Buddy (2026)

Everybody knows what time it is. That's right, it's BUDDY time! YAAAYYYYYY!

Everyone loves that Barney-looking fuck! Even though he's a magical unicorn who's friends to all children. Unless they get out of line, of course. From the twisted mind who brought us Too Many Cooks, Final Deployment 4 and Adult Swim Yule Log. There's no other film I enjoyed this year more than this one.

4 Worry Wells out of 5

Monkey's Magic Merry Go Round (2024)

Friendly Mr. Jensen joins Monkey, Fausty Fox and the rest of their pals in this surreal and disturbing take on children's programming such as Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. It's one of those movies that you watch on a sleep deprived Saturday night and wake up wondering if the whole thing was just a fever dream or you're trapped in a horrifying nightmare. I love reframing nostalgia as analog horror, similar to Krazy House. It gets a lot of mileage out of its shoestring budget and cheap sets, but suffers from those same restrictions.

1½ knees out of 5

Mr. Crocket (2024)

Mr. Crocket is a beloved children's show host/demonic entity who preys upon bad parents. A fantasy come to life for those dealing with abusive childhoods. But the same also seems to go for the little shits who disrespect their parents. This horror comedy doesn't fuck around, but it only gets it half right. There are some cool puppetry effects, yet I wanted to love this so much more than I did. It's reminiscent of Nightmare on Elm Street and Candyman, but not even close.

2 sing-alongs out of 5

Willy's Wonderland (2021)

A mute janitor is pitted against a series of animatronic characters that come to life after dark in this blatant rip-off of Five Nights at Freddy's, which is easily better than either of the official movies, if only because it tonally embraces the silliness and R-rated levels of gore. It's by no means perfect, but there's something incredibly satisfying about seeing a no-name, silent, self-aware Nicolas Cage repeatedly beating the shit out of demonic robotic puppets.

3 PUNCH energy drinks ("A fistful of caffeine for your kisser") out of 5

The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

A family attends a live taping of The Banana Splits, a popular children's series centered around four animatronic characters. However, when it's revealed that the show will be canned, the robots go rogue and fight for their survival.

What's incredible about this gory horror comedy it that it was legally allowed to be adapted around the existing Hanna-Barbara property of the same name.

3 software updates out of 5

Pinocchio: Unstrung (2026)

Geppetto builds a friend out of wood for his grandson, who has just lost his parents. As the two bond, Pinocchio protects the boy against those who would hurt him, in hopes of becoming real himself. In comparison to the first four movies of the Twisted Childhood Universe, this shit is a goddamn masterpiece. The puppetry effects are astounding. I had to look up whether there was any CGI or AI trickery involved in the production, but it's all old school practical effects, no strings attached. I've needed something to fill that Puppet Master void inside of me this Halloween and this did the trick. The first half of this film is so entertaining, it genuinely hurts me how formulaic it becomes by the end.

2½ missing parts out of 5

Wildwood (2026)

After her baby brother is swept away by a murder of crows, a teenager must venture into the forbidden territory to retrieve him. This massive scaled stop-motion film is a beautiful epic dark fantasy adventure that brings to mind the scope of Lord of the Rings. It's exhilarating and spellbinding, but about two reels too long. If you're a fan of Laika animation (Coraline), it's a no-brainer.

4 cogwheels out of 5

Wendell & Wild (2022)

A collaboration from Henry Selick and Jordan Peele sounds like a home run, but this was such a massive disappointment. I can respect the craft and artistry involved, but this feels like it misses the mark. It's a visually appealing film, but I'm not a fan of children's entertainment being so overly political. If you're looking for diverse representation with an agenda and obvious message in a stop-motion animated feature, it definitely checks the boxes. If you're looking for actual spooky entertainment for the Halloween season, look elsewhere.

2 Satan's hair cream out of 5

Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom (2026)

A hair regrowth elixir formula that works a little too well transforms the mild-mannered Farmer into the monstrously misunderstood terror of Mossy Bottom in this Halloween-themed entry in the Shaun the Sheep canon. As always, the Aardman stop-motion animation is gorgeous, but it doesn't offer many thrills or chills besides the colorful, kid-friendly variety. It's cute, but forgettable.

2½ squashed pumpkins out of 5

Grow (2025)

I wasn't really in the mood for this family comedy about a girl with a telepathic ability to talk to plants and make them grow, but it looked festive, so why not?

