Bambi: The Reckoning (2025)

Oh, dear. Bambi's seen some hard times. After experiencing a life of tragedy, he feeds on some radioactive sludge, which turns him into a ravenous mutated monster, out for revenge. The fourth entry in the TCU, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but this might be the best one so far. They keep wearing me down.

I have to give it a half-bump up, just to distinguish it from the rest of the crap.

½ a bunny massacre out of 5

Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare (2025)

In the third installment of the Twisted Childhood Universe (TCU), a no-budget horror reimagining of beloved characters, Peter Pan is a Pennywise-knockoff who abducts little children with promises of Neverland, while Tinker Bell plays his transgender lover who's strung out on pixie dust. I swear, this shit keeps getting worse. I get no pleasure whatsoever out of viewing this trash.

You might ask yourself, then: Why do I subject myself to this drivel, knowing that it actively causes me harm? It's a little thing called mental illness.

0 Lost Boys out of 5

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 2 (2024)

More of the same. Higher production value, same pile of shit. But that's what we signed up for, right? Yes, it's a vast improvement, but only because our expectations have been appropriately lowered. One thing I didn't understand was how the first movie fit in. Was it a meta movie within a movie? It's weird whenever we see someone watching the first movie on TV, à la Scream 2.

This film marks the beginning of the Cinematic Poohniverse. God help us all.

½ a Hundred Acre Massacre out of 5

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

What happens when beloved childhood characters fall out of copyright and land in the public domain? You're going to get a bunch of leeches exploiting them for all they're worth, that's what. What a pile of pooh. Then again, what was I expecting? It does what it says on the tin. This actually could have been a pretty cool concept if the animals weren't clearly humans wearing rubber masks. It looks more like You're Next rather than some Orwellian nightmare. Also, what's the point of having Christopher Robin and not making him the active protagonist throughout? Seems like a waste of a revenge premise.

0 bear traps out of 5