The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle (1980)

Malcolm McLaren’s version of how the Sex Pistols made it big is reportedly a series of half-truths and lies. Viewing it seems to support that claim fully. It appears to be nothing more than his attempt at ret-conning history to elevate his importance. We’ll likely never know for sure, but the end result was the same: McLaren made money and The Sex Pistols made history. Neither of those facts make the film any better, because other than the archive footage of the band it’s a glorified shitfest.

1½ provocateurs out of 5

Don 2 (2011)

Five years have passed since Don successfully duped the police in the previous film, He concocts an elaborate plan to prove that he’s still the undisputed King of the underworld. However, he needs help to achieve it, so he gathers the players together by preying on their weaknesses.
The cinematography is of a high standard and SRK gets a temporary new hairstyle that makes him look meaner, but beneath the sheen it's another lazy Hollywood action movie clone, except this time it’s more of a straightforward heist movie. Well, it's not exactly straightforward, but it's less ridiculous.

3 bad habits out of 5

Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie (1994)

This is how to make a SF II film. It’s visibly aged but in a good way, like Ninja Scroll (1993). Good guy Ryu is targeted by the evil Shadaloo organisation who want to use him for their own nefarious reasons. At the same time Shadaloo is being tracked by agents of Interpol because of drug trafficking. A badass fight between the parties is inevitable.
If there hadn't been pressure to include as many fighters as possible, if instead the focus had been on a chosen few, it could've been even better.
The violent Chun Li scene that was cut or edited in many versions is the best choreographed and animated scene in the entire film, so do your homework before purchasing and don't assume that just because it says Uncut on the cover that it really is.

3 signature moves out of 5

SNOWPIERCER [2013]

With Park Chan-wook's Stoker and Kim Ji-woon's The Last Stand both being the South Korean director's first Hollywood films, it only seemed inevitable that Bong Jooh-ho would come out with Snowpiercer the same year.
An absurd sci-fi social satire, the dark film is filled with wildly strange metaphors galore, making it seems like a bizarre hybrid of Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Terry Gilliam's best work.  As a piece of art it excels, with careful attention to detail, heavy character moments and layer upon layer of conflict, while as a Hollywood film it might seem a bit strange for many but packs enough punch and heroism to please those willing to indulge in this intriguing world.

4 poisonous fish out of 5

Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahin (2002)

A ‘comedy’ about a Mumbai gangster, a generous doctor, a beautiful dance teacher and some other guy that likes to make prank phone calls that aren't funny in the slightest. Sanjay Dutt was entertaining and the film enabled Amitabh Bachchan to be less serious than he's often asked to be, but the plot dragged its heels once the central gag wore thin.
There was no dancing in the rain. I felt cheated. That’s like a Hollywood action movie without a car chase, or a French movie without tits.

2 pink turbans out of 5

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER TIME [2013]

Inspired by The Coen Bros' musical drama Inside Llewyn Davis, director Christopher Wilcha documents a concert inspired by the era and music of the film with a concert produced by T Bone Burnett in Another Day, Another Time.
The concert is wonderful collaboration of who's who from both yesterday and today's folk-based genres including living legends Patti Smith & Joan Baez and more modern artists such as Jack White, Conor Oberst, The Milk Carton Kids and Llewyn Davis himself, Oscar Isaac.  It bounces back between studio rehearsal performances and the actual stage show, both of which are an absolute delight to watch.  Each artist is quite obviously born with their respected instrument so it's nice to see them all interact with each other in both conversation and art.  An absolute must for any fan of the film, it's music or just a curious onlooker.

4 kleenex boxes out of 5

AMERICAN HISTORY X [1998]

Director Tony Kaye's powerful drama American History X is the type of film that seems like it will linger with the viewer for the rest of their lives.
As disturbingly compelling as the narrative is, one can't help but notice the haunted performance played with perfection by Edward Norton.  Aided by a truly impressive cast, the film is told in a non-linear style that bounces back & forth between color and a wonderfully effective black & white.  The end result is a piece of great cinema that will probably leave the viewer stunned, deeply saddened and probably speechless for the duration of the end credits.

