The NeverEnding Story III: Escape from Fantasia (1994)

AKA: The NeverEnding Story III: Return to Fantasia

Here's something that never happens. The kid me would have given this a piece of shit rating, but nostalgic adult me is giving it a slightly higher grade. Why? Because it's a piece of history now, immortalized forever within me. It's not nearly as bad as I remember, even though it's worse than everything that came before. What can I say? I guess I'm getting soft in my old age.

The biggest difference here (aside from the sloppy writing and direct to video quality) is the fact that Jim Henson's Creature Shop took over the effects for this film, leading to a complete redesign of Falkor and the Rockbiter family. That's probably the biggest slight against it, even though the craftsmanship remains high quality, but try explaining that to a bitter 12 year old.

This was the final film in the franchise, followed by an animated series that ran for one season in 1995, a TV series (Tales from the Neverending Story) in 2001, and a planned reboot that has been stuck in development hell for years.

2 Nasties out of 5

Note: This is still the dumbest scene in the movie, but dammit if it don't lodge itself inside your brain.

The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990)

Bastian, Atreyu and Falkor return 6 years later in a rare example of a film I hated as a kid that somehow holds up better than my memory of it. A lot of that is nostalgia for the era in which it was made, with all of its low-budget practical effects and faults on full display. It's not a perfect film, but I don't think it was ever striving to be. It's a cash grab for sure, but there is heart to be found in it. While it doesn't hold a candle to the original, it's dopey kid fun. It diverges from the novel quite a bit, in a treatment that owes more than a little to The Wizard of Oz, but it's still more faithful than the inevitable third entry.

2½ Auryn amulets out of 5

How to Train Your Dragon (2025)

DreamWorks decides to try their hand at the recent Disney phenomena of remaking all their animated hits. The premise remains unchanged: A Viking village is under attack from dragons. A boy is hungry to prove his worth. He manages to capture and befriend an injured dragon and realizes they're both misunderstood in their own way, etc. It worked the first time, so it stands to reason it would have the same effect, except less so, because it's no longer novel. Luckily, it manages to be faithful enough that it doesn't piss anyone off.

There are a number of reasons why this turned out so well. Dean DeBlois (director of the originals) adapts his own material, Gerard Butler inhabits the same role (and looks perfect doing so) and Toothless's CGI design remains essentially unchanged. Not to mention, we still have the same powerful musical score from John Powell which gives it all its heart. The whole thing feels very recursive (what's next, an animated version of the live-action remake?) and pointless if you've already seen the original since it doesn't offer much else except another bite of the apple, with a bit of added fluff.

It mostly works because, well, who doesn't dream of having their own dragon?

3 prosthetic fins out of 5

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019)

(Psst...the "hidden world" is sex)

Time has passed, Hiccup is now the chieftain of Berg, and Toothless is ready to spread his wings in the third and final entry in the How to Train Your Dragon trilogy (not counting 6 short films, 3 TV spin-offs and a live-action remake).

On the brink of war against those who would do away with all dragons, and on the lookout for a new homeland, Hiccup goes on a quest for the long-rumored secret dragon haven. Meanwhile, Toothless has found romance in a Light Fury playing hard to get. It's all about letting go, and this is Toothless's story just as much as it is Hiccup's. While it doesn't quite reach the dizzying heights of the series, it does offer a worthy parting glance for this colorful world of wonder.

3½ awkward mating rituals out of 5

Ballerina (2025)

AKA: From the World of John Wick: Ballerina

Ana de Armas portrays Eve Macarro, a Ruska Roma avenging the murder of her father in this spin-off to the John Wick franchise, taking place alongside and adjacent to the events of Parabellum. Eve is slight but proves to be formidable and fully capable of handling this action franchise, and this film is just as dumb and relentless as its male-centric counterpart. Basically does all the things the other movies do well, except she's a girl. Featuring appearances from series staples such as Keanu Reeves and Ian McShane, as well as Lance Reddick's final on-screen role as the wonderful concierge of the Continental, Charon.

3 fire fights out of 5

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

The concluding chapter of the John Wick saga (or is it?), though the door seems open to return in the future. Donnie Yen joins the cast as the blind assassin who proves to be the biggest thorn in Wick's side. Let's just say the charm of these films is beginning to wear thin and they chose the right time to close out the chapter, but they manage to do so in magnanimous fashion.

