KUNG FURY [2015]

Swedish director David Sandberg makes his debut with Kung Fury, a bat-shit crazy homage to '80's American cop and martial arts films.
Broody Miami cop Kung Fury gains supernatural kung fu powers after being struck by lighting & bitten by a cobra and from there he travels through time to defeat the Kung Führer, better known as Adolf Hitler.
Digitally softened to give the film a VHS aesthetic, Kung Fury is graced with a tacky synth score, horribly delivered ludicrous dialogue and more green screen FX than Attack of the Clones ever saw.  It's Kickstarter trailer was one of the most amazing internet sensations of 2013, however this half-hour short film is almost too mind-numbing by the time the 15 minute mark passes by.

3 laser raptors out of 5

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers (2007)

Respect to Dir. Wayne Wang for taking on the difficult task of translating Yiyun Li’s prose into a film (Book Review Here); it probably helped that Li did the screenplay herself. Unlike the book, it’s a single story.
After twelve years apart, Mr. Shi (Henry O) flies from Beijing to America to visit his daughter Yilan (Feihong Yu). Whereas Yilan has adapted to the busy US lifestyle, her father is still very much a product of an older China.
The simple but captivating story steps softly through generations and over borders both cultural and personal, leaving a reflective and insightful pathway. A full appreciation requires an understanding that little things can be everything to an individual, and that life always has loose ends.

4½ notepad pages out of 5

THE VATICAN TAPES [2015]

After three supremely shitty films in a row it seems the directing team known as Neveldine/Taylor have gone their separate ways to see how it all goes.
Brian Taylor's off working on Twisted Metal and it seems Mark Neveldine's dipping into found footage devil possession horror with The Vatican Tapes.
"Found footage devil possession horror" is all I have to say in order for you to completely understand the story from beginning to end.  We've all seen it before but the question is does Neveldine bring anything new to the table?
No.  Not really.  The first 2/3's of the film are pretty weak, aside from Olivia Dudley's startlingly great performance, however once we get to the obligatory exorcism finale things pick up with some wonderfully chaotic moments that shock to great effect.

2 things that perch, and sit, and nothing more out of 5

VICTORIA [2015]

Director Sebastian Schipper pulls off the near impossible by crafting a breath-taking heist thriller, clocking in at over 2 hours and all in a single continuous take.
Victoria tells the tale of a few hours in a Spanish girl's night that takes a frightening turn when she runs into a pack of local Berlin guys from the wrong side of the tracks.
Unlike Birdman, there aren't any hidden edits or bizarre cuts along shadows, this is the real deal resulting in an entirely improvised script which forces some fascinating realism onto the characters.  Gimmicky as it first sounds, it overcomes all that with some wonderful performances, carefully planned dramatic sequences and an immense tension that builds ever so delicately.
Yes, it's a technical stunt that dazzles but most of all it's a dynamically told tale that unravels with such organic precision it begs repeat viewings to take it all in.

5 rooftops out of 5

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS [2015]

Director Wes Ball returns for more pulpy YA action in the second installment of the Maze Runner series, The Scorch Trials.
Picking up right after where the previous film left us, Thomas & his buddies are on the run from WCKD and this time must deal with the deadly desert, a horde of zombie-esque creatures and a slew of colorful stragglers with questionable motives.
Like the first film, the action is non-stop and doesn't actually give any room for any sort of character development but if you've seen the first one then you probably won't be surprised.  The action sequences all do a great job at keeping you at the edge of the seat, constantly questioning what is going to get thrown next and leaves no room to breathe.  Sadly, if when it does have some downtime you're given time to pick out all it's silliness, plot-holes and questionable decisions made by the point A-to-B characters.

3 killer songs out of 5

A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY [2015]

Directors Grant Harvey, Steve Hoban & Brett Sullivan (the regular collaborators behind the Ginger Snaps series and TV's Orphan Black & Darknet) continue the odd Canadian tradition of producing Yuletide bloodbaths with the twisted anthology tales in A Christmas Horror Story.
Willy Shatner plays a drunken radio host who has the dismal task of working on Christmas Eve while a horrible occurrence is taking place at the local mall.  Four other stories are sloppily wrapped around this narrative that all vary immensely in tones.  Whether it be hilariously entertaining, effectively creepy or downright disturbing, the different story's tone and atmosphere are constantly broken because of the silly idea of going back & forth between the different tales.  If not for this glaring pacing mistake it'd be a thoroughly entertaining holiday horror classic in my books.

3 bad-ass monster-slaying Santas out of 5

Glory to the Filmmaker! (2007)

The second film in Kitano's surrealist autobiographical trilogy continues the 'deconstruction' of his career by conceptually examining the films he didn't make. Fans of the director will understand how that approach relates to what was presented in Takeshis' (2005), but everyone else will be very lost. It's a superb, self-referential madness that lasts for approximately half the film.
The second half, by comparison, is a kind of return to the Kitano of years past, the one that made his name in Japan being half of a Manzai act. It's an impenetrable clusterfuck that relies heavily on slapstick.
The first half makes it clear that he no longer cares about living up to past glories, or will rely on the safety net of falling into what's expected of him, but if not for the mother and daughter storyline (and their stuffed animals) I'd have thrown the towel into the ring before the end of the second.

