Rambo III (1988)

Rambo goes to Afghanistan.
Rambo blows shit up.

1½ enemies of America vanquished out of 5

The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

The only thing you can be sure about when sitting down to a film by Japanese auteur Takashi Miike is that you've opened a window onto the unpredictable. Sadly, after a wonderfully bizarre opening the musical black comedy plummets into another one of his style over substance clusterfucks. Twenty minutes of actual story padded out to two hours of sitcom style antics raised up only by the inclusion of some intentionally hilarious Sound of Music moments left me colder than the corpses that help the Katakuri family find what’s important in life.

2 holes in the ground out of 5

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

This is what happens when you let James Cameron help write your screenplay. Rambo, now literally a one-man army, gets sent back into Vietnam on a half-assed top-secret covert mission that enables him to crank the action genre clichés to maximum, and beyond. He creeps and plods through a jungle that was better lit than my back garden on a summer night, before initiating a maiming montage.
It was even worse than I remembered. The only saving grace was the almost complete lack of Arnie style one-liners.

1½ exploding arrows out of 5

Rabid (1977)

Cronenberg’s fascination with body modification continued with Rabid (aka Rage). It’s similar to his previous film Shivers (1975) both visually and in that the horror is again something normal that’s become abnormal, and when viewed from the other perspective it’s something new embracing life, but it’s not as unsettling as Shivers was and the ridiculous premise is hard to swallow even for a fan of his work like I am. I couldn't help thinking while viewing that it would've better suited George Romero's talents.

2½ armpit orifices out of 5

Narrow Margin (1990)

An average thriller that does everything you’d expect in an average kind of way. Gene Hackman is duty bound to protect a witness to a murder… on the run… bad guys… blah blah. The only real difference between this and the hundreds of other afternoon movies is that it’s set primarily on a train, making escape that little bit harder than usual.

2½ tickets please out of 5

First Blood (1982)

The name Rambo has become synonymous with the action hero genre, but the first film isn't like that at all. John Rambo is just a guy trying to survive in a world that doesn't want him. The enemy isn't a foreign power or a moustachioed villain intent on taking over the world, it’s small town prejudice and fear, it’s asshole cops that think a little power gives them the authority to dictate how everyone else should live.
Stallone isn't renowned for his acting ability, but to his credit he gives a chilling performance in one pivotal scene that is the film highpoint.

4 sharp edges out of 5

Porco Rosso (1992)

Watch enough Miyazaki films and you'll notice recurring themes; wind is one of the most obvious, so it was inevitable he'd make a film about a pilot.
There's nothing in this one for kids beyond the bright colours. That should've meant an enhanced emphasis on adult concerns, but it isn't as successful as I'd hoped. His decision to make Porco a mystery denied me the emotional connection that is Ghibli's usual currency. Perhaps the (rumoured) upcoming sequel will address that. It's still an entertaining period piece, but lives in the shadow of Miyazaki's other works. Perhaps the biggest failing is that Porco is Italian and yet he (and everyone else in the Adriatic) speaks Japanese.

3 barrel rolls out of 5

MORE THINGS THAT HAPPENED [2007]

Director David Lynch compiled a series of deleted scenes from Inland Empire to create a feature length narrative in More Things That Happened.
If you're looking for any sort of explanation from the first film then I'd probably walk out the door right now, because this film certainly doesn't make it any better.  There's nothing really here worth seeking out, unless you're a diehard Lynch fan and just need drawn-out scenes of low drones and awkward conversation.  Personally, I feel at home with that sort of thing but this even this one had me checking my watch more often than I'd like to.

2 women in trouble out of 5

TAKEN [2008]

With a little help from Luc Besson as writer & producer, Pierre Morel directs Liam Neeson in the violent action/thriller Taken.
What serves as a vehicle to redefine Neeson as a highly effective action star, Taken is riddled with plotholes, flat-lining dialogue and not a whole lot of thought put into it.  However it's the fast-paced action that keeps the story charging forward, never really giving you enough time to realize all the things wrong with it.  If not for Neeson's performance the film might not have been as fun as it is, so take it with a grain of salt and hopefully enjoy giving your brain a little bit of down time.

