Becket (1964)

Two close friends are tested when their destinies lead them to different callings. It's a concept that's been explored many times in film but rarely with such passion. Dir. Peter Glenville's Becket is lavishly made, almost decadent in design, has an unapologetically honest script and stars two of the greatest British (well, Welsh and Irish) actors that ever lived. Seeing Richard Burton and Peter O'Toole in the same scene in one old film is worth fifty of today's disposable multiplex movies. The scenes with Henry II (O'Toole) and his wife (Pamela Brown) and children are vindictively hilarious. What a guy!

5 wenchings out of 5

No Right Turn (2009)

A playwright, a painter, an ex-whore and a drug-runner with a love of the nose-candy (and a serious nose problem) try their best to screw each other over and avoid being screwed over themselves.

NRT is pure low budget indie cinema. It’s pulp with aspirations of being a Tarantino-esque noir; it doesn’t quite succeed. It does some inventive things with lighting, which give it a unique identity, but the acting is frequently appalling and the editing could be improved. Its saving grace is that it feels different from the usual American crap. I wouldn’t watch it again.

1½ homemade liver bandages out of 5

SAW II [2005]

The sequel to the torture porn franchise, SAW, ends with another impressive "didn't see that coming" ending.
Unfortunately that's about it.
The rest of the film seems like it was bullshit piled on top of this golden ending. Almost as if the writers came up with this brilliant finale and just needed something to fill up the space.
The acting is a little better this time around but the script and the direction is so horribly juvenile and unevenly paced. The first film had a twist-filled plot driving the story, while this one just had ridiculously forced violence you and your friends could come up shit-shooting on a forum in one night. :p
2 down, 5 to go. Fuck.

1 ½ New Kids On The Block out of 5

The Bleeding House (2011)

Dysfunctional family has a dark secret that tears them apart. Enter a mysterious stranger in from the cold, who claims his car has broken down and needs a place for the night. The first red flag should have been his outrageous dialect. It gets pretty hokey after that, no doubt helped by the fact that every single person in this movie is an idiot. Not the worst movie of this kind I've seen, but that's certainly not helping its case any.

1.5 worthless police officers out of 5

The Dead (2010)

They should have called it African Dawn of the Dead; never have I seen so many black people getting killed in one movie. Contains the creepy slow-moving zombies, which I've always preferred. The movie itself I found very bleak and dull for the most part. I suspect I'm getting as bored of the zombie genre as I am of vampires (it's been done too much). Still, it's better than the last three movies Romero made.

2 hopeless survivors out of 5

MARTYRS [2008]

This "lovely" French-Canadian example of absolute horror is a revenge tale at heart and the other half a mystery of sorts as it keeps you guessing just what the hell is going on.
I won't tell you anything about it, to prevent any spoilage but I can tell you the first time I saw it I wondered why I was watching this gruesomely violent film that seemed to have no boundaries. After it was done, I was satisfied with what I had seen and experienced and made a note to watch it again sooner than later, particularly to study the brilliant performances from the two female leads.
Beneath the extreme gore and violence, lay a compelling, albeit disturbing, tale that begged to be told.
It's filled with enough twists and turns to keep you guessing and preventing you from turning it off, just to see how it eventually unfolds.

4 Nailed On Masks out of 5

The Smurfs (2011)

I'll spare you the usual spiel about how this movie "raped my childhood," along with Scooby Doo, Garfield, Alvin & The Chipmunks and Yogi Bear before it, because, quite frankly, the Smurfs weren't all that great to begin with. They make the translation well to CGI, but the little blue shits themselves aren't very interesting at all. Hank Azaria as Gargamel makes this watchable, but just barely.

1 stupid fuckin' CGI cat out of 5

SAW [2004]

The first time I saw this film my jaw dropped to the ground and my pants filled with the good stuff at the end of the movie. It was simply quite insane.
As for the rest of the film?
The idea, the scene set-ups and the narrative were actually quite good, enthralling and filled with the necessary tension.
The acting, dialogue and direction were mind-numbingly terrible and for that I have to knock it down a star. Which is a shame because the idea itself is quite brilliant and deserves to be standing next to other classic twisted thrillers like Se7en.
An effective little thriller that could have been so much better with a couple tweaks here and there. Worth watching if you're looking for a sick, fun night in.

