Why Don't You Just Die! (2018)

AKA: Папа, сдохни

Matvei is a young man sent to kill his girlfriend's father, but the father gains the upper hand. That's just the first 10 minutes. There's lots of stylistic devices being employed in this black splatter comedy. It does get a bit repetitive at a certain point in its singular purpose, but it doesn't outstay its welcome either.

3 handcuffs out of 5

Whistle (2025)

"If you blow, you die" should have been the tagline.

An ancient Aztec death whistle accelerates your time to however you were destined to die; or to put it in the film's parlance, "You will become what you would have been at your last breath." It sounds a lot better than it is, but it's just more teens dying. The kills are kind of clever, but it's nothing special.

1 chrysanthemum out of 5

Wuthering Heights (2026)

Adapted for the screen many times, this "fresh" take on Emily Brontë's Victorian era romance borrows the basic concept and takes great liberties.

Catherine and Heathcliff are foster siblings who grow up penniless but infatuated with one another. The intensity of their relationship endures the turbulence of jealousy, avarice and betrayal. Anyone who knows the source material knows this is not a happy story, but it's a dreary rendition. Visually, it pleases the senses, but it's substantially more style than substance. This is a dreadfully depressing and protracted melodrama about doomed love, though not as "horny" as originally advertised. It's more of a sick tease than anything.

2 broken eggs out of 5

Wuthering Heights (1970)

Growing up together in the desolate moorlands of Yorkshire during the early 19th century, Catherine and Heathcliff swear an oath to one another that is destined to be broken. Their love is an intense kind of madness with cruelty that knows no bounds, oscillating between a tumultuous storm of passion and obsession, jealousy and betrayal. The scenic vistas and quiet score by Michel Legrand elevate this tragic Gothic romance, and even though it strays from its source material, it's the final moments of this film that stay with me the most.

3 cold sweats out of 5

We Bury the Dead (2025)

After an experimental weapon is detonated off the coast of Tasmania, a body retrieval unit is deployed to clean up the mess, including a woman searching for her missing husband. Unfortunately, those with unfinished business still roam the lands. It's a zombie drama that reminded me a lot of the first half of 28 Days Later, or early days on The Walking Dead, especially in its simplicity. It doesn't quite stick the landing, but it's better than most films of this type.

2½ grinding teeth out of 5

When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

"Well, that's the good thing about depression; you get your rest."

You know how you can tell when a movie is a classic? When you haven't seen it in years, yet you still remember it as vividly as if you saw it the other day.

Directed by Rob Reiner* and scribed by Nora Ephron, this perfect marriage of romance and comedy explores 12 years of a platonic relationship through chance encounters, and the eternal question of whether men and women can just be friends. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan are effortlessly charming in the roles of two complete opposites, where the timing never seems to line up.

Along with Annie Hall, I consider it to be one of the best rom-coms of all time.

5 of what she's having out of 5

*The director of what I would consider to be five 5-star movies:

This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Stand by Me (1986)

The Princess Bride (1987)

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Misery (1990)

R.I.P. Rob Reiner and good riddance to this terrible year...

White Reindeer (2013)

After a tragedy leaves her world torn apart, a woman is sent down a dark path where she makes some unexpected friends. Not only does this pitch-black comedy make a great counterprogramming to Christmas, but it's one of the best examinations of grief I've ever seen. Make it a double bill with Bad Santa.

3½ spending sprees out of 5

Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

The third in the Knives Out series surrounds a murder in the ranks of a parish when a young priest butts heads with the thorny Monsignor. It's a locked-room ("impossible crime") mystery where Benoit Blanc attempts to prove innocence and clear their name. Daniel Craig settles into the role like an old comfortable shoe, while the film itself feels tonally different from the rest, but it's very much worth a spin in all of its complexity and density. I hope Rian Johnson keeps making these films forever because he has a real knack for the genre.

3½ roads to Damascus out of 5

Wicked: For Good (2025)

Paying off Act II of the wildly successful stage show was always going to be a gamble, but it's performed with enough aplomb to impress even the skeptics. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo create real magic on the screen together as they repave the rest of the path to the Yellow Brick Road. The way this film gradually introduces the elements that would become The Wizard of Oz is satisfying, even when it feels shoehorned in. The first part is definitely the stronger one, with the better song numbers, and this one leaves certain plot elements up in the air, but at least it provides a definish close to the chapter.

