s 'monster from space' movies. In fact, it actually has less to offer than some of the others.
I got some jollies laughing at the idiots poking the alien rock with a stick. Mankind no longer lives in caves but we still love our poking-sticks.

2½ squeezy holes out of 5

The Godfather (1972)

Even though Mumble Brando sounds like a man with a gob full of marbles, his diction literally governs the first part of Coppola's Mafia trilogy. The Godfather's words linger, influencing scenes he isn't even a part of. His voice whispers innocuous assurances while his persona threatens: all who come seeking Don Vito's aid leave thinking themselves fortuitous but each one leaves bent to the Don's will, crippled by a future repayment favour.
The remainder of the film is electrically charged by Pacino and Caan. For both men the Corleone name opens doors and closes coffin lids.
Coppola is self-indulgent in the first half hour but assuredly precise with the story and with his direction once things really kick off.

4½ offers that can't be refused out of 5

The Evil of Frankenstein (1964)

Abandoning the continuity that had been carefully established in their two previous Frankenstein films in favour of one that was more closely related to Universal's was a dick move by Hammer. Seeing an opportunity to make some easy money the rival studio had relaxed their earlier restrictions in exchange for distribution rights, meaning Hammer could reference the trademarked big-footed and flat-headed creature design. So Hammer did, but they did it badly. The make up is atrocious. The Baron is a less complex individual than he'd been before, and the creature's story is underdeveloped.
Katy Wild’s deaf-mute character was a bright light in the dimness, and I’ll watch anything just to see Peter Cushing in action, but the film was a lumbering step in the wrong direction for the franchise.

2½ external impulses out of 5

976-EVIL (1988)

Cool loner Spike and his nerdy cousin are your late 80s stereotypes for this evening. Both youths phone a 'horroscope' hotline and receive oddly specific predictions that are actually instructions in how to advance the godawful plot, albeit too damn slowly. In reality the nerdy cousin would be phoning sex lines, not wasting his money on bullshit horoscopes. The cool guy would've banged the blonde chick and then refused to be in any more scenes.
I'll never understand why people who never showed any interest in satanic killings before have such a collection of convenient candles in their home.
It was Robert Englund’s directorial début. Credit earned for not just doing a Wes, but shame, shame, shame for picking such a terrible script as your first.

1½ messenger fish out of 5

The Ghost Galleon (1974)

aka Horror of the Zombies

In a change of scenery, Amando de Ossorio sets the third film in his Blind Dead series in one of the more classic horror scenarios: the ghost ship. Lost at sea, two bikini models sent on a bizarre ad campaign, happen upon and board the shrouded vessel. While it could be argued there is a nice build-up to the undead knights' appearance, the truth is exposition really slows the story down as nearly forty minutes pass before even one is resurrected. The film's strengths lie in the atmosphere with the fog machine working overtime and an eerie hue invading the ship. The zombies look more rotten than ever as they capitalize on their victims fear and slowly encroach till it is too late. Obvious budget limitations like poor use of miniatures and day-for-night age the film considerably.

2½ long, drawn out death scenes out of 5

Rest Stop: Don't Look Back (2008)

John Shiban returns to the back roads and faded 'missing' posters of his first film, this time only in the writer's seat, invariably to present the back story of the infamous KZL-303. A year after the events of Rest Stop, family of the missing couple attempt to track them down. The main characters are stencil-thin: the testosterone-laden male, the adventurous yet slutty blonde and the over-zealous and under-muscled nerd. The only worthy note is the action, while the laughable story leads us down a road of conjecture and bad Native American folk tales.

1 porta-potty tipping out of 5

Rest Stop (2006)

Successful TV writer John Shiban directs this grimy low-budget thriller about Nicole (Jaimie Alexander), a hopeless runaway who enters the wrong bathroom on her way to Hollywood with her boyfriend. While a basic slasher at heart, the supernatural element is what makes the plot truly intriguing and downright confusing. This particular rest stop is a veritable Bermuda Triangle, haunted by a killer simply known by the license plate on his pickup truck: KZL-303. An obvious amount of effort runs through the entire film, but no more than from Alexander in a breakout leading role. The strange time slips through the murderous history of our killer are thought-provoking but never really add up to much.