3½ reverse bear traps out of 5

Æon Flux (2005)

Æon is a lithe, agile Monican assassin with a stealth ability that lands her the job of assassinating Trevor Goodchild. One problem: Trevor has a secret...
It would be impossible to bring the animation of Peter Chung into live action, so rather than try much has been changed; I’m okay with that. What remains is the wonderfully inventive and impossible technology and Æon’s unique skills.
Go in expecting an action film or a faithful adaptation and you’ll be disappointed. However, strip away the badly executed action scenes and the plot will entertain on its own merits. It isn't as bad as it could have been. Maybe someday we’ll see the 30 minutes that the studio cut before release.

2½ but the animation is superior out of 5

Hulk Vs. (2009)

Two shorts less than one hour each, sold as one movie, both featuring the angst-ridden green one with the magically expanding purple modesty covering pants. It's typical Marvel fare, except it's worse than usual.

Hulk Vs Thor.
Hulk smashes. Thor bores. Odin Snores.
0½ toot of Baldur's horn out of 5.

Hulk Vs Wolverine.
Almost manages to entertain, but the Marvel need to blow stuff up prevails again. It's better than the Thor half but still a waste of time and money. MY time and MY money! Not amused. Stick around for a post-credits scene.
1½ Hulk knows how to treat a lady out of 5.

Green Lantern: First Flight (2009)

An origin story in which test pilot Hal Jordan inherits a power ring and a spandex romper suit and is suddenly saving the universe from powerful bad guys. Hal embraces the role quickly, but that doesn't explain how he's instantly flying around and transporting heavy objects over great distances with no apparent learning curve. Before he can claim full ownership of the ring, however, he has to prove himself to a group of elders and to his peers. That part gets more time devoted to it, but isn't without problems of its own.

I don't know how the live action film coped with the origin story, but it's handled clumsily in FF. You'd be forgiven for thinking you’re watching a Marvel animation. Voice work is great, which is what my score reflects.

1½ fingered rings out of 5

The Driver's Seat (1974)

aka: Identikit

Lise (Elizabeth Taylor) travels to Rome to find a man, but not for romance, or even just sex; it's for something much darker...

The film caught me off guard. The mental state of its protagonist is the key to everything, reflected in the almost Nicolas Roeg sense of fragmented time and the cinematography by Vittorio Storaro, who plays it low key with lots of silhouettes and shadows. It's a crippling dream that Lise, on the hunt for her 'type', must see through to the end.

It's received bad reviews, but in my mind it’s an undiscovered classic.

3½ lack of absences out of 5

Paperhouse (1988)

Kicking off the Halloween movie marathon, I chose this intimate film from director Bernard Rose (Candyman, Immortal Beloved). Lonely Anna has a hyperactive imagination and escapes into her drawings when she sleeps. Bedridden for a week with fever, as her dreams become more frequent, they also get darker...and more real. Doesn't hold up as well as in my memory, but it affected me deeply when I was younger.

3 parents never listen to their children out of 5

Dream House (2011)

Daniel Craig stars in this fascinating psychological thriller that blindsides you with a twist about halfway through and throws you for a loop as it enters mystery territory. Ultimately disappointing, but there are a lot of good ideas here. Could have been so much better.

2.5 The Shining-esque daughters out of 5

50/50 (2011)

Nice guy Joseph Gordon-Levitt is diagnosed with a rare and deadly tumor with a 50% survival rate in this depressing "comedy"/drama. Goes through the whole process of cancer in a very realistic scenario; the actors here are all very believable, although "comedy relief" Seth Rogan comes off as insensitive most of the time. Still, I found this very uncompromising and moving, so I give it my stamp of approval.

4 Chemotherapy treatments out of 5