5 basketball courts out of 5

Kate Bush Live at Hammersmith Odeon (1981)

Kate’s unique brand of musical theatre has lights, drama, magic, costume changes and dance that’s both wonderfully ridiculous and beautifully expressive. The majority of the set list is from her first two albums; the only exception is 'Violin' from the then unreleased third album.
There’s a superb rendition of 'James and the Cold Gun' with some Floyd-esque guitar work that’s more than twice as long as the studio version.

4 dizzy heights out of 5

The Snow Woman (1968)

aka Kaidan Yukijorô

A Japanese ghost story that makes use of some simple camera tricks to great effect. The dramatic sound effects and Akira Ikufube score that accompany them heighten the experience.
When it’s not being creepy it’s being sensitive, resembling a tragic jidaigeki that’s equal parts folk tale. It’ll seem slow by modern standards, but those of us that appreciate this kind of thing will likely leave satisfied.

3½ chilly receptions out of 5

Blind Woman's Curse (1970)

aka The Tattooed Swordswoman / Black Cat's Revenge /

The Haunted Life of a Dragon-Tattooed Lass

A strange tale of bloody vengeance from Teruo Ishii that takes what it wants from many different genres and mixes them all together. The result is primarily a female yakuza/chanbara story, but has elements of exploitation and even Japanese horror woven throughout. Ishii’s enthusiasm for his subject and the addition of the alluring Meiko Kaji ensure that it transcends its B Movie limitations on a number of occasions.
It also stars Hoki Tokuda in a crucial role. Unfortunately, Hoki only ever made three films before giving up acting, of which this was the last.

3 tears of the dragon out of 5

Irma Vep (1996)

Despite being partly in English and having a Chinese lead, Vep couldn't be more French. It’s a film about the making of a film, namely a remake of Louis Feuillade's silent era serial Les Vampires (1915-16), shot in a vérité style. The production hits some bumps, leaving Maggie Cheung, playing a version of herself that's unable to speak the language, with only the Irma character to offer any kind of solace when she's alone.
As a commentary on French cinema it's successful in opening debate, but people who've never heard the names Truffaut or Godard might get a little lost trying to find something to hang onto.

3 inspirations out of 5

Level Five (1997)

I get anxious when sitting down to watch a Chris Marker documentary for the first time because my life has been forever altered on more than one occasion by doing so. L5 shook me, but only time will tell if it went deeper than that.
The topic is Marker’s favourite obsession: memory. In a broader sense, it’s the memory/collective amnesia of an entire country, Japan, in response to the Battle of Okinawa that took place in 1945.
Documentary narrations are typically scripted, but L5’s is more than just narration; it’s a decisive reliving of an event from a point in time aware of its own latitude in relation to what it comments on. The temporal distance isn't a direct removal; it’s a connection of causality that we as viewers share with Marker and his proxy, the female computer programmer.

4 playthings of a mad god out of 5

Heavy Metal (1981)

An anthology of animated shorts tied loosely together by a ridiculous frame narrative that rarely justifies its reasoning. Like the comic parts of the magazine that inspired it, the tales are a blend of fantasy and sci-fi featuring women who have problems keeping clothed. The style and quality of the art varies considerably, as does the competency of the storytelling. Everyone will have their favourite and may even defend it vehemently, but in my opinion there’s only two that manage to add any depth to the teen-fantasy titillation. I also acknowledge that depth may not have been a requirement in the selective process.

2 soft landings out of 5

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Michael Moore questions the political agendas and exposes the financial gains of many of the key players involved leading up to, and during, America's invasion of Iraq in 2003.
Moore provides the narration; his soft voice is comforting even when what it's relating is terrifying, and consequently we want to believe what he says even though at times he's clearly using the format to further his own goals. To his credit, he allows both big and small concerns to surface that when balanced out paint a staunch picture of how it affected the public.
Seeing George W. Bush embarrass himself never gets old; he's so good at it that he doesn't even have to try.