3 memorable phone calls out of 5

MANIAC [2013]

Director Frank Khalfoun & screenwriter Alexandre Aja adapt the exploitative cult classic Maniac as a vehicle for Elijah Wood to wipe the squeaky clean image of Frodo from folk's minds.
With it's highly unsettling tone & gruesome character study I was reminded of Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer and being shot entirely from the murderer's POV  I thought of Peeping Tom but thanks to Wood's uber-creepy performance it becomes a twisted monster all of it's own.  The POV camerawork struck me as gimmicky at first but it slowly crept into something dark that made it all the more disturbing and stomach-turning.  Top marks to composer ROB for the wonderfully textured score that called back to the early '80's slasher flick days.

3 generations of mannequins out of 5

PRETTY IN PINK [1986]

Some Kind Of Wonderful's Howard Deutch directs the John Hughes penned Brat Pack teen rom-com Pretty In Pink.
It's a classic in it's genre with all the '80's teen staples, Molly Ringwald, wacky clothing, cool jobs you wish you had, funny nicknames, the lip-synching dance scene, extreme melodrama and questionable moral stances.  Jon Cryer stands out here in probably his best role to date as the lovably nerdy Duckie.  It's jam-packed full of over-baked cliches, cookie cutter characters and the ending is a rushed mess but it manages to charm and endure with it's call back to a simpler time.

3 richies out of 5

Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

Fireflies is an immensely powerful story of two siblings, a teenager named Seita and his baby sister Setsuko, as they struggle to survive during the attacks on Japan during World War II.
Their relationship is the heart of the film; it's a heart that beats in defiance of adversity because it's fuelled by love and family values. The responsibility placed on Seita could crush even the strongest adult, but his feelings for his sister keep him focused and determined.
For a film that's built around tragedy, there's a lot of joy and beauty to be found in the subtext.

4 Sakuma drops out of 5

The Shootist (1976)

John Wayne plays an ageing shootist whose life is winding down. It was his final film and served as a fitting tribute to the big man while simultaneously marking the end of an era in style.
Wayne gives an understated performance filled with empathy because the same disease that plagues his on-screen character was killing him slowly in real life. When he looks tired, it's probably because he was.
It was The Shootist that convinced me The Duke was the 'Giant' that folks said he was when I first saw it over twenty years ago, and of all the classic John Wayne films that I've watched since it's still my favourite.

4 streaks of kindness out of 5

Island of Fire (1990)

A police officer (Tony Leung) goes deep undercover in a violent prison; whilst there his sense of right and wrong remain.
There’s a great film buried somewhere in here but it’s suffocated by the awkward plotting. The separate parts relate to each other but don’t connect as well as they should and the whole suffers.
It co-stars Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung but is light on laughter. In fact, it’s notable for being the most violent film in Jackie’s career.

NOTE: My version was the Hong Kong edition (93 mins). Included on the disc are 30 minutes of deleted scenes that featured an entire sub-plot. I think the film would've been better had they not been cut. The Taiwanese version (125 mins) has them intact.

2½ bent screws out of 5

Whisper of the Heart (1995)

Ghibli is known for transporting viewers to dazzling worlds filled with incredible scenery and amazing exploits. But Whisper of the Heart isn't about fantastic adventures or chimerical lands. It's about the adventures we create ourselves. It's a sweet, quiet little coming of age film that beautifully shows what it's like to discover your passion.

Whisper of the Heart may be short of fantasy, but it's still full of wonderfully detailed backgrounds you could stare at all day. The animation isn't quite on par with some of Ghibli's later films, but it's still solid, and the movie as a whole is very well made. There's a romance subplot that feels almost unnecessary, but I like it anyway. It's the sort of movie that doesn't weave a story as much as capture a snapshot in time, and when it comes to tales like that, I enjoy the little extras.

4 almost magical antique stores out of 5