IRON MAN 3 [2013]

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang director Shane Black reunites with Robert Downey, Jr. on the third instalment of the ridiculously popular Iron Man franchise.
A little darker than the previous films, IM3 still delivers on the loud, vibrantly colored action sequences and enthusiastic performances from all parties involved.  The main attraction is the humorous chemistry & witty banter between RDJ and Don Cheadle, which I never tired of, unlike the climax, which was a lot of fun but eventually felt over-done and cliche.  Sure there's plenty of annoyances sprinkled throughout the film (particularly the introduction of an annoying kid) but it has just enough well-paced adrenaline and biting dialogue to rise above the half-baked previous film.

3 "bedtime stories" out of 5

Heathers (1988)

Once upon a time Christian Slater made good films. Heathers is one of them. It’s a darkly satirical comedy set in a typical American high school that experiences a sudden upsurge in teen suicide.
Parts of it have aged badly, like most 80's movies, but the biting satire is still relevant and the subject matter equally as controversial.
It’s like a John Hughes high school movie gone bad.

3 bitches deserved it out of 5

My Neighbour Totoro (1988)

If you've avoided Totoro up to now thinking it's a kiddy film, then you've denied yourself the rekindling of childhood joy and wonder that comes from a viewing; perhaps your maturity has oppressed you more than you ever thought possible. For a short time Miyazaki shows a world filtered through young eyes. Adult concerns exist but the children don't have a name for them yet, so they hold a different kind of mystery.
Disney would sell their soul (if they had one) to make something as perfect as Totoro. Even the parts that make me sad are welcome and fully embraced.

5 Susuwatari out of 5

The Legend of Fong Sai-yuk II (1993)

aka: The Legend II / Fong Sai-yuk II

The Chinese film industry isn't like Hollywood. In China you can have an idea for a film, shoot it and have it on general release four months later, just like this spectacular sequel that came out in the same year as the first Fong Sai-yuk film. With the same director and cast (minus a few characters) it achieves a similar balance of comedy, action and emotion.
Remember the kung fu contest? They didn't (hell, they couldn't) exceed that level of awesome, but they gave it a damn good try. Fans of wire work wuxia won’t be disappointed.

3½ Red Flowers out of 5

INLAND EMPIRE [2006]

Clocking in at 3 hours long, I occasionally got the feeling director David Lynch was having a laugh at the thought of viewers sitting through the senseless collection of awkward scenarios in Inland Empire.
While it does contain the typical Lynchian ingredients like a woman in trouble, cool music, low bassy droning to keep you on edge, characters wandering aimlessly around hallways looking scared, red curtains and asshole officers of the law, you can't help but feel it's Lynch parodying himself unintentionally.  It's essentially the dictionary definition of an "artsy fartsy" film with bizarre dialogue delivery, extended close-ups and subtitles.  Still, Laura Dern pulls of a great, if not confusing performance and there are many interesting scenes even if they don't make sense.
...oh...and bunnies.  There's bunnies.

2½ screwdrivers out of 5

The Scorpion King (1991)

aka: Operation Scorpio

The film plods along nicely as a period drama for the longest time. There’s a comic book artist who daydreams of being a hero of the people. There’s a woman in trouble. There’s a collection of bad guys, etc.
The finale kicks it up a gear or three with an explosion of unforgettable martial artistry. Korean Taekwondo expert Won Jin’s ability is breathtaking; I didn't know a human body could do those kinds of things without breaking in two. And Shaw Brothers legend Lau Kar Leung (Director of The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)) shows the world he’s still got what it takes to kick some villainous ass.

3 tossed noodles out of 5

Gorgeous (1999)

Are there any attractive women left in Asia that Jackie Chan hasn't worked with? This time he's with the beautiful Shu Qi. It's a change of pace for the action star, with more time spent in safe rom com territory than on dangerous action; it even has a romance building musical montage!
Some of the combat really is fantastic, but it feels out of place with the rest of the film. My attentions would likely have wandered elsewhere long before the end if it wasn't for the presence of Jackie and Shu.