2 personal demons out of 5

Wicked City (1987)

Yoshiaki Kawajiri (Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust) directs this lush animated feature based on the first book in the Wicked City series. The story involves a treaty to be negotiated between the human and demon worlds. Two secret agents, one from each side must join forces to keep inter-dimensional peace till a settlement is reached. Everything from the beautiful old school animation style to the frightening monster designs to the excessive violence is a real treat for the adult anime fan. It should be stressed that the eroticism present in the film is extremely adult, bordering on pornographic. Though decent action is present, the plot is weak in the third act, leaving one indifferent to the conclusion.

3½ DNA samples out of 5

The Fear (1995)

A strange wooden face staring back at me from atop the horror racks. This is one movie from my video rental days I'm now thankful I was never old enough to rent. Its title never seemed to mesh too well with its box art, but now I truly understand the fear. The fear of indescernible shapes under some of the worst lighting I've ever witnessed. The fear of attempting to sum up such an incomprehensible plot. A group of college students in a secluded cabin engage in fear therapy, but upon arrival happen upon a man-sized wooden mannequin named Morty with dubious beginnings. If handled by a more competent director, this could have been a real mindfuck. Instead it was a real chore to sit through.

0 Wes Craven collects a paycheck out of 5

1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

A respectful rip-off of The Warriors (1979) and Escape from New York (1981) that has barely enough original content to keep the lawyers at bay.
The daughter of someone important is hiding out in the Bronx, a lawless 'no man's land' controlled by gangs. Trash, the hero (that’s really his name), must cross territories controlled by rival gangs in order to get her back home.
I adore both of the previously mentioned films, so TBW should’ve been right up my alley. It is, kind of, but the English language ADR really hurts the final product. It's a cult film fully deserving of the re-release, but it's one that requires a thick rose-tinted lens placed between a viewer and their TV.

2½ non-threatening skull lamps out of 5

Rica (1972)

The first in a trilogy of pinku eiga starring Rika Aoki. The teenage Rica proves she's no flake by doing what’s required during an opening scene that’s designed to shock. She has a strength of character that belies her age. It then jumps back in time to show us why she’s like she is.
Pinky violence films don’t often have the amount of plot that Rica has; there’s enough packed into 90 minutes to fill two movies. Consequently, it moves at a hurried pace, jumping from event to event with too few connecting lines; a small criticism on the whole because Aoki is excellent in the role. She has the vibrancy needed to make the film stand out, and a wardrobe to match.
If there's a Rica shaped hole in your collection, fill it the first chance you get.

3½ rubber bars out of 5

Retaliation (1968)

Hasebe reteamed with Jô Shishido just a year after Massacre Gun (1967) for another Yakuza tale. Jiro (Akira Kobayashi) is fresh out of prison and straight back into the world that put him inside in the first place. He gets wedged in the middle of a business deal between a greedy Yakuza clan and some poor landowners, with a young, fresh-faced Meiko Kaji lending support.
It’s a Samurai film at heart. The men fight with fists, knives and katanas; guns feature rarely. Hasebe places his camera at angles that mainstream directors wouldn't even take under consideration.
As is often the case with cult Japanese cinema it relies upon your willingness to engage with the character-driven plot before letting all hell break loose at the end. Does Hasebe manage to outdo Massacre Gun? Watch it and find out.

3 bloodied shirts out of 5

The Sentinel (1977)

Michael Winner’s technique can be as subtle as a sledgehammer meeting a grapefruit, but I find a lot of his stuff watchable, nevertheless. Sentinel is technically a horror film, but it’s the kind of sinister horror that builds slowly from a foundation of regular drama, not unlike Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and The Exorcist (1973), two films from which it borrows heavily.
It’s the story of a female model that moves into a NY apartment complex and quickly discovers that her neighbours are an oddball bunch. Shortly after that strange things begin to happen in the night.
A lot of it failed to catch hold of me, but there are two scenes that I’ll never forget: an uninhibited Beverly D'Angelo and a very chilling finale.

