The Silence of the Hams (1994)

AKA: Il silenzio dei prosciutti

This spoof on psychological thrillers (most notably The Silence of the Lambs and Psycho) is helmed by Italian comedian Ezio Greggio, who portrays rookie detective Jo Dee Fostar, while the main highlight is Dom DeLuise as convicted murderer Dr. Animal Cannibal Pizza. Like many lesser parody films, it employs the "throw everything at the wall and see what sticks" approach, which can be fun in small doses, but it's not one of the more memorable spoofs of the '90s.

2 iggy-boos out of 5

Invincible (2001)

From afar it resembled a HK Legends cover. Up close it had Billy Zane.
A similar criticism can be applied to the film itself. From one perspective it’s The Matrix (1999) mixed with Mortal Kombat (1995), with a slice of Highlander (1986) thrown into the stolen mix. Up close it had Billy Zane as Morpheus. I’ll let that sink in for a second. Billy Zane: Morpheus. The philosophical musings and self-help guru speeches might’ve had some power if they were spoken by someone like Keith David, but Keith isn't that hard up for cash just yet.
The Bride with White Hair White Warrior could've saved a portion of it, but she was there and then she was gone like a dream or a butt-warming fart.

1 projection out of 5

THE ROOMMATE [2011]

Leighton Meester does a wonderful job as a creepy psychotic in the Single White Female-esque The Roommate.

Aside from Meester's performance the rest of the film pretty much lacks anything worth mentioning. 

The end.

1 kitten in the dryer out of 5

The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption (2012)

SK3 is a sequel to the first film. You don't need to have seen SK2. That's for the best. Lacking that particular prerequisite is the best thing abut it.

It picks up the story of some years after the first film's end. Victor Webster takes over the role of Mathayus, who's once again a brooding mercenary.

The camera-work is shoddy; the editing is bad; the continuity department must've been on vacation; and Billy Zane is useless.

Despite that, I may be the only person in the western world that thought it was okay. It had a few likeable characters and some unintentional humour. And, crucially, it was a shit-ton better than the SK movie that came before it.

1½ pissy wine-skins out of 5