4½ vacations out of 5

Team America: World Police (2004)

I grew tired of South Park very early on, so it took me by complete surprise just how much I enjoyed this, considering that it came from the same creative team of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
It’s Thunderbirds on crack. The puppets go into a peaceful area and blow it to shit in the name of Freedom. The satire is fierce, as you’d expect from the SP guys. It rips the ass out of a number of things that deserve an ass-rip: America (obviously), politics, Hollywood, action movies, melodrama and musicals. Plus, it contains the best Matt Damon impression I've ever seen. It was so good that I think it might even have been the real Damon.

3 trust issues out of 5

Le Samouraï (1967)

The image of an enigmatic lone assassin in a hat and trench coat, driving a stolen car is a powerful one. Equally as powerful is the confidence of Melville, who created a hugely influential work of art in Le Samouraï.
It explores the feelings and actions of the assassin when a job he was hired to perform goes badly. It doesn't waste time with unnecessary exposition, or even with dialogue much of the time, because the protagonist’s precise movements and direct response to stimuli tell us what we need to know about him. Despite the shrewd attention to detail an important part of it is left open to interpretation, so may annoy some viewers.

4 methods out of 5

Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)

A semi-autobiographical coming of age comedy/drama written and directed by Tamara Jenkins. It's the story of a teenager, Vivian Abromowitz, struggling to cope with her own maturing body shape and her father's need to change apartments frequently. All she wants is some stability and to feel comfortable in her own skin.
A film like this lives or dies by how well its characters are scripted and by how much we come to either sympathise or empathise with them over the course of the running time. Happily, everyone performs at the upper end of the scale, but it's the ladies that tip it into the realms of being wonderful, specifically Natasha Lyonne and Marisa Tomei.

3½ 'building' things out of 5

The Lord of the Rings (1978)

Ralph Bakshi’s version of LotR is mostly rotoscoped from live action but also has some traditional cel animation. The saturated colour scheme, use of silhouette and posterization gives scenes a real dramatic power befitting of Tolkien’s words. The Orcs are kind of silly looking but the Nazgûl are wonderfully creepy and darkly menacing.
It condenses approx one and half books into just over two hours, so some story had to be dropped but it somehow remains largely faithful.
It’s a great shame he didn't get to do the planned sequel. I'd love to see his version of both Shelob and Sauron.

3½ battles that don't go on forever out of 5

Repo Man (1984)

Otto Maddox (Emilio Estevez) identifies with the anti-establishment punks that he calls friends. But even punks need cash to get by, so in need of a job Otto finds the Repo men, whose methods appeal to him as much as they offend him. Elsewhere, a very special car that everyone wants possession of for different reasons is driving around town.
The film zig-zags along blurry lines and explores various themes relevant to Otto amid the WTF moments. It's all very odd, but it's held together by Emilio Estevez's journey and director Alex Cox's ability to keep a focus on what’s important, even when none of it seems to be.

4 lattices out of 5

All About Evil (2010)

The opening credits are arguably the best part of this blackly humorous homage to the heyday of horror made by Peaches Christ, but everything that follows is great fun and well-paced right to the end.
Natasha Lyonne, as a shy librarian with a new-found passion for making a killing (literally) as a horror director, steals every scene she’s in. She and her collective of blood-thirsty antagonists go all out to make it as dramatically entertaining as possible.
The occasional genre in-joke will keep fans happy; the highlight of which for me was Cassandra Peterson (Elvira) as a concerned mom.

3 cattle in the attic out of 5

I Am Bruce Lee (2012)

With the existing archive footage of Lee being so well known, the only way to get a different perspective of the man behind the myth is to find people that knew him well and hope that they can offer new insight. With a few obvious exceptions (family members), this documentary picks anyone it can find with a big enough ego to talk absolute shite for as long as the camera's on them. It’s disappointing and disrespectful to the genre as a whole. Trying to disguise a lack of relevant content with quick edits and a shifting perspective is not just trickery, it’s also irritating.

