SAN ANDREAS [2015]

Republic of Doyle Newfie director Brad Peyton has a grand ol' time bringing California to it's knees in the special effects summer bonanza San Andreas.
The Rock plays a father that embarks on a terrifying journey across the said state in order to rescue his daughter.  By now, you know what your getting yourself into when walking into a film like this.  Bad dialogue, paper-thin characters, questionable actions with even more questionable consequences and a helluva lot of noise.  If you're ready for all that then you'll find some mind-numbing enjoyment out of this one, especially with Dwayne Johnson on board.  With summer officially starting this week I can safely guarantee you most of the film reviews following this one will say basically the same thing.

3 tsunamis out of 5

Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Why did I watch it if the first one was so shit? It’s the other way around. I watched part one so I'd have the background I thought I'd need for part two. I wanted to see Galactus. He was a huge disappointment. The only joy I got was from Stan Lee’s best ever cameo.

1 lollipop land out of 5

Fantastic Four (2005)

It’s a bright and colourful origin story, but it’s another solid case of a movie studio milking a tit they've never been properly introduced to.
The biggest problem is in casting. Alba was chosen for one reason alone, and it wasn't her acting ability. The only one of the team that captures the essence of their comic book counterpart is Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm; he’s the one thing that’s in any way ‘fantastic’ about this shit-fest.

1½ plastic bore out of 5

The Gathering (2003)

Christina Ricci gets hit by a car and loses her memory. If she'd lost consciousness, like I almost did, things might have gotten more interesting.
You've seen this movie before, it had different actors and a different title but it’s the same old safe crap that Hollywood favours over something that might actually stir an audience and force them out of their apathy.

0½ an onlooker out of 5