In a small town that takes their pumpkin-growing competitions too seriously, a young orphan realizes she takes a natural shine to it. It's one of those films in which you already know exactly what's going to happen, so what's the point?

1 pumpkin massacre out of 5

Spirit Halloween: The Movie (2022)

Well, this is just cynical as all hell. A horror movie based on a real business that features actual merchandise from the store as props. What's next for the Retail Cinematic Universe? Wal-Mart Employees Go on Strike: The Movie?

This is essentially Night of the Museum but set at a Spirit Halloween store where the decorations come to life after hours. And yet, Christopher Lloyd is in it, so how could I pass it up? It's really dumb, done in such a campy way it almost becomes acceptable, until you realize that all the monsters are bargain bin Halloween costumes and displays come to life. What a blatant way to clear out back stock. You're basically watching a feature length commercial. 

And yes, Rachael Leigh Cook is also in this for some reason, playing the mom to one of the teenage characters, to remind you that you're also old as shit.

1 Spirit Halloween location converted from an old Toys "R" Us out of 5

Note: I noticed that this family friendly film was rated PG-13. For what? If this were released 10, 20 years ago, it would be PG easily. How much of a pussy have kids become these days if they can't handle this tame-ass bullshit? 

Hallowarrior (2026)

Ever wonder what happened to that little girl from Hereditary? Apparently, she wound up in an apocalyptic wasteland where she still clings to Halloween as her identity, as she fends off against intruders trying to make off with her secret stash of treats. It's another indie movie where not a whole lot happens, but it's festive enough that you can safely leave it on in the background while you attend to other matters and don't have to worry about missing anything.

½ candy rations out of 5

Booger (2023)

A woman spirals out of control after losing her best friend and her cat Booger in the same week, undergoing a transformation when she's bitten by the latter. It's a metaphor for grief wrapped in gross-out body horror, but it's effective.

2½ hairballs out of 5

The Parenting (2025)

At a weekend get-together meeting the parents for the first time, a couple on the verge of engagement inadvertently awakens an ancient deity and things go off the rails quick. What starts as an unassuming Meet the Parents scenario turns into Evil Dead II by the end. It's goofy, but had me laughing throughout.

3 Wi-Fi passwords out of 5

Crawlers (2026)

Spiders. You hate 'em, right? This film starts off with the completely true (?) statement that if spiders decided to eat humans, we would all be dead within a year. So we've got the tone completely set for this bonkers horror comedy featuring the creepiest of crawlies. Residents of an apartment complex find themselves under quarantine after being infested by aggressively venomous arachnids. Contains scenarios like a spider crawling into your shoe, crawling into your chip bag, dangling over your face while you sleep, digging into your skin and laying eggs, et al. You know, all the classics. It's fun for exploiting your worst fears. If you aren't shitting yourself, then you're already dead.

2 spiders in your room right now that you're not even aware of but have been clocking you this entire time out of 5

Arachnophobia (1990)

An undiscovered, deadly species of arachnid is unwittingly transported from Venezuela to California, where it quickly multiplies and thrives, much to the misfortune of the town's denizens. The reason why this horror comedy still makes me squirm is because of the use of actual spiders and practical effects, which makes the threat feel real and will always look more convincing than any amount of CGI you can throw at it. There's an old-timey quality about this, which is funny to say about the 1990s, but it was paying homage to a certain type of B-movie you don't see anymore. There are scenes here that'll have you crawling out of your skin. It does for spiders what Jaws did for sharks.

4 flamethrowers out of 5

Matinee (1993)

Joe Dante's loving tribute to schlock horror and atomic-age cinema of the '50s and '60s is set during the paranoia of the Cuban Missile Crisis, where showman Lawrence Woolsey (John Goodman's take on William Castle) is promoting his latest movie Mant! ("half-man, half-ant"), back in the days where theaters had to use gimmicks to get asses in seats. It's a personal film based on Dante's own experiences growing up, and a sweet movie that genre fans will appreciate. 

4 electrified seats out of 5

Ghost (1990)

There's no real way to talk about this film without ruining its central conceit. After a man is murdered,  he sticks close to his grieving partner, as he tries to make contact from beyond. This movie has ideas about the afterlife that left as an indelible impression on my young mind as Beetlejuice. It actually scared the shit out of me, although this is framed more as a supernatural romantic mystery. I unabashedly love this film and this era of filmmaking and all of the darkness contained within this beautiful love story. It's perfect in my eyes.