1½ rooftop fights out of 5

The Company of Wolves (1984)

A strange Gothic film that does visually what I imagine Hammer Studios could've eventually achieved had they evolved properly and not succumbed to desperate mimicry. It’s a surreal take on the Little Red Riding Hood story, even more full of symbolism and allegory.
The majority of it takes place within a nightmare/fever dream that mixes fairy tales, folklore and fear from the perspective of a young girl on the verge of womanhood. She’s repeatedly told by certain elders not to stray from the path (ie. keep your legs closed when the boys come calling), but like her mother says, the animal in man finds its equal in woman.
It’s marred by laughably bad acting, but the animatronics help offset that.

3 wolf tears out of 5

Zatoichi And The Doomed Man (1965)

The blind swordsman’s 11th film is a slightly better than average slice of samurai action and comedy. It uses the premise that even when Ichi goes out of his way to avoid conflict, trouble invariably finds him, which is something that we know to be true from previous entries. A secondary character is cleverly used to highlight just how funny Shintarô Katsu can be.
There’s a dramatic finale that could've been spectacular if it had been handled better, but is still pretty solid as it stands.

3 fish stories out of 5

Mr and Mrs Smith (2005)

Jolie is sexy, Brad is handsome and the sets look like they cost millions of dollars but everything exists on a wholly superficial level. But hey, maybe that was point? I don't know. I don't much care.
If you've been in a long term relationship then you’ll likely get a few knowing chuckles in the first half, but the finale stretches the plot to breaking point and almost did the same to my level of interest.
You can hide his face behind a screen but you can’t disguise the gravel in that voice. Keith David cameo. Fuck, yeah!

2½ compromises out of 5

Beowulf (2007)

The Beowulf poem was penned in English but not any kind of English you’d recognise. This CGI version is in modern day language, except for the occasional respectful nod to the archaic. Leaving aside differences elsewhere, as a film it does a lot of things well: Grendel is brutally violent but also owns our sympathies; Beowulf himself is flawed and his role open to interpretation; and the fights are dramatic as hell, using the freedom of movement that a virtual environment allows.
The animation succeeds in being realistically lifelike (especially Jolie's face), so if that kind of thing pleases you then you should have no complaints.

3½ belching Thanes out of 5

ALL THE REAL GIRLS [2003]

Director/co-writer David Gordon Green introduces this generation to one of the first mumblecore films with the romantic All The Real Girls.
It's a quiet, dreamy heartfelt drama that perfects those familiar moments of nervous love, both happy and hurt, with poetic perfection.  Beautifully shot, well-acted and each cast member suits their role with comfort and believability.  It slow-burns it's way through the moments but it's so well done there are 15 second scenes with a single line of dialogue that speaks so much more than some films with scenes that drag on for 5 minutes.
An amazing second feature from DGG that feels like lingers like it was part of your own life.

4 clowny clown clowns out of 5

DOGHOUSE [2009]

Director Jake West's Doghouse seems like another pip-pip's attempt at recreating the brilliant horror/comedy of Shaun Of The Dead.
Scripted by Dan Schaffer, creator of the Dogwitch comic book series, the film is just as bad as Lesbian Vampire Killers with it's blatant misogyny and vapid sense of humor.  Stupidity and lack of originality aside, I found myself chuckling in a few brief moments and quite enjoyed the way West made use of the tiny set.  However, if you're looking for something that will be as much fun as Shaun, then look elsewhere...
...Cockneys Vs. Zombies perhaps?

