KIDS IN THE HALL: BRAIN CANDY [1996]

2 years after the end of their sketch show the Canadian cult-favorite comedy troupe The Kids In The Hall reunited for a feature length film, Brain Candy.
In the same style as Monty Python's feature films, The Kids opted to play multiple roles based around a single story instead of a series of sketches that they had be known for on television.  Unfortunately by this time, The Kids were tired of each other, resulting in bitter feuds that hurts the chemistry onscreen quite a bit.  Not to say it isn't funny, because there are some wicked funny moments buried beneath a cynical and depressing story that speaks more truth than you'd expect.  It's a hard sell, with some overly weird bits, highly offensive jokes and stretches of nothing really funny at all but what is funny is well worth the time you put into it.

3 pills that give worms to ex-girlfriends out of 5 

CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY [2005]

Tim Burton directs the 2nd adaptation of Roald Dahl's classic novel Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and in turn we get a more faithful and darker version than Mel Stuart's 1971 film.
Johnny Depp is deliciously off the wall as he turns Willy Wonka into a germaphobe, child-detesting dandy with a love for latex gloves and flashbacks but it's Freddie Highmore who really impresses in the title role with a natural and likeable performance.  It's a Burton film so expect some awkward moments that seem out of place and disjointed bridges into the next scene.  As dedicated to it's source material as the film is, it still has a problem pinpointing where it's heart is, amidst all the outrageously bizarre sets and musical moments.  Nevertheless, it's a fine film to please Burton, Depp and composer Danny Elfman fans with it's paint-by-numbers style the team have come to be known for.

3 bad nuts out of 5

LITTLE BIG MAN [1970]

Director Arthur Penn's adaptation of Thomas Berger's novel Little Big Man is one of the first Western films to properly portray Native Americans and have a poor view on the U.S. Military.  

As serious and distressing as the subject matter is the film manages to fit in some great humor at all the right moments making for one of the better and more entertaining "epic" films ever produced.   Dustin Hoffman is magnificent as the pint-sized protagonist who just can't seem to catch a break and when he does it's short-lived.  It might be based on historical facts but the story itself is purely fictional so with that in mind, it's easier to not take quite as seriously as many might be fooled into.  

It's an impressive job at taken a touchy subject then blending it with humor that hasn't outdated it self to this very day.  

4 Soda Pop Kids out of 5

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM [1984]

Director Steven Spielberg & writer George Lucas team up once again for the second instalment in their Indiana Jones series, the hit & miss prequel, The Temple Of Doom.
It's noticeably darker than the the first film, with quite a bit of violence, a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood with an prepubescent Asian side-kick and Mrs. Spielberg herself, Kate Capshaw in a particularly annoying role as the screechy leading lady.  The beginning and the end are just as great as the first film but it's everything in the middle that is painfully terrible.  Some memorably gory scenes and a barf-bag inducing cuisine sequence attempts to make up for the poor quality but fails.
It might bring up some good memories watching it as a kid but by removing my nostalgia goggles it makes for a cringe-worthy experience.

2½ chilled monkey brains out of 5

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax (2014)

Gave her mother forty whacks, etc. If you know the rhyme you’ll know it’s nonsense. The same could be said about this travesty. It’s unable to generate any atmosphere of its own, so relies instead on Ricci’s history of being the creepy girl, but if forgets that a film needs more than that.
Things may well have looked good on the set but it all went to hell in the editing room. Whoever added the anachronistic rock music thinking it was edgy should be summarily fired. It would probably be hilarious if it wasn't so appalling. It’s a Lizzie story for the modern US TV fan, not for the ages.

1½ holes in the head out of 5

2013 - Cuckoo's Year In Review

Of the 816 films we reviewed last year, over 170 of them were released in 2013 and so it's time for me to narrow that list of films down to my personal favorites.
Unlike 2012, I had a helluva time trimming down my 46 favorites to only ten but it was done with many a cringe and buckets of real tears while hitting the chopping block.
I realize many of these were produced a year before for single screenings at festivals or simply to collect dust on the shelf but I'm basing this on nationwide theatrical releases.

Enough babbling....

Here's my Top 10 Favorite Films of 2013

click on the title for mini-reviews

10)  MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
9)    ONLY GOD FORGIVES
8)    HER
7)    THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES
6)    PRISONERS
5)    LA GRANDE BELLEZZA
4)    MUD
3)    LE PASSE
2)    INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS
1)    JAGTEN

Honorable Mentions:
ABOUT TIME
BERBERIAN SOUND STUDIO
BYZANTIUM
DISCONNECT
DRINKING BUDDIES
FRANCES HA
KINGS OF SUMMER, THE
LA VIE D'ADELE: CHAPITRES 1 & 2
THIS IS THE END
WOLF OF WALL STREET, THE

Usually I only subject myself to a few real stinkers a year but this year I found myself sitting through more than my fair share of shit and feeling sorry for myself when I realized how bad the film actually was.
Instead of scraping the bottom of the barrel to make up a list of at least 5 I found I had to narrow a longer list down to only 10.

Here's the Cream Of The Crap:
BULLET TO THE HEAD
CANYONS, THE
GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD, A
HOST, THE
IDENTITY THIEF
INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2
I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2
KILL FOR ME
RAPTURE-PALOOZA
TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D

...and there you have it, kids.  Another year gone by.

Agree?  Disagree?  Have a list of your own?

