Forbidden Fruits (2026)

A trio of Gen Z witches—Apple, Cherry and Fig—work at a mall and recruit new girl Pumpkin to their coven, who must prove herself as she challenges their strict dynamics. This is an extraordinarily ill-conceived and badly executed "horror" comedy, if you can even call it that. Confusing and difficult to follow, though I'm still not sure if that was the intent, it seems to cater to modern pop culture and teen slang, so I'm sure it'll appeal to some little corner of fandom.

½ a pickle out of 5

Five Nights at Freddy's 2 (2025)

Taking place at another Freddy Fazbear franchise location with its own tragic backstory, we're introduced to a new animatronic known as the Marionette. It's somewhat spookier than the first film, and therefore better, but it still can't escape the shackles of its PG-13 prison, catering to the kiddies in the audience. It'll most likely work best with those who recognize it for all the fan service. 

2½ music boxes out of 5

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

A guy struggling to keep custody of his younger sister has to take a crappy security job at a Chuck E. Cheese knockoff with animatronic creatures that come alive at night. But Night at the Museum, this is not. Visually, the robots look great (courtesy of Jim Henson's Creature Shop), but it's missing the stark horror and simplicity of the games. It's an amusing horror comedy that does the best it can with its PG-13 premise, but if you want to see the better (albeit, unofficial) adaptation of FNaF, check out Nicolas Cage in Willy's Wonderland.

2½ camera angles out of 5

The First Snow of Fraggle Rock (2025)

The caves are decorated with lights, and the Fraggles of Fraggle Rock await the first blanket of winter, but when only a single snowflake materializes, Gobo doesn't have enough inspiration to write the annual holiday song. So he must travel to "Outer Space" (the human world) for further motivation. The Fraggles's best attribute has always been the music, and there are four new songs here, although only one of them is an earworm ("Can You Feel It?"). It's a pretty tame and tepid holiday special designed for the kiddies, and nothing I would ever be interested in revisiting. Worth it only for the nostalgic factor.

2 rock blocks out of 5

Fackham Hall (2025)

One of the more clever titles in recent memory (say it with a thick accent), this spoof of stuffy period dramas is a wonderful blend of ZAZ humor and Monty Python irreverence. Like many films of this ilk, it's stuffed with so many gags, you won't be able to catch them all the first time around. Even if you've never seen a Downton Abbey in your life, there's still plenty to enjoy, including the romance at the heart of it. Jimmy Carr lends his particular style of joke writing skill to great use, although it sometimes feels like the edginess is being held back in spite of its R rating. It's funny, but I wish it would have gone harder.

3 fap war injuries out of 5

Frankenstein (2025)

Guillermo del Toro's long-gestating Frankenstein project finally comes to fruition, and it's a bit of a letdown. Visually, it's gorgeous and aesthetically pleasing, with del Toro's keen eye for the bizarre and unusual. The problem is, we've seen this all before in one form or another. The Creature himself leaves something to be desired. And it goes on for much too long. While I admire a lot about it, it just didn't connect with me as much as previous versions. But it's still worth recommending simply due to the sheer marvel of the production.

3½ cadavers out of 5

Fear Street: Prom Queen (2025)

It's 1988 (as the film keeps reminding us) and Lori Granger is running for prom queen. Meanwhile, a slasher is going around knocking off all her competition.

A standalone entry in the Fear Street series that feels more like Prom Night.

½ a weak motive out of 5

Frankie Freako (2024)

A square guy calls a freaky party line in order to add a little spontaneity in his life. It summons a bunch of Gremlins/Ghoulies/Munchies-knockoff characters into his life. This film is amusing but unfortunately opts for a family-friendly approach in order to secure a PG rating (similar to the films they pay homage). An extremely low-budget production with hand-made puppets and practical effects. It strikes you if you're in the right mood, but it's not anything special.

From the director of Psycho Goreman, another weird retro tribute to the past.