2 armies of pissed off, man-hating, feminist cannibals out of 5

THE DIRTIES [2013]

The Dirties is Canadian writer/director Matt Johnson's debut about a couple of highschool students making a film about extracting deadly revenge on the students who torment them.  One is doing it for comedic venting while the other is constructing a blueprint for the real deal.
It starts out quite amusing but as it unfolds we realize we're slowly falling down a dark and disturbing hallway that seems to impossible to turn back from.  It's wicked sense of humor is what makes the film stand out from all the other films that attempt to touch base with similar subject matter.
It's sounds risky to approach the material in such a style but when all is said and done I found it makes an impact with stark realism that is far more effective than anything before it.

4 end title sequences I could watch again and again out of 5

HANNIBAL RISING [2007]

Director Peter Webber tackles the Hannibal Lecter film series with the painfully dull origin film Hannibal Rising.
It casts French actor Gaspard Ulliel as an annoyingly smug Lecter who seems to try to hard to balance creepy with what I suspect is supposed to be intelligence.  He's terrible.  Just terrible.  It's got an impressive supporting cast who are all put to complete waste with this snail-paced script that doesn't even attempt to do anything remotely interesting.
It picked up some well-deserved Golden Razzie nominations but ultimately lost to the much more entertaining I Know Who Killed Me and Daddy Day Camp.

1 peck on the cheek out of 5

Children of Men (2006)

It’s 2027. The world has gone to shit. The only place not in total chaos is Britain, but she’s closed her borders. Immigrants are captured, caged and shipped to camps. But an influx of the uprooted is the least of humanity’s problems, because the future is finite for everyone...
Wow! CoM was even better than I remembered. It diverts your attention from dwelling on how bleak it all is by maintaining a speedy momentum during action scenes, and in contrast delivering some understated but heartfelt character building during the quieter moments.
The amazingly fluid camerawork in both cramped and open spaces is mind-blowing. Even after you find out how they did it, it still seems impossible.

5 jump-starts out of 5

The Brave One (2007)

I feared it would be Jodie miscast in a stupid gun-toting revenge trip scenario, but the story has just enough originality at opportune moments to separate it from the hundreds of other films in the same tired genre.
Jodie's ability to convey the struggle that accompanies difficult emotions is never in doubt. And Neil Jordan knows that while violence and conflict help drive a narrative, subtlety can be a powerful tool too, so he uses it to his advantage.

3 stories of a city out of 5

School of Rock (2003)

I’m used to nothing much happening in a Richard Linklater film. I don’t have a problem with that at all, because he usually captures perfectly a moment in time—a transformative juncture that can never be repeated for the people that live it. School of Rock has the genesis of that in its makeup, but it doesn't do anything memorable with it. The music references are great fun to someone like me, but with no weight behind the epiphanies or the supposed life-changing acts of rebellion it falls flat. If Jack Black wasn't there to ignite it then it’d be as lifeless as the institutions it mocks.

2½ minds for moulding out of 5

The Hobbit (1977)

The Rankin/Bass adaptation of Tolkien’s classic children’s book moves the story along at a brisk pace but still finds time for some poems and easy-on-the-ear folk songs. There’s no Leonard Nimoy.
The animation is cheaply done in places, but the backgrounds are beautiful and when paired with the music they produce some excellent atmosphere.
Gandalf’s monobrow upstages everyone except Smaug.

2½ hairy toes out of 5

Romeo Must Die (2000)

Sometimes you expect a turd.
Sometimes expectations are met.
Bad music. Bad acting. Bad editing. Bad dialogue.
Hopefully this’ll be the worst movie I watch this year.

0½ x-ray out of 5

Dreams with Sharp Teeth: A Film about Harlan Ellison (2008)

He’s best known for his science fiction works, but Harlan has also penned mysteries, non-fiction, teleplays, film scripts and comic books. He gives some readings from some of his novels; he knows exactly how to present the work at its best and with the exception of one famous Outer Limits episode (Demon with a Glass Hand (1964)) it’s spoiler-free, so even if you've yet to experience Ellison you can safely watch it.
Some people will call him an opinionated prick. Sure, he is, but he’s the kind of opinionated prick the world needs: the formidable kind that tackles those who deserve it head-on and says out loud what others are afraid to say.

