Buddy (2026)

Everybody knows what time it is. That's right, it's BUDDY time! YAAAYYYYYY!

Everyone loves that Barney-looking fuck! Even though he's a magical unicorn who's friends to all children. Unless they get out of line, of course. From the twisted mind who brought us Too Many Cooks, Final Deployment 4 and Adult Swim Yule Log. There's no other film I enjoyed this year more than this one.

4 Worry Wells out of 5

Monkey's Magic Merry Go Round (2024)

Friendly Mr. Jensen joins Monkey, Fausty Fox and the rest of their pals in this surreal and disturbing take on children's programming such as Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. It's one of those movies that you watch on a sleep deprived Saturday night and wake up wondering if the whole thing was just a fever dream or you're trapped in a horrifying nightmare. I love reframing nostalgia as analog horror, similar to Krazy House. It gets a lot of mileage out of its shoestring budget and cheap sets, but suffers from those same restrictions.

1½ knees out of 5

Mr. Crocket (2024)

Mr. Crocket is a beloved children's show host/demonic entity who preys upon bad parents. A fantasy come to life for those dealing with abusive childhoods. But the same also seems to go for the little shits who disrespect their parents. This horror comedy doesn't fuck around, but it only gets it half right. There are some cool puppetry effects, yet I wanted to love this so much more than I did. It's reminiscent of Nightmare on Elm Street and Candyman, but not even close.

2 sing-alongs out of 5

Willy's Wonderland (2021)

A mute janitor is pitted against a series of animatronic characters that come to life after dark in this blatant rip-off of Five Nights at Freddy's, which is easily better than either of the official movies, if only because it tonally embraces the silliness and R-rated levels of gore. It's by no means perfect, but there's something incredibly satisfying about seeing a no-name, silent, self-aware Nicolas Cage repeatedly beating the shit out of demonic robotic puppets.

3 PUNCH energy drinks ("A fistful of caffeine for your kisser") out of 5

The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

A family attends a live taping of The Banana Splits, a popular children's series centered around four animatronic characters. However, when it's revealed that the show will be canned, the robots go rogue and fight for their survival.

What's incredible about this gory horror comedy it that it was legally allowed to be adapted around the existing Hanna-Barbara property of the same name.

3 software updates out of 5

Pinocchio: Unstrung (2026)

Geppetto builds a friend out of wood for his grandson, who has just lost his parents. As the two bond, Pinocchio protects the boy against those who would hurt him, in hopes of becoming real himself. In comparison to the first four movies of the Twisted Childhood Universe, this shit is a goddamn masterpiece. The puppetry effects are astounding. I had to look up whether there was any CGI or AI trickery involved in the production, but it's all old school practical effects, no strings attached. I've needed something to fill that Puppet Master void inside of me this Halloween and this did the trick. The first half of this film is so entertaining, it genuinely hurts me how formulaic it becomes by the end.

2½ missing parts out of 5

Wildwood (2026)

After her baby brother is swept away by a murder of crows, a teenager must venture into the forbidden territory to retrieve him. This massive scaled stop-motion film is a beautiful epic dark fantasy adventure that brings to mind the scope of Lord of the Rings. It's exhilarating and spellbinding, but about two reels too long. If you're a fan of Laika animation (Coraline), it's a no-brainer.

4 cogwheels out of 5

Wendell & Wild (2022)

A collaboration from Henry Selick and Jordan Peele sounds like a home run, but this was such a massive disappointment. I can respect the craft and artistry involved, but this feels like it misses the mark. It's a visually appealing film, but I'm not a fan of children's entertainment being so overly political. If you're looking for diverse representation with an agenda and obvious message in a stop-motion animated feature, it definitely checks the boxes. If you're looking for actual spooky entertainment for the Halloween season, look elsewhere.

2 Satan's hair cream out of 5

Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom (2026)

A hair regrowth elixir formula that works a little too well transforms the mild-mannered Farmer into the monstrously misunderstood terror of Mossy Bottom in this Halloween-themed entry in the Shaun the Sheep canon. As always, the Aardman stop-motion animation is gorgeous, but it doesn't offer many thrills or chills besides the colorful, kid-friendly variety. It's cute, but forgettable.

2½ squashed pumpkins out of 5

Grow (2025)

I wasn't really in the mood for this family comedy about a girl with a telepathic ability to talk to plants and make them grow, but it looked festive, so why not?

In a small town that takes their pumpkin-growing competitions too seriously, a young orphan realizes she takes a natural shine to it. It's one of those films in which you already know exactly what's going to happen, so what's the point?

1 pumpkin massacre out of 5

Spirit Halloween: The Movie (2022)

Well, this is just cynical as all hell. A horror movie based on a real business that features actual merchandise from the store as props. What's next for the Retail Cinematic Universe? Wal-Mart Employees Go on Strike: The Movie?

This is essentially Night of the Museum but set at a Spirit Halloween store where the decorations come to life after hours. And yet, Christopher Lloyd is in it, so how could I pass it up? It's really dumb, done in such a campy way it almost becomes acceptable, until you realize that all the monsters are bargain bin Halloween costumes and displays come to life. What a blatant way to clear out back stock. You're basically watching a feature length commercial. 

And yes, Rachael Leigh Cook is also in this for some reason, playing the mom to one of the teenage characters, to remind you that you're also old as shit.

1 Spirit Halloween location converted from an old Toys "R" Us out of 5

Note: I noticed that this family friendly film was rated PG-13. For what? If this were released 10, 20 years ago, it would be PG easily. How much of a pussy have kids become these days if they can't handle this tame-ass bullshit? 

Hallowarrior (2026)

Ever wonder what happened to that little girl from Hereditary? Apparently, she wound up in an apocalyptic wasteland where she still clings to Halloween as her identity, as she fends off against intruders trying to make off with her secret stash of treats. It's another indie movie where not a whole lot happens, but it's festive enough that you can safely leave it on in the background while you attend to other matters and don't have to worry about missing anything.

½ candy rations out of 5

Booger (2023)

A woman spirals out of control after losing her best friend and her cat Booger in the same week, undergoing a transformation when she's bitten by the latter. It's a metaphor for grief wrapped in gross-out body horror, but it's effective.

2½ hairballs out of 5

The Parenting (2025)

At a weekend get-together meeting the parents for the first time, a couple on the verge of engagement inadvertently awakens an ancient deity and things go off the rails quick. What starts as an unassuming Meet the Parents scenario turns into Evil Dead II by the end. It's goofy, but had me laughing throughout.

3 Wi-Fi passwords out of 5

Crawlers (2026)

Spiders. You hate 'em, right? This film starts off with the completely true (?) statement that if spiders decided to eat humans, we would all be dead within a year. So we've got the tone completely set for this bonkers horror comedy featuring the creepiest of crawlies. Residents of an apartment complex find themselves under quarantine after being infested by aggressively venomous arachnids. Contains scenarios like a spider crawling into your shoe, crawling into your chip bag, dangling over your face while you sleep, digging into your skin and laying eggs, et al. You know, all the classics. It's fun for exploiting your worst fears. If you aren't shitting yourself, then you're already dead.

2 spiders in your room right now that you're not even aware of but have been clocking you this entire time out of 5