I still miss Patrick Swayze.

5 dittos out of 5

Practical Magic 2 (2026)

A 28 years later sequel, set about 15 years after the events of the first film, but luckily their genes have aged them well. The Owens family curse persists as it's passed down to Sally's daughters, who try to find a way to break it once and for all. It contains all the same tonal whiplash and uneven storytelling as the original, yet, like The Devil Wears Prada 2, it's the character moments that really stand out for me. This was always a franchise about sisterhood, so it sticks the landing well, even though I didn't care for all the places it went.

2½ love lines out of 5

Practical Magic (1998)

A bloodline of witches is cursed never to fall in love or else experience great tragedy. Two sisters tempt fate and cast a spell that further complicates their lives. It's an endearing film, but the tone is all over the fucking place. Is this a romance, comedy, drama, or horror? The answer to all those questions is yes.

3 rose bushes out of 5

The Craft: Legacy (2020)

Three teen outcasts interested in the occult recruit a fourth to their makeshift witch's coven....wait, didn't I just write that? It's a sequel that's also a reboot, and I wish I could say the similarities end there. The more egregious elements stand out and reflect back negatively on the era in which it was made, which date it with references just as "cringe" as its characters. The way it connects back to the original is tenuous, and, ironically, it shits all over its own legacy.

1 snake out of 5

The Craft (1996)

Three teen outcasts interested in the occult recruit a fourth to their makeshift witch's coven, using their latent abilities for selfish gain, and dealing with the fallout when things get too real. The first half of this movie is great, but it's at odds with its darker second half. However, this is quintessentially '90s, which accounts for my warm feelings towards it, and has since become a cult classic.

3 glamours out of 5

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (2025)

A "reimagining" of the domestic psychological thriller that attempts to hide the motives from the audience that the original laid bare, so there's no real way to talk around it. A disturbed woman takes a nanny position and attempts to separate the mother from the family. It takes on a slightly different angle, but if you've already seen the original, you pretty much know what to expect. 

2 baby monitors out of 5

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)

"...is the Hand That Rules the World."

A nanny with less than honorable intentions sets out to ruin the family who destroyed her life. A classic and oft imitated psychological thriller in the vein of Fatal Attraction that manages to sustain a sense of suspense throughout.

4 breast pumps out of 5

Verity (2026)

Verity Crawford is a popular author who hires a ghostwriter to write her latest novel while she recovers from an accident. At least, that's the way it seems at first glance. This erotic psychological thriller features twists and turns that toy with audience manipulation, although it ultimately whiffs it at the end. It reminded me of The Housemaid for whatever reason, but I liked this more.

3 bite marks on the headboard out of 5

Last Night in Soho (2021)

Edgar Wright's homage to giallo is ambitious, but doesn't quite make the cut.

An American teenager obsessed with the 1960s travels to London to become a fashion designer, where she experiences lucid visions of the past that lead her to an unsolved mystery. Through bold color choices and stylish set design, I enjoyed it enough, but it had all the necessary ingredients to be far greater.

3 neon nightclubs out of 5

The Last Kiss (2026)

A high school girl who's never been kissed realizes she has the ability to see how people will die when she snogs them, leading her to discover there's a masked killer going around and slaughtering all the students. It's a neat idea, but I found myself more than a tad disappointed when all was said and done.

2 marked shoes out of 5

The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020)

Cole Johnson is older and wiser and gets involved with a whole new group of friends when he's invited to a wild boat party on the lake. This one is dumber and much more improbable than the first one, but stick with it, it gets better.

2½ minutes in heaven out of 5

The Babysitter (2017)

A kid has the hots for his sexy new babysitter and stays up late to see what she gets up to after dark. Aaaand...that's about all I can say without spoiling anything. It's a fun horror comedy that reminded me a bit of Better Watch Out.

3 games of spin the bottle out of 5

Fuck Marry Kill (2024)

Fresh out of a long-term relationship, a newly single woman gets on all the "apps" at the same time a Swipe Right Killer is going around knocking off their dates. What's fun is that each one of her potential matches fits the profile, so paranoia quickly kicks in. It's not marriage material, but it's worth a go around.

2½ crime podcasts out of 5

Borderline (2025)

A psychotic fan breaks out of prison in order to propose to his celebrity crush.

