The Dreadful (2026)

Set in 15th-century Britain, Anne is a devout young woman awaiting the return of her husband during the Wars of the Roses while living under the watchful eye of her greedy, ruthless mother-in-law, who pumps her full of stories that keep her living in fear. With imagery that reminded me of great folk horror like Gretel & Hansel and The Green Knight, but not as gnarly as either of those two, it's a slow burn parable loosely inspired by the legend of the Onibaba.

2½ knights of hell out of 5

Dead Man's Wire (2025)

Based on a true story, a man falling behind on his payments decides to take his mortgage broker hostage until his demands are met, placing him in a makeshift "dead man's line" by attaching the trigger of a shotgun to the hostage's neck by a wire to prevent means of escape. It's designed to feel much like a 1970s throwback thriller (where the events are set), similar to Dog Day Afternoon, complete with Al Pacino. While the premise is very straightforward, and Bill Skarsgård inhabits the role, the half-baked plot is unfocused, meandering and less than exciting. Feels like they're running out of true events to adapt.

2 cubes of ice in milk out of 5

Dust Bunny (2025)

A delightful dark fantasy told through the eyes of a child. 8-year-old Aurora is terrified of the monsters hiding under her bed, including a literal bunny made up of dust. She procures the services of her mysterious next door neighbor to handle the problem, although he doesn't believe the monsters are literal. It's a simply told horror tale that lulls you in a state of calm on the surface, but the charming performances (including first-timer Sophie Sloan) carry you forward. 

Bryan Fuller (Pushing Daisies, Hannibal) makes his big screen directorial debut. 

3 chicken butt lamps out of 5

Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)

AKA: Deathouse

AKA: Death House

AKA: Night of the Dark Full Moon

After being discovered burned alive, Wilfred Butler's estate is bequeathed to his grandson, with the express order that it is to remain untouched. Twenty years later, Butler House is suddenly up for sale, and death soon follows.

A proper spooky mystery film, this holiday slasher predates even Black Christmas. The beauty is in its simplicity, which is unique to the era it was made. This one is all but forgotten to time, but it deserves its flowers.

3 diary entries out of 5

Note: The film is in the public domain and available for free viewing.

Dead of Winter (2025)

A grieving woman travels alone to a remote frozen lake in snowy Minnesota, stopping at a cabin to ask for directions but inadvertently stumbling into a low rent kidnapping plot. It's a very slow burn survival story, but packed with raw emotion and intense performances. Emma Thompson and Judy Greer do the heavy lifting and make the most out of this low-budget suspense thriller.

3 green tackleboxes out of 5

Deathstalker (2025)

*sigh* The poster sucks. They had one job...

I was ready to shit all over this reboot until they used the classic theme from Deathstalker II. And then they used cheesy practical effects. And the tongue in cheek humor. But no nudity. Every film in the series is chock full of sex except this one. I'm very conflicted. In some ways, this is the best Deathstalker movie because it fulfills the potential of the originals that they could never achieve due to lack of budget. In other ways, it feels derivative and tawdry. And the filters in this movie match the ugliness of the poster. I just don't know, guys...

2½ cursed amulets out of 5

Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans (1991)

Since the continuity between these films is virtually nonexistent, we now have the original actor back in the role to bring about some semblance of order and establish lore to the Deathstalker mythos. But no matter, this turned out to be the final nail in the coffin, regardless. Still, there's a part of me that remembers how much I enjoyed this series at first and I cling to that shred of memory. At least the cover art remains cool as ever. Long live Boris Vallejo.

1½ musclebound virgins out of 5

Deathstalker III: The Warriors from Hell (1988)

AKA: Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

The Stalker seems to be suffering an identity crisis, replaced by a different actor and a new personality with each installment. This time he's leaner and slighter than before, and looks nothing like the rippling hero on the poster. There's some standard stock fantasy plot involving an evil sorcerer and magic stones or some such trifle, but it's bland and unexciting. With a dearth of any real action, humor or characterization, it wears out its welcome before long.

1 theme ripped from Battle Beyond the Stars out of 5

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987)

This volume dials up the smarminess of the hero, while cutting down on some of the more unsavory elements of the first part. Penthouse Pet Monique Gabrielle (in a dual role) is really what makes this film for me; her cute, ditzy princess is endearing in her innocence (and amateur acting). It's very cheesy and corny and self-aware, but it doesn't take itself seriously and it's a lot of fun. (Once again, what you see on the poster is not what you're going to get.)

3½ rounds of wrestling out of 5

Note: The director's cut (78m) is actually 10 minutes shorter than the theatrical version. Although it cuts out a lot of redundancy and clips pulled from the first film, I still think the original edit is a slightly more well-rounded experience.

Deathstalker (1983)

AKA: El cazador de la muerte

Look at that poster. Doesn't it make your cock hard? What happened to this lost style of fantasy art? It suggests a much better time than you're going to get, but it's so much fun to stare at and allow your imagination to wander...

