Psycho Therapy: The Shallow Tale of a Writer Who Decided to Write About a Serial Killer (2024)

An author struggling with the subject for his next book meets a retired serial killer, who he agrees to write about under the guise of him pretending to be a marriage counselor between he and his wife. Meanwhile, the wife discovers the writer's notes and believes he's trying to murder her. A dark comedy of errors that becomes increasingly more unhinged, but not in a good way.

2 red lights out of 5

Darkest Miriam (2024)

Miriam is a bored but curious librarian who is stuck in a rut of rigid routine. After experiencing a fall, she starts to make a series of impulsive decisions, like that of entering into an impromptu relationship with a man she's just met. There is also a 'mystery' element at play that doesn't get paid off in any meaningful way, and allows itself to be interpreted in a myriad of different ways, making it whatever the audience wants it to be. That's not always a satisfying place to leave a film. I was left feeling more empty than anything.

2½ incident reports out of 5

The Friend (2024)

A woman is bequeathed a Great Dane who is mourning the recent loss of his owner. She decides to care for it temporarily until she figures out a long-term plan, while avoiding the building tenants who inform her no pets are allowed in her apartment. It deals with the usual topics, such as grief and moving on. 

Movies like these are predictable by design, but it's all about how you get there in the end. It's a bit meandering and long-winded, and occasionally slow and uneventful, but I found it to be a pleasant, empathetic watch nonetheless.

3 old sweatshirts out of 5

Ghost Cat Anzu (2024)

 

When her deadbeat dad abandons her at a temple while he's off settling his debts, a young girl meets a walking, talking cat who never seems to age who is tasked with looking after her. As the girl rebels against her unfortunate circumstances, Anzu attempts to earn her trust. Seems pretty self-evident what you'll be getting here. A lot of weird stuff takes place, which is best not to be spoiled. Based on the popular manga series of the same name.

3 yokai out of 5

The Legend of Ochi (2025)

The Ochi are a race of apelike creatures that are being hunted into extinction. When a baby Ochi is separated from its mother, a young girl defies her strict family (Willem Dafoe and Wolf Dickhard) in an attempt to reunite it back home.

This was a lovely little fantasy adventure, reminiscent of classic '80s Amblin vibes, The NeverEnding Story and The Dark Crystal. The creature itself brings to mind Gizmo from Gremlins (combined with the cuteness factor of Baby Yoda). Practical creature effects, old school puppetry and animatronics help bring this world to life and gives it all of its personality and charm (no CGI involved!). This is a film you could imagine Jim Henson might have had his hand in. It's a very minimal tale in all of its simplicity, but quite mesmerizing and moving. You don't often see gentle family films like this being made anymore.

3½ blue caterpillars out of 5

A Minecraft Movie (2025)

I'm too fucking old to have ever played Minecraft, and now the kids who have grown up with it have already gotten their own movie. That just makes me feel sad, on so many levels. As such, I'm coming into it blind, knowing nothing about this (Over)world. Jack Black (as Steve) capably carries the over-the-top hysterics, while Jason Momoa leans into his asshole persona. It reminded me of Jumanji at times; kind of dumb and fun in equal measure. Judging by the audience reaction around me, it seemed to go over well, but unfortunately, most of the references and in-jokes went over my head. It felt to me like a paper thin premise stretched over a feature film length. Fans of the game appear to be satisfied, but for everyone else, it leaves much to be desired.

2 chicken jockeys out of 5

Note: This movie has turned into a literal blockbuster overnight, with national headlines of kids tearing up movie theaters. Why is anyone surprised by its success? The only franchise I think would perform even higher is a Fortnite movie. Never underestimate dumb kids with too much time on their hands.

Night of the Zoopocalypse (2025)

Based on a "concept" by Clive Barker (believe it or not), a timber wolf and a mountain lion reluctantly team up to survive a shapeshifting mutant zombie alien horde (or something like that) after a meteor strikes the zoo after hours.

Computer generated animation used to be a real novelty, but now they're a dime a dozen, with no real creative vision to distinguish one from the other. This is better than some, but still not enough to set itself apart from the pack.

2 Gum-beasts out of 5

Hell of a Summer (2025)

Friday the 13th clones persist, even into 2025. Maybe I'm dumb, but I thought this one was a lot of fun. Kind of a self-aware deconstruction of the genre that unfortunately falls into a few of its own pitfalls. But it's all in good fun. Keep your expectations at the bottom of the barrel and you won't be disappointed.

3 peanut allergies out of 5

Note: This film marks the directorial debut of Finn Wolfhard, one of the kids from Stranger Things. Isn't it wonderful to watch the careers of children thrive and flourish all around you, while you continue to flounder in squalor?

Drop (2025)

A woman is targeted on a blind date via a series of air-drops sent to her phone warning her to keep quiet and do as instructed or risk her son getting killed. The premise is solid, although the execution feels all over the place. It's fun for a few Hitchcockian thrills, but it's nothing too special. The performances take center stage here, even when it all falls apart towards the end.