Similar to the Mission: Impossible series, these movies continue to grow and grow. This one is just shy of 3 hours. A 3-hour action flick is really hard to pull off well because you somehow have to engage and sustain interest even though the plot remains skin deep. One of the best scenes comes in the third hour, in the form of a top-down isometric video game angle, but that's only one example. There is a lot of skill involved behind the camera and that's what manages to push it from a mediocre concept into a great magic trick. Most importantly, Keanu looks cool as fuck doing it, and that's all it boils down to in the end. Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves appear to be the last of the Hollywood superstars who still do their own stunts, and both franchises go out on top.

3½ flights of stairs out of 5

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)

Picking up sheer moments after Chapter 2's thrilling cliffhanger, the Baba Yaga essentially prepares to wage war against the world. The first 20 minutes or so stand head and shoulders above anything else in the franchise and I almost wish it could have sustained that breakneck intensity throughout. A lot of it is ridiculousness in service of abiding by "rules" that are set in place by invisible forces. What you're signing up for here is impressively choreographed gun fu sequences with lots of neon colors, pulsing tunes and a shitload of violence, and it delivers as advertised. It's shallow, mindless action, but it looks good doing it. Lest we not forget, this is a series that all began with the murder of a puppy, and there are still loose ends to tie up. It's kind of funny to think that all of these movies take place within a week.

3½ markers out of 5

Karate Kid: Legends (2025)

After 40 years of assorted race and genders, we finally get our first Asian karate kid in the sixth installment of the interconnected franchise which unites Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) from Parts I, II and III (and Cobra Kai) with Shifu Han (Jackie Chan) from the 2010 reboot. There's a bit of retconning going on to explain that Miyagi and Han have a bit of shared family history, and knew each other from back in the day. His memory is kept alive through Miyagi-Do karate.

The setup is familiar by now. In an opposite twist on the previous film, we now have a boy immigrating from China to the USA and following the tried-and-true formula of bullies, girlfriends and a championship tournament that will somehow make everything right. It's literally a remix of all the films, and as such, lacks in any tension because we already know how it will all go down. Sadly, it feels slick and modern and moves way too quickly, since there are never any hurdles too difficult to overcome in a Hollywood movie. At least it was fun to see Jackie Chan still performing his own stunts at 71, and realizing Ralph Macchio isn't too far behind him at 63. The time...where has it gone?

2½ combos out of 5

The Karate Kid (2010)

A remake of the 1984 film (or is it a reboot?), which also confusingly functions as the fifth film in the franchise. Despite the title, it has nothing to do with the martial art of Okinawa, Japan. It should technically be called The Kung Fu Kid.

After moving to China with his mom, 12-year-old Dre makes an enemy of the local bullies while sticking up for the girl he likes. He meets mild-mannered maintenance man, Mr. Han, who reluctantly agrees to train him while building up his self-image. What I appreciate is that Mr. Han is not a 1:1 carbon copy of Mr. Miyagi. He's less of a wise Yoda archetype, and more of a disillusioned figure. Still, it's fun to watch Jackie Chan beating the shit out of children.

When people throw around the term "nepotism" in Hollywood, none is more egregious than Jaden Smith starring in a film produced by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. The actor is passable, but it cynically feels like a star vehicle. Casting issues aside, the writing isn't terrible. Riddled with clichés and inferior in many ways, it's a testament to the original that it still manages to work.

3 "jacket on, jacket off" out of 5

Hurry Up Tomorrow (2025)

Basically functioning as a feature-length music video for The Weeknd, this artsy psychological thriller is a bit like a Lynch-coded version of Purple Rain.

A drug-addled pop singer (Abel Tesfaye, playing himself) suffers from vocal cord strain and an impending nervous breakdown from a toxic relationship, when he meets an adoring, possibly unhinged fan after one of his shows. This film might be striving at something more than skin deep, but it still can't help feeling like a puffed-up vanity piece for exploring one's demons on screen.

2 blinding lights out of 5

Mother, Couch (2023)

Some movies are so inscrutable, sometimes you just have to tackle it head on. Ewan McGregor, Rhys Ifans and Lara Flynn Boyle play estranged siblings whose mother (Ellen Burstyn) refuses to get up off the couch at a furniture store. No, this isn't some body horror/fusion-type deal. It's a 'thinker.'

