This movie is a fucking nightmare. Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons) is a bodybuilder who works at a technologically advanced North Pole facility alongside his E.L.F. (Enforcement Logistics and Fortification) bodyguard played by The Rock. A black ops team breaks into the facility and kidnaps Red, so they're forced to contact a cynical hacker (Chris Evans) to help track him down. At least I think that's what's happening here. The whole thing turns into a CGI fever dream in a hurry, with creepy uncanny valley effects that will probably traumatize children, and mythological creatures that feel like rejects from Nightbreed. The whole thing is just completely soulless and depressing, and doesn't even manage to manufacture those fake holiday feelings within me. It feels so corporate and hollow and goes on for so long, I could barely keep my eyes open. To be honest, I'm not even sure kids will get a kick out of this one.
One Krampus bitch slap out of 5
5 comments:
Everyone's bitching and moaning, but the Jingle All The Way fan in me says to risk it.
Also, the fact that I really liked Evans' directorial debut.
Ha, I wish it was as joyous as Jingle All the Way! I like all the people involved (Evans embraced the "Bad Santa" mentality for all of five minutes), it's just that overreliance on shoddy CGI and icky corporate agenda made it feel like a soulless endeavor and rubbed me in all the wrong ways.
Incidentally, I also have a red one, in case anyone was wondering.
An agenda worries me far more than CGI. So many people complain about it, but I'm pretty lenient. I'm used to tv-level CGI, and thinking it's good. I must be blind, because I couldn't see anything weird about Cavill's lip in Justice League. And, believe me, I was LOOKING.
I have a low tolerance for glaring CG, especially in that uncanny valley range, though I'm more lenient about older movies that employ it. Cavill's lip definitely set off my "Shitty senses" something awful. Still hilarious to me that it was apparently a wiser investment to use CGI rather than a fake mustache.
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