2½ improv waiters out of 5

Locked (2025)

A miscreant (Bill Skarsgård, apparently channeling Pete Davidson) breaks into the wrong parked vehicle and finds himself trapped inside a spacious luxury SUV where he is tortured remotely by a weary man (Anthony Hopkins, literally phoning it in) who's had enough of petty crime. Which one are we supposed to be rooting for here? (Don't worry; the film makes it abundantly clear.)

I love "bottle" movies where the main character is stuck in a single location (Phone Booth, Buried, ATM, Devil, just to name a few), so it worked for me on a certain level, but the formula is starting to feel a bit rote and you pretty much know exactly where it's going to go. It's fun for a few thrills and then it's over.

This is only one of three remakes of the 2019 Argentinian film 4x4.

2½ bottles of piss out of 5

4x4 (2019)

A fucking douche breaks into a parked car on the street, steals the stereo, pisses in the back seat, then promptly realizes he can't open up the door again. The vehicle is reinforced with steel so he can't break out, and the black tinted windows are soundproof so no one can see or hear him screaming for help. 

A unique take on the "single location" movie where the character is actually trapped in a public space populated by people, but no one knows he's there.

It's a good flick that unfortunately falls apart completely in the third act.

2½ crickets out of 5

A Working Man (2025)

New year, new Statham.

This time he's a construction worker/ex-Marine who is tasked with recovering a missing girl and—you know what? It doesn't matter. Heads get bashed. There are a lot of people speaking in vague Eastern European accents. Bald goons a dime a dozen. This wasn't half as good as The Stath's last effort. It feels like it's being made for the lowest common denominator. The schtick is wearing thin. 

Tune in next time. Same Stath time. Same Stath channel.

1 tipped chair out of 5

The Woman in the Yard (2025)

Simple premise. A poor family lives out in the boonies where a woman clad in all black sets up camp in their front yard. No-frills. This is compelling stuff.

3 backwards Rs out of 5

The Actor (2025)

"People always talk about happy endings. I think beginnings are much happier. You still have the whole movie ahead of you."

An actor struggling with memory loss tries to find his way back home. There's a bit of a Memento feel as it unfolds piece by piece, in a dreamlike fashion. It becomes apparent before long that certain actors are playing different roles, like a theater troupe in a play. Is it a stylistic choice or something profound?

This live-action film was directed by stop-motion filmmaker Duke Johnson, one-half of those responsible for the wonderful Anomalisa, and as such, the film has distinct Charlie Kaufman vibes, although he only serves as executive producer here. It's actually based on Donald Westlake's neo-noir mystery novel, Memory, originally written in 1963 (but released posthumously in 2010).

It feels like this movie has a point but it never quite manages to gets there. Its meaning escapes me, but I'm sure it was meant to be poignant.

2½ chairs out of 5

Death of a Unicorn (2025)

A family hits a unicorn with their car and promptly learns about the magical healing properties it possesses, and the potential for scheming and marketing opportunities that presents. The shitty unicorn CGI looks horrendous and takes away from any possible gravitas this movie may be trying to muster. For such a wild and imaginative premise, this should have been a lot more fun than it is. As a lackluster, uninspired horror comedy, it's what the kids would call "mid."

2 glowing horns out of 5

Snow White (2025)

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, what is the shittiest remake of all?

Oh, it's not that bad. A Latina playing the part of Snow White with "skin as white as snow" is akin to hiring a black woman to play a redhead in The Little Mermaid. It's like Disney is intentionally creating ragebait to poison the apple of conversation. Similarly, we've replaced little people (literal dwarves) with hideous-looking CGI trolls. All in the name of social progress, you see.

The latest in a series of politically correct live-action remakes of Disney animated classics stars Rachel Zegler as the titular princess who is ousted from her kingdom into the woodlands by an Evil Queen (Gal Gadot) who lives up to her name. This was such a nothingburger. Zegler elevates every scene she's in, but somehow it all feels so empty, like a mere shell of a story. There is magic in her voice and in the music, but the dwarfs are out of a fever dream. Despite the beauty of the forest, it's filled with glaring CGI and uncanny valley hell. There is an otherworldliness to the proceedings, but it feels like all these disparate elements at play don't coalesce into anything meaningful.

As one can deduce from the shortened title, the focus here is on Snow White herself, not on any of the aforementioned dwarfs. Likewise, the prince has been excised from the story completely, and replaced by a mere commoner. They only employ three of the eight songs from the original film and create their own to fill out the soundtrack, which leaves the viewer with a confusing and jarring mishmash of old and modern styles that work to varying effect.

Despite all the cosmetic changes, the general framework of the story remains the same, so it turns out they made a big fuss over nothing. There's a reason why people usually default to the original; and that's because there was nothing fundamentally wrong with it in the first place.

2 shitty-looking Docs out of 5

Note: This film has languished in different stages of development hell since March 2020, so it's like the universe was trying to prevent it from getting made. After the financial losses they suffered, I bet Disney wishes it hadn't.