In a Nutshell. Mini reviews of movies old and new. No fuss. No spoilers. And often no sleep.

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004)

Animated prequel to the live action Van Helsing movie that I haven’t seen, nor do I have any burning desire to ever see if it’s anything like this. The vampire hunter is an action hero that can crawl along the side of speeding trains and jump inhuman distances. Is he part vamp and I didn’t know? Or is the bullshit meter at maximum? Just what the hell is going on? I know he’s on the trail of Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde but why is he acting like a Victorian era Batman? Either I'm lacking some vital info or this is just flat-out shit.

1 big thing out of 5

4 comments:

cuckoo said...

Aren't these the same perverts that made your Mummy movies?

Dr Faustus said...

Not for this one. I checked the live action one. You’re right. Same guy did it. I’m still not touching it.
It was the cast that made Mummy fun.
Don't judge me. :erm:

cuckoo said...

:eye:

Doc has a Arnold Vosloo boner.

Neg said...

I saw the movie in theatres, but I clearly repressed it. Watched it, tonight. You know I love it when I’m told someone else is the special one, but the movie is named Van Helsing. And, then they’re both incompetent. Major dangling plot threads, forgetting things they knew about several scenes prior, deliberately referencing the Matrix, X-Men, and Underworld in a vain attempt at winning me over. 2+ hours of butchering Castlevania lore. Constantine did the disaffected schtick infinitely better, one year later.

I will say the prologue was cheesy fun. If Beckinsale hadn’t been in the movie, and the whole thing was like the Hyde fight, it could have been something. As it stands, no more Hugh for me. He is Wolverine and that is IT. Someone Like You was incomprehensibly insane to what I remembered. I’m blaming the Large Hadron Collider.