THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO [2011]

Why make a film that's all ready got an amazingly perfect adaptation made only 2 years before?
Director David Fincher does his own thing with Stieg Larsson's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and if not for the strongly written characters, it'd be almost unrecognizable compared to the Swedish film version. Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara do a fine job in their roles (in fact they were perfectly cast) but being a dedicated fan to the original film I feel they can't compare to Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace.
It's more faithful to the novel than the Swedish film and goes into greater detail but makes some slight changes here and there that might anger the dedicated fan.
If you hadn't seen the Swedish version than this would be an excellent introduction...if you have, than it might pale in comparison.

4 Orinoco Flows out of 5

A DANGEROUS METHOD [2011]

Director David Cronenberg returns to the screen after a 5 year absence with the period drama A Dangerous Method.
Cronenberg's made a name for himself cinematically studying the dark passages of the human mind, so a film about psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein seemed like it would be the perfect fit.
Cronenberg approaches these characters with hardly any enthusiasm and never really goes anywhere interesting or intense with their relationships. It's more or less straight up melodramatic schmaltz. Viggo Mortenson and Keira Knightley hold it together with some wonderful performances but Michael Fassbender, being the lead, has such a weak screen presence it allows the whole film to fall apart.
It's not a bad film but it's no Cronenberg film.

3 Cliche Statue Of Liberty shots out of 5

THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD [2007]

Director Andrew Dominik continues his fascination with criminals in the historical drama The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.
A slowly paced cinematic experience that's focuses more on the psyche of the troubled characters rather than dissolving into a shoot 'em up western. Brad Pitt is great as Jesse James but it's Casey Affleck who is absolutely wonderful in his haunting portrayal as James' killer, Robert Ford. They're joined by an impressive supporting cast including Sam Rockwell and Jeremy Renner. It's beautifully shot, using some really interesting camera & lighting techniques to enhance the dramatic time period. It's a gloomy, stark character study and closer look at celebrity obsession that still speaks powerful words over the generations.

5 Caves in a bar out of 5

MY LITTLE EYE [2002]

Taking the concept of reality TV series Big Brother and giving it a horrific twist is My Little Eye in a nutshell (see what I did there?).
It might not be a great film by any means but it certainly is a refreshing take on the tired "found footage" and "scary house in the forest" story.
The editing and camera angles are sometimes incredibly effective and other times just plain annoying. The sound design is pushed into the forefront to great effect as I jumped a few times from a simple flicking of a light switch. The score is an interesting soundscape of familiar Internet sounds distorted into something tense and very unsettling.
My Little Eye sets out to keep you guessing and put on the edge of your set and it succeeds.

3 lost crows out of 5

CHOPPER [2000]

Let me start off by saying Eric Bana's acting presence has never really interested me that much.
...until Chopper.
Australian director Andrew Dominik's 2000 semi-biographical drama about almost legendary criminal, Mark "Chopper" Read from Down Under is an instant cult classic. It follows his misadventures going in and out of prison and all the colorful folks he has run-ins with. The virtually unrecognizable Bana is both hilarious and intimidating as the frighteningly unpredictable title character giving the film that extra punch that it needs. It's a bit of a disjointed mess at times but feels organic as it's coming from Read's own mess of a head.

3½ good old fashioned ear removals out of 5

Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Gold-diggers and rich idiots are a perfect match; they deserve each other. Intolerable Cruelty mixes the formula up a little, but not enough to make it fresh. After a great start it loses momentum early and becomes utterly predictable. Predictability doesn't usually matter with Coen brothers films because it’s about the characters and the chase; it has the characters (one especially memorable one played by Clooney) but the chase is of a different kind. If you've got nothing better to watch, it’ll fill 100 minutes.

2½ looking for an ass to mount out of 5

GHOSTS...OF THE CIVIL DEAD [1988]

Australian director John Hillcoat drags us into the gritty and disturbing world of a maximum security prison down under in the raw and unapologetic Ghosts...Of The Civil Dead.
It's shot in such a way that it's both cold and distant, yet strangely intimate with it's surroundings. The cast is hardly known outside of it's home country which makes for a more realistic feel to anyone not familiar with Australian cinema.
It might start out slow and almost uninteresting but as the pressure builds you can't help but become transfixed by the time the intense finale erupts into chaos.

