Koyla (1997)

SRK plays a mute slave that doubles as a kind of loyal pet to a powerful, jealous and oft-times cruel King, not unlike the kind of antagonist ruler you find in fairy-tales. There are a few other fantastical elements that bring that same storytelling device to mind, but a number of other genres taking turns fighting it for dominance means it never takes a complete hold. Watching Koyla is like watching half a dozen different films all at once.
When it turns into an action movie there's some very nifty helicopter work, and a ton of First Blood (1982) moments that were ludicrous but just what I needed to take my mind off real life. It's a prime example of the magical coin that has 'ridiculous' on one side and 'amazing' on the other and when flipped lands on its edge every time. The coin buys escapism.

3½ burning coals out of 5

Demons 2 (1986)

Part two treads similar ground to its predecessor, but it stumbles a lot more often. The cinema-goers are replaced with moronic party-goers for whom acting is something they maybe once read about but failed to take an interest in. The film-within-a-film device returns but makes even less sense. It has the same kind of lovingly crafted effects as Demons (1985) but they're just not as good. The music is now pop/goth. The indefinable spark of excellence that kept the previous film burning bright even when it was being stupid seems to have burned itself almost out. It's still enjoyable at times, but is only a few steps away from being a charmless creature movie with too much screaming.

2½ hair-pulls out of 5

Demons (1985)

The lure of a free movie at a West Berlin theatre is enough to get a varied collection of Joe Publics gathered under one roof. While the punters are fixated on (or recoiling from) the horror being projected onscreen a similar malevolent atmosphere is forming within the walls of the theatre.
It's a hell of a stylish flick from Lamberto Bava (son of Mario) that entertains even during its awful scenes. The amazing practical effects, cheesy metal music and quality Claudio Simonetti score are all memorable.
Bava's use of dramatic back-lit events make no sense but look great. And even though a large number of things are left unexplained, when the potentially elaborate set-up of the lure is engineered to lead into a simple but effective story of demons killing humans in gory ways, does it even matter?

3½ instruments of evil out of 5

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Giant mouths on giant screens creep me out, but the rest of TRHPS tickles my happy place. It's an insane flick inspired by a love of B-Horror movies and cheapo sci-fi, everything from Hammer to Plan 9, with a glaze of camp that gives it a love it or hate it sheen. It has Richard O'Brien on top form, a delectable Susan Sarandon, chilled Meat loaf, and Tim Curry in fishnets.
Now, if I could remove the words "It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right, with your hand on your hips, you bring your knees in tight..." from my brain at 2 a.m. then I could maybe get back to not sleeping for other reasons.

4 unconventional conventionists out of 5

The Runaways (2010)

A rock biopic should capture the essence and energy of its subject and present it as something more than just visual. As such, Floria Sigismondi's lens focuses primarily on Joan and Cherie (Stewart and Fanning, respectively), but I feel it works best when it pays its dues to the era as a whole.
Joan has an almost contradictory mix of semi-shyness and empowering individualism. Cherie gets from her home life the anger she needs to channel her exhibitionist nature. Together the two young women, outcasts in arms, raise a middle finger to a world in which "Girls don't play electric guitars."
Things improve when the drugs appear, but the real highlights are the few moments that delve beneath the surface of the two girls, wordlessly penetrating their aggressive exterior and exposing their needs.

3 controversial kittens out of 5

Black Widow (1987)

Theresa Russell is the Black Widow, named because of her proclivity for finding a mate and killing him shortly after his usefulness expires. Unlike the spider, however, the 'usefulness' isn't post-copulation but post-marriage, once the will has been amended to leave everything to her. It's unclear what she actually does with the wads of cash she acquires, though.
Federal investigator Debra Winger tracks the killer in a manner not dissimilar to how the killer tracks her prey, each woman succumbing to an obsession that's only really different in its focus.
The journey contains within it a number of things that are implied but not clarified, so it's up to a viewer to decide if the subtexts they thought they read were actually there or if they were accidental, surfacing in the edit.

3 green windows out of 5

Evolver (1995)

Nothing dates a movie quite like the real-world technology featured in it, especially when the story revolves around such things. Thankfully, Evolver also has some sci-fi tech to play around with. The titular robot is a kind of game device that learns from its environment and from studying its opponent. The more Evolver is defeated, the deadlier it becomes. Furthermore, it really hates to lose, which is bad news for tech-savvy high-schooler Kyle.
It's not a terrible film, but will only really appeal to fans of the 'man-made machines on a murderous rampage' genre, such as I.
Things I learned from viewing: a) Cheating works; b) Don't let your prize killer-robot watch news broadcasts on TV.