3½ abandoned hopes out of 5

Don't Go in the House (1979)

Heavily influenced by Psycho, this lesser known slasher is a trashy exploitation flick on the outside, and a study on the effects of child abuse on the inside. Due to years of severe abuse, Donny (Dan Grimaldi) forms a secret hatred for the opposite sex. After the death of his domineering mother, his mind snaps and while the cat is away he lures women to his house where he punishes them with his trusty flamethrower. While the events in the film are repetitive and at times repulsive, the sfx are very convincing for such a low-budget feature. The product of continual abuse, Grimaldi's portrayal of a man tumbling into psychosis is the true highlight.

2½ disco infernos out of 5

Return of the Blind Dead (1973)

aka Return of the Evil Dead

More of a re-imagining than a sequel, the undead Templar Knights quickly make an appearance after the onset of the film. Ironically they are resurrected during a festival celebrating their defeat more than 500 years prior. Now with an entire town to drain, the gore is more pronounced as the blood is a-flowing. Holed up in a church, unsavory characters sell each other out to survive, but tension is most prevalent in a melodramatic b-story of reunited love. The dead's blindness is exploited well as they slowly creep, awaiting their victims' fearful utterance for the moment to strike. Like most sequels it takes the successful components of the first film and multiplies.

3 romantic strolls through the graveyard out of 5

Kite (2014)

Surprisingly based on the anime of the same name by Yasuomi Umetsu, this American remake follows a young woman name Sawa (India Eisley) who with the help of a police lieutenant (Samuel L. Jackson) enacts revenge on the flesh cartel who murdered her parents. Not surprisingly, the story is neutered as it only skims the surface of some of the more disheartening aspects from the source. It does attempt to incorporate certain scenes and details from the original such as a hairy gun fight in a loo and Sawa's exploding bullets. Reminiscent of futuristic settings seen in The Fifth Element and Ultraviolet, the dialogue is not surprisingly filled with silly slang words. Jackson offers a forgettable performance and while Eisley's character is supposed to be somewhat dead inside, her wooden acting just doesn't fit.

2 memory-erasing drugs out of 5

The Gallows (2015)

It's no surprise found footage is one of the least respected sub-genres among horror fans when drivel like this is released on a regular basis. The story follows the resurrection of a school play infamous for the accidental death of a student ten years prior. If they were going for realistic high school play acting they were right on the money. If we look past the juvenile dialogue and moronic characters, all we're left with is a series a cheap scares leading to a mind-numbing conclusion. It's only human to react to a loud jarring noise in the middle of a long pause, but jump scares hardly build any tension. They're simply insulting to the viewer's intelligence, as was this entire film.

½ "break a leg"s out of 5

Invincible (2001)

From afar it resembled a HK Legends cover. Up close it had Billy Zane.
A similar criticism can be applied to the film itself. From one perspective it’s The Matrix (1999) mixed with Mortal Kombat (1995), with a slice of Highlander (1986) thrown into the stolen mix. Up close it had Billy Zane as Morpheus. I’ll let that sink in for a second. Billy Zane: Morpheus. The philosophical musings and self-help guru speeches might’ve had some power if they were spoken by someone like Keith David, but Keith isn't that hard up for cash just yet.
The Bride with White Hair White Warrior could've saved a portion of it, but she was there and then she was gone like a dream or a butt-warming fart.

1 projection out of 5

Massacre Gun (1967)

A bleak Yakuza tale from Hasebe, courtesy of Nikkatsu, that slow burns its way from hard choices toward what would be impossible, painful actions for most folks. But Kuroda (Jô Shishido) isn't most folks. When pushed beyond his own set limits he reacts, even when the person pushing is his own boss.
As it advances quietly towards an extremely memorable confrontation it’s impossible not to be impressed by Hasebe’s attention to detail, cinematic framing and restraint. We’re told only what we need to know about the principal players, with their actions revealing the rest.