3½ "cunts" out of 5

THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST [2009]

Picking up right where The Girl Who Played With Fire left off, the third and final installment in Stieg Larsson's Millennium series is significantly better than it's predecessor however not as good as the first story.
It's unfortunate that the films brilliant stars Noomi Rapace and Michael Nyqvist, once again, share little screen time however the more than satisfying conclusion makes up for it. The second half of the film is a bit of a cliched bore but it's the characters that will keep you captivated till the final shot.

3½ proper :smugs: out of 5

DOMINO [2005]

Tony Scott directs this color washed, MTV styled flick loosely based on model-turned-bounty hunter Domino Harvey's life. From a Richard Kelly script, Domino does nothing to attempt any sort of character development and hopes it's flashy cuts, overly stylized camera work, entertaining cast and cool soundtrack can hold the viewer's attention for over 2 hours...it doesn't.
Keira Knightley's slick n' sexy performance is actually quite believable and strong but it's simply not enough to make it a film worth recommending.

2 Our Saviour Tom Waits out of 5

Strangeland (1998)

aka: Dee Snider's Strangeland

Dee Snider was lead singer of the band Twisted Sister; perhaps he still is, I don't know if they're together any more. He's a great showman and a superb vocalist. What Dee Snider isn't is an actor, and he’s most certainly not a script writer. The film is trite and lifeless. It tells a slightly different version of the idea Snider first used in a TS song in 1984. Howdy is a pervert with a fascination for young people. The song said "Stay away from captain Howdy." I say "Stay away from Strangeland."

1 there's a comic version as well if you're keen out of 5

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO [2009]

Based on Swedish author Stieg Larsson's insanely popular novel of the same name from the Millennium series, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a gripping thriller that is constantly intriguing and building on character.
Noomi Rapace steals the show with her portrayal of one of the strongest, yet simultaneously fragile, female leads since Jodie Foster's take in Silence Of The Lambs.
Once the story starts rolling it doesn't stop with it's twists and turns that will keep you guessing right up to it's surprisingly emotional conclusion. If if it's a gritty and atmospheric mystery that you're looking for then look no further. This delivers front to back.

5 ASPHYXIA 1.0's out of 5

LOLITA [1962]

Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita is a bit of a challenge to actually like.
The story about a 40 something year old, falling in love with a 14 year old girl that is the daughter to the woman he married is a might bit creepy, yet disturbingly hilarious. Kubrick captures the rapidly changing era by subtly pushing music, fashion and lingo into the foreground at perfectly timed moments. However, every single character in this film is incredibly unlikable and makes the film difficult to care about. With that being said, Peter Sellers inevitably steals every scene he has with his trademark disguises. Had it not been for the interesting character study and direction I would have given it the ol' heave ho out the window.

3 Chopin butchers out of 5

Kick-Ass (2010)

A regular guy tries to emulate his comic book heroes in the real world; will he stop the bad guy and get the girl or get his ass dusted? It’s hard to care, really.
Chloë Moretz makes it worth watching and Nic Cage channelling his inner Adam West era Batman gives him his best role in over a decade.
It’s a film that’ll appeal to the summer blockbuster fan who likes chocolate with rainbow sprinkles, but check the ingredients and you’ll find that it’s just a chocolate flavoured coating masking a cheap marshmallow.

2½ batons to the balls out of 5

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU [2008]

The second part of Don Hertzfeldt's Bill trilogy proves that sequels don't suck.
Continuing the struggles of the mentally ill character of Bill, I Am So Proud Of You follows him questioning life & death, the loss of his mother and his family history.  It's gut-wrenchingly hilarious, thoughtfully heartbreaking and really, really twisted. Everything one should come to expect from a Hertzfeldt animated short.
The simple, yet fascinating animation is top-notch as is the use of classical music at key points in the film.

5 scary grandmas out of 5

The short is only available through Hertzfeldt's own Bitterfilms website.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OK [2006]

Rejected creator Don Hertzfeldt's animated short Everything Will Be OK is a masterpiece that's cleverly disguised itself as pure silliness. Both the writing and animation look to be overly simple and childish but turn on your brain and it's complex, thought provoking and disturbingly observant.
This, being the first part of a trilogy, follows a lonely, stumbling social outcast named Bill who is dissolving into a terrifying mental illness. Flavored with sprinkles of David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick and Gary Larson, Everything is beautifully shot and composited in a 35mm without the aid of computers which breathes that much more life into it.

5 "How's up?"'s out of 5

The short is only available through Hertzfeldt's own Bitterfilms website.