I knew this black "comedy" was pure garbage 10 minutes in, but I still tortured myself for the remaining 85 minutes thinking maybe it'd redeem itself. Spoiler: It did not. And what do I have to show for it? A nut. I must have a screw loose.

0 pop duets out of 5

Vicious (2025)

A troubled woman is "gifted" a box. Three things go inside. Something you hate, something you need, something you love. "What goes inside, only you decide. We and I will know you lie." I wish the instructions were clearer. I loved the atmosphere and premise behind it, but the results are unsatisfying.

2 little piggies out of 5

Relic (2020)

A woman with dementia wanders off, causing her family to move back home with her. This is slow-moving horror that will test your patience as a very apparent metaphor for the condition, which devastates all that it touches.

2½ patches of black mold out of 5

Saccharine (2026)

True horror is the kind that is most relatable and rooted in a harsh reality.

A chubby girl struggles to lose weight. She's stuck in a vicious cycle and lack of self-control. She toys with an experimental new drug which promises to change her life. Without enough money to buy it, she has to source it herself.

Yes, Stephen King already explored this idea in Thinner, but it feels more relevant than ever these days. There is so much more to this body horror concept that is deliciously satisfying, but it's best not to spoil your appetite.

3½ stomach grumbles out of 5

Other Mommy (2026)

An 8-year-old girl is pursued by a supernatural entity resembling her mother who tries to make her way into her heart. What an intense shot in the arm for horror this is. It reminded me of vicious films like It, Smile and Evil Dead Rise. 

3 infinite ball pits out of 5

Insidious: Out of the Further (2026)

We finally get a new story in the series that distances itself from the prior films, although Lin Shaye returns to help guide the way. We're now on film #6, but this series wants to have its cake and eat it too, by tricking viewers into forgetting the least palatable entries and only remembering the good ones.

Gemma is a dental hygienist dealing with oral horrors and old cronies as she discovers a latent talent for accessing the unknowns of The Further. At this point, every movie is starting to feel the same, but I enjoyed this more than the last two films, although it's become so formulaic at this point and basically borrows all of its most memorable elements from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

2 pillow forts out of 5

Insidious: The Red Door (2023)

Serving as a direct sequel to Insidious: Chapter 2, as well as series star Patrick Wilson's directorial debut, we join the Lambert family nine years later as they still struggle to move forward from the events of those films. Needless to say, the usual shenanigans occur. I should state, while I enjoyed the first two films, each Further installment has been a slog to sit through. It's best to call it a day.

1 MRI nightmare out of 5

Insidious: The Last Key (2018)

The first Insidious movie was a great horror film. The problem with a franchise like this is that the longer it goes on, the more predictable it becomes, to the point where you can anticipate every horror beat and jump scare. That doesn't mean it's not enjoyable; just that it has nothing new to offer. That seems like a perfectly apt description for this movie. It will never be the first movie, which felt fresh and new, it feels like entry #4. This one revolves around the psychic character (Lin Shaye), reckoning with demons from her past. Confusingly, this film is a direct sequel to Insidious: Chapter 3, but also a prequel to the original.

1½ whistle blows out of 5

The Whisper Man (2026)

A serial killer is on the rise, apparently emulating another serial killer from 30 years earlier. Meanwhile, a boy is haunted by visions, blah blah blah. It's a less competent version of Silence of the Lambs and a waste of all talents involved.

2 blue sweaters out of 5

The Last House (2026)

Following a rain storm, a family of four find themselves stuck in their house with no means of escape. The doors and windows have been sealed shut by a mysterious force, and worse yet, the internet is out. At first, it's sort of sweet, because it forces a family closer together. But as supplies dwindle, things get grimmer. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this, although at times it feels like it's been edited together by someone who's never seen a movie before.

3 DVDs watched over and over again out of 5

Mr. K (2024)

Crispin Glover is Mr. K, a traveling illusionist who has grown disillusioned. He checks into a mysterious Kafkaesque hotel where he can't seem to check out and the walls are closing in. It reminded me of the dark whimsy of Jean-Pierre Jeunet at times, which is probably giving it far too much credit. Depending on your interpretation, at a certain point you just go "ZWUH?" and call it a day.

