Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck in the same film is enough to have me running hurriedly in the opposite direction, but there are exceptions to every rule, even when the rules are of my own making.
Shakespeare in Love is a costumed comedy of romance set in the days when just walking under a window was a hazardous activity. Will (Joseph Fiennes) is without a muse and his writing is suffering. His patrons are without a play to stage and their pockets are shrinking. Everything hinges on the bard overcoming his block, but instead of turning his attentions to paper and quill, like fortune's fool he turns them instead toward a woman he can’t have.
The excellent script weaves a fanciful reality with literary fiction, causing lateral friction for everyone and never once overstays its welcome.

4 stolen measures out of 5

Steel Magnolias (1989)

A film based on a stage play by Robert Harling about a group of six Louisianan women and the close-knit bonds they forge.
It skips forward years at a time, eschewing a traditional structure. If you over-analyse it you’ll be left with fragments that don’t satisfy in a meaningful way; they need to be viewed as a whole in order to make any kind of impact. The happenings are set during times that are markers, annual festivals or public holidays, alongside more distinctly personal events like a wedding, etc. Ultimately, it explores the consequences of either choosing to hold or choosing to play the hand of cards that life deals, while simultaneously celebrating the moments in time that shape us.

3½ mysterious ways out of 5

A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014)

Writer/director Scott Frank attempts to bring the popular literary figure Matt Scudder, a former NYPD-cop, now private investigator to the silver screen. Liam Neeson's experienced and thoughtful nature lends well to the character. It's obvious he has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and demons in his past. Hired by a drug trafficker (Dan Stevens), he must track down a pair of grisly serial killers who ransom their victims. The film is paced extremely well with a bulk of the proceedings dealing with Scudder's meticulous and determined pursuit. The hit-and-miss supporting cast is really the only blight on the film. While I was impressed with Olafur Olafsson's sullen performance of the third culprit, it's a shame so much runtime was wasted on Scudder's adolescent wingman TJ (Brian Bradley).

3½ unfortunate bullets to the eye out of 5

The Sandlot (1993)

A-la Boy Meets World and A Christmas Story, this coming-of-age tale is narrated from the memory of the main character. This allows for larger-than-life exaggerations which embellish the simple plot. Over-eager to befriend the neighborhood kids, Smalls (Tom Guiry) loses his step-father's prized baseball to a seemingly monstrous junkyard dog. Once the sandlot kids are introduced it becomes a true ensemble affair and while some are given b-stories of their own, a few are sadly left out. I seldom enjoy films involving kids but their acting was rarely annoying and ever endearing.

3 "You're killing me Smalls!" out of 5

The Curse (1987)

With a less than enthusiastic writer and director, this film based on H.P. Lovecraft's The Colour Out of Space never got out of the box. It does closely follow certain events from the source material such as a mysterious meteorite landing near a farm, the subsequent bountiful yet putrid harvest and its catastrophic effects on the farm handlers. But as most HPL adaptations turn out, it never truly captures the essence nor the impact of the descriptive passages in the story. In unsuccessful attempts to frighten the audience with ominous music over scenes of characters drinking the tainted water supply and the degradation of the livestock, it only creates a stale boredom in its stead. The poorly handled ending leaves much to be desired in both logic and fascination.

1 whoring wife out of 5

Amityville III: The Demon (1983)

aka Amityville 3D

Is it third time lucky for the residents of the Long Island house, or another pointless, vapid waste of time? Curb your optimism because it's shit. The story’s hopeless. A reporter turned writer (who doesn't once write) moves into the house to debunk claims that it’s possessed. While there he sucks every bit of tension out of the air with his lack of enthusiasm.
It’s 55 minutes before anything happens. Prior to that there’s nothing, unless you class emptiness and hysterical women as a good time.
The writer of the script used a pseudonym! That’s how bad it is. To add insult to injury they released it in 3D. The majority of the time 3D is a desperate tactic to milk the wallets of fools and doubles as an admission that the product is bad. It still happens. As long as there are fools…

0½ an ephemeral care out of 5

THE INTERVIEW [2014]

Vancouver boys Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg co-direct what would probably be the world's most controversial film of 2014.
A pair of bumbling American tabloid personalities go to North Korea to talk with Kim Jong-un, when they are secretly pulled aside by the CIA to assassinate him instead in the outrageously crass action/comedy The Interview.  It's dim-witted, overly crude, surprisingly violent and offensive, all while managing to toss in a great deal of laughs into the mix at the expense of both the U.S. and North Korea's funny little critter.  In reality had the nation not made such a fuss about the mediocre film, it probably would have disappeared into obscurity within the year...but instead it was hilariously turned into a piece of cinematic history.

2½ Unexpected Journey's out of 5

STRETCH [2014]

Director Joe Carnahan's Stretch channels the same sort of comedic bat-shit crazy adrenaline he gave 2006's crime-caper mess Smokin' Aces.
Patrick Wilson plays a down-in-the-dumps limo driver who races across a Southland Tales-esque LA to run errands for a crazed billionaire (hilariously played by Chris Pine) that enjoys snorting coke, hitting himself, snorting coke and burning things.   On the outside it seems like it's pure chaos being loud & weird for no reason but underneath it's a clever study of fate and confidence in one's own masculinity.  Sure it's heavily flawed in many areas but it races from beginning to end without ever taking a breath you probably won't even notice until hours later.

