Youth in Revolt (2009)

The title refers to the actions that a sixteen-year-old boy (Michael Cera) feels he must must undertake in order to keep his attachment (and himself relevant) to the girl (Portia Doubleday) with whom he wants to lose his virginity.
Even though it had some big name producers behind it, it has the feel and the heart of an indie movie, which is perhaps its greatest strength, in my opinion.
By externalising the youth's inner conflict it both uses and plays around with the awkward, inexperienced deer in the headlights role that Cera has in many of his films. It likely won't be enough to win over anyone who dislikes his particular shtick, but those that enjoy it will probably still feel right at home.

3 ill-tempered sailors out of 5

Secret Window (2004)

If you're an author in a Stephen King story the chances are good that things either aren't going your way now, or very soon they won't be. In Secret Window, based on a novella in King's Four Past Midnight (1990) collection, the author is played by Johnny Depp. While not completely believable as such, he makes the comedic paranoid bitterness (coloured with a splash of school yard envy) that his character is wallowing in work in his favour.
Events revolve around a short story that Depp's character penned, the originality of which is being contested by a menacing John Turturro.
It has some very fine camerawork throughout, but the ending is too abrupt.

3 plagiarised pages out of 5

Hercules in New York (1970)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting début has the hulking Austrian playing a bored Hercules, who leaves the safety of Olympus to flaff around on Earth, specifically NY. Billed as Arnold Strong, you'd never guess while watching that he'd go on to be one of the world's biggest action stars. But it's not just Arnie's emotionless delivery that ruins the production, the direction is flat as hell and the comedy, besides a few clever miscommunication puns, misfire's often.
It seems there's two different versions, one in which Arnie is dubbed by another actor and one in which he isn't. The version I watched definitely had the original voice, except for a short scene at the end. (88 min, PAL DVD.)

1 tipped chariot out of 5

Hell's Kitchen (1998)

The survivors of a bungled burglary are affected in different ways by what happened; e.g. Gloria (Angelina Jolie) wants revenge, while Johnny (Mekhi Phifer) wants to move away from violence. The emotional clash of interests gives the film a solid foundation upon which to build an effective drama, but it's too piecemeal and some scenes, while admirably lengthy and well-acted, often feel staged and, therefore, don't ring true. Likewise, while the rap music used is reflective of the street culture, it intrudes rather than complements.
The Johnny and Lou (William Forsythe) story could've been a worthy tale of redemption, but the film's lack of focus makes it too messy to recommend.

2½ stupid life choices out of 5

Prehistoric Women (1967)

aka Slave Girls (a heavily cut UK vers.)

Rather than let the sets and costumes from their successful One Million Years B.C. (1966) film go to waste, HAMMER hastily made a follow-up. It has a campy kind of cave-girl charm, but the only truly memorable aspects are leading lady Martine Beswick and, better still, the eldest of the male slaves.
The male protagonist (Michael Latimer) would've earned my sympathies if he hadn't been introduced as a man who aids shit-bag big game hunters.
The story is even more ridiculous when written down than it seems onscreen, so I'll say only that it's about a tribe of dark-haired women who make slaves out of fair-haired women, all of whom are living under the shadow of a white rhino legend, and unlike OMY BC it has English language dialogue.

2½ unworthy eyes out of 5

King Kong Escapes (1967)

aka King Kong's Counterattack

Because King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962) did well, Toho wanted more ape. The result is a joint production with Rankin/Bass that's part US monster movie and part Japanese kaijū movie, with an American lead and a Japanese evil-doer.
The plot is bonkers: a rich madame (Mie Hama) wants a rare element mined from the earth, so needs the help of Dr Who (not that one), a crazy James Bond-esque scientist (Hideyo Amamoto), who builds a mecha version of Kong to do the dangerous work. Shit happens (radiation, naturally) and Mecha ends up battling the real King Kong, while dashing US submarine commander Carl Nelson (Rhodes Reason) stays dashing, especially during close-ups.

2 white-gloved subordinates out of 5

Sci-fighters (1996)

A very determined escapee from a lunar penal colony in the futuristic year 2009 (really) sets about spreading an alien infection on a freezing Earth that seems to exist in perpetual night, seeing as how the sunlight is blocked by an encompassing dust cloud. Detective Grayson (Roddy Piper) picks up the trail of the villain, with reasons beyond mere duty as his driving force.
Put simply, it's like Blade Runner (1982) mixed with Alien (1979), in more than just script. But quite often it manages to make what appears onscreen seem like it cost more to produce than it probably did, the story has a decent level of atmosphere, and Billy Drago's earnest performance is memorable.

2½ sushi dates out of 5

A Silent Voice: The Movie (2016)

Being deaf, Shōko communicates her dialogue to others via a notebook and pen. It's a form of interaction that her sixth grade elementary school class-mates deal with in different ways. Most notably is Shōya, the class jerk, who does his best to make her feel as alienated as possible; in doing so he exposes his own insecurities. Years later he attempts to set things right.
The story expertly explains (but crucially doesn't justify) the boy's actions, while simultaneously exploring Shōko's inner-feelings. Unusually, at times the characters' faces aren't onscreen, or are hidden from view, but that too has an important role to play. As one, it makes for an emotionally captivating story.

4 concentric circles out of 5

Dick Francis Mysteries: Twice Shy (1989)

The last of three TV Movies starring Ian McShane to be based on Dick Francis novels has the star investigating the death of a family friend, an experienced climber who hit rock bottom (literally) while climbing in Ireland. In addition to climbing, the victim was a systems analyst, which also plays into the plot.
It's yet more of the same, McShane's character collects useful information, takes some risks, and finds time for a passing romance. Patrick Macnee is back, too, but has even less to do than he did in the first film. It's all serviceable stuff, certainly not as dreadful as its immediate predecessor. However, the villains' forced civilised shtick does get a little irritating from time to time.

2½ meal times out of 5

Dick Francis Mysteries: In the Frame (1989)

The second of three TV Movies starring Ian McShane that are based on Dick Francis novels, all of which are works that I haven't read. Wiki mentions that McShane's character, David Cleveland, a consultant with the British Jockey club, wasn't a part of the original story, so clearly things were changed for the adaptation. I hope for Mr Francis' sake that the clichéd and dull dialogue is one such thing, becuase if the bulk of the film's screenplay is an indication of what to expect in the original author's works, I'll never want to read them.
The mystery this time revolves around rich twats with expensive tastes, wine and paintings. Cleveland hops from Canada to Germany in pursuit of the truth.

2 painted mares out of 5

Dick Francis Mysteries: Blood Sport (1989)

The first of three TV Movies starring Ian McShane that are based on Dick Francis novels, which I haven't read. My interest was McShane, who plays a skilled racetrack security man named David Cleveland, in Kent, England.
It co-stars Patrick Macnee as Cleveland's employer, at whose behest the star attempts to solve the mystery of a stolen racehorse worth six million dollars.
It's standard Sunday evening TV Movie stuff that, besides one instance of miraculous VHS tech, is a case that involves old-fashioned leg work, which, in contrast to the modern era's tech-obsessed detectives, is a simple joy.

2½ sardines out of 5