3 honest rhythms out of 5

The Machine (2013)

When the words ‘British’ and ‘science fiction’ are placed next to each other in a sentence I get excited. It's not for stupid patriotic reasons; it's because Brit sci-fi films tend to have lower budgets than their US counterparts, forcing a situation where substance takes precedence over style (i.e. less CGI). The Machine comes so close to being a superb example of that - so very close.
The story, about a struggling A.I. and a scientist driven by past failures and drowning in guilt for something that he'd no means to prevent, doesn't break any new ground thematically, but it stays evenly on the correct path.
The overall excellence, including a first-rate performance from Caity Lotz, is tainted by the addition of artificial lens flare in almost every scene. It’s like smearing luminous shit on a classy painting. If it was re-released without the offending post-production flare I’d recommend it and repurchase it.

3½ new orders out of 5

Lightning Jack (1994)

A comedy Western written by and starring Paul Hogan that I unfairly predicted would be Crocodile Dundee in the Wild West. It isn't.
Jack’s a sharp shooter with hyperopia. His partner Ben can’t speak. Robbing banks should be the last thing they attempt, but provided you don’t get caught it’s an efficient and quick way to make a name for yourself as an outlaw.
Cuba does well despite not uttering a word, helping poke fun at people with prejudges. Hogan successfully calls upon his ability to pretend to be one thing while secretly being the opposite. Neither man is the sharpest tool in the box.
Overall, it's simplistic fun with some decent jokes and nice scenery.

2½ fake charms out of 5

The Crimson Cult (1968)

aka Curse of the Crimson Altar

A trippy and downright bizarre opening scene sets an odd tone for a story about an antiques dealer searching for his missing brother to follow. His investigation leads him to a village where a small percentage of the locals appear to venerate the infamous Black Witch Lavinia.
The addition of pre-seventies hipsters to the traditional country manor setting adds little of value, existing primarily to serve up gyrating lady hips and carefree flashes of tit on a harmless platter. It gets bored with those kinds of antics eventually and settles into the film it really is, which is an average mystery/occult thriller with Christopher Lee, Boris Karloff playing an overly dramatic version of Karloff, and Barbara Steele painted bluish-green.

2½ kaleidoscope lenses out of 5

Night of the Comet (1984)

Red skies in the morning serve as a warning to all in Night of the Comet. The flying space-rock of the title last passed by Earth around 65 million years ago, right about the time the dinosaurs died out. Ding!
As the human race suffers the effects, Regina and her sister go shopping for clothes and shoes, accompanied by the sounds of the eighties.
The girls are spirited and entertaining enough, but the script rarely capitalises on the potential contained within it. Maybe I'm at fault for wanting it to do so; perhaps it really was supposed to be little more than it is.
In retrospect it was kind of fun seeing a post-apocalyptic world that wasn't completely depressing, even if it did have a youthful Chakotay in it.

2½ calcium dust bunnies out of 5

Diary of a Madman (1963)

Don't believe the aggrandizement on the poster, it’s not the ‘most terrifying’ anything ever created, but it’s a decent film provided you’re a Vincent Price fan, for it’s he that carries the whole thing. Most of the supporting cast are stiff and when Price isn't onscreen the ass drops out of the much-needed atmosphere. The key events, which are based on Guy de Maupassant’s writings, are a kind of flashback giving life to words immortalised in a letter, meaning they're from the perspective of an unreliable narrator. Is he insane, or does his questioning of his own sanity refute such claims?
The cheapo special effects give it a kind of science fiction feel; they're laughable, I admit, but I actually really liked them.

