COOL WORLD [1992]

The live action/animated hybrid Cool World is like Fritz The Cat director Ralph Bakshi's raunchier answer to Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
With it's seedy world inhabited by cute Fleischer-esque cartoon characters who look like they took a turn down the wrong road I was reminded of Peter Jackson's Meet The Feebles.  It's got some interesting back-drop designs but the animated characters themselves look like juvenile versions of the cartoons they're attempting to imitate.  It's apparently supposed to be funny but I don't think I cracked a smile even once as I tried to figure out why I was subjecting myself to this crap.  It's hilarious to see Brad Pitt before his balls dropped but that wears off within 10 minutes into the film.

1 doodle out of 5

Bill Bailey: Dandelion Mind (2010)

Bill Bailey’s talents aren't limited to anaemic Klingon or hairy turnip impressions. He’s also highly skilled at lengthy comedy routines that seem to be full of randomness but are actually craftily structured.
Dandelion is a mix of stuff that everyone will relate to and stuff that’s more cerebral with multiple layers of meaning. Perhaps Stephen Fry’s been rubbing off on him…

3 barnacles out of 5

Outrage Beyond (2012)

aka Beyond Outrage

A sequel to the excellent Outrage (2010) that continues the story five years after the events in the first film. The police are tired of the Yakuza’s shit, so they intervene in daily affairs in an underhanded manner.
It’s necessary to have watched the previous film to understand how we got to this point. The first half is dominated by very serious men sitting around tables while very seriously talking. The second half uses that discussion as a basis for violence to erupt and old scores to be settled.
It’s more traditionally structured, which means it’s a perfectly acceptable Yakuza film but it isn't as layered or textured this time, and it lacks the stamp of uniqueness that Kitano usually delivers.

3½ reputations out of 5

Trek Nation (2011)

A documentary that follows Gene Roddenberry's son (also called Gene) as he attempts to understand why Star Trek has had such a dramatic impact on the lives of so many people across the world.
Obviously. you'll need at least some interest in Trek to get the most from it, but what makes it special beyond that is the honesty that Gene Jr brings to the table. His goal is also to understand who his father was before he died, which is something he admits he was unable to achieve when Gene Sr was still alive. It's a sometimes painful journey for the son, but he doesn't shy away when the camera gets near, for which he should be wholeheartedly applauded.

3½ final frontiers out of 5

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)

Ghost Dog is a loner but he’s well-respected. He lives in a modern American city but follows an ancient Samurai code as outlined in Yamamoto Tsunetomo's Hagakure. The code guides him and shapes his morality in his role as a perfect assassin for the Mafia.
The gangsters lives are empty and wasteful. In contrast, Ghost Dog's life is filled with meaning and purpose. It's an unusual, romanticised one that he's created himself, but that doesn't make it any less noble.
Forest Whitaker can help make an average film good. Likewise, he can make a great film like Jarmusch’s GD even more exceptional.
It’s not essential but some knowledge of chanbara cinema will greatly increase your understanding of many aspects of the story.

4½ meditations out of 5

Outrage (2010)

Viewers unfamiliar with Kitano’s methodology may criticise the structure of Outrage. It’s a film about the day-to-day activities of the Yakuza, but rather than focus on one specific member it’s more a collection of little moments that contribute to an inevitable conclusion for all members, so if you turn off too early you’ll not get the full effect.
As usual, the comedy is hilarious and very dark. Leaders chastising their underlings as if they were children is a recurring Kitano theme. So too is violence; some of which is extremely unpleasant.
I miss the Kitano/Hisaishi pairing, but admittedly Keiichi Suzuki’s scoring is more suited to the darker themes.

4½ bandages out of 5

Travelers: Dimensional Police (2013)

Travelers [sic] uses almost every trick in the big book of Japanese sci-fi to keep your attention: hip-shaking leather-clad ladies doing low-angle high kicks, CGI explosions, speeding-tunnel time travel, skipping through parallel dimensions, a gothic Lolita with psychic powers, betrayals, exploding daggers and blood. There's also a lot of story packed in that would've fared better if split into a mini-series.
The result is somehow semi-enjoyable in a time-wasting kind of way. The director is a tokusatsu veteran and so brings that kind of fun to the proceedings. Without that, it would suffer.