If you sit to the end, the answers don't become much clearer. Its logic is ripped straight out of a fever dream. If I had to take a stab, I'd say this movie is about the process of letting go, moving on, or something or other. It just doesn't do a very good job of keeping its audience invested throughout. The performances are compelling, which is all that saves it from getting a much lower score.

2 dressers out of 5

The Shrouds (2024)

A wealthy entrepreneur (Vincent Cassel, appearing very Cronenberg-y here) creates high tech grave plots that allow you to monitor the body after death, deep into decomposition. He chooses to mourn his wife in this way, preparing to be enshrouded beside her, were it not for a few hiccups along the way.

This is a very complicated movie to describe, and similarly, my feelings on it are multifaceted. It evokes a mood more than anything. There are mysteries abound that pass by and go unresolved. I suppose it's a film reflecting the endless unanswered questions that we create as part of the grieving process.

3 AI assistants out of 5

The Code (2024)

"Sometimes a movie isn't what you think. It can offer a different perspective or the solution to a crisis...as long as you can crack the code." -Orson Welles

You have to give a film credit for trying to do something different, even when its reach extends beyond its grasp. A mockumentary about a couple filming a documentary about their relationship during the height of COVID. The subject matter sounds exceedingly trite and dull, but it manages to be a lot more multilayered than that. As with all "found footage" films, it finds increasingly ludicrous and silly ways to justify how it's all being recorded, but it's all done with tongue firmly planted in cheek. The "code" in this case is manifold, but mainly has to do with sharing your phone's password with your partner and all the many complications that can arise from a breach of privacy and trust.

From the director of Spree, another fun, frequently bonkers mockumentary.

3 escape rooms out of 5

Materialists (2025)

Celine Song's latest romantic drama is completely insufferable, but probably the most interesting movie I've ever loathed with every cell of my being.

A no-nonsense matchmaker, who is every bit as shallow as her clients, finds herself torn between two men vying for her affections—one rich, one poor.

The bottom line is: If you're a man, all your value can be measured in your bank account and your height, and if you're a woman, all that matters is your youth and waistline. Same as it ever was.

Whether Dakota Johnson ends up with Pedro Pascal or Chris Evans doesn't matter; they've already won in the game of life.

2 checked boxes out of 5

The Life of Chuck (2024)

Mike Flanagan continues his successful collaborative effort with Stephen King in this spellbinding esoteric mystery revolving around a dude named Chuck.

Truth be told, the less said the better. Go into it blind as I did. It had a profound effect on me, even as I discovered how it all pieced together early in Act III.

This one won't be for the Materialists.

Proves that there are still great King adaptations to come.

4½ multitudes out of 5

Friendship (2024)

An off-putting man (Tim Robinson) is invited to hang out with the cool new neighbor (Paul Rudd) at the behest of his long-suffering wife. This opens up a possibility for bonding and connection with other men that he never thought possible before. But at the first sign of his odd idiosyncrasies, he puts the entire friend group off and becomes ousted. It plays out a little like a fucked up version of I Love You, Man. The reason this movie works at all is because of the awkward, cringe-style humor throughout of not quite doing the right thing, and of saying all the things that should not be said out loud. It's fun just to set up all the weird situations and circumstances and watch the characters squirm.

If you're a fan of I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, this will amuse and delight you. Easily one of my favorite comedies of 2025.

4 trips to Subway out of 5

Lilo & Stitch (2025)

A live-action remake of the modern Disney classic upgrades Stitch from a lovable 2D character into a 3D CG model. Something gets lost in translation, because all the charm is missing and it feels like the soul has been ripped out of it. I thought the relationship and chemistry between Lilo and her sister Nani was handled well, but the rest of it feels ham-fisted and shoehorned in. In the end, it's just another substandard remake, made to bleed the IP dry for a new generation who can't be bothered to watch movies older than 20 years old.

2 kuleana out of 5

Lilo & Stitch (2002)

An alien monster known as Experiment 626 escapes from his lab and hops a ship to Earth where he crash lands on the island of Kaua'i. He encounters lonely outcast Lilo who adopts the newly christened 'Stitch,' passing himself off as an intelligent dog-like creature while being pursued by the aliens in disguise. As two misfit halves of the same coin, they complement each other perfectly. The film is made charming by the colorful Hawaiian flavors and catchy soundtrack filled with original tunes and classic Elvis Presley songs.

Spawned three sequels, a television series and an (ugh) live-action remake.

3½ ʻohana out of 5