3 mustaches grown in Hell out of 5

[REC]4: APOCALYPSE [2014]

Jaume Balagueró, co-director of the first two [REC] films, returns along side star Manuela Velasco for what is promised to be the fourth and final instalment of the Spanish horror series.
Taken place immediately after the the events of the second film, we find Ángela mysteriously woken up on a seemingly isolated oil tanker on sea, which is in danger due to her still carrying the deadly virus.  It's a bit of a bumpy ride but returns to the grisly style of the first two films, unlike the hilarious third film (which I actually quite liked).  There's plenty of horrific moments to please fans of the series but also a great deal of "really?" groan-worthy moments that should be taken with a grain of salt if you're willing to reach the end.  Plenty of gory action, "fuck yeah!" kick-ass moments and white-knuckled tension to satisfy yet it never really quite reaches the heights of what a grand finale should be.

3 zombie monkeys out of 5

CORNER GAS: THE MOVIE [2014]

5 years after it went off the air, the quiet little Canadian sitcom is back with it's own feature film, Corner Gas: The Movie.
Nothing much ever happens in Dog River, Saskatchewan, and even the characters cheekily mention nothing's happened since 2009.  Times have been hard, leading to the town going bankrupt, which leaves Brent, Hank, Lacey and the rest of the kind-hearted townsfolk to figure out what to do.  Like most Canadian humor, it's overly simple, harmless and self-deprecating, so it's really easy for anyone in any country to enjoy.  It does nothing to differ itself from the TV series (apart from a fight between a robot and a werewolf), so it looks and feels exactly like an extended episode which should be just fine with anyone familiar with the show.

3 zoos where you pet dudes out of 5

Convoy (1978)

A film based on a song doesn't exactly fill a viewer with confidence, but Convoy is a real gem; and thankfully it's the kind of sharp-edged diamond that cuts, not the kind that buys you a wife.

Rubber Duck and his cohorts spend life on the open road, under blue skies, answerable to no one except the law. Unfortunately, sometimes the law is crooked and action needs to be taken to defend personal freedoms.
Replace the trucks with wagons and the diner with a saloon and you have the kind of Western situation where men are men and anyone not part of the clique is considered suspicious. Logic says the thin plot and recycled motivations shouldn't work, but somehow they do.

3½ mad brother truckers out of 5

NIGHTCRAWLER [2014]

Jake Gyllenhaal gives a ghoulishly unsettling career-defining performance in screenwriter Dan Gilroy's highly unique directorial debut, Nightcrawler.
 Gyllenhaal plays a thief with a severe antisocial personality disorder that starts selling his own footage of accidents and violent crimes to a local Los Angeles news station.  It doubles as a tightly written satirical thriller with a sadistic smirk on it's face and a deeply disturbing, yet oddly alluring, character study, very reminiscent of Taxi Driver or Breaking Bad.  With it's beautifully lit LA night shots, the film reminds one of Drive or Heat but peel away that sleek aesthetic charm you have yourself some delightfully sick shit here that may or may not be funny.  That's for you to judge for yourself.

4 camcorders out of 5

EVERLY [2014]

Director Joe Lynch adds yet another bloody violent action/thriller to your obligatory anti-Christmas movies list with the Salma Hayek led Everly.
It follows the title character as she tries to escape her apartment amidst a hail of bullets, henchman, bat-shit crazy hookers, blade-wielding maniacs and costumed psychopaths.  Once more indie-film America attempts to mimic Asia Extreme and ends with pretty entertaining results, if not a little more brainless.  Hayek does a fine job at brining a lot more character to her role than I suspect was originally written and it works quite well, as the story slowly unfolds revealing more and more to the background.  This is pure C-movie material and never attempts to do anything more with it so don't expect to find any hidden nuances or layers, other than the ladies can kick ass too, even if they are in lingerie or high heels.

2½ silent nights out of 5

BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP [2014]

Director Rowan Joffé's adaptation of  S. J. Watson's thriller novel Before I Go To Sleep is ironically a great film to watch to help you go to sleep.
It tells the story of a woman who wakes up everyday with her memory wiped clean due to a terrible accident she suffered.  Fortunately Nicole Kidman is a delight to watch to distract the viewer from it's countless cliché twists 'n turns, duller than dull dialogue and ridiculous set-up that begs you take it more serious than it should.  Sadly they forget to add in more than two suspects to the mystery so when the big reveal is finally unveiled you wonder why you even bothered to stick around.
In short, it's boring, uninspired and way too predictable for a film that's supposedly built on mystery.

1 camera out of 5

FURY [2014]

Writer/director David Ayer steps away from his usual crooked cop tales with Fury, the fictional World War II story of a five-man tank crew travelling behind enemy lines during final days of the war.
All in all, the film is beautifully shot as grim as it may look, superbly acted, well written war film that is grisly and thoroughly unpleasant.  The film aims to pack a punch but for some reason it never quite hits you where it should, while it also has problems bringing anything new to the table in it's genre.  With that being said, it might not point out anything new to the viewer but certainly does a fantastic job at putting you right in the seat of that tank.  There's no real heroism or glory here, it's just plain violent, senseless and quite frightening.

3½ horse butts out of 5