2½ unnecessary wet cleavage shots out of 5

Sadako 3D (2012)

A Ring Cycle revival based on Koji Suzuki's novel, S (2012). I've not read it, so can't comment on how faithful the film is or isn't.
A new cursed video is uploaded to the internet, meaning every PC, laptop, tablet, phone, etc, offers a possible entry point for Sadako to return.
It sounds like a natural progression of what came before, but whereas Nakata's films were mature horror that made me soil myself, Sadako 3D is teen horror that made me yawn and check my watch periodically.
The Silent Hill creatures were the last straw. They'd work just fine in a Silent Hill setting, but here they were ridiculous.
Every point awarded below is for Satomi Ishihara; she deserved to be in a better movie.

1½ page errors out of 5

Adventures Of Zatoichi (1964)

The 9th film returns the series to the darker side of human nature and is a lot more serious as a result. The New Year celebrations are just around the corner, but not everyone gathered in town is there to spread joy. It’s a good thing Ichi is the voice of reason (and the sword of justice).
Fans who've followed the series from the beginning will be pleased to know that we’re treated to some revealing info about Ichi’s past that's integral to the story and further deepens our understanding of his nature.

4 necessary strikes out of 5

RED DRAGON [2002]

Director Brett Ratner takes over for the third film and first prequel in the Hannibal Lecter series, Red Dragon, which ultimately serves as Sir Anthony Hopkins final round as everyone's favorite man-eating head doctor.
Unlike Ridley Scott's dismal take on the character, Ratner opts for a more serious tone and results in something nearly as grisly as the original film making for a satisfying conclusion to the Hopkins films.  It doesn't really cover any new territory but it's so well-acted and suffocates the viewer in such an effective unsettling atmosphere it can be forgiven.

3½ smashed mirrors out of 5

Dark Touch (2013)

You'll likely find Dark Touch in the horror section, but it's much more than 90 mins of cheap scares. It's foreboding and eerie like horror ought to be, but it's more emotionally upsetting than fleetingly unsettling. It deals with a terror that doesn't end when the film does.
It revolves around eleven-year-old Niamh. Bad things happen when Niamh is fearful, but she gets that way with good reason.
Dismiss the obvious comparison as soon as it enters your head and focus instead on the girl. Imagine you're eleven and ask yourself what's more terrifying, the things we do or the things we're capable of doing?

3½ sharp noises out of 5

Fight, Zatoichi, Fight (1964)

In the blind swordsman’s 8th film, Ichi's left holding the baby, literally, which is not an ideal situation for a roaming, gambling swordsman; especially when he’s being pursued by some honourless ronin.
Kenji Misumi wastes no time in setting the scene for what follows: a lot more comedy than usual. But don’t let that deter you, because it’s balanced beautifully by the correct amount of tragedy.
I'm in awe of how he can squeeze so much into his frame and still manage to have it appear spacious. He populates that openness with beauty and sadness, both inward and outward, and gives life to what's quite possibly the best written entry in the series so far.

5 improvised nappies out of 5

TRON (1982)

If you’re twelve, TRON is the best thing ever. It was visually mind-blowing in the 80s and despite the advances in technology since it still holds that same power today. Wendy Carlos’ music is great. The creativity and steps taken behind the scenes to make it unique earn it maximum respect.
Realistically, though, the protagonists are given just enough characterisation to prevent them from slipping into two-dimensionality and the plot is wafer-thin in the second half. But none of that matters, because every time I watch it part of me is still twelve. That's the power of TRON.

4 conscripts out of 5

Clean (2004)

The almost unbearable handheld in-your-face close-ups give way eventually to a character study of a woman struggling to get her life back after a crippling drug habit leaves her broken and alone.
Emily (Maggie Cheung) is the only constant in a sea of people giving other people the run-around. Her emotions do the same to her, but her motivations, which are purposefully kept semi-hidden, are bedrock for her to fall back on. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to believe in you.
It’s as happy as it sounds, but it was good to see Maggie keep her feet on the ground and get an opportunity to really act. She does it well, and in three different languages. Plus, Nick Nolte is superb.

3½ liner notes out of 5

THE INVENTION OF LYING [2009]

Ricky Gervais & Matthew Robinson co-write & co-direct The Invention Of Lying, a seemingly fluffy romantic comedy with cynical undertones.
It takes place in an alternate universe where the concept of lying never existed until it suddenly triggers in one man's brain and spirals out of control.  It takes the viewer into very grey areas about religion, politics, Hollywood and general day to day interactions while dissecting everything most folks take for granted or are oblivious to.  Gervais has a wonderful way of slugging us square in the face with our own stupidity and selfishness, especially where it's cleverly disguised as a harmless rom-com that occasionally even fools itself.  It looks, feels and plays like a generic rom-com but is so much more and unfortunately that doesn't leave much when it comes to the bland technical side of the film.

3 fatty fat faggots out of 5