Symbol (2009)

AKA: しんぼる (Shinboru)

A man wakes up in a bright white room with no memory of how he got there and no escape. He's surrounded by buttons. Each one has a different function. That's all you need. It plays out a little like an absurdist version of Cube. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. Hitoshi Matsumoto is a madman.

4 baby dicks out of 5

Cube (2021)

Japanese remake of Cube (1997). Strangers awaken in a strange puzzle filled with deadly traps and must seek their escape while trying to understand their purpose for being there. Like most remakes, it probably works better if you haven't seen the original first. It's a testament to the source material that this knock-off remains halfway decent, but it suffers in so many other ways. 

2½ shoelaces out of 5

The Complex: Lockdown (2020)

After a deadly bio-terrorist attack on London, two scientists are trapped in an underground facility with one of the assailants. This is actually the film edit of the interactive movie The Complex. I recommend playing the game over it.

2 nano-technologies out of 5

White Chamber (2018)

In war-torn Britain, a woman is held in an environmentally controlled white prison cell, where she is tortured for information. Gradually, we peel back the layers to understanding. Honestly, the story would have been better served by concealing the mystery for longer and sticking to the central conceit.

2 wet-bulb temperatures out of 5

Winterstoke House (2016)

AKA: Servants' Quarters

A woman alone in a lavish country estate begins to experience visions which might be connected to the previous occupants. She discovers a locked room and begins to investigate while dealing with her fragile mental state. I liked the setup, but I was expecting more out of it. Forgettable for the most part.

1½ onibaba masks out of 5

Unhallowed Ground (2015)

A group of military school cadets are tasked with patrolling the building on their last day of term, which apparently housed a number of deaths dating back from the Black Plague. It's low budget dreck that gave me little joy.

½ a shock in the shower out of 5

No One Lives (2012)

A gang of highway robbers find out what it's like to fuck around with the wrong person. I hesitate to say any more, but this movie is basically pure carnage, which isn't surprising coming from WWE Studios, and turns the tables on the bad guys. It has some good ideas, but I mostly found it repetitive.

2 unlikely hiding places out of 5

It Comes at Night (2017)

So do I...

Paranoia runs rampant in the titter-inducing It Comes at Night. After the world has been ravaged by a deadly infectious disease, a family lives isolated deep in the woods until one day when another survivor ends up on their doorstep. The stark, bare-bones setup effectively builds up an air of tension and dread where the true horror exists. This one won't make you feel good, ironically.

3 wet dreams out of 5

Don't Move (2024)

A suicidal woman contemplates her life at the top of an outlook where a man approaches her and talks her off the ledge. Without spoiling too much, she's involved in a cat and mouse chase after being injected by a paralyzing agent and must escape before it takes effect. It's a tense survival thriller, but pushes the limits of credulity to the point where it took away from my enjoyment.

2 nose-rings out of 5

Time Cut (2024)

In 2003, a girl is murdered. 20 years later, her younger sister discovers a time machine at the site of her death, which sends her back to the time of murder, where she tries to intervene and prevent it from happening. A sci-fi twist on the horror genre, reminiscent of 2023's Totally Killer, which depends on a lot of nostalgia from the early aughts. Enjoyable for what it brings to the table.

3 screeching modems out of 5

Totally Killer (2023)

In a fun sci-fi twist on the slasher horror genre, a girl is displaced to 1987 to stop a serial killer and prevent a murder from occurring in present day 2023. I kinda hated all the meta-commentary, but the lead actress is great at playing 'triggered.' I also love that they integrated the Mandela Effect into their time travel rules. I feel like this already has all the makings of a future cult classic.

3 trauma bonds out of 5

It's What's Inside (2024)

An inventive horror comedy with a sci-fi twist. A group of friends get together to play a body swapping party game; a real-life version of Werewolves/Mafia. The whole thing gets very confusing quickly as we lose track of their identity. Would probably benefit from a repeat viewing, but I'm not in any rush to do so.

2½ wires crossed out of 5

Witchboard (2024)

Ah shit, here we go again. Another remake that completely loses its original appeal. In actuality, it bears little resemblance to the 1986 film, including the inane decision to replace the Ouija board with an ancient pendulum board that looks more like a dartboard. Except this one misses the mark completely. Regardless of superficial plot changes, I was utterly bored throughout.

1 cat thief out of 5

Witchboard III: The Possession (1995)

The third entry was released direct to video, so it was doomed to fail. As well as lower production values, this one takes itself way too seriously, but it's not all bad. Some of the '90s effects are laughable, but lends to its retro charms.

1½ squishy skulls out of 5

Witchboard 2: The Devil's Doorway (1993)

A new tenant finds a Ouija board in her apartment, which she attempts to use to locate the previous occupant who disappeared under mysterious circumstances. This one dials up the cheese a bit more, but the result is much less successful, as much as I enjoy all the Raimi-esque shenanigans.

2½ planchettes out of 5