3½ semantic jungles out of 5

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL [2008]

19 years after the last film, Steven Speilberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford dust off the the whip & fedora for a forth round in the popular Indiana Jones series.
At the ripe ol' age of 66, Captain Ford looks surprisingly good and slips right back into his role with some minor but suitable creaks 'n groans.  The goods pretty much end right there though.
It lacks the heart, imagination and enthusiasm of the original films, even going so far as to nearly ditch the disjointed (yet highly entertaining) serial film like storytelling and almost becoming a coherent (yet painfully boring) straight up tale.
There's a few fun moments scattered throughout but not enough to stand the test of time as the original film does.

2 close encounters out of 5

Zatoichi's Revenge (1965)

The blind swordsman’s 10th film is unlike any that preceded it, but that doesn't automatically make it better or worse. Akira Inoue delivers a heavy-handed and voyeuristic portrayal of brothel violence that resembles a low budget western. There’s an occasional comedic moment, but mostly it’s a violent, blunt attack on the senses that was uncomfortable viewing.
There’s some wonderfully long scenes, but much of the camera work is far from complementary to the action. That kind of encroaching approach always makes me wonder what failings the director is trying to hide.
The final battle isn't one that I’ll want to revisit any time soon.

2½ cornered rats out of 5

Besat (1999)

We've seen this kind of thing before: an unknown virus, an airport and a virologist. It’s a typical race against time to stop the spread before it becomes pandemic… or is it?
The film blends two different genres, neither of which is very original, but the majority of the cast give strong, impassioned performances and it has the creepy Udo Kier who is his usual great self.
The pacing is good, as is the tension. The scenes set in Romania especially, with its lack of resources, make the threat seem all the more terrifying.

3 blackouts out of 5

Samurai (2009)

Anyone with more than a passing interest in Samurai culture will likely know the name Miyamoto Musashi. Mark Dacascos goes to Japan to trace the journey taken by the legendary swordsman.
The narrative packs in a hell of a lot of interesting biographical and historical information about all aspects of the lifestyle from practical techniques to spiritual beliefs.
Excerpts from The Book of Five Rings helps keep everything on track.

3½ strategies out of 5

Ghost in the Shell: Arise - Border 2: Ghost Whisper (2013)

Under instruction from Aramaki, ex-501 member Motoko Kusanagi begins to assemble her team, but first she must break through their prejudices and convince them that Section 9 really is the good guys. That part of it benefits from groundwork laid down in previous incarnations, but there’s a whole other politically-charged story going on at the same time to keep you glued to the screen. An investigation into which provides ample opportunity for Kusanagi to display the kind of daring and improvisation that justifies the trust and faith Aramaki places in her. The beginnings of mutual respect are born from the resulting twists and turns.

5 slip roads out of 5

American Grindhouse (2010)

If you’re reading this blog you either came for the clown porn or you’re a film fan. Either way the chances are good that you've heard the term Grindhouse, but what does it actually mean? Was it the product of a counterculture or does it pander to popular culture?
Filmmakers, stars, historians and critics offer their views. It becomes more about the films themselves, but that's okay because you'll discover some exploitation, sexploitation and blaxploitation gems.
The only downside is that, like the title states, it’s exclusively American movies under the spotlight, so there's no love for such influential figures as José Mojica Marins, Jesús Franco or Shunya Itō.

4 bad girls out of 5

Cash Calls Hell (1966)

aka Gohiki no Shinshi

A bleak Japanese thriller from Hideo Gosha that’s helped along by a large dose of noir conventions. Prior to his release, a prisoner agrees to do a job on the outside for a large payment, but it won’t be easy, because unbeknownst to him some clichéd thugs are on the same trail.
Its flaws are clear to see, but Gosha’s depiction of the city and the people that populate it keep things interesting. There’s some dodgy acting, but some powerful relationships to balance it out.
The music is ill-fitting; it’s more suited to the 1960s Batman TV Series that coincidently began in January of the same year.

3½ circumstances out of 5