2 Shabadoos out of 5

Freaky Tales (2024)

A loose anthology of four interconnected morality tales that take place in Oakland, California in 1987. The first has to do with neo-Nazis, the second with misogyny, et cetera. The third story features Pedro Pascal (with a fun cameo from Tom Hanks) that should have been expanded into its own feature film because it was by far the most interesting and ended just as it was getting good. The fourth one that links it all together was just eye-rollingly obtuse.

It tries really hard to be Pulp Fiction, but ends up being straight up poop.

1½ green glows out of 5

Fletch Lives (1989)

Fletch finds himself the sole inheritor of an 80-acre estate in the Deep South, where he promptly quits his job as a journalist in order to retire. From there, he quickly becomes embroiled in a murder plot, the Ku Klux Klan, a televangelist megachurch, and other toxic waste. This 1989 sequel is looked down on for a number of reasons, but it's the strength of Chase's performance that really elevates the whole thing for me. It's diminishing returns, but as long as you go into this knowing it's not as good as its predecessor, you'll have a decent time.

2½ plantation dreams out of 5

Fletch (1985)

Chevy Chase is Irwin M. Fletcher, an undercover reporter investigating a drug trafficking ring on the beaches of Los Angeles who gets mixed up in a murder for hire plot. His arsenal is a well versed series of aliases and disguises that he uses to get himself in and out of trouble. Chase settles into the role with ease, and it's this kind of bumbling, sarcastic, quick-witted wiseacre that he always excelled at. A quite enjoyable and frequently hilarious detective comedy.

3½ prostate exams out of 5

Fever Pitch (2005)

AKA: The Perfect Catch

The story of a man obsessed with the Red Sox and his courtship with a woman across a year of baseball games as he tries to conform her to his world. If the Farrellys wanted to show that they could do conventional, middle of the road PG-13 romantic comedies, they certainly proved it here. If you don't have even a passing interest in sports, you'll surely be bored out of your mind, like I was.

A remake of the 1997 UK film of the same name (based on the book by Nick Hornsby), adapted from football (soccer) to baseball for American audiences.

1½ season tickets out of 5

Fatal Instinct (1993)

Carl Reiner's pastiche of 1940s film noir and the erotic thriller genre smashes together spoofs of Double Indemnity, Body Heat, Cape Fear, Sleeping with the Enemy, Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct. A lot of the reason this works for me is because Armand Assante completely commits to the bit as a completely oblivious buffoon (he plays both a cop and a lawyer here). As with all parodies, it's exhausting if you're not in a receptive mood, but at just under 90 minutes, these films tend not to overstay their welcome. While some of the gags are hysterical, it seems to work better in smaller doses, and it's a bit uneven as a whole. This type of genre has to take big swings, even when it's batting 1 for 2.

2½ traumatized skunks out of 5

Far Out Man (1990)

"A Tommy Chong Attempt"

An aging hippie sets off a road trip across America in search of his lost love, Tree. The film is a bit of an oddity for how many times it breaks the fourth wall. This movie notably lacks a cohesive plot, instead functioning as a vehicle for many of his family and friends to guest star in a loose semblance of his life. It's a bit of a vanity piece, but it's actually more entertaining than it sounds.

1½ Cheech cameos out of 5

Note: Initially, I thought this title was the hippie phrase "Far Out, Man" but it's actually the name the Chong character is referred to throughout the film.

Freakier Friday (2025)

22 years later, a lot has changed, including Lindsay Lohan's complete rise and fall. Now she's transformed from a rebellious teenager to a boring mom, so she needs another jolt of magic to get her life on track. This time, she not only ropes in her poor mother again, but also her daughter and her frenemy in a four-way swap. It's really hard to keep track of all the characters in different bodies, but no matter; the whole thing seems to be an excuse to make ageist jokes at the expense of Jamie Lee Curtis. While each of these films is very much a product of its time, it depends on nostalgia for the past, even as it follows the same formula to a T and doesn’t exactly cover any new ground.