3 discordant Beats out of 5 (i.e. an average of 5 for the first half and 1 for the second).

TANGERINE [2015]

Director Sean Baker (one of the oddballs behind Greg the Bunny) brings us Tangerine, a dark comedy filmed entirely on the iPhone 5s to great effect.
It's Christmas Eve in Hollywood and two transgender prostitutes & an unlucky cab driver's lives keep throwing shit at them no matter what day it is.
Tangerine sounds like a gimmicky low-budget hipster film but given the chance, you'll discover it's a fast-paced, well-acted and oddly humorous story about friendship, betrayal & donut shops.  Not once are you ever reminded that "it's that iPhone movie about transsexual hookers".   Baker embraces the limitations of the iPhone's capabilities with his visual storytelling, coloring the film in faded hazy colors and moments of a stark drabness within all the colorful skylines and Christmas lights.

4 car-wash cock sucks out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

THE MISSION [1986]

Director Roland Joffé's historical drama The Mission tells of the 1750 Spanish–Portuguese Treaty of Madrid when when Spain handed over part of South America to Portugal.
Here we follow a small group of Spanish Jesuits who attempt to protect a remote native tribe from being abducted into slavery.
All sorts of controversial themes are explored within the richly woven storytelling, some which will be seen from a vastly different sort of minds and ideals that existed when the film first came out.  Amidst all it's gorgeous photography and a particularly beautiful score, courtesy of Ennio Morricone, is a very cold-hearted exploration of Christianity and how helpful and/or damaging it is.  Wherever you sit with the ideals, one can't deny the power of the film and what it sets out to do.

4 heavy loads out of 5

The Mission (1999)

A HK gangster film considered by many as Johnnie To’s best work to date.
It follows five men of differing skill levels, each hired to protect a Triad boss who fears for his life. In-between gunfights the men spend their downtime getting to know each other in a roundabout way.
There’s an odd choice of music throughout. It takes the edge off the hardened setting, but is a crucial part of what gives the film its unique identity, so it’s best to just accept it and let it do its job.
Even if you dislike the overall approach that To took, you can’t dispute the fact that it’s an interesting addition to the genre.
I wasn't on the edge of my seat the whole time. I was, however, completely attentive and eager to see what would happen next.

4 walks of life out of 5

GET HARD [2015]

Some tiny little voice in my head told me that director Etan Cohen's wasted opportunity of a Will Ferrell/Kevin Hart comedy Get Hard might actually be funny.
I've since shot that tiny little voice in the back of the head and left him to rot deep in the woods.

1 mad dog out of 5

BONE TOMAHAWK [2015]

S. Craig Zahler (known mostly as the writer of the craptastic Asylum Blackout) makes his directorial debut with the western/horror hybrid Bone Tomahawk.
Four not very prepared Wild West cowboys set out to save some folks from a pack of native cannibals hidden in the caves of the desert.
Greeted with multiple rave reviews, I was pretty excited about this odd little film and was met with immense disappointment.  It was fortunate enough to have a particularly strong cast but they have a painfully dull script to work with that will put you to sleep with it's boring dialogue sprinkled with only a few brief moments of cheeky wit.  Each character has a few short moments of interest but otherwise come off as sloppily boring, which is odd considering the 2 hour plus running time of the film.  There was something quite hilariously and disgustingly entertaining lost in this tedious genre mash-up that doesn't quite rise to the occasion.

2½ skull-splitters out of 5

NIE YIN NIANG [2015]

aka

The Assassin

After a lengthy absence from cinema, acclaimed Taiwanese director Hou Hsiao-hsien is back with the poetically slow-burning wuxia Nie yin niang.
During the 9th century Tang Dynasty, after failing to finish a job, because of her sensitivity, a skilled female assassin is sent to kill her cousin instead.
It includes all the usual ingredients of your typical wuxia fable, only told in such a lingering pace many viewers, looking for a quick fix of fancy martial arts action, will be turned off with immense boredom.  Visually it's quite stunning with each frame composed with a delicate painting like care that breathes life into the story in such a subtle manner it's highly recommended that you watch the film more than once before deciding on how you feel about it.  Without any knowledge of the history of this grand nation, you're bound to be completely lost, that is if the odd character introductions and multiple sub-plots haven't already lost you.
As a lover of film, I couldn't help but be completely entranced with the beauty and nuance of this tale but found myself completely baffled more often than I'd like to admit.

4 zithers out of 5

Swades (2004)

A quote from Gandhi sets the tone for the kind of life-journey that not everyone is brave enough to take, and sadly the people that do manage it don’t always pause long enough to properly look around.
SRK is a NASA scientist with an important job, a large apartment and a salary to match. His life is lacking just one thing and whilst striving to acquire it he encounters a way of life that he'd all but forgotten existed.
It showcases the natural beauty of India and the potential that exists inside of all of us, nestled in the human heart. Even though it’s predictable in all the usual places, films like Swades can change the people who watch them.
Music is by A. R. Rahman and is of his usual standard of excellence.

4½ fiery sparks out of 5