2½ one-sided meetings out of 5

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1972)

The first of Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead quadrilogy attempts to do something different with the zombie genre. Centered around the Knights Templar and their grisly executions due to devil worship and human sacrifice, this exploitation title sees the sentient undead ride horses and drink the blood of unlucky fools who stumble into the ruins of their monastery. The unsettling atmosphere is most prevalent with a fitting amount of sex, gore and debauchery. The characters are truly no more than likely victims, ripe for the plucking. For a complete viewing experience, one must watch the original Spanish version, as the English version has many cuts removing the best bits.

3 blood smorgasbords out of 5

Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Though Roger Corman had grown weary of directing by this point, this film is overflowing with his style. In an obvious Alien knock-off, a spaceship crew is bombarded by their own fears made real by a strange planet's curious chemistry. The cast is B-movie heaven as Robert Englund, Sid Haig, Grace Zabriskie and Ray Walston fill up the roles. In usual Corman fashion, many young faces were given a chance to work on his film. Most notably James Cameron as production designer. Though cheaply made, his sets are heavily influenced by H.R. Giger. The sci-fi effects are very 70s light show, but it being such a low-budget and lowbrow production, it all fits in quite nicely. Any fan of sci-fi cinema will have a good time pointing out the literal and literary holes in this campy production.

3 rape worms out of 5

My First Mister (2001)

Angsty, alienated teen (Leelee Sobieski) finds an unlikely confidante in her middle-aged boss (Albert Brooks) in this well written coming-of-age story. Sobieski's spicy monologues are what truly sucked me in. Read like diary passages, their extreme honesty treads the line of bad taste, but they remain well in-line with the character. Brooks plays many roles, from friend, father-figure and even love interest. The odd couple's dynamic grows ever more engrossing as each influences the other, stepping over societal boundaries in the process. Unfortunately, a sad twist in the latter half slows the pacing down considerably just as things are heating up, leaving the final meaningful moments sluggish and predictable.

3½ auto-eulogies out of 5

Black Sea (2014)

Jude Law heads a group of surly veterans into the briny depths for a chance at gold in this maritime thriller. The booty being equally split between crew members creates an intriguing dynamic. Included in the rough bunch of sailors is an impressive cast of foreign actors such as Scoot McNairy and Michael Smiley. It's too bad their talents are wasted on such a dull affair. The trailer promises constant thrills and tension, and while there are plenty of hail-mary situations, they are all packed into the final moments. Scenes leading up to the exciting conclusion consist mainly of bickering crew members and long drawn out planning sequences. Jude Law does a decent job, but his star power can hardly save this one from sinking fast.

2 unlucky virgins out of 5

Catchfire (1990)

aka Backtrack

Jodie plays a confident career woman who witnesses a Mafia killing, forcing her to go on the run or be next in line for a shallow grave. The police and Mafia both want to get to her before the other can, which means Fred Ward and Dennis Hopper, respectively, are on her tail.
It tries to spin the hit-man stereotype from a different angle, but it doesn't work because Hopper’s character is a shit-bag regardless of his hidden, sophisticated traits. It's not helped by the implausible changes forced upon Foster’s confused victim, which are unconvincing at best. The story goes from bad to awful to stupid and back around again for another half dozen variations of the same. I watched it right to the end, but I don’t know why.

2 pink snowballs out of 5

L.A. Takedown (1989)

Dir. Michael Mann was Exec Prod on the Miami Vice TV series for years, so it’s no real surprise that Takedown reminds me of it a lot of the time.
It’s visibly low budget but certainly not amateur - it’s as well-planned out as the heists undertaken by the crew that the story revolves around.

Leaving aside the bad to average acting for a second, what hurts the film most is the audio quality, both within a scene and added in post-prod. The real world intrudes on set, forcing the actors to near-shout to be heard. It’s true to city life, I suppose, but more careful editing could've been used to at least help mask the abrupt audio changes. However, all of that can be passed by reminding oneself that it was a TV pilot before being marketed as a TV movie, and that producers get very parsimonious when there are no guarantees of profit. In that respect, the story shines through the limitations.

