THE BOONDOCK SAINTS 2: ALL SAINTS DAY [2009]

After a 10 year absence, Troy Duffy's American/Irish badboy vigilante brothers are back in the follow-up to the cult hit in, The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day.

After a rather crowd-pleasing original, it's hard to follow-up and this fails in almost every way.  The dialogue is flat and uninspiring as hell, the action sequences are inanely dull, it's horribly uneven pacing and Billy Connolly is painfully underused.  Aside from a few humorous moments, All Saints Day is an utter disappointment and waste of time.

1½ cats on a bar out of 5

Up in the Air (2009)

Ryan (Clooney) travels a lot. His job requires that he hop quickly from State to State, sometimes on a daily basis.
Relationships aren’t something he has the time, nor the motivation for.
When he gets dragged out of his comfort zone he has to adapt the only way he knows how.
Your enjoyment of this comedy/drama will hinge solely on your feelings for the three main cast members, because the actual plot is wafer thin. It lacks impact but will pass a two hour gap in your schedule.

3 empty backpacks out of 5

Ong Bak 2: The Beginning (2008)

For about ninety percent of the running time Tony Jaa breaks arms, legs, faces and throats using his fists, feet, elbows and knees. He’ll get adventurous occasionally and use knives, swords, sticks, flails and an old fashioned rock. OB 2 is less of a film and more of a collection of fight scenes thrown haphazardly together. The script remembers in the last thirty seconds, literally, that it’s supposed to be a prequel to the first film, so it adds a weak connection lest we accuse it of cashing in on a name.

1 wiggy finger out of 5

Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005)

The first attempt at an Exorcist prequel, held back and eventually released because the other one stank, is a better film than its successor but only just. It tells of Father Merrin’s first brush with the demon that would take control of Regan twenty-eight years later.
This one puts the emphasis on characterisation, so Skarsgård is again the focus. Sadly, the supporting cast suck. The film suffers greatly from the absence of Izabella Scorupco.
Dir Paul Schrader wanted a film about a man, full of dramatic parallels, but the studio wanted a bankable horror and consequently it ended up as neither.

2½ fake hyenas and a box of matches out of 5

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

The second attempt at an Exorcist prequel, confusingly released first, fails to excite. It’s a shame because the cast, particularly Skarsgård, are excellent. It paints a very believable back-story for Father Merrin, which is handled well and enriches the character. Vittorio Storaro's cinematography is great, as always, although the post-prod team went a little crazy with the colour correction. Hollywood really need to stop doing that. Alas, the last third plummets into a mess of lazy CGI action and audience-pleasing predictability.

2½ fake hyenas and a genuine Zippo lighter out of 5

The Exorcist III (1990)

Wisely ignoring the events of Exorcist II (1977), part three takes place fifteen years after the original. It’s written + directed by William Peter Blatty, the author of the novel that started the series. What does a writer know about directing a film? A hell of a lot, it seems. He creates a tightly woven eerie film that's packed with tension, psychological terror and some excellent dialogue.
Brad Dourif is simply amazing as the psychotic vessel.
Studio interference forced a new ending that's abrupt and unnecessary. Had Blatty been allowed to retain the original footage he shot it surely would've been more in keeping with the aesthetic, and potentially could've made part three have almost equal the original film's reputation.

4 invitations to the dance out of 5

DAN IN REAL LIFE [2007]

Writer/director Peter Hedges does such a good job at writing family turmoil I'm not quite sure I'm always comfortable with it, even when it's a harmless comedy-drama like Dan In Real Life.

Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche do an exceptional job as the realistically written pair unwillingly falling for each other.  It's simple and not particularly original but the cast and the characters keep it from getting too stale or tiresome.  Just a pleasant view and nothing more or less.

3 murderers of love out of 5

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS [1999]

Writer/director Troy Duffy channels his inner Tarantino in the cult classic action flick The Boondock Saints.  While the film may never give the viewer much to think about, rapidly fires flat dialogue at us or even solidify it's characters enough to care about them, the rest of it is pretty damned over-the-top fun, particularly Willem Dafoe's performance.  It attempts to convince us it has some sort of higher purpose but in the end it just seems like it's more interested in setting up some really cool execution scenes.  

3 obliterated cats out of 5

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

A 120 minute steaming, festering, locust covered turd.
It was my third attempt at watching the shit-fest, I had face-palmed myself into a coma the previous two times. I was determined to make it to the end. Determination is overrated. Never again.

0½ pseudoscientific quasi-religious bullshit out of 5

The Exorcist (1973)

I don't think it's the scariest film of all time, but it is a disturbing one and an eerie aural experience. It's slow to begin but creeps under your skin, unnoticed, until it settles into your consciousness with an intensity that's very hard to define. Friedkin's direction is almost vérité which adds to the realism and heightens the unease. Unlike many Hollywood films it remains as objective as possible; it doesn't preach or attempt to influence the viewer's established notions of good and evil. It simply is what it is.
The unintentional humour is the only thing that keeps it from being perfect.

4 the pea of soup compels you out of 5

DARK SHADOWS [2012]

Director Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the 60's gothic horror soap opera Dark Shadows rounds up the usual suspects: Johhny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee, Danny Elfman and quirkiness.

It's still fun to see these folks all work together, granted the material is quality, sadly that is not the case here.  Burton's usually good at blending campy humour with gory Hammer type horror but unfortunately he never seems to find the right balance and it hurts the film quite a bit.  As a dedicated longtime fan of Burton's work I still found some limited enjoyment in this mess but I'd advise you steer clear if you have no love for the man.

2½ glass witches out of 5 

Ping Pong (2002)

Japanese drama based on a manga about two friends and their love of ping pong. It’s a sports movie on the surface but that’s just a device, it could be any sport, even golf (yawn) and it’d still have a beautifully crafted heartfelt story of friendship and honour beneath.
Dir Sori keeps the story focussed on the players, adding just enough flair when needed. If it was an American production they’d be pulling off impossible shots and I’d have cringed.
It's clear from the beginning what you're going to get, but it won't diminish the enjoyment gained from watching it.
It’s hard to find in the West, but it’s worth the effort.

3½ eyebrows out of 5

CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE [2009]

The Stath returns with Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam & others, for more frantic absurdity in Crank: High Voltage.

As silly and mindless as the first one is, this film pushes the boundaries even further and doesn't even try to use it's brain, which makes it even more a of good, sleazy & violent time.  Littered with cameos from Bai Ling, David Carradine, Corey Haim, a gaggle of porns stars and members of Nine Inch Nails, TOOL, Linkin Park and The Spice Girls. Crank 2 is the definition of quality schlock that goes out of it's way to make the sensible person loathe it. 

3½ strawberry tarts out of 5

SAFE [2012]

The Stath delivers an auto-pilot performance in Boaz Yakin's uninspired formulaic dud Safe.

Sooner or later action stars have to do the "save the annoying, smart-assed little kid" film.  It seems it was The Stath's turn to bite the bullet.  Feck.  My heart sank just reading the premise.

Quick, Stath!  Shoot the little bint in the head before she insults your intelligence again.

2 Staths On A Train out of 5

LIFE OF BRIAN [1979]

I honestly couldn't find a reason why Monty Python's extremely controversial third film Life Of Brian doesn't deserve anything less than a five.

It's killer funny & intelligent, jam-packed with the Python's trademark silliness and smarts and still politically & religiously  relevant today.  Unlike The Holy Grail, this film is an evenly paced, thought provoking tear at the idiots who don't understand their own religion. 

5 leaping lepers out of 5