2½ marching bands out of 5

It Ends (2025)

A simple, effective premise for horror. Four kids in a car alone down a dark highway, driving on a completely straight road with no end in sight. There are no other cars around and everything looks exactly the same. I dare not spoil what happens next, suffice to say that this is a true indie film where you must provide your own answers, which will prove divisive to many. The concept alone terrifies me, but this is a great example of getting a lot of good mileage out of a clever, relatable situation. It reminded me of films like Dead End and Lost Highway, but this is basically Sartre's No Exit set on an endless highway.

3½ Clif Bars out of 5

Skinamarink (2022)

In a word, tedious. In several more words, like watching paint dry. There's no story, no set-up, nothing. Just two kids home alone, a camera panning around a house, things that go bump in the night, voice modulation and quick cut jump scares. This type of shit drives me crazy because it screams pretention. Even though it's a unique type of film and I'll always be able to identify it by that (and its illogical title), I by no means enjoyed the experience. There was one jump scare around 47 minutes in that was hard earned, but never got followed up on. This film feels like being edged for 100 minutes and not getting to cum.

½ a shot of the ceiling out of 5

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)

I really despise this film, though it's more for the reality it reflects. A lonely teenage girl who lives her entire life online films herself doing the "World's Fair" challenge and documents her experiences onwards. Maybe it's because I deplore the exploitation of technology, YouTube personalities, and people giving strangers total access to themselves 24 hours a day, but it's basically about trying to fit it with a viral trend in order to boost views and give some purpose in life. It just doesn't really amount to much in the end. This is the kind of horror I appreciate more in retrospect, even though I am loath to repeat.

1½ stuffed dolls out of 5

Jimmy & Stiggs (2024)

Jimmy is a paranoid filmmaker who has just survived an alien encounter. He contacts his estranged buddy Stiggs and drags him into the supposed extra-terrestrial showdown. Most of this film is shot on handheld and carries a very chaotic, frenetic nature. The whole thing takes place within an apartment setting, with handmade DIY practical effects, so it's indie as fuck. Even though it basically boils down to two dudes screaming at each other while fucking shit up, there's something about this that makes it more memorable than your average piece of shit. You can tell it's a labor of love that the filmmaker spent four years working on. I'm being very generous with my rating here, but I can see myself revisiting this in about a year's time and giving it a ½ edge bump.

2 cigarette drags out of 5

Evil Head: Dead by Dong (2022)

I finally managed to track this shitty short film down on Troma Now. 

During a random Tinder hookup, a guy struggles to get it up and spills his boner re-animator fluid all over his date's two-headed dildo, which goes straight to its head. It's so much worse a concept than you'd think. Mercifully, it's under 10 minutes long. This is what I save my zero-star ratings for.

0 Mephicockeles out of 5

Rose and Viktor: No Mercy (2017)

Fetish model Mercedes the Muse "stars" as a teenage runaway who teams up with the world's greatest bassist to exact revenge on their enemies, or some bullshit like that. What this amounts to is nonexistent acting with lots of skin and violence behind a shitty grindhouse filter. It's rare that this shit bores me, but it's beyond amateur filmmaking from Troma. A waste of time all around.

0 swastika pasties out of 5

Note: I had a couple of other Mercedes films on my list which I noped out of and just ended up forwarding through for the nudity. (It wasn't worth it.)

Gruesome Twosome (2021)

A "found footage" film about a couple fooling around and killing random people. It features some gonzo footage and sex acts, but falls into the usual Troma trappings of bad acting and cheesy gore. If not for Mercedes the Muse's assets on display, it would have no value whatsoever. It's like a combination porno and snuff film, except neither is authentic enough to be convincing.

½ an act of charity out of 5

Milk & Serial (2024)

The Prank Bros are a couple of pranksters recording content for their YouTube channel, constantly one-upping each other until things spiral out of control.

Curry Barker's first film was made independently for about $800 and released on YouTube for free, but it paid off in spades by giving him the visibility and freedom to create his own content. As found footage, it succeeds in blurring the lines between fact and fiction, but we've seen this kind of thing before.

2½ shovels out of 5

The Yellow Wallpaper (2021)

Set in the 19th century, a married woman is tortured by voices in the night and haunted by the sickly yellow tinted wallpaper that surrounds her. As she wiles away the days doing nothing, the walls gradually close in on her. This amateur production is mostly uneventful horror with unconvincing period acting that could have benefitted from a more beguiling lead. It's based on the short story of the same name, which honestly would have worked better as a short film.

1 baby's cries out of 5