2 let's plays out of 5

Baazigar (1993)

A loving son takes vengeful action against someone he holds responsible for a tragic turn in fortunes that left his family shattered. He doesn't take a direct route, instead choosing more creative methods that reveal themselves slowly.
It's unofficially based on Ira Levin's A Kiss Before Dying (1953). There's a Shakespeare influence, too, and even some violent giallo-esque kills. It's a strange mix that doesn't always work, but when it does it's spectacular.
It would make a tremendously powerful two hour film. I realise that to achieve that would mean losing a significant amount of footage, but it'd be just about doable. I'd begin by chopping most of the 'comedic' head servant's scenes.

3½ gamely gambles out of 5

The Ghost (2010)

The 'ghost' of the title is of the writer variety, semi-reluctantly penning the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister at a time that coincides with a political and personal upheaval for the very public figure.
Polanski is a master of his craft and I feel that all the actors gave great performances with varying levels of subtlety, together achieving a believable kind of 'filmic harmony', but overall I just wasn't gripped by any of it. It's now a part of the 'watch once and pass onto someone else' stack of discs.
Strangely, what I'll remember most is the view through the PM's study window; the blustery beach environment with sporadic tufts of grass atop sandy dunes was in some way a kind of unspoken commentary on the life he was living.

2½ cures for insomnia out of 5

Incubus (1966)

According to Wiki, to date it's one of only four feature-length films to be made in Esperanto, a constructed auxiliary language created in 1887. So while that alone gives it an appeal, it's also interesting visually and conceptually, the strangeness being reminiscent of Bergman at times.
The B+W cinematography and otherworldly feeling of the island setting are complementary to the struggle between good and evil that's played out upon it, so even when it's being dull it at least looks beautiful. But quite often it's all too apparent that the actors are reciting lines learned phonetically; that constant intrusion of reality upon the fiction really compromised the all-important connection I was hoping to find with each of the characters.

3 black fibres out of 5

Four Sided Triangle (1953)

In a quiet English village three best friends, two boys and one girl, play together, unaware of what the future has in store for them. As adults, the two men create something that could change the world, but the destructive feelings of the emotional half of the duo jeopardises everything.
After viewing FST it's easy to see why Terence Fisher was given the Frankenstein gig when it came up. He successfully keeps the human element central in a story of science enabling a misguided conscience to sate its desires. The owner of the desires in question doesn't go to the same level of depravity that the Baron did, but he harbours an obsession that's surely equal in measure, one that Fisher pays foremost attention to.

3 new beginnings out of 5

Gor (1987)

A limp Physics Professor with a calculator wristwatch and magic ring is weirdly transported to planet Gor where he rubbishes his way through a barbarian training montage, eventually becoming a saviour of the people.
The sci-fi/fantasy yarn isn't that bad, at least no worse than a lot of other films in the same crossover genre, it's when someone speaks that things go very South. The unlikely hero is about as tough as a wet tissue and the villains as threatening as a week-old cheesecake at sale price.
It features Ollie Reed as a tyrant with a love of athletic slave women and silly plastic armour; he does okay, all things considered.

1½ branded thighs out of 5

3 Idiots (2009)

Tentative fears of having purchased a Dumb and Dumber style comedy were thankfully completely unfounded and besides one instance of 'boy band music video' I didn't cringe or consider the stop button even once. Phew!
It begins with two of the titular idiots (Sharman Joshi and Madhavan) searching for the third (Aamir Khan); it then jumps back to show their time together as roommates in a College for Engineering undergraduates.
While all the actors fit their roles well, Aamir is perfect for his - he's a free spirit, a cool breeze that invigorates a runner in the race of life on a hot day.
The script also has a few prudent and pragmatic things to say about the state of the education system as a whole, not just as it stands in India.

4 time pieces out of 5

X the Unknown (1956)

Conceived as a sequel to the first Quatermass film but changed due to permissions denied, X nevertheless manages to feel like it still belongs in the series. An unexpected radiation emission is discovered during a routine military training exercise in a field in Scotland. As the danger level creeps higher the solders seek the help of a scientist, Dr. Adam Royston.
As usual in budget-tight productions the tension is initially achieved by not showing the creature. Instead, the kills are shown, a few of which are gruesome for the period. But it's the strong performances of actors Dean Jagger and Leo McKern that really make the film memorable, not its devices.
Hammer regular Michael Ripper pops up occasionally as a Sergeant.

3½ muddy crevices out of 5