Saturday Night Fever (1977)

Travolta is an arrogant asshole in this 70’s disco dance fest. His blunt put downs of the women that flock around him are hysterical. And so was his dancing, it was piss-inducing funny. I couldn't take any of it seriously in the first half. Favourite moment: at the dinner table with his family JT gets protective of his hair.
I don’t dance, I don’t go to discos and I don’t like the Bee Gees, but strip all that away and there's enjoyment to be had in the character growth, even if there are threads left dancing in the wind all over the place by the end.

3 don't hurt your pussy finger out of 5

TRUE ROMANCE [1993]

Hookers. Cocaine. Guns.
...and Elvis.
Quentin Tarantino's first screenplay for the Tony Scott directed True Romance is a wild and stylish romp of a road movie. Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette lead an all-star ensemble supporting cast through a fantastical, glamorized violent world that looks more fun than intimidating. It's a little immature and offensive at times but this is Tarantino so it should be expected.
Filled with characters so stereotypical it's gleefully absurd, an in your face "too cool" soundtrack and Gary Fucking Oldman in one of his best roles, True Romance is a pulp cult classic that is pure guilty fun.

4 tips of the hat to Gassenhauer out of 5

Who Am I This Time? (1982)

Harry Nash works at a hardware store; he's a shy, awkward recluse, but when he hits the stage in the local drama group he becomes someone new entirely. It helps that he's Christopher Walken, who shows us why he's a legend in acting. I've never been a fan of Susan Sarandon but here she won me over. Don't turn off in the first ten minutes; I assure you it gets much better.

4 picnics in the wings out of 5

Back to the Future (1985)

Marty McFly is accidentally sent back in time and must find a way back home while making sure his parents first meeting takes place as Marty’s presence in the timeline has disrupted past events.
The Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg Sci-Fi Comedy masterpiece is still a joy to watch. Michael J. Fox plays both the comedic and dramatic parts well while Christopher Lloyd as the eccentric Doc Brown is so iconic, it’s hard to imagine anyone else who could have played him. The detail that was put into the film is great and still inspires arguments about logical time travel consequences. Absolutely fantastic.

5 We don’t need roads out of 5

Nutted by Impudent Urinal.

New Rose Hotel (1998)

Some nonsense about corporate extraction and the nature of truth and love. It's based on a short by William Gibson and translates his sense of detachment and cold impersonality to the screen; I'm not sure if that was intentional or just bad filmmaking. It's depressing and empty, but has Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe, so it didn't get the stop button.
Features Japanese illustrator Yoshitaka Amano and daughter of Dario, Asia Argento, who gets on the cover because she has tits. If Walken had tits he'd probably be there too.

1½ style over substance out of 5

Iron Maiden: Rock in Rio (2002)

Live concert filmed during the Brave New World tour. It starts with the new material, but goes on to feature at least one song from almost every Maiden album (except Somewhere in Time and No Prayer for the Dying).
Maiden have been doing this for years and they are tighter than a gnats anus. Sound quality is better than excellent.
Editing was by Steve Harris who is obviously enthusiastic but remains a hell of a better bassist than he is an editor; a better editor would have brought the score to maximum. If you’re a fan of the band, it’s essential. A second disc gives some throwaway extras.

4 human air-raid sirens out of 5

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

I was expecting a film with some filler, what I got was filler with some film. I’d even prepared my brain before watching by parking it in the shitfest spot and hiding the key under the seat. Never again, not even while playing the drunken blindfold game. The strangest thing was some of the acting was passable. The script wasn’t. Sam Jackson managed to not ruin his career.

Still, what a title. We need more titles like that. Man in a Vest starring Bruce Willis. Cars That Go Fast starring Vin Diesel. Hell, yes!

0½ for Troy giving me a chuckle out of 5

RAT RACE [2001]

Jerry Zucker of Airplane! & The Naked Gun fame, steps away from his usual sight gag comedies and attempts to nestle his humor into a character based comedy in 2001's Rat Race.
Starring a huge ensemble cast of entertaining actors, who will do any film that comes along for a paycheck (where's Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman?), Rat Race manages to get quite a few good laughs in but also has it's fair share of jokes that fall flat on their face.
It's not essential viewing but is worth a look at at least once for the good laughs it does provide.

3 Squirrel Ladies out of 5

A Serious Man (2009)

There's no one who knows how to find the funny in the horrible quite like the Coen brothers. They're unafraid of putting the characters in A Serious Man through the wringer, but the film never feels bleak or depressing the way it might in other films. Instead, the film is heartfelt in its horribleness, and humorous no matter what happens.

