Friday, 12 May 2017
THE GREAT WALL 
Placed around the 1000's AD in China, All-American good ol' boy Matt Damon saves The Great Wall from an army of vicious creatures, all while checking every box with the usual clichés familiar to this type of film.
There's plenty of gorgeous visuals and creative battle techniques but none of that matters when every single character are soulless dummies. In the end, it really feels like a whole movie based around the Helm's Deep battle in The Lord of the Rings only without a single character to give a rat's ass about. In the past 10 years or so, it seems Yimou has had more stinkers than winners, so perhaps he needs to rethink his approach to film-making or just call it a day.
1 meal on a bungee cord out of 5