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET [2013]

Martin Scorsese directs Wall Street stockbroker/fraudster Jordan Belfort's memoir in the debaucherous The Wolf Of Wall Street.
It's a tongue-in-cheek view of the lifestyle of the spoiled and overly greedy culture that you'll either see as glorified or completely disgusting, depending on what sort of approach you take to the film.  Scorsese applies the exact same style he would to one of his gangster films, like time period music, voice-over narration, breaking down the fourth wall and it all works seamlessly.  The only difference is it's laced with a wicked sense of humor and there's next to no violence but made up for with 569 f-bombs dropped over the 3 hour running time.  It's got a fantastic cast playing some of the most scummiest people to grace the screen in quite awhile and if done right, it can make for a fascinating and head-shaking watch.

4 bad hairpieces out of 5

Justice League: War (2014)

The first JL animation based on the New 52 reboot is also a reboot. It wastes no time with set-up for most of the heroes. Instead, it starts in the middle of a story and goes downhill from there.
Being called WAR there’ll be no surprise to find that there’s a lot of combat; so very, very much combat. My brain almost atrophied.
It earned my respect for addressing certain criticisms of failings that are almost inherent in superhero stories and turning them into strengths, but the characters are mostly awful. Batman is analytical; he’s okay. Superman is a two dimensional prick. They've ruined Capt. Marvel and changed his name. And what have they done to Wonder Woman? She’s a moron.

2½ boom tubes out of 5

LA GRANDE BELLEZZA [2013]

aka The Great Beauty

Director Paolo Sorrentino crafts a piece of great elegance, cynicism, wonder and thoughtfulness in the Italian art-film La Grande Bellezza.  

It's about an ageing socialite who realizes he's wasted his life schmoozing with the elite & rich of Rome when there's something far more important right in front of his face.  It's an interesting contrast of his age and ancient Rome colliding with the youthful rich and loud party music scattered throughout the film, violating the senses.  This great beauty owes it's fascinating camera work & dizzying techniques to the works of Federico Fellini but is by no means a direct imitation and stands out on it's own as a gorgeous piece of cinema.  

Just 5 more minutes out of 5

NEBRASKA [2013]

Director Alexander Payne is a master at crafting the bittersweet comedic drama and the black & white road movie Nebraska is a perfect example of that notion.
Driven by Bruce Dern's naturally great performance as a drunken old man who isn't quite all there, the film slow-burns it's way through a beautifully shot black & white countryside that mirrors the character's mind that's trapped in the past.  It's not a complicated story but it certainly is one that will harmlessly warm your heart, make you laugh and possibly force a single tear down your cheek.

4 air compressors out of 5

ENDER'S GAME [2013]

After nearly 30 years since it was first published, fans of Orson Scott Card's sci-fi/war youth novel Ender's Game are finally given the big screen treatment by director Gavin Hood.
Does it live up to expectations?  Thankfully it mostly does, with only a few minor "grumble-grumble" moments but you can't please everybody.  It doesn't quite get as into Ender's head as much as the book nor does it explore it's many themes and instead opts for more of a eye-popping spectacle and that's all right.  It never bores and has just enough character to keep the plot driving forward with each action sequence.  A very fine sci-fi film to introduce the kids to that will keep the parent's attention from beginning to end as well.

3½ Little Doctors out of 5

THE COUNSELOR [2013]

With Ridley Scott directing a star-studded cast in an original screenplay by novelist Cormac McCarthy I was expecting quite a bit from The Counselor but in the end found much to be desired.
The first hour drags quite a bit with more than enough quirky criminal monologues about next to nothing to make you wonder if it's supposed to be funny.  The second half of the film is where things get interesting and more intense as several themes of sexuality, human nature, death and consequences begin to be explored.  McCarthy's novels are near poetic perfection but his film dialogue isn't quite as interesting and this film is built on spoken words rather than actions.  There's plenty of memorable moments but it simply doesn't satisfy the hunger for a smarter thriller than this.

3 car fuckers out of 5

THE BOOK THIEF [2013]

Brian Percival directs this paint by numbers film adaptation of Markus Zusak's World War II Germany novel, The Book Thief.
Aided by some really great performances the film is easily watchable until you realize you've seen it all a million times before and it does nothing to try to stand out for itself.  There's some nice photography and John Williams' pleasant score so if you've never seen a film like this before it might strike you as better than it really is as it spoonfeeds you it's intended emotional impact.

3 x's out of 5

Alien³ (1992 / 2003)

It's as bleak as a British winter and it'll piss off many fans of Aliens (1986), but I doubt pleasing Cameron's crowd was ever on the agenda of the creative team. If you've seen the Theatrical Cut, then you'll know how messy and lifeless it was. Fincher declined an invitation to do a Dir. Cut himself, so instead we got an Assembly Cut (by editor David Crowther?) that takes a xenomorph sized shit all over the studio's preferred version.

The bad CGI and hasty rewrites are still evident, but the forced camaraderie, the crushing despair and the multiple malignancies are more tightly woven into the narrative structure. Ultimately, if you're a fan of the series and haven't seen the 2003 version, then you really ought to.

1992 Cut: 2½ wall-runs out of 5 | 2003 Cut: 3½ parental instincts out of 5

DALLAS BUYER'S CLUB [2013]

Jean-Marc Vallée directs Matthew McConaughey as Ron Woodroof, an AIDS patient in the 80's who dealt unapproved pharmaceutical drugs, in Dallas Buyer's Club.
This is probably McConaughey's best performance to date but I can't go without taking note of Jared Leto's fantastic turn as a transgender woman that should get him an award without a doubt.  Dazzling performances aside, the tale is one that needs to be told and deserves to be heard.  There's a few lulls in the storytelling and it occasionally threatens to lose focus but when all is said and done, it's a film that the cast & crew can surely be proud of.

4 Texas wild flowers out of 5