3 disciplines out of 5

The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958)

Picking up where The Curse of Frankenstein (1957) ended, Revenge follows the Baron as he sets up his shop of secret horrors elsewhere.
There’s a surprising amount of gallows humour in the first half that some folks may find unwelcome. Personally, I didn't mind it at all.
The addition of an aide, a tragic character affected by the cruelty of a society that thinks itself civilised, lifts the remainder of the film to great heights, and that, I'm sure we can all agree, was certainly a good idea.

Don't fall into thinking the 'revenge' of the title means things have been simplified or the focus shifted. Think of it as a strong redress for a judgement, working toward proving to oneself and others that you were right all along.

4 overhauls out of 5

X (1963)

aka X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes

What on paper probably seemed like it would be just another footnote on Roger Corman's CV was elevated to more memorable heights by the hiring of Ray Miland. Like a Hitchcockian lead he dominates the screen with a sense of obsessive and flawed nobility, pushing the narrative ever-deeper into the realm of avoidable consequence.
As Dr. James Xavier he discovers a serum that lets an individual see through objects. The fun times had peering through ladies clothes and underwear are contrasted by a darker side to the ability that looms large on the horizon, one that ironically can’t be seen until it’s too late.
A genuine classic of the genre, X deserves its place in the sci-fi pantheon.

3½ untravelled paths out of 5

The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972)

For reasons that are difficult to define, viewers are conditioned to accept a trilogy. But once a series goes to part four they begin to recognise that they’re being exploited. They refuse to watch it on principle. Experience tells them it’ll be shit, so it’s best not to even bother. It's primarily for that reason that I believe the fourth and final Magnificent Seven film gets ignored.
Lee Van Cleef plays the lead, a semi-retired marshal who talks himself into one last desperate stand against a monstrous enemy. It’s fair to say that the rest of the cast aren't as strong as they could've been, but the story more than makes up for it. It doesn't skip on motivation for Cleef and the moral ambiguity gets more attention than before, raising questions about whether killing or dying in the name of good can redeem a wicked soul or taint a kind one.

3½ long odds in pits out of 5

Guns of the Magnificent Seven (1969)

The bad news is Yul Brynner is absent. The good news is his shoes are filled by George Kennedy. The remainder of his group of sharpshooting misfits are all men of strong character, each bringing something unique to the roster.
They’re assembled to help rescue a man from a Mexican prison, a man held under lock and key by a tyrannical military leader. The enemy is many. The odds are heavily stacked against the Seven. They go anyhow. Hell, yeah!
The action is mostly reserved for the finale, but there's a well-paced feeding of excellent dialogue and characterisation prior to that.
It’s perhaps the second best entry in the series. Even if you disagree and all else fails you there’s still Elmer’s amazing score to keep you smiling.

3½ mittenless cats out of 5

Return of the Magnificent Seven (1966)

RotMS again features a village threatened by an outside force, but the men's reasons for giving aid are different. For some of them it’s personal.
Most of the seven are different, too. Some are less noble but no less capable with a gun, which is just as well because the enemy numbers are higher.
Brynner’s the focal point of the group conscience and an experienced tactician, extending influence only to those that he knows want and need it.
It’s a step down in quality. The story isn't as good and the characters aren't as memorable. Nevertheless, it's still a decent Western for the most part and despite a few missteps that damage the film at a time when it should be at its peak the last half hour brings the score up.

3 little talks out of 5

The Magnificent Seven (1960)

Hollywood swapped east for west, B+W for colour and katanas for guns in their reworking of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai (1954). In doing so they managed to come up trumps in every way with the first film in the series.
The John Ford-esque clique; the men beholden to nothing but their own moral code; recurring good and bad guy themes (by Elmer Bernstein); and even the split between the recruit, preparation and battle phases are all instantly recognisable pre-existing elements to fans of both the Western and Chanbara genre, but it’s still indelibly iconic in its own 'magnificent' way.
Much of the appeal can be attributed to the cast. The seven protagonists and the man in their gun-barrel sights, the inimitable Eli Wallach, each remain cool under pressure; if they don't it's because the story demanded it.

4½ civic improvements out of 5