The Bird People in China (1998)

I fell in love with Takashi Miike because of his violent, often eccentric films, but it's the simple, subdued movie The Bird People in China that really captured my heart. This is one of the most genuinely lovely films I've ever seen. Miike creates a beautiful world straight out of a Miyazaki film that feels magical in a truly believable way.

This is a movie I like to put on whenever I feel like I'm getting overly bitter or cynical. It's a film unlike any other I've seen, and as I watch it, I feel almost hypnotized. It seamlessly jumps from genre to genre, leaving me constantly absorbed and entertained. Miike includes so many little details here that I feel like I notice something new on every viewing, and every time the film concludes, it becomes a little more real to me.

5 men who fell from the sky out of 5

La herencia Valdemar II: La sombra prohibida [The Valdemar Legacy II: The Forbidden Shadow] [2011]

What a disappointing (but not surprising) load of crap.
From this film (and it's first part) I was expecting a fun, action packed ride filled with some eye-rolling chuckles or something dark and occulty with some disturbing imagery or bloody scenes. I got neither.
Instead it's a watered down snoozefest that's in an insult to the Lovecraft lore of Cthulhu.
The characters are bland as a bucket of dead fish, the photography looks like it was filmed for afternoon television and the story is a disjointed predictable mess that reeks of a highschool student's first try at creative writing.
Avoid this one like the plague.

1 star out of 5

Mystery Team (2009)

Mystery Team, I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. You should be that movie that I bug everyone I know to watch. You have a cast full of hilarious actors. You have a terrific premise. You have lines I want to quote over and over again. But every time I watch you, something falls a little short.

I want Mystery Team to feel like it was made by Edgar Wright, but it feels more like an SNL movie. It's great in short bursts, but is wildly uneven on a whole. It's so close to being great that sometimes it's almost painful to watch. As long as you can appreciate it for what it is rather than what it could have been, it's a pretty entertaining little film.

3 long nights of cocaine out of 5

The Batman vs Dracula (2005)

Just mentioning either "The Batman" or vampires is enough to get many a fanboy up in arms, so it goes without saying that The Batman vs Dracula is a tough sell. This film is very loosely based on "Batman: Red Rain", and seems to miss all the reasons vampires worked in that comic. Instead of playing up Batman's gothic elements, it treats vampires like just another baddies that Batman has to fight.

Where this film shines is in the action sequences. Not everyone will be a fan of Glen Murakami's anime inspired designs, but I find the way his characters move to be fascinating. There are some beautifully fluid, atmospheric battles that show off everything great about Murakami's style.

If The Batman vs Dracula didn't have to measure up to the rest of DC's animated films, it'd be a pretty impressive kids movies. As is, it's not worth watching unless you've already checked out all the competition.

2.5 cockroaches dipped in ketchup out of 5

Monkey Magic The Movie (2007)

aka: Adventures of the Super Monkey

The gang's all here: King Monkey, Sandy, Pigsy and Tripitaka. Based on Wu Cheng'en’s Journey to the West it takes its cues from the 1970’s TV series, it even uses the ending theme tune. It's campier and tries too hard to be funny at times, but if you accept it’s not what your nostalgia nipple wants it to be then it’s good fun for a while.
The new Tripitaka looks spookily like the old one at times.
The guy that plays Monkey is that crazy banana guy from that crazy Japanese banana advert!

3 tassels snagging out of 5

Another Earth (2011)

A quiet sci-fi drama reminiscent of last year's Never Let Me Go, Another Earth concerns a tragic event involving a teenage girl and a father on the night when a mirror planet has been discovered in our solar system. Even though I knew where this was going, I found it a well-told story nonetheless. Unfortunately, it merely touches on a great idea and doesn't fully explore the possibilities and consequences of such a concept. I would have liked to see the movie go on another 5-10 minutes. Oh well, leaves more to the imagination, I guess.

For a similar experience, check out Melancholia, still one of the year's best.

3.5 stunning wallpaper images out of 5

The Trip (2010)

Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon play themselves in this metafictional comedy (edited from the TV series of the same name) that feels largely ad-libbed. Two friends travel across northern England on a restaurant tour, sampling the local cuisine and playfully jabbing at each other with that great languid English humor. Sometimes self-indulgent but very, very funny when you get caught up in all of it. I was reminded of Sideways more than once, which is a great compliment to such an enjoyable character piece.

3.5 Michael Caine impressions out of 5

Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story (2006)

Steve Coogan plays Steve Coogan playing Tristran Shandy in this film-within-a-film adaptation of the classic "unfilmmable" novel that deals a lot with procrastination as well as the procrastination of the making of this film. I'll let you read that back over again. Think Adaptation meets This Is Spinal Tap and you'll get part of an accurate picture. Very funny and inventive way of tackling the subject matter head-on without actually being faithful to the material...well, if you've seen it, you'd understand.