2½ bottled wishes out of 5

Princess Mononoke (1997)

There’s often an environmental message in Miyazaki’s works, but it’s much more aggressive in Mononoke than in anything he’d made before. It’s Nature Vs Industry in a war that neither side can win. Trapped in the middle is Ashitaka. He’s unwilling to take sides, but at the same time is determined to end the conflict. He’s even prepared to die if necessary.
The historical coexists with the fantastical elements and each one gets its own colour palette that reflects its traditionally perceived beauty.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the threat comes from the West.

5 kodama out of 5

GANGSTER SQUAD [2013]

Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer brings journalist Paul Lieberman's pulp novel Gangster Squad: Covert Cops, the Mob, and the Battle for Los Angeles to the screen.
With it's impressive ensemble cast and hard-boiled Hollywoodland noir story you suspect Fleischer was attempting to replicate the success of L.A. Confidential but somehow misses the mark.  The characters are atrociously underdeveloped, the editing is terrible, the dialogue it both boring & forced and you'll predict the entire film only 5 minutes in.  As cliched as this uneven mess of a laughable film is, I can't really deny that it was entertaining as feck.  Check your brain at the door and you might find some light entertainment in it.

2½ toasty elevator rides down out of 5

MAMA [2013]

Based on his Spanish short film, Mama, director Andrés Muschietti expands his creepy little modern fairy tale into a feature length, produced by Guillermo Del Toro.
It's a beautiful looking piece, filled with subtle yet effective sound design (best heard with a decent surround sound system) that pretty much takes visuals & ideas from many films before it.  Pulling out all the stops for maximum creep factor, including something in the closet, under the bed & in a box, you feel as if you seen it before but it's done with such delicate craft it doesn't really matter.  Unfortunately an uninspired script is what prevents it from becoming just that much better than it could have been.

2½  moths out of 5

The Crow (1994)

A gothic fantasy that endures not because of Brandon Lee's death, like some claim, but because of Brandon Lee's performance and director Alex Proyas' vision. Parts of it haven't aged well, but other parts have proved themselves to be almost timeless. The contrast between the emotional tearing of the primary hero/anti-hero with the unimaginative villains means it pendulums back and forth between serious drama and clichéd comic violence, but somehow Proyas keeps it on track. It has some weighty nostalgia for me because I loved it back in the day. I still can't tolerate Bai Ling, though.

3½ comedy/tragedy masks out of 5

NOTE. The Crow (2024) version is reviewed HERE.

TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D [2013]

Texas Chainsaw 3D is yet another instalment in the jumbled list of Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots or in short shitfests.
In an interesting move, it wisely ignores everything but the 1974 original and picks up right where it left off   Being a huge fan of the first film, it sent creepy sentimental chills down my spine seeing the original house in all it's glory.  Then not even 5 minutes in, they burnt it down and everything went to shit.  Instead of paying homage to the original it feels more like a watered down insult with new character developments and twists that are handled ever so poorly.

1 ride on the ferris wheel out of 5

The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer (2003)

TDoER is an unnecessary prequel to Stephen King's Rose Red (2002) TV miniseries. King didn't write this one, but it uses his characters. It's a period drama set in the early 1900s that's tied to King's work like a parasite. The story it wants to tell and the story it feeds off feel awkward when put together. If the paranormal aspect had been removed, it could've made a decent slice of costume drama with a cold and sinister edge, but as it is it adds little to the main story other than filling in blanks that were better off being blank. If you do want to watch it, please make sure and watch Rose Red first.

2 cups of tea and gossip of 5

THE HANGOVER PART II [2011]

Todd Phillips' second instalment of the Hangover series lacks the element of surprise of the first and fails to bring anything really all that funny to the screen.

If not for the relocation from Las Vegas to Thailand the story would be an exact copy of the first one, only a bit more violent and grittier.  There's a few scattered laughs throughout the film but in the end, you can't help but feel that it's a result of screenwriting laziness and Hollywood producers eager to shit out a cash cow before it's fully cooked.

1 night in Bangkok out of 5

Clockwise (1986)

A British comedy starring John Cleese as a public school headmaster with a poker wedged firmly in his ass. His day starts well, but slowly spirals into a first class Basil Fawlty style nightmare.
Cleese’s ability to personify an emotional breakdown is unsurpassed. I love how he clings to his dignity like a puppy with a stick, even when it’s clear the stick is chewed beyond recognition.

3 timetables out of 5