I don't really have anything against this series, I just find it pretty average.

2½ multi-hyphenates out of 5

Freaky Friday (2003)

It was only natural Disney would remake this for a "hipper" generation since the original was so old fashioned and filled with outdated stereotypes. This time, it's a completely different dynamic between mother and daughter since they're immediately aware of the body swapping potential and have to keep each other's secret, whereas the two characters never crossed paths in the original. I suppose this is the kind of wish fulfillment when you're a kid and you want to skip to adulthood faster (or return to youth), but I still feel like Big did it better. Since I didn't grow up watching this movie, it doesn't have the same nostalgic hold on me, and it's a bit of a mess, albeit an entertaining one.

2½ ominous fortune cookies out of 5

Freaky Friday (1976)

Disney's classic body swap comedy finds 13-year-old Jodie Foster entering into the body of her hot mother (Barbara Harris), and vice versa, on a wish placed during Friday the 13th. My first thought is how easily this could be turned into a porno, but in actuality, it's an incredibly quaint and corny family comedy. What strikes me is how unceremonious the transformation process is, and how quickly they accept their new reality. Both envy each other's lives, yet don't strive to do anything more than housework and schoolwork. In the end, they see the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Which actually makes me feel bad for both parties because their lives seem so miserable.

2½ husbands who like being called "daddy" out of 5

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

Fourth time's the charm. 

The Marvel Cinematic Universe kicks off Phase Six of the Multiverse Saga with its inaugural introduction of Marvel's First Family. Taking place in an alternate timeline (Earth-828), it's a retro-futuristic, sci-fi take that works to great effect here. A shiny herald from outer space warns of a planet devourer, just as Reed Richards and Sue Storm announce their own bombshell to the world. This feels like a scaled down, intimate story, even as it encompasses the likes of Silver Surfer and Galactus while the fate of billions hangs in the balance. It manages to inject humanity and gravitas to the characters, making them feel like a real family. After numerous attempts in 1994, 2005, 2007 and 2015, they finally do justice to these characters. Best of all, you don't need to know anything else about the MCU in order to follow along. Similar to Superman (2025), it's not an origin story; it throws you straight into this world while remaining completely standalone from the rest (for now). So if you've been holding out on these movies, this is a good jumping off point. It's all part of the new direction of the MCU which will focus on the "hits" only. This will be followed by a new Spider-Man and Avengers movie in 2026, eventually culminating in Secret Wars.

3 clobberin' times out of 5

Note: Spider-Man: Brand New Day is scheduled to be released exactly one year from now; the longest time between theatrical dates in a good while.

F1 (2025)

Car goes vroom-vroom. The audience cheers. Humans are simple creatures.

A grizzled, disgraced former Formula One driver (Brad Pitt) returns to the sport after a 30-year absence and clashes with a young hotshot in an effort to save their losing team. Each attempts to prove themselves for their own reasons, while breaking the rules along the way. It's basically Days of Thunder for a new generation. There aren't too many surprises to be found here. It circles the well-traveled path and arrives pretty much where you would expect.

2 pit stops out of 5

Friendship (2024)

An off-putting man (Tim Robinson) is invited to hang out with the cool new neighbor (Paul Rudd) at the behest of his long-suffering wife. This opens up a possibility for bonding and connection with other men that he never thought possible before. But at the first sign of his odd idiosyncrasies, he puts the entire friend group off and becomes ousted. It plays out a little like a fucked up version of I Love You, Man. The reason this movie works at all is because of the awkward, cringe-style humor throughout of not quite doing the right thing, and of saying all the things that should not be said out loud. It's fun just to set up all the weird situations and circumstances and watch the characters squirm.

If you're a fan of I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, this will amuse and delight you. Easily one of my favorite comedies of 2025.

4 trips to Subway out of 5