4 hot chestnuts in the trousers out of 5

BATMAN [1989]

I still remember seeing this film on opening night. It was like going to a rock show, the audience was so insanely loud and excited. I haven't experienced anything like it since.
Tim Burton's Batman brought life to the comic book superhero film unlike any film in it's genre had done before then. With a scene-stealing Joker from Jack Nicholson and a unexpectedly great performance by Micheal Keaton as Bruce Wayne/Batman, Burton's vision redefined how the general public would view the world of Gotham City. A vastly large and dark metropolis like the grim reaper had cast it's shadow over everything, Anton Furst's Gotham design is easily one the best elements in the film. Complimented with Danny Elfman's iconic theme, Sam Hamm's delightfully comic booky dialogue and Bob Ringwood's stylish noir-like fashion.
It's dark, gloomy and dripping with Gothic imagery but never takes itself too seriously and maintains the comic book style that is a step closer to fantasy than reality.

4 Gotham is a Vancouver map? out of 5

La Herencia Valdemar [The Valdemar Legacy][2010]

Loosely inspired by the world of H.P. Lovecraft, La Herencia Valdemar (part 1 of a 2 part film) had potential to be another great horror film from Spain.
It begins by following one story, when suddenly 35 minutes into the film it comes to an abrupt end only to begin following another story taking place in the 19th century. While I don't really have a problem with stories jumping back and forth through time, here it comes off as sloppy and could have been handled much more carefully and less offensive to the flow of the narrative.
While the costumes, sets, performances are top-notch, the photography, direction and storytelling is limp and uneven and that really hurts the film. The original score by Arnau Bataller is the highlight of the film and one of the best of 2010.
I'll watch the 2nd half of the film to see if things get better or just a continuity of the mess started in this film.

2 Lizzie Bordens? WTF out of 5

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

I'm not the biggest fan of the original film, but I know my way around the sword-and-sorcery epics of the 1980s. This isn't one of them. It feels way too damn polished and glossy for such a brutal tale, which makes it recall more the likes of the new Clash of the Titans, Prince of Persia and The Scorpion King...which were all pretty "eh." In all honesty, I found the earlier scenes of young Conan the most thrilling; older Conan is too much of a pretty boy and the female lead felt equally too PC and "safe."

1 emergency Cesarian out of 5

30 Minutes Or Less (2011)

Anyone who knows me (two people) knows that I like a good comedy. From the director of Zombieland sounds like a pretty good endorsement, but unfortunately this wasn't one of them. Two would-be crooks force a pizza delivery guy to rob a bank for them by strapping a ticking time bomb around his chest. Things get a little bit hairy when an ex-Marine and a hitman get involved in the mix. If it sounds dumb, that's because it is. Danny McBride and Nick Swardson have some good chemistry, but they're fighting a losing battle.

1.5 hold the anchovies out of 5

BATMAN: THE MOVIE [1966]

POW! BIFF! KERSPLAT!
That's the sound of your brain taking a beating as you sit through this film. Not to say I didn't enjoy it...because I did to a certain point. It's just mind-numbingly bad at times.
Mayor Adam West and uber-dork Burt Ward as the Dynamic Duo are actually quite entertaining and hilarious in their shiny undies with "lumps". Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith and Frank Gorshin delightfully reprise their campy television roles as The mustached Joker, The Penguin and The Riddler. While Lee Meriwether steps in for Julie Newmar as the boring but sexy Catwoman.
Using less brains and more luck to defeat his enemies, this Batman almost accurately represents the comic books of that era when they were neutered by the censors.

3 Bat-stars out of 5

The People vs. George Lucas (2010)

Here's a novel idea for a documentary: have a bunch of fans lash out at the creator of their favorite franchise and watch how they bite the hand that feeds them. Kind of takes on an interesting debate as to whether art belongs to the public or whether the Inventor has a right to tweak and deny his original vision. As an impartial viewer (who has enjoyed the movies for what they're worth), I find it fascinating how ambivalent their feelings turn; as to whether Lucas owes it to his fans to cater these movies for them or if he's right re-inventing and introducing them to new and younger audiences. Of course, the debate never reaches an end. Mainly focuses on the special editions and the prequel trilogy, but touches briefly on Indy 4, too.

3 internally conflicted fans out of 5

LOVE [2011]

Based around the emotions and themes explored on the double album LOVE by atmospheric stadium rock band, Angels & Airwaves, this film is an interesting study of loneliness and the building the strength to overcome it. LOVE follows the story of a sole man in a space station orbiting Earth, when he learns everybody has died and he's left stranded with no way home.
Filmed in director William Eubank's backyard, it's quite noticeably made on a shoestring budget. Eubank makes the best of what he's got with beautiful and fascinating cinematography, while actor Gunner Wright is impressive considering he's the only actor on screen for the most part.
As a fan of AVA I had high expectations for this film. As a fan of film I had low expectations. In the end, those expectations met close to the middle leaning towards the higher expectations.

3½ Lite-Brite & pizza box space stations out of 5