Messy (2024)

A 30-something navigates hook-up culture in New York, where she seemingly sleeps with everyone who crosses her path while longing for connection, then finds some shallow reason to move on. It's a hollow disheartening experience. You can tell it was written, directed and acted by a woman who is jaded in love, yet it's a much different experience of life than I am accustomed to. More empowering bullshit for those who already hold all the power.

1½ stained pillows out of 5

Splitsville (2025)

After his hot wife splits up with him, a man wanders into a polyamorous relationship with his best friend's hot wife, which predictably causes complications between all involved. Whenever I watch movies like this, I always wonder to myself: How did all these experiences elude me? Oh well. 

It's an infantile indie comedy that rubbed me in all the wrong ways.

1½ fish popes out of 5

Sacramento (2024)

A couple of man babies go on a road trip under the pretense of scattering their dad's ashes. This is like A Real Pain if all the characters were completely insufferable and irredeemable. It's like mumblecore without any of the charm.

1 loose crib out of 5

Regretting You (2025)

The type of unrealistic tween romance fodder where everyone does the right thing and everything seemingly works out for the best. It involves young love, affairs, betrayal, and of course a tragedy at the center of it. All of it feels so telegraphed and everyone says exactly how they feel, so you know it's only a matter of time before it's all resolved. But people love this light romantic fluff because it makes them feel better about their own thoughtless existence.

1 watermelon jolly rancher out of 5

Honey Don't! (2025)

The second in Ethan Coen's "loose" lesbian B-movie trilogy, full of murder and sex and lots of senseless violence that leads nowhere. Margaret Qualley does her best Natasha Lyonne impression as private eye Honey O'Donahue, while Aubrey Plaza plays her prospective love interest and Chris Evans portrays a polyamorous cult leader. Aside from some skin, I didn't find it very titillating. I recall feeling a similar way about Drive-Away Dolls, although at least that one had a fun MacGuffin element. It's pretty empty at the end of the day, and the more I mull on it, the less I enjoyed it. The whole thing is a mess and I'm being generous with my rating because I like the way it was shot, but that's about it.

2 fingerings out of 5

Nobody 2 (2025)

Taking a break from the usual grind, Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) decides to revisit a childhood vacation spot where he gets mixed up in the riff-raff and ends up beefing with meatheads, including the local badge. I enjoyed it up to a certain point, but then it just becomes the first movie all over again, except set in an amusement park. It gave me Beverly Hills Cop 3 vibes, especially the ending. It's very similar to its predecessor, only not quite as consistently amusing.

2 plush badgers out of 5

Nobody (2021)

An unassuming family man who is stuck in a rut gets pulled back into a dark past after a break-in occurs at his home. It's a lot like John Wick, except without all the baggage. There is a raw brutality to the fight sequences which feels satisfying. This fulfills the fantasy of being the everyman in society who everyone looks down upon, but then being able to kick their fucking asses up and down the block. There's one such centerpiece early on that takes place on a bus, but the rest of the film never quite matches up to that gritty potential.

2½ kitty cat bracelets out of 5

Roofman (2025)

An escaped convict makes his home at a Toys 'R' Us store where he lays low during the day and comes alive at night. Meanwhile, he develops a relationship with an employee there and must juggle two separate lives while keeping on the down-low. Channing Tatum makes the performance, in a sometimes sad and wistful comedy, which I also found quite charming. Based on a true story.

3 peanut M&Ms out of 5

Relay (2024)

An anonymous "fixer" (Riz Ahmed) who only operates through an intermediary relay service, breaks his own rules when he takes a personal interest in one of his clients (Lily James) as she navigates a dangerous situation with several henchman on her tail. It attempts to evoke paranoid thrillers of the 1970s, but unfortunately it only succeeds in breaking the cardinal rule of being boring.

2 "Go Ahead"s out of 5

One Battle After Another (2025)

This film defies any easy explanation, so I won't even try. Loosely inspired by Thomas Pynchon's Viceland, Paul Thomas Anderson's sprawling three-hour crime epic covers a lot of ground. It's messy and takes a long fucking time to get going, but it's so close to greatness at times that I have to award it on that merit. Leonardo DiCaprio and Sean Penn's fucked up characters make this ride infinitely watchable. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts.

4 boners under duress out of 5

Caught Stealing (2025)

In 1998, a bartender gets involved with the Russian mafia, Jewish hit men, a narcotics detective and other colorful characters in a hunt across the streets of New York City for a mysterious key. It's an occasionally gritty and frenetic crime thriller, but my enthusiasm is muted because the plot feels so familiar in every way. This is probably the most "conventional" movie Darren Aronofsky has ever directed, and I don't necessarily intend that as a compliment.

3 black and white cookies out of 5

Eden (2024)

Based on actual events, a group of settlers (including a doctor writing his manifesto, a couple trying to start a family, and a Baroness with her harem) arrive at a remote locale in the Galápagos Islands circa 1929, where they are at once at each other's throats as they're forced to contend with harsh living conditions, scarcity of resources and lack of medical care. This is a harrowing survival drama at times, though it's filled with enough black humor to ensure your safe harbor. It's a movie that plumbs the depths of "love thy neighbor," but I hated it on principle. It's kind of a mess, though I guess that's the point.

3 wild boars out of 5

Americana (2023)

A strange movie that reminded me of Strange Darling at times. Told slightly out of order, it's fun to see how all the pieces fit together. It's like a modern day cowboys and Indians, with a Tarantino and Coen Brothers-like influence that can be felt throughout. I enjoyed the randomness and silliness quite a bit.

3½ ghost shirts out of 5

Bugonia (2025)

A CEO is kidnapped by a conspiracy theorist who believes her to be an alien planning about the end of humanity. This follows many of the same beats as the original South Korean film, improving it in some respects while ruining some of the things I loved about it. In the end, they are both able to co-exist harmoniously by scratching different itches and fulfilling a different need.

4 chemical castrations out of 5

Save the Green Planet! (2003)

AKA: 지구를 지켜라! (Jigureul jikyeora!)

Lee Byeong-gu believes he caught himself an alien. He keeps him locked up in his basement and subjects him to bizarre experiments to test his half-baked theory. It's a great concept although much of the runtime keeps you guessing. It's nevertheless a memorable oddity, which I found endearingly moving.

4 lunar eclipses out of 5