This isn't one of the Coen brothers' best. The dialogue isn't as sharp as I'd expect from them, and not all of the film's non-sequiturs work for me. However, even a so-so movie from the Coens is pretty swell, and the powerful performance from Michael Stuhlbarg makes it even better. It isn't a must-see, but it's worth your time.

3 members of the airplane out of 5.

CLIFFORD [1994]

Clifford is a delightfully twisted, yet harmless, little comedy starring Martin Short as a demented 10 year old boy bent on visiting a dinosaur amusement park and he puts his uncle (Charles Grodin) through hell to get him there.
It may not be a classic comedy that anybody will remember but it packs enough laugh out loud moments, courtesy of Short's amusingly deranged performance, to guarantee a fun weeknight in.
All in all, it's really kinda mostly odd and not for everybody, unless you too are a little bit off your rocker.

3 The Richard Kinds out of 5

SERENITY [2005]

Joss Whedon's Serenity acts like a big screen series finale to his short-lived sci-fi western TV series, Firefly.
Wrapping up the loose ends, Serenity leaps right into the action. It should be noted that you don't have to watch the series to understand the story but you won't understand the characters and that's really the most important factor of Whedon's storytelling.
Nathan Fillion, Alan Tudyk & Adam Baldwin continue to entertain with their roles, while Summer Glau, who was the weakest part of the series, brings a surprisingly strong presence to the big screen.
It's darker, moodier and a little more violent than Firefly but it's a fitting farewell to the crew of the Serenity.

4 BIG DAMN Movies out of 5

Lost in Translation (2003)

Two strangers meet in Tokyo and recognise in each other an absence of something. It's about finding yourself by seeing yourself reflected in another, by recognising what you lost and what you may gain. It’s that lonely feeling you get when in a crowd. That’s really all there is to it on the surface. Beyond that, it’s about the viewer and how much they can connect with the characters. For me, it’s perfection.

5 glasses of whisky at 4am out of 5

28 Days Later (2002)

It's John Wyndham's Day of the Triffids without the Triffids. It's shot in Britain so the lighting is shitty; plus it's on early DV, so it's grainy as hell. The extras show what it could have looked like if it was on celluloid. I’d have preferred that. Somehow director Danny Boyle makes it good. The music makes it great.

4 here's blood in your eye out of 5

Borat (2006)

A bizarre blend of wickedly offensive humour and honest exposé of the American culture. It's impossible to know how much is actually scripted and how much is ad-libbed. What is clear is how arrogant and bigoted the people Borat met were. I’m sure he chose the footage for that very reason, but the American news report in the extras prove he isn't the only one to use that approach. There are five kinds of truth; the news gives you a sixth.
Sacha Baron Cohen has brass balls as big as his head. It’s a miracle he didn't get shot or imprisoned for his antics.

3 unsurprisingly still banned in many countries out of 5

TRON: Legacy (2010)

A slickly, neon-lit hollow experience. It’s like putting Christmas lights on a carcass. The deeper meanings are glossed over, if indeed they ever existed in the first place. Who knows? There was so many writers involved and it’s still painfully predictable.
It’s eye candy that looks attractive until you realise the sugar topping is an artificial sweetener. Perhaps today’s kids will look on it as fondly as I do the original? I won’t be around to find out.

1½ shite cycle out of 5

8½ [1963]

Influential Italian director Federico Fellini takes us into a black & white surreal dreamworld that is both haunting and hilarious in the comedic fantasy 8½.
Following the story of a stuck in a rut filmmaker who takes to hiding in his dreams and memories, 8½ is a bizarrely structured story that never really seems to worry about making much sense.
An obvious influence on the likes of Stanley Kubrick, David Lynch, Terry Gilliam and Tim Burton, this little black & white film about director's block is a must see for every cinephile.

4 R.E.M. Traffic jams out of 5

CYRUS [2010]

Cyrus is an oddball romantic drama with a slight comedic twist to it from Jay & Mark Duplass who co-wrote & directed the twisted indie-horror Baghead.
John C. Reilly is down in the dumps until he meets the perfect woman played by the always wonderful Marisa Tomei. The only problem is her disturbed adult son, Cyrus is willing to do anything to come between them, who is brilliantly played by Jonah Hill.
The Duplass Brothers make use of some wonderful and raw camera work & editing which packs an extra emotional and intimate punch to the film. With great performances all around, Cyrus makes for a quaint little film that leaves you smiling.

3 hidden sneakers out of 5