SAN ANDREAS [2015]

Republic of Doyle Newfie director Brad Peyton has a grand ol' time bringing California to it's knees in the special effects summer bonanza San Andreas.
The Rock plays a father that embarks on a terrifying journey across the said state in order to rescue his daughter.  By now, you know what your getting yourself into when walking into a film like this.  Bad dialogue, paper-thin characters, questionable actions with even more questionable consequences and a helluva lot of noise.  If you're ready for all that then you'll find some mind-numbing enjoyment out of this one, especially with Dwayne Johnson on board.  With summer officially starting this week I can safely guarantee you most of the film reviews following this one will say basically the same thing.

3 tsunamis out of 5

TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D [2013]

Texas Chainsaw 3D is yet another instalment in the jumbled list of Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots or in short shitfests.
In an interesting move, it wisely ignores everything but the 1974 original and picks up right where it left off   Being a huge fan of the first film, it sent creepy sentimental chills down my spine seeing the original house in all it's glory.  Then not even 5 minutes in, they burnt it down and everything went to shit.  Instead of paying homage to the original it feels more like a watered down insult with new character developments and twists that are handled ever so poorly.

1 ride on the ferris wheel out of 5

BEREAVEMENT [2010]

The second installment that is the first part of a trilogy [?] written and directed by Stevan Mena. The first film, Malevolence was a lacklustre thriller that tried to emulate '80's slashers, while Bereavement takes a different turn down the horror road and aims for torture porn.
Mena must have gone to film and music school, because his skills vastly improved since the first film six years before this. That's not to say Bereavement is any good...because it's not.
I'll admit there were a few scenes that the gorehound in me grinned and found myself to be very uncomfortable with the disturbingly immoral final ten minutes but apart from that it was a bore. Skip this series. That is unless Mena comes up with something surprisingly original and amazing for the final part but I doubt that, as these two films said everything that could be said about something so inane and shallow.

2 roasted waitresses out of 5