Anyway, onto the movie. It's a bit of a disappointment based on these raised expectations. But if you're looking for a B-grade sword and sorcery epic, you get it in spades, with cheesy practical monster effects and copious amounts of nubile female flesh to put a little pep in your step. It's glorious. What I enjoy about Deathstalker is that he's an asshole and an antihero. I like rooting for inherently flawed characters. It's not quite Conan the Barbarian, but it's about as good a rip-off as you're going to get. I just want to live in this era again...

Am I giving this film a lot more credit than it deserves? Fuck yeah, I am.

3 decapitations out of 5

Die My Love (2025)

"May we live long and die out."

A volatile romance soon gives way to the doldrums of new motherhood and postpartum depression. Raw, honest, and often unhinged, this dark, gritty indie drama lays bare a portrait of mental illness that burns everything in its path. In terms of realism, these are some of the best performances I've seen all year.

3½ breast milk art pieces out of 5

Dangerous Animals (2025)

"Killer shark" movies should be a genre all its own, although this one has a bit of a twist. Jai Courtney, aka "The Jaw" (will that stick?), plays a charter boat captain who takes tourists shark diving—yadda, yadda, yadda—people are fighting for their lives. Without giving much away, it's a survival thriller that feels derivative and improbable. I can only suspend my disbelief for so long.

2 thumbs "eh" out of 5

Don't Move (2024)

A suicidal woman contemplates her life at the top of an outlook where a man approaches her and talks her off the ledge. Without spoiling too much, she's involved in a cat and mouse chase after being injected by a paralyzing agent and must escape before it takes effect. It's a tense survival thriller, but pushes the limits of credulity to the point where it took away from my enjoyment.

2 nose-rings out of 5

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

Mel Brooks's final directorial effort will undoubtedly draw comparisons to the spoof classic Young Frankenstein, but this is a very different beast. Ravaged upon release, I can't help but look back kindly on it for all the raw talent and silliness it contains. If you compare it to Brooks's earlier work, it's lacking, but it's very funny on its own merits, and Leslie Nielsen remains in impeccable form. It has an old fashioned appeal that harkens back to the golden age.

3 csárdás out of 5

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025)

The story of the vampire has been told countless times, often in uninspired ways. It's up to the visually striking flair of Luc Besson to breathe new life into the material, focusing on the romantic aspect that begins his curse and the tragedy at the heart of it all. By leaning into the sentimental approach, it finds an interesting way of telling the same tired old tale; a love story about an immortal being who waits for centuries for the reincarnation of his beloved.

It's more of a Gothic romance with horror elements, and the score by Danny Elfman is a highlight. This is an even better version of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

3½ gargoyles out of 5

Defending Your Life (1991)

A man dies and finds himself under litigation in the afterlife (among every other denizen) where he is forced to defend his choices in life to determine whether he has to go back (be reincarnated) or move onto the next plane of existence. What's brilliant about this movie is that it isn't held down by any particular ideology or religious convention and assimilates all these abstract ideas of what happens after we die. At once a humorous, whimsical rumination on life, it's another great unconventional fantasy comedy and unique premise for a movie that has been imitated countless times but never done better.

5 past lives out of 5

Disco Beaver from Outer Space (1979)

Some movies are too bizarre to believe. This lost HBO production from the late '70s disappeared forever until YouTube came along decades later to restore it. And nothing of value was gained. It's a relic that is better off staying buried.

A send-up of sci-fi films and cable programming of the 1970s, this early dud from National Lampoon is a failure to launch. Despite the promising title, it's just some dude in a beaver costume accompanied by a disco track. Zero stars is too generous, yet the incessant theme tune persists rent-free in my head.

There is no redeeming value at all; no humor, nothing memorable. And yet, had I seen this when I was younger, would it have held a greater impact on me? Who can say?

0 dams out of 5

Darkest Miriam (2024)

Miriam is a bored but curious librarian who is stuck in a rut of rigid routine. After experiencing a fall, she starts to make a series of impulsive decisions, like that of entering into an impromptu relationship with a man she's just met. There is also a 'mystery' element at play that doesn't get paid off in any meaningful way, and allows itself to be interpreted in a myriad of different ways, making it whatever the audience wants it to be. That's not always a satisfying place to leave a film. I was left feeling more empty than anything.

2½ incident reports out of 5

Drop (2025)

A woman is targeted on a blind date via a series of air-drops sent to her phone warning her to keep quiet and do as instructed or risk her son getting killed. The premise is solid, although the execution feels all over the place. It's fun for a few Hitchcockian thrills, but it's nothing too special. The performances take center stage here, even when it all falls apart towards the end.

2½ improv waiters out of 5

Death of a Unicorn (2025)

A family hits a unicorn with their car and promptly learns about the magical healing properties it possesses, and the potential for scheming and marketing opportunities that presents. The shitty unicorn CGI looks horrendous and takes away from any possible gravitas this movie may be trying to muster. For such a wild and imaginative premise, this should have been a lot more fun than it is. As a lackluster, uninspired horror comedy, it's what the kids would call "mid."

2 glowing horns out of 5