3½ clock ticks out of 5

Note: I give both Wicked + For Good a combined score of 4 cyclones out of 5.

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

An annoying kid in a terrible fucking wig and an old, fat wizard come across a warrior (but not that warrior) and a queen (but not that queen) in their quest for three magical totems to unite the kingdom. Or something like that. No surprise whatsoever, but this has nothing to do with the first film. Since this is a family film, it doesn't even have the gratuitous nudity to fall back on, so you realize the limited appeal of bad acting and incomprehensible, nonsense character names. Honestly, if you're still tuning in at this point, that's completely on you.

1 tree upskirt shot out of 5

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

This one seems clearly inspired by The NeverEnding Story, but don't be fooled.

Recycling a ton of B-roll footage from other Roger Corman S&S cheapies, such as Sorceress and Deathstalker (as well as appropriating that overused theme from Battle Beyond the Stars), there's not a whole lot of plot here to speak of, but it throws in everything except the kitchen sink. A boy seeking a magic ring meets a middle-aged barbarian with a shag carpet by his side. It took me two attempts to get through this, it's so inscrutable. There's no denying this movie is crap, but there's something nostalgic about revisiting it all these years later.

1½ Yeti? Walking carpet? Some dude in a bleached Wookiee costume? out of 5

The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)

David Carradine wanders the desert as Kwai Chang Caine Kain the Warrior, where he comes to the rescue of a topless sorceress (María Socas). And she remains disrobed for the rest of the runtime, which honestly accounts for my warm feelings towards this movie and at least two firm, perky reasons to tune in. It's a loose (shameless) retelling of Yojimbo in a magical, fantasy setting.

2½ anvil strikes out of 5

Weapons (2025)

At 2:17am, 17 children disappear. Told in snippets from different points of view, it's best to know nothing else going in. It's a creepy little film, full of tension and frequently hilarious. It had my whole theater laughing and screaming.

3½ cans of soup out of 5

White Chamber (2018)

In war-torn Britain, a woman is held in an environmentally controlled white prison cell, where she is tortured for information. Gradually, we peel back the layers to understanding. Honestly, the story would have been better served by concealing the mystery for longer and sticking to the central conceit.

2 wet-bulb temperatures out of 5

Winterstoke House (2016)

AKA: Servants' Quarters

A woman alone in a lavish country estate begins to experience visions which might be connected to the previous occupants. She discovers a locked room and begins to investigate while dealing with her fragile mental state. I liked the setup, but I was expecting more out of it. Forgettable for the most part.

1½ onibaba masks out of 5

Witchboard (2024)

Ah shit, here we go again. Another remake that completely loses its original appeal. In actuality, it bears little resemblance to the 1986 film, including the inane decision to replace the Ouija board with an ancient pendulum board that looks more like a dartboard. Except this one misses the mark completely. Regardless of superficial plot changes, I was utterly bored throughout.

1 cat thief out of 5

Witchboard III: The Possession (1995)

The third entry was released direct to video, so it was doomed to fail. As well as lower production values, this one takes itself way too seriously, but it's not all bad. Some of the '90s effects are laughable, but lends to its retro charms.

1½ squishy skulls out of 5

Witchboard 2: The Devil's Doorway (1993)

A new tenant finds a Ouija board in her apartment, which she attempts to use to locate the previous occupant who disappeared under mysterious circumstances. This one dials up the cheese a bit more, but the result is much less successful, as much as I enjoy all the Raimi-esque shenanigans.

2½ planchettes out of 5

Witchboard (1986)

A vengeful spirit is summoned through a Ouija board, threatening to possess its user. It's vintage 80s cheese. I love it. What's enjoyable about it is that all the characters seem to want to do the right thing. Too often in horror movies, you're cursing the stupid actions of the characters. But here, they struggle despite their best intentions. It elevates it above other films of its kind.

3½ punk mediums out of 5

When Evil Lurks (2023)

AKA: Cuando acecha la maldad

From the writer-director of Terrified comes another supernatural horror film that defies easy classification. I sound like a broken record, but it's just better to go into this journey knowing nothing and let